


If I Should Fall From Grace

by xxenjoy



Series: Fall From Grace [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas POV, Enochian, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling Angels, Grumpy Cas, Hunter!Sam, LOTR References, M/M, Semi AU, Sexual Content, Universe Alterations, Wingfic, fallen!cas, hunter!dean, slow-build relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-12
Updated: 2014-07-13
Packaged: 2018-01-08 11:42:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 103,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1132238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxenjoy/pseuds/xxenjoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was no warning when it happened. </p><p>One moment there was sand beneath his feet, soft and familiar, and the next he was falling; spiraling downwards into darkness and nothingness. Castiel focused for long enough to grasp the hilt of his blade before everything faded to black.</p><p> </p><p>|| Updating Sundays</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a lot longer than originally intended, so things might get changed a tiny bit before it's completely finished.  
> All mistakes are my own, but once again a MASSIVE thank you to FlailingZombie for keeping me motivated and helping me get through blocks

It was brighter than usual, maybe, but there was nothing else of significance to be said about that day. Perhaps the wind was stronger, if he really focused on it, or maybe it was colder. That was something Castiel wouldn't have noticed. To him it was a day like any other. 

He stood on his platform in the sand, just inside the gates, and he watched and he listened. To anyone passing by they were statues, marble figures to match the archway, stony and silent to mark the entrance to God's Kingdom. Castiel and Azriel stood perfectly straight; arms at their sides, eyes forward, staring out into the blurred edges of the desert. 

Even his eyes barely moved; he scanned the blurred line, following it as far left and right as his peripheral vision would allow. Castiel knew nothing would come through; nothing had for as long as he could remember, but still they watched. Every day, every hour two guards were stationed at the gates - just in case. 

He cleared his mind of all thoughts, focusing only on the sound of the wind sweeping over his feet, dragging the tiny grains of sand through the straps of his sandals. He heard the footsteps approaching long before his brother appeared before him. They nodded by means of greeting and Castiel stepped back from the marble plate, watching his brother take up the same, rigid position as he stepped onto it. He glanced back at Azriel, knowing another of their siblings would arrive shortly to relieve him; probably as soon as Castiel reported back. 

\- 

The soldier's quarters were quiet when he returned. He cleared the sand from the straps on his sandals before passing between the columns to where Michael was sat at a large desk. 

"I have completed my shift at the gate," he spoke softly, slowly, "Jenael is posted."

"Thank you, Castiel."

Castiel nodded curtly and turned to the right, following the long hallway to the chambers and his own bunk. Balthazar shared his bunk, but today he was noticeably missing, and Castiel had to wonder where he had gotten to. He sat down on the lower bed and debated removing his chest plate, eventually deciding against it; if they needed him again later it would be much easier to be prepared. He did, however, remove his wing guards and the sheath for his blade, hanging them from Balthazar's bed and tucking the blade into the straps of his armour. The guards were heavy and dug into the muscle, he would never wear them if given the choice, but they were part of the standard-issue armour, and so he wasn't given much of a choice.

As he made his was back through the entrance to the bunk, he didn't know why he had brought his blade along with him, and he glanced down at his hip in confusion, as though someone else had insisted upon his taking it. Castiel shook his head lightly, making up his mind to visit Anna, if only to speak with someone about something other than guard duty. 

There was no warning when it happened. 

One moment there was sand beneath his feet, soft and familiar, and the next he was falling; spiralling downwards into darkness and nothingness. Castiel focused for long enough to grasp the hilt of his blade before everything faded to black.

\- - - - -

Nothing came into focus when he opened his eyes. The world around him was dark and blurry, like the edges of the infinite Heavens outside the city. His head spun and with a grunt, he pressed a hand to his temple, fingers brushing through something thick and wet. 

He made an attempt to sit up, and pain washed over him like a wave; not leaving an inch of his body untouched. Castiel winced as he lifted each arm individually, stretching them out and bending them to ensure nothing was broken. They didn't appear to be. He ran hands over his legs, repeating the same process with them. 

Everything was manageable until he reached his wings. He flexed them out slowly, and a sharp pain nearly knocked him back to the ground as he tried to correct the action. Slowly again, he stretched his right wing until it was fully extended, and inspected it. Other than an abundance of rumpled and bent feathers, it was fine. His left wing was another matter, though that wasn't a surprise; he had known it was broken the moment he tried to straighten it. 

Bringing it forward, with a low growl at nothing in particular, he brushed his right hand along the frame of his wing. Castiel's entire body seized up as his fingers bumped over the arch of the second joint. He gritted his teeth and he pressed harder, feeling each bone individually for the break. When he found it, he instinctively pulsed his grace through the flesh and bone of his wing. Other than a vague tingling sensation, nothing happened. He narrowed his eyes in irritated confusion and pushed down the panic bubbling inside him. 

He tried again. The pain abated a little, but there was no other change. Castiel repeated the process again and again, pulsing grace around his entire body. None of it helped much, but if it lessened the pain any - and it did - he may as well _try_. 

Once he was slightly more mobile he checked over the rest of his body, lifting his chest plate and wraps to inspect his torso, grimacing at the dark stains to his clothing; blood, dirt and countless other things his body had been dragged through as he fell. 

Castiel had been wounded before, though only a very few times, and it hadn't been a process he'd wished to repeat. He had never, however, experienced such widespread pain; the dull ache that burned through the majority of his body, peaking at each mottled purple mark that coloured his skin. 

When he was satisfied that nothing was damaged beyond repair, he pulled himself into a sitting position, dragging himself through the mud and rocks to the nearest tree. Leaning up against it, he wrapped his good wing around him, folding the other gently so it rested against the bark, and tucked his head beneath the darkness of the feathers. 

Every instinct told him to flee; his fingers twitched with the desire to run, to _fly_ , but his body ached, felt like it was weighted to the ground. Even with both wings unharmed, he didn't think he would have the strength to walk, much less fly. 

Castiel lifted his head and rested it on the edge of his wing, eyes scanning the area as far as he could see. From what he could tell it was just trees for miles in all directions; a forest, that much he was sure of, but the trees were of a darker colour than he knew, duller and less ornate. 

The realization hit him like a blow to the chest. He hadn't just fallen, he had fallen to _Earth_.

All the breath was sucked from his lungs. How did he end up on Earth? The panic welled up again, his breathing shallow, and he had to force himself to remain calm. He had been trained to overcome obstacles in any environment, to adapt quickly and seamlessly to change. All he had to do was focus, though the pounding in his head was making it difficult. 

He reached for the silver blade at his hip, gripping it firmly over his waist as he drew his knees up under his wing. As long as he had his weapon, nothing would harm him; any sight or sound would alert him to the presence of anyone or any _thing_ before it could reach him. 

Castiel cleared his mind; he didn't want to think, it hurt too much and just the thought that he couldn't block the pain terrified him. He ignored it though - he was tired of having to push unpleasant thoughts to the back of his mind - and tilted his head back against the tree. 

Stars twinkled brightly out of a cloudless sky and Castiel considered them for a long while. He had never seen them from that angle. They seemed so distant, impossibly far away which only served to remind him that his home was farther. 

Water droplets splashed against his face and he closed his eyes to it. Tipping his chin to his chest, he readjusted his wing around himself and focused on the sound of the rain. He hadn't experienced rain personally, having never left his desert home, but Anna and Gabriel had spoken of it often, though where Anna was blissfully excited about it, Gabriel was only ever put out. 

"Being wet is disgusting," he had explained upon his return, shaking his wings out onto Castiel and Balthazar. "Don't let Anna fool you, it isn't all it's cracked up to be." 

Castiel had laughed then, swiping water droplets off his arms, but now that he was in the rain himself, he had to agree with Anna. Although he was angry and beyond confused as to how he had ended up here, he could admit that the rain on earth was beautiful. He listened as the droplets landed on leaves, in puddles in the mud, and he considered briefly what a calming effect it would have under other circumstances. 

\- 

Castiel opened his eyes to the dim light of dawn, grey and shimmering as light reflected off pools of collected rainwater. Thin tendrils of fog slipped past him, curling around his ankles. He spread his wing, letting the longer feathers slip down over his feet; he didn't like the sensation the fog caused. 

He unfurled both wings after a moment, stretching them carefully, shaking collected raindrops off the right before using his hands to brush them off the left as best he could. The ache was distracting, so strong now that it was hard to keep his mind away from it. Castiel forced himself to his feet, wincing as his muscles resisted. The silver blade clattered to the ground by his feet, and he bent immediately to pick it up. 

He didn't know how long it had been since he fell - he had no way to tell the passage of time, though he suspected it had been quite some time - but he didn't want to take a risk that someone would find him, however much time may have passed without any sign of another creature. He didn't want to tempt his fate. Tucking his blade back into his robes, he re-assessed the area. 

Although he hadn't seen another creature, he could hear their footsteps and their calls to one another. Animals, he thought, not humans. That thought, at least, gave him a weak sort of hope; animals he could definitely handle, but Castiel had never personally had dealings with humans and the thought twisted in his stomach. 

He knew he was supposed to love the creatures his father created, and he did, but the tales that his brothers and sisters brought home from Earth were not always pleasant. Gabriel, who had spent the most time on Earth, had told him frequently of the mistrust of humans; their tendency to 'shoot first, ask questions later' - as he had said. Anna had chided him for giving Castiel such a one-sided view of humans. She had told him of the wonderful things they created, the beautiful words they sent in prayer or in thanks. 

Castiel only hoped that _if_ it happened, he came across Anna's type of humans. 

Either way, good or bad, he wasn't going to take any chances. He searched the soft ground for anything that could be used as a weapon. He picked up a selection of rocks, rolling them in his hand and tossing some of them back into the mud. Rocks were brutal weapons, cruel and boorish, but they were all he had if he had to defend himself from a distance. He tucked them into the folds of his robe, folding the fabric around them so they wouldn't collide with his blade. 

His mind wandered back to his brothers and sisters, wondering if any of them had fallen with him, and how many if they had. Surely they would at least be better prepared to handle themselves than Castiel was. Balthazar, Anna and Gabriel had all been to Earth before; they would know what to expect and that made Castiel feel better. 

Drops of water slid down his neck, bringing him sharply out of his thoughts and back to his new and inexplicable reality. He stopped for the first time since he had awoken to wonder _why_ he fell, _how._ He certainly hadn't been banished. There was strict protocol associated with banishment, and none of it had been followed - not that there was any reason to banish Castiel. 

He needed to make a decision; he could either stay and wait to see if any other angels arrived - thought there may not be any to look for - or he could move on, try to find some shelter. Castiel scowled around at his surroundings and it took mere seconds to come to the conclusion that he needed to move. His blood stained the tree he had leant on, it was mixed into the mud and likely anywhere else he had been. 

Glancing down at his body, the sour expression on his face only deepened; he was filthy. He made up his mind to find a water source where he could clean both himself and his clothes. 

It hurt to walk, almost more than it had the night before, but with the prospect of cleanliness in his mind, he pushed on. Keeping balance was difficult with one good wing, especially on the unfamiliar terrain and Castiel found himself having to flex his injured wing just to keep himself upright. It was uncomfortable to say the least, but it made weaving around roots and logs infinitely easier. 

He caught the sound of flowing water shortly and followed it in the direction he judged to be East. The trees were thinner in that direction and it made him wary; the more open it was, the more likely he was to be seen. Keeping to the denser parts of the forest, he followed the sound to a thin river. 

It couldn't have been more than three strides across, and barely reached past his knee when he tested it, but it would serve his purpose well enough. He leaned back against the bank, unlacing his sandals and setting them beside him in the dirt - he could wash them later. Castiel turned his attention to the buckles at his back that held his chest plate in place. He carefully unhooked them, bracing his arms so the plate wouldn't slip off his shoulders. He unbuckled the shoulder straps and set it down next to his sandals, before unclasping his robe and letting it pool at his feet with much less care. He left his blade as close to the edge as possible, should he need it. 

He dropped his clothing onto the pile, and Castiel looked down at himself, inspecting the dividing lines that separated clean skin from dirty. He pulled handfuls of water over his knees, rubbing at the blood and dirt that marred his skin, watching it wash slowly away downstream. He slipped into the river and crouched down, out of convenience rather than modesty.

Castiel had never been insecure about his body, nor did he pay much attention to his own physical appearance. As a fledgling, he had relished the times he spent with Anna when she would clean and straighten his feathers and tell him how beautiful they were, but as he had grown, he had come to see them as a curse rather than a blessing. 

He snapped them back without thinking, pushing them away out of sight, wincing at the pain that seared through his left side. He glared down at the surface of the water and his own reflection. His eyes shone bright back at him, whether it was due to his earthly surroundings or the dark masked that caked his skin, they seemed almost unnatural. He swiped at the surface of the river, fracturing the image of himself; he needed no reminders that he was off - he was different - here. 

The water stung his deeper wounds as he sunk completely below the surface, running fingers through his hair to free the mud matted in it. He scrubbed at his skin, washing away less of the dark marks than he had hoped for, and rose above the surface with a shake of his head, sending water flying in all directions. 

When he examined himself again, the dirt and blood was mostly gone, but the purple and black discolouration remained, and ached if he pressed too hard against it. Frowning at the marks, he re-settled himself on a large rock, flaring his wings out and stretching them as far forward as he could before the pain became too much, resigning himself to the task of cleaning them. 

It was mindless work; pressing fingers along the shafts of the feathers; straightening them as he worked them clean, it was one of the first things he had learned when he was old enough to take care of himself. He barely paid attention, knowing each inch by heart. His wings were in remarkably good condition - break aside - considering he must have, at some point during the fall, come into contact with at least one tree branch. Castiel didn't remember tucking them back, but he must have or he would be lucky to have them at all. 

The image brought to mind left him with rather disconcerting thoughts, and he quickly dropped his wing, letting them both trail through the water. 

His clothing was much more difficult to clean, as he had never had the need to do it before. He started with the robes, letting his collected rocks spill out into the dirt. He pushed the fabric beneath the water, rubbing it between his fingers. It worked well enough, but it was a slow process, and if he was going to be stranded here for any amount of time he would have to figure out a more efficient way to clean his clothes. 

The armour and sandals took a fraction of the time, as he only had to scoop water into his hands, and smooth over the stains. He dipped them into the river to rinse the last of the mess away and looked down at his work. Considering cleaning was not a part of an angel's daily routine, he concluded that he had done a good job. 

Castiel quickly slipped the wet fabric back over his torso, clipping it off together his shoulder, and re-fastened his chest plate and sandals. He felt much better without the layer of filth, but the silence still made him uneasy. 

In Heaven the general chatter of Angels in his head was to be expected, and he had grown so used to it that the sudden silence disturbed him greatly. He hoped that, like with his grace, their ability to hear each other was dimmed on earth, rather than the alternative that he really didn't want to think about. Pushing the thought aside, he gathered up the rocks he had collected, slipping them back into place, and picked up his blade. 

The forest floor was soft from the rain, but despite how his feet sunk into the mud, he made no noise as he wove between the trees. There were few other creatures in the wood, though every little while a bird would take flight, drawing Castiel's attention to the treetops. 

He walked as though he was on guard, back straight and all his senses focused on his surroundings, head snapping around to any unfamiliar noise. Around him the forest seemed to be coming to life with the sun; water dripped from the low hanging branches as small animals crossed his path. 

As he rested against a tree, wing propped up against a large rock, a curious deer craned it's neck to sniff at him, turning to continue on it's way as he seemed to pose no immediate threat to it. He inhaled the damp air, beginning to understand what is was that Gabriel disliked about the rain; perhaps he had been stuck in it too. 

Castiel was beginning to drift and at first he thought he had imagined the sound of a voice, but as it became clearer, he bolted upright, careless of his injuries. His heart raced, hoping against all hope that it could be one of his siblings. His hope faded as the squelch of heavy footing accompanied the voice, and he clambered up the sloped ground into the brush. 

Two of them, there were definitely two distinct voices.

"Did you see that?" one of them asked, the higher pitched voice.

"See what?" the second voice seemed disinterested, almost irritated.

"I dunno, but it wasn't fast enough to be a Wendigo..."

Wendigo. That was a word Castiel definitely recognized, but in his knowledge humans didn't know of their existence. His eyebrows furrowed and he slipped to the opposite side of the ledge, peering through the leaves at the two humans. 

From the back, they both appeared male. One was taller than the other, his hair longer, but they were dressed similarly. The taller wore a shirt with a brown and blue checked pattern, the shorter a plain brown one but their pants and boots were the same.

He watched the two with intense curiosity that won out over wariness. They worked around each other seamlessly, barely needing to speak as they manoeuvred through the trees. 

"I thought you said you saw it, Sam?"

"I said I _thought_ I saw _something_ ," the taller one shot back. Sam. His name was Sam. The other muttered under his breath, clearly unimpressed.

Castiel cocked his head, the crease in his forehead deepening. They seemed to be hunting the creature, but what human would be brave - or stupid - enough to try and tackle a Wendigo, he didn't know. Even an angel couldn't hope to keep up with one on foot, and they were fast when they needed to be.

He crept along the edge of the brush, listening to the two men argue about the direction they were heading, the direction the creature had gone in, and just about any other topic that came up. He couldn't help but wonder _why_ they seemed incapable of agreement, but it seemed to stem from the shorter one. 

A water droplet hit the back of his neck and he whipped around instinctively. He barely noticed the sound of rushed footsteps as he backed up and turned back toward the cliff face. 

It felt as though his heart had stopped. His entire body seized up, and Castiel felt the blade drop from his hand at the worst moment. 

Regaining some of his composure, he fumbled blindly for his blade, never daring to look down. He couldn't risk losing sight of them now.

And those eyes were just so _green._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I changed my mind a bit... until things start picking up story-wise I'll probably post every couple of days or so.

He didn't break eye contact even for a second.

Castiel would have liked to say it was for his own safety, because he didn't know how they would react, but that wasn't entirely the case. He was intrigued - far more than he should be - by these humans, the shorter one especially. 

He couldn't help but stare at him, taking in every line of his face; the way his eyebrows pulled together over questioning eyes, full lips stretched into a tight line. His eyes left the man's for the briefest of moments, shifting from his forehead, down to the line of his jaw, but what drew Castiel's attention were the freckles covering the man's nose and cheeks, and his _eyes_. 

There was darkness in those eyes, but not malice - it was something more like sadness, and regret; guilt - and Castiel couldn't help but feel sympathetic. There was something about this human that Castiel couldn't quite pinpoint but he wanted to ease the pain in those eyes. 

He pushed the thought aside, steeling himself; he couldn't let himself think of these humans as either allies or enemies. He knew too little about them. 

Castiel cleared his mind and he remained still, the space between them couldn't have been more than two strides, but he didn't dare back up; he wouldn't move unless the human did first. He kept his eyes locked back onto the other's, watching for any hint of movement as Castiel rose to his feet, fingers outstretched to grab his blade if he needed it. 

He saw the tall one - Sam - move out of the corner of his eye and he instinctively turned to face him, almost immediately correcting himself to keep watch of the shorter man. He didn't know where to look as the tall one approached, though the man's hands were held out in front of him as if in surrender. The other still hadn't moved, just staring at him with an odd expression. 

Castiel held his ground, expression flat as the second man entered his line of vision. He swallowed hard, taking inventory of their weapons; at least one gun - the tall one held it up by the butt - knives, hidden under clothing, a long sheath on the other's hip. The other also carried a bag over his shoulder and Castiel was sure more weapons were stored within in; he couldn't afford to think otherwise. 

The tall one came up until he stood right beside the other, and Castiel could watch them both easily at the same time. 

"We're not going to hurt you," he spoke timidly, and the other spun his head around to look at him. 

Castiel remained silent, he had no way to believe them. With his injuries alone, he was weak enough to be overtaken by two men their size; human or otherwise. Taking his dimmed powers and limited knowledge of the area into account, he stood little to no chance in a fight. He let his arms fall to his side, silently praying that these were like Anna's humans, that they were telling the truth. 

"What are you?" the other's voice surprised him, lower than Sam's, less welcoming. Castiel didn't reply right away. He listened to the collected water dripping onto the underbrush, his mind wandered back to his brothers and sisters, to Anna, Gabriel and Balthazar. He didn't want to give any more information than he had to, but this might be one thing he _should_ tell them. 

Angels were known as protectors of humans. If they didn't already know he was an angel, the most they probably knew was the mythology surrounding them, and most of that was positive. 

"I am a messenger of God," he was almost surprised at the sound of his voice, so deep and rough compared to the two men. 

"You're an angel." It was a statement, not a question and Sam's eyes flashed wide, a grin spreading across his face. Castiel was relieved that they had guessed as much.

"You speak English?" the other asked, squinting at Castiel.

"Yes. I am an angel of the Lord, I can speak in any language I wish to."

"An _angel_? You're kidding me right?"

"I'm not kidding."

"Sammy, what lore we go on _angels_?" His tone was sarcastic, disbelieving, and Castiel narrowed his eyes in irritation. 

"The _Bible_ , Dean."

Dean. Sam and Dean. He watched them as they argued, none of them letting their eyes drift too far from the him. They spoke softly, quietly enough that another human wouldn't be able to hear, but Castiel didn't miss a word. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

Dean rolled his eyes, "I mean _hunter_ lore, Sam. Something I can trust." 

"Dean, do you have to-" Sam stopped, turning to face Castiel, "please, just ignore him. He's- that's just Dean. We're not going to hurt you." He paused for a moment, considering his next words slowly, "what's your name?"

If his eyes could have narrowed further, they would have. Castiel clamped his mouth shut; that was one piece of information he was sure he didn't want to give. His focus returned to the sounds around him, though his eyes never left Sam and Dean. He wanted to leave now, regardless of whether they were Anna's humans or not. He didn't want them to know about him, and he certainly wasn't going to answer any more of their questions.

He did however, debate asking _them_ for information. Although he knew much about the human world from his siblings, and from his teachings as a fledgling, there were many details he was sure he didn't know. Castiel also had no idea where he was. It didn't help that he had fallen into the middle of a forest. Maybe these humans - Sam and Dean, he reminded himself - could help him figure out what was going on, at least on this level. 

Castiel frowned to himself, ignoring the two men who were still staring at him. If he asked them anything, it would give away the fact that he was disoriented, and that could put him at a disadvantage. On the other hand, simply _being_ disoriented put him at a disadvantage, and in his state he really didn't have a whole lot to lose. 

"Where are we?" he asked quietly.

Sam's eyes narrowed and Castiel could have sworn he looked concerned.

"Just outside Sioux Falls- are you lost?"

"Sam we gotta get going-" Dean turned to Sam, irritation glaring in his eyes, "we're in the middle of a hunt."

"Dean! If he's lost-" Sam lowered his voice and Castiel was glad for his exceptional hearing, "If he's lost we can't just _leave him here_."

"Yeah, we can. Dude, even if he is an angel, what the hell? We don't know anything about him. What if he's dangerous!"

"Dean, when was the last time you heard of a dangerous angel? I don't think he's going to hurt us. I just want to talk to him."

"He's not gonna tell you shit, Sam. He won't even tell you his name and you just want to trust him?"

"I just want to _try_."

"Of course you do..."

Castiel listened intently. Sam was right, he didn't have any intentions of hurting them, not unless they acted first. That didn't mean he was going to tell them anything. 

He did feel like he could trust Sam, at the very least. Dean was irritable, but he seemed less of a danger to Castiel, than he was simply preoccupied with his own problems; annoyed at the delay that Castiel was causing him. At least he wasn't in any immediate danger with these two, and if anything else showed up, they might give him the time he needed to escape. 

He shifted his stance, muscles aching from keeping so still. Any other given day, he could remain frozen in place with no effort whatsoever, but he was sore from the fall and all he wanted was to rest. He misplaced his foot in the mud and instinctively spread his wings to counter. His whole body stiffened as pain shot through his limbs and he tried to right himself quickly, folding his injured wing as flat as he could press it against his back. 

His slip up had attracted attention, despite his best efforts and when Castiel looked up again Sam and Dean were both peering at him through narrowed eyes. 

"Are you hurt?" Sam asked, "I mean yeah the scratches and the bruises are one thing, but your wing-"

"I'm fine."

"Look all I'm saying is we know someone who could help you," Sam offered. Dean looked as though he wanted to stop him, but he shrunk back at the last moment, shaking his head. 

"Yeah," he snorted, "Sam's girlfriend's a vet."

"She's not my girlfriend, Dean"

"Then why do we have a dog?" the shorter one tried to sound irritated, but a small smile spread across his face as he shoved Sam's shoulder. 

Castiel's eyes scanned the man's face, watching his mouth and the corners of his eyes as they crinkled. Dean looked much friendlier when he smiled, though it was gone with Sam's next sentence.

"He's right though, Amelia's a vet, she could look at your wing-"

"I said I'm fine." He gently unfolded his wing as if to give an example, careful to keep his expression steady. Pausing, he looked up at the men questioningly, "A _vet_?"

"An animal doctor," Dean explained with a huff. 

Castiel glowered at him, "I'm _not an animal_." His voice was low, almost a growl and both men jumped back at his voice. 

"Hey," Sam started, "that's not what we meant. Amelia treats a lot of birds. She may be able to help with your wing." 

The scowl didn't leave his face, but it lessened as he turned to Sam. He was turned toward Dean and they were arguing in hushed whispers again.

"You want to bring him back?" Dean shook his head.

"Just until he's okay to go off on his own."

Dean didn't reply and a heavy silence fell. Castiel glanced down at the ground, then back up to Sam, his expression softened.

"You can fix my wing?"

Sam jumped, but his mouth pulled into an encouraging smile, "Yeah, probably. I'd have to call Amelia and see if she can get out here, but chances are she won't mind."

"Why would you do that?" Castiel asked suspiciously, "you- why?"

"'Cause Sam's like that. Has to help everyone..." Dean rolled his eyes, turning away, "we may as well get back then. We're going to have lost the trail by now anyway."

"We aren't just going to abandon you here if you're injured. How _did_ you get here anyway?" 

When Castiel didn't reply, Sam nodded slowly. 

"Do you want to come with us?"

Castiel considered carefully, flexing his wing slowly, "Yes. If you can fix my wing, I will come with you."

"Good," Sam smiled. He seemed almost relieved, clapping a hand on Dean's shoulder. 

-

Castiel walked slowly behind the two men, trying to keep himself balanced using only one wing. Dean strode in front, at least ten paces ahead of Sam, but Sam kept close to Castiel, glancing back with a grin to ensure he was keeping up. 

He kept a mental note of how often Sam looked around, counting the steps before each glance in case he needed to escape. Castiel's heart beat erratically, thumping a nervous rhythm against his chest, and he had to continually remind himself that these humans were his father's creations, just as he was. 

If all else failed, he still had his blade. He ran a hand along the handle, breathing slowly. 

More than once he thought about running away, ducking behind a tree and making his escape when the men had gotten far enough ahead of it. By his calculations he should have enough time to get away if he ducked aside just after Sam looked back at him. But he didn't.

He kept in line with Sam and Dean, paying careful attention to the ground at his feet as it sloped slowly upwards. Up ahead he could see the outline of some sort of structure, and he squinted at it. 

"Is that where you're taking me?"

Both men stopped and looked back at him. Sam stopped and waited for Castiel to catch up to him. 

"That's where Dean and I are staying, yeah."

Castiel fell silent again, focusing more on the building ahead of him that the men he was with. This was his last chance to escape; if he was going to do it, it had to be now. Sam was close, but he wasn't going to get much further away before they reached their destination. A few more steps and it would be too late. 

He missed his chance. Castiel gritted his teeth and fluttered his wings nervously. If he followed them inside he would be entirely at their mercy. He inhaled deeply, and closed his eyes in resignation. If all else failed, he still had his blade, he reminded himself, he had protection if they tried to hurt him. 

A few moments later found them at the front door of the building. It rose up dark above them, but Castiel paid little attention to it other than to scope out the possible exits. He almost felt guilty about it since Sam had, so far, done nothing other than try to help him. 

Dean shot immediately in through the door, muttering grumpily about forgetting the case. Castiel paused at the door, hanging back as Sam followed Dean inside. 

The shouting started almost as soon as Sam was through the door. 

"What the hell, Sam!?"

"Dean, come on."

"No, Sam. We run into something we don't know, we don't invite it home with us!"

"Don't you think if he was going to kill us he would have already?"

"We don't even know what he _is_ , Sam!"

"I thought that was pretty damn obvious."

"Oh right, _angels_. Because _that's_ so believable."

"Why? Because you've never seen one?"

" _No one's_ ever seen one!"

"Yeah, well once upon a time no one had ever seen a demon, either, Dean! That doesn't mean they don't exist."

Castiel stopped listening, blocking the voices out. He turned his back on the house, raising his eyes to the sky. He didn't want to listen to this, to the blatant disbelief. He didn't care if they were Anna's humans or Gabriel's or even the lazy, self-centered humans that Balthazar spoke about, he just wanted to get home - he could fix his own problems at home; he wouldn't need their help. 

He sunk to his knees outside the front door, vaguely aware that Sam and Dean were still arguing inside. 

"How did I get here?" he whispered, "how do I get home?"

A door creaked open behind him, and he turned to see Sam standing in the doorway, head tilted to one side.

"You gonna come in?"

He turned back around, dropping his eyes to the ground beneath him. "I would prefer to stay out here."

"Yeah, okay... I'm gonna call Amelia now, but she'll kill me if there's any infection or anything. Would it be okay if I check your wing now?" 

"If that's best."

"Yeah, it will be. Just let me call Amelia okay?"

Castiel didn't reply before Sam turned back into the house. He sighed and settled against a half rotten log, finally letting his wing relax against it. He let his eyes fall shut, listening to the sound of the wind through the trees. 

It was bright now, the sun was high in the sky, shining down on him through the leaves. It was warm on his back, and he was only subconsciously aware that it shouldn't be; just another side effect of falling. Castiel spread his wings against it, closing his eyes at the warmth that spread through him. 

This was different than the sun at home. It was warm, bright, with a clear light that lit even the darkest corners of the forest. It was one of the few things on earth that was brighter than home. His mind drifted back to his siblings once more, back to his sun and the marble structures. 

_Home_. It seemed so long since he had been there, less than one full day in reality. He hated not knowing; not knowing why he was here, not knowing how to get home... 

A twig cracked behind him and he spun around quickly, poised t attack. He dropped his arms to his sides and Sam sighed in relief, almost simultaneously. 

"Sorry," the man muttered, "I should have warned you I was coming." Sam sat down on the ground next to him, "I called Amelia, but she won't be able to get up here until tomorrow morning. Afternoon at the latest."

Castiel nodded, but didn't speak. 

"So... can I look at it?" He gestured to Castiel's back with a questioning look, seeking consent. 

Castiel spread his injured wing, turning slightly so it would be easier for Sam to see. 

No one other than his siblings had ever touched his wings and the second Sam's fingers smoothed over the dark feathers, Castiel felt the urge to run. The muscles in his free wing twitched, compensating for the uncommon stillness of the other. He was breathing heavy, eyes darting back and forth to follow Sam's hand as it brushed over the line of his wing. He tensed as his hand neared the break, gritting his teeth as Sam brushed over it, his hand jumping back suddenly.

"Sorry," he looked up and paused, "I'm not a doctor or anything, but I've seen a few broken bones - usually my own - and it looks pretty bad..." 

When Castiel looked up, the man's eyebrows were furrowed and he was chewing on his lip.

"It might take a while to heal, even with whatever Amelia can do for you."

"How long?" he asked, his hope fading quickly. 

Sam shrugged, "I don't really know. Depends on how badly it's broken, I guess."

Castiel's shoulder slumped. He wanted to have this over with quickly, to be healed and able to find a way home. 

"The skin isn't broken here though, so that's a good sign. I think." He paused for a moment and Castiel turned to him with apprehension.

"What is it?"

"Those cuts you've got, will you let me put something on it?"

"What is it?" 

Sam pulled up a small brown bottle and handed it to him. Castiel turned it over in his hands, reading the entire label over.

"It's just a basic disinfectant. Dean and I don't go anywhere without carrying it anymore. We used to just use whatever alcohol was around when we need it, but that was getting expensive," he chuckled, "and Dean never liked that idea much to begin with."

"I can do it myself."

"Yeah, okay. There's still a few nicks on your wings, though... If you don't mind..."

"I don't mind."

He tried to remain as still as he could while Sam dabbed the liquid onto his skin, but the sensation of terror returned; he didn't like the feeling of large, unfamiliar hands on him. If anyone ever touched his wings it was Anna, and her hands were small and delicate, very unlike Sam's. 

"I guess I should introduce myself, huh? I'm Sam. Dean is my brother. He won't like me telling you this, but we're hunters-"

"You were hunting a Wendigo."

"Still are, yeah."

"Of course." 

Silence fell between them as Castiel reached for the bottle, tipping it experimentally before using the cloth Sam handed him to press it into the raw lines on his arms and legs. For the most part, his chest and back - as far as he could tell - were unharmed, and he was thankful that he had kept his chest plate on.

Again, his thoughts threatened to return to home, but he pushed them down, too tired to think anymore. 

"My name is Castiel." 

"Castiel, huh? Cool."

Castiel nodded shortly, not knowing what else to say. He focused his attention on his left arm, and the gash that ran down the entire length of his shin; they were the worst wounds, the others could wait. 

-

He wasn't sure how much time had passed before the door creaked open and interrupted them, but Sam had finished with his wing and was picking at the hem of his shirt. Castiel had moved on to the less sever injuries, but looked up as Dean walked over.

"You want a beer?" he asked, raising his eyebrows at Sam. He must have nodded because Dean continued over and dropped onto the log next to Sam, handing him a bottle without a word. 

"Do you want anything to drink, Castiel?"

He looked up suddenly, surprised to hear his own name. "No, thank you."

"Castiel?" Dean pronounced each syllable as if it was the strangest word to ever leave his lips. 

"It's his name, Dean."

"Yeah, I got that much. So what?" he turned to face Castiel, "You like him more than me, or something?" He snorted humourlessly and took another swig from the bottle.

"I don't-" Castiel started, eyes lowered to the ground at Dean's feet. 

" _Dean_ " Sam warned.

"I don't know that I _like_ either of you."

Dean snorted again, "blunt, aren't you?"

"I don't mean to offend-"

"Whatever," he rose up and stormed back through the door, slamming it behind him.

Castiel sighed and shook his head. He had to go, he had to try and find a way home and he wasn't going to do it sitting outside some cabin and poking at his wounds. A warm hand pressed down on his shoulder, but Castiel kept his eyes down. 

"I'm sorry," he mumbled

"Just ignore him. Dean's got some personal shit to work out. He's not usually like this. I'm gonna go talk to him. You can come in if you like."

"I'd prefer not to."

"That's cool. Just don't wander too far okay? I mean, I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but Amelia should be up fairly early and we don't have any way to contact you-"

"I'll be here, Sam."

"Okay." The man waved awkwardly before turning to walk away. Castiel heard the door click shut and he sighed. 

He hadn't been conscious an entire day and already he had managed to get himself stuck with a couple of humans, and - probably - seriously offend at least one of them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a few last-minute changes, so I hope everything still flows okay n_n;;

Castiel waited for a few moments afterward to make sure Sam wasn't coming back. When he was sure the man was staying inside, he crossed the small, clear area to the base of a wide tree on the far side of the cabin door. He settled on the mossy ground beside it, propping himself up against the bark. His mind was fuzzy and tired, but he didn't want to lose consciousness again, it was an unfamiliar sensation and not one he was comfortable with.

Despite his best efforts, heaviness was falling over his entire body, his limbs ached and his eyelids drooped. He wanted so badly to give in to exhaustion and sleep, but the thought of losing time and waking up disoriented made him fight against it, the logical part of his brain reminding him of the danger it could put him in. Forcing his eyes open for the third time, he tipped his head back against the tree. He looked around as far as he could see before slipping his blade to the ground and covering it with his hand. 

His eyes slid shut and his chin dropped against his chest. It was dark before he saw either of the men again.

\- 

Stars greeted him when he blinked back into consciousness, bright in a smokey sky and Castiel chastised himself for his lack of control. It was suddenly very obvious what awoke him as a hairy animal pressed it's cold, wet nose against his arm. As Castiel narrowed his eyes at the creature, it's tail wagged back and forth happily as it continued nosing at his arm and side. 

"Oh, shit! Spike, c'mon. Leave him alone." 

It was a surprise to hear Dean's voice instead of Sam's, and he was even more surprised when Dean ran over, taking the animal by it's collar and turning it away from Castiel. He stood up quickly, scraping his wings against the tree.

"I was just resting," it came out sounding much more defensive than he had meant it to and he shrugged to compensate. 

"Hey, it's cool. Sorry about this guy," he gestured to the animal now panting happily at Dean's feet. "Sam's dog, not mine."

"Where is Sam."

Dean snorted, "he's in the shower... You really don't like me, huh?" He looked down and their eyes met for a brief moment before Castiel tore his gaze away. "Look, Sam dug out some bandages for your arm and leg, let me take the dog back inside. I won't bother you for long."

Castiel waited impatiently as he watched Dean disappear back into the glow of the cabin. Guilt washed over him and he hung his head in frustration. He knew he shouldn't feel guilty for anything he had said or done, but the hurt tone of Dean's voice worked it's way into his conscience. This too, he figured he could attribute to the fall. It was worrying how long his list was growing of discomforts caused by the fall.

Dean appeared again after not too long, facing the door for a long time before closing it. Castiel assumed he was trying to keep the dog in. When he returned to Castiel, his head was bowed and he exhaled deeply as he knelt on the ground beside him.

"Sit down," he said, voice low. Castiel complied, lowering himself to the man's level, though he didn't want to think about why he so readily agreed. "You gonna fight me if I do this?"

Castiel shook his head in resignation. "No, though I would prefer to do it myself."

"Sorry, Cas. Been doing this a long time, I know what I'm doing. Shit happens when you do what Sammy and I do."

"Hunting?"

"He told you, huh?"

"He did."

Dean nodded. He pulled the bottle of disinfectant from the small bag he had beside him, setting it on the ground next to Castiel's leg. 

"Look, I'm sorry about earlier, okay? I didn't mean to be rude or whatever." Dean kept his gaze down, focusing intently on dabbing the clear liquid onto Castiel's wound. "I just- with all the bad shit that happens down here, I have a hard time believing in God and angels and all that… Anyway, I'm sorry."

He fell silent, and Castiel watched as he unwound the spool of fabric. He twitched nervously as Dean slid one hand under his knee, propping it up to give him space to wrap the bandage. His hands were rough, maybe more so than Sam's. Like and unlike his brother's at the same time. Castiel didn't feel the same urge to flee with Dean, or perhaps, he thought, he was just too exhausted to care.

Dean's hands worked quickly, smoothing the bandage over and around Castiel's leg, tying it off at the bottom. He glanced up every so often to check Castiel's expression, but he didn't say anything until after he had finished. 

"Your arm's pretty bad too."

"Yes," Castiel confirmed, holding it out to him, "could you-?" Gentle fingers pressed along the underside of his arm, turning it inwards to reveal the tear in the flesh.

"Can you hold your arm like this for a minute?" Castiel nodded and Dean reached for the bottle, re-soaking the cloth that rested on his knee. He pressed it to the wound and Castiel turned to look at him, surprised to find Dean staring back. 

Castiel lowered his eyes to the bandage on his leg. 

"Thank you," he said softly, brushing a hand over the fabric. 

"It's no big deal," Dean finished tying off the second bandage and Castiel let his arm fall to his side. When he looked back Dean was standing, his bag slung over one shoulder. 

"You really gonna stay out here all night?"

"I would prefer to, yes."

Dean huffed a humourless laugh, "suit yourself," he paused as he turned away, "just shout if you need anything, God knows Sam will be up all night."

"Thank you, Dean."

Castiel didn't watch him leave, he didn't see him turn around in the doorway and he pretended he didn't hear him mumble goodnight as the door clicked shut behind him, blocking out the light once more. He pushed himself up from the ground to stretching his limbs. Thin streams of bluish light shone through the trees, softer and more pale than the sunlight, but almost more beautiful in its own way. 

Castiel made his way to the opposite side of the clearing, perching on top of a large boulder where the light was brightest. He spread his wings out, inspecting them closely, watching the way the moonlight shone off each feather; glimmering purple and green. 

He spent the best part of the night combing through his feathers, straightening them and re-straightening them again and again. It was better than thinking about the morning. He didn't particularly like the idea of meeting more humans or having more people touch him. His eyes narrowed at the thought, scowling around at nothing in particular. 

There was really only one thing that could ease the storm of feeling within him, but he knew he couldn't do that. Not yet. He had promised Sam he would still be there in the morning, and he would be. He would sit and let another human grope at his wings, and then he would go. Yes, he decided, when everything was finished in the morning he would set out to find any of his siblings that may have fallen. There was no way to even tell if there were others, but if there was the slightest chance, he had to take it. 

Feeling lighter with the decision made, he returned to the mossy patch beside the tree. The first light of morning was just showing through the trees and he brought his knees up to his chest, curling his wings around himself to wait for Sam to come and find him. 

-

The sound of twigs cracking roused him. He stood instantly, eyebrows furrowing at the pain that coursed through his body. He hadn't expected it to have disappeared in the few hours since he had risen, though he had hoped it wouldn't be as bad. It was definitely worse.

His eyes darted around the small clearing, searching for the source of the sound. It was coming from the opposite side from him, but he couldn't see far through the trees. He only had to wait a moment before the figure came into view; a woman, shorter than Sam or Dean with dark wavy hair. Amelia, he hoped. 

Castiel watched as she breached the line of trees, hitching a large bag up on her shoulder. She glanced around as she approached the door, walking just past him, seemingly without noticing. He watched as she disappeared into the house, relaxing back against the tree as soon as she was out of sight. 

It wasn't much longer before Dean left the house, heading in the exact direction the woman had come from, he didn't say anything, but Sam was immediately behind him, rubbing his eyes. 

"Hey, Castiel?"

"Good morning, Sam." He rounded the tree, coming face to face with the man.

"Hey, so Amelia's here. She's just setting up inside now," he paused, running a hand through his hair, "I know you're not gonna like this - Dean said you wouldn't come in last night - but we need to do this inside. It's just to keep everything sterile."

Castiel frowned. He still didn't want to go inside, but his wing was doing nothing if not getting worse. He weighed his two options in his mind; being forced into the humans' house versus remaining injured - possibly getting worse. There was really no option. 

"Yes. Alright." He followed Sam cautiously through the doorway, taking in everything around him; the dark walls, the worn rug below their feet. Two sofas were placed in the corner of the room opposite them where the dark haired woman was preparing. Castiel looked between Sam and the woman. 

"Amelia," Sam said, gesturing with one hand toward him. "This is Castiel."

The woman's eyes went wide and she smiled, looking up slowly from her bag. She stood up cautiously, crossing to Sam and Castiel.

"Hi, Castiel."

"Hello."

"Hey, Castiel, if you want to sit on the table..." 

He looked across to the flat wooden table in front of the larger sofa, then glanced back at Sam. He crossed the floor to sit in front of Amelia. 

"Hey," she said softly, "Sam told me you're not crazy about this whole situation. I know you don't want to be inside, but it's the safest way to do this."

Castiel nodded, he didn't like any of this, but the sooner his wing was healed, the sooner he could start looking for his family. He spread his left wing gently, holding it out for Amelia. 

Amelia's hands were soft, similar to Anna's, but her touch was uncomfortable. Castiel shifted under her hands, and she paused.

"I'm not hurting you, am I?" she sounded even more nervous than Castiel, and it calmed him slightly. 

"No," he said softly, biting back the unfamiliar twinge. 

The feeling only got worse as Amelia continued, but he didn't dare speak. If he sat still and waited for her to finish, it would be much sooner that he left for good. 

"I found the break, it's hard to tell exactly how bad it is without doing an X-ray, but seeing as I don't think we're getting him anywhere near an x-ray machine it's the best I can do. It doesn't look good."

"So what can you do?" Sam asked

"I can splint it, I can't put a full cast on like with an arm or a leg..." she explained, "Sam, you wanna give me a hand over here?"

Castiel watched as Sam crossed to them, sitting down on the smaller sofa. 

"What do you want me to do?"

"Hold his wing- Castiel, this is probably going to hurt, and I'm sorry, but I have to make sure the bone is set properly." 

He stopped paying attention to their words as both sets of hands were on his wings. They spoke mostly to each other, and he wanted to focus on anything but the sensation their touch caused. He focused his mind on the hunt for his siblings, it was the one thing that made this bearable.

The crack sounded through the room and Castiel's whole body seized. His teeth ground together and his hands clenched into fists. 

"I'm sorry, Castiel."

He didn't reply, the pain shooting through his wing was the only thing he could feel anymore, and he couldn't push it away. 

"I'm going to have to wrap your wing, um," she paused and Castiel could tell by her voice something he did not want to hear was coming, "I'll have to bind it, so your left wing's gonna be out of commission for a while."

"How long?" he asked with a resigned sigh. 

"Anywhere between two and six weeks, but let me get this done and we'll talk about the healing process later. Can you fold your wing? It'll probably hurt less if you do it yourself." 

Castiel nodded and complied, resisting the urge to flatten his wing against his back. He could see the sympathy in Sam's eyes and he tilted his head away. He didn't need sympathy, he needed to go, to find his siblings. Assuming that he wasn't the only angel to fall. The thought turned his stomach, but it was still better than thinking about his wing and wondering how long he was going to be helpless. 

It didn't take long, in the end, to finish wrapping the wing, and it left him with an odd, confined feeling. He turned to look at it while Amelia took Sam aside to talk in the adjoining room. It would certainly be stiff when he was able to stretch it again, and it was already uncomfortable, like being unable to spread your fingers. He waited patiently for Amelia to return, and when she did, she sat next to him on the table.

"You aren't going to like what I have to say."

"I haven't liked very much of the past day, I can't imagine what you have to say will be much worse."

"Um, Castiel," she turned away, not looking at him, "I understand you don't like being inside."

"No."

"While your wing is bound, I would prefer if you slept inside, where you can keep the bandage clean and dry. You won't have to stay inside all the time, only when it's wet outside, and at night. Sam has already said you're welcome to stay here," she smiled warmly, "it's lucky you found them actually, there are a lot worse people you could have run into out here."

"Yes, I know. How long do I have to stay inside?"

"Probably 3 weeks at the minimum. Six at the most. If you stay, I will come up and check on you as often as I can, so we can get that off as soon as possible. If not..." she shrugged, "that's your choice, and it's up to you."

"I understand." His heart sunk. There was no way he was going to get away quickly and be in any shape to be on his own. He lowered his eyes, opening his mouth to speak more than once before he actually spoke, "I will stay."

Sam nearly jumped up and he grinned widely at Castiel.

"Really?"

"Yes, if it will help with my recovery, I will stay. If that's okay with you"

"Of course!" he chuckled, "Um, Dean's actually said you can use his room if you want. I mean-"

"Sam, calm down," Amelia laughed, "give him a minute to think."

"Right, sorry." 

All three of them fell into silence and Sam shortly took Amelia outside. Left alone with his thoughts, Castiel let his shoulders slouch. This was the exact opposite of what he had been hoping for. He wanted to get away, not be stuck inside. The logical part of his brain that this was the right decision, Sam and Dean appeared to pose no threat, and even seemed glad to have him around, and this was the only way he would heal. Still, he didn't like it. 

And he didn't know why Sam was so excited at the prospect of him staying, but he found himself wishing Dean was around, if only to bring the mood down to his own level; everyone was much too cheerful. 

Sam poked his head through the door a few times, but no one spoke until it was shoved open angrily. Castiel jerked his head up at the sudden change, surprised - but not unhappy - to see Dean stomp into the room, hand clenched tightly around the keys in his hand. 

He stopped as he saw Castiel, turning to him with a questioning look on his face.

"Hello, Dean," he mumbled grudgingly. 

"So what? You're talking to me now?"

"I told you, I didn't mean-" the frustration within him rose. He was itching to yell at someone, to break something, and it scared him. 

"I'm kidding, Cas. Calm down." Dean relaxed his hands and started toward the table. "How's the wing?"

Castiel snorted, "I can't move it at all." He gestured backwards with a nod, turning so Dean could see his bound wing. 

"Yeah, I can see that. Matches the rest of your left side now."

He glowered up at the man, "It's not funny, Dean. I have to get back to my family."

"We have to get you fixed up first, okay?" Castiel looked away, his expression darkening. "Look, I know it sucks, I've broken my leg before and believe me, _I know_ , but going out there is not a good idea."

Castiel clenched his fists, looking intentionally away from Dean, hoping he would leave. He didn't. 

The pair sat in uncomfortable silence, not looking at each other, barely acknowledging each other until Dean broke the silence. 

"Did Sam ask you to stay?" 

"He did," Castiel confessed. He was unsure about his decision to stay, and pointedly avoided bringing it up. "Amelia said it will take some time to heal."

"Yeah, broken bones usually do. Honestly though, you're lucky you just got away with one break if the rest of you is anything to go by." 

Castiel looked down at himself, his arm and leg in bandages, the purple and blue marks fading to brown around the edges. 

"Yes," he admitted, "without my power I was lucky to be alive. I'm sure others-" he stopped, dropping his head, "I am lucky."

"So..." it was obvious Dean was reaching for something to distract him, and Castiel wondered why, but he couldn't really be bothered to care. "I got nothin'"

"Where did you go today?" he didn't really care, but it was better than the silence that fell when Dean wasn't speaking. In silence, he had time to think and all of his thoughts were tainted with anger and irritation.

"Oh, I uh-"

"It's fine, you don't have to answer."

"No, it's cool. I was with Lisa," he chuckled humourlessly, "she's my girlfriend. Sort of. I mean, she is but- why the hell am I telling you this? Sorry, just forget about it."

"It's okay, Dean. I don't have anything else to say, and I would rather listen to you that the silence."

Dean chuckled, "you want to listen to me bitch about my relationship problems?"

Castiel looked up at him and he actually laughed. His eyes crinkled at the corner in the same way they had when he smiled at Sam. 

"Alright, now I have no idea what to say."

"Tell me about Lisa."

"Yeah, uh," he lowered his gaze, "that's not going so well?"

"Why not?" he was glad to have something to talk about, whether it made any difference to him or not, hearing about Dean's life helped him keep his mind off his own problems, and that was what he needed at the moment, not to think about his own problems. 

"Sam told you what we do, right? Hunting?"

"A little, yes, but I know about Hunters."

"Right, well Lisa's not too thrilled about it. We've been together a year or so and I just told her in the last month. At first it was all okay and then suddenly she starts going on and on about how Ben - her son - needs stability in his life and I just..." he trailed off and Castiel noticed Dean's fists clenched again as he sat down next to him. 

"You have a son?"

Dean shook his head, "he's not mine. I thought so once, but..." he shook his head, "hunting's not really the kind of thing you can do if you've got a family. You kinda have to choose," his expression faltered and Castiel looked up.

"She asked you to choose?" 

Dean nodded and looked at Castiel out of the corner of his eye, an unhappy smile on his lips, "yeah, she gave me a choice: her or the job."

"It's a difficult decision for you?"

"Well, yeah. What we do - Sammy and I - it's a family business, our Dad raised us to be hunters. Abandoning the job now, it's like- I don't know, it's like she's asking me to choose between her and Sam, and there's no way. There's no way I could leave Sam, he's my brother."

Castiel lowered his head, gritting his teeth and Dean turned to him.

"You got siblings?"

"Yes. All angels are my Father's children, but I have brothers like Sam. Gabriel and Balthazar, and my sister Anna," he had never had any intention of telling the men about his siblings, but it poured out as if he couldn't stop it. He fell silent again, trying no to think too hard about them, and was grateful when Dean interrupted the silence once more.

"I guess I'm just shitty when it comes to proper relationships," he smirked, but the grin didn't reach his eyes.

"It's not your fault, Dean."

"Oh yeah? How d'you figure that one?"

"You just haven't been marked yet."

"Marked?"

"By cupid."

"Cupid? You've gotta be kidding me."

"They're lower class angels, they mark people for love. Some important, some not so important, but eventually everyone will be matched."

Dean scowled at him disbelieving, "so there's different ranks of angels?"

"Of course," he sighed, "there are many ranks, Cherubs are lower."

"Hm," Dean seemed to puzzle over that for a moment before he turned back, "so what are you?"

"What am I?"

"What's your rank?"

"I thought you didn't _believe_ in angels."

"Say I do, for argument's sake."

"I am a soldier."

"You don't sound happy about that," there was a note of concern in Dean's words, the only thing that stopped Castiel from getting up and leaving. 

"No," he closed his eyes, his one good wing twitching nervously at his side. Dean fell silent again, looking away. 

In the silence, he could hear every word Sam and Amelia spoke outside, though he tried to block them out, out of respect for their privacy. He thought back to moments he had wanted to push to the back of his mind forever, to things only Anna and Michael knew about. He exhaled deeply, preparing himself before he spoke.

"I should have been a guardian."

"What?" Dean spun around, eyes wide with surprise.

"A guardian angel."

"I thought you said you're a soldier?"

"I am," he looked toward the ceiling, then back to the floor, "I was born to be a guardian, but who is going to want a guardian angel with black wings?"

"Not all angels have black wings?"

Castiel smiled sadly, shaking his head, "No. Our wings differ as greatly as eye or hair colour, but no one other than..." he inhaled deeply, "Lucifer and myself have ever been born with black wings."

"I think they're beautiful."

Castiel looked up at him questioningly and Dean flushed, laughing awkwardly.

"I mean, they- I just mean- sorry."

There was a sudden tightness in his chest that he couldn't place, and when he looked up again it was with furrowed brows, confusion marring the line of his brow. "Thank you, Dean."

"Yeah, no problem..." he scratched the back of his neck, looking away. 

The door opened, drawing their attention toward it. Sam smiled in at him, his face twisting in confusion as he looked at Dean.

"You two getting along now?"

"Shut up, Sam."

"I'll take that as a yes. Castiel, have you decided what you want to do about the room yet?" 

He could feel Dean's eyes return to him, but he ignored it, staring ahead at Sam. "I don't want to be a burden."

"You wouldn't be," Dean assured him, "dude, it's the least I can do after the way I acted yesterday. If you want the room, it's yours. I've slept a lot of worse places than a couch before." He looked up at his brother and Sam nodded, chuckling. 

"Alright," Castiel said softly. He felt guilty about imposing upon them, but they seemed insistent and eager to help, though he still wasn't sure why. 

"Great," he grinned, "Dean if you want to show him around a bit, I'm gonna take Spike out, walk back with Amelia."

"I still can't believe you called it Spike..." Dean mumbled, pushing himself up off the table.

"That was his name, I'm not gonna change it." 

Sam disappeared down the hall, shaking his head, and reappeared a few moments later with the dog bouncing happily at his heels. He ushered him outside quickly. Amelia crossed to Castiel, gathering her supplies and double-checking the wrapped wing.

"I'll be back up within the next few days, but if anything seems wrong, just let Sam or Dean know and they'll contact me, okay?"

He nodded, and she smiled at him as she started back toward the door with a few quick goodbyes. 

As the door clicked shut behind her, Dean turned to face Castiel.

"You're really staying then, huh?"

"I thought that was obvious."

Dean chuckled, "alright come on then, I guess I should show you how everything works around here."


	4. Chapter 4

Castiel didn't understand any of the appliances that Dean showed him. He wasn't even sure why humans needed so many different things that basically did the same thing, and he said as much to Dean. The chuckle he got in response was warm and light. 

"They don't do the _same_ thing Cas. Similar, yeah, but not exactly the same. An oven cooks big things, like a whole chicken, or pizza. The toaster oven," he nodded to the smaller version of the oven that sat in the corner of the counter, "is used for smaller things, reheating things that would get soggy in a microwave." He looked to Castiel to make sure he was understanding, laughing at the blank stare he got in response. 

"But _why_ do you have them all? 

"Because we _use_ them all." 

Castiel looked around the room, cupboards and counters lined one half, while the other was entirely clear except for a wooden table and four chairs. 

"Is this where you live?"

Dean laughed, "What? No, no. We're uh, hiding out so to speak. There was some trouble a week or so back with a shifter and just about every authority in the USA wants my head on a plate, so yeah, hiding out."

"Oh."

"Oh? That's all you gotta say?"

Castiel looked up in confusion, "I don't know what else you expect me to say, Dean."

"Come on then," he chuckled, shaking his head, "I'll show you the bathroom."

The bathroom was at the end of the hall, and larger than Castiel expected. Dean explained to him the sink and the shower; another two contraptions that did the exact same thing and Castiel barely held back the questions rattling around in his brain. Instead, he nodded away as Dean explained the water temperature in the shower, twisting the dial as an example. 

"The water comes from a well and it's not exactly electrical, so it takes a while to heat up,"

"Dean, I appreciate you showing me this, but I don't need it."

"Come on, Cas, you can't just _not_ shower."

"I don't _need_ to bathe, Dean. Nor do I need to eat or drink."

"What? Why?" 

"It's unnecessary." 

"So you're telling me you just... don't eat? Don't... what?"

"I'm an angel, Dean. I'm not human, my body doesn't work the same way yours does." It was hard to work out the expression on Dean's face. It was somewhere between confusion and hurt and Castiel didn't know why. "I've said something wrong."

"No, Cas. I just don't get it. Why do you look like this," he gestured at Castiel, "like us if you're totally different?"

Castiel swallowed hard, choosing his words carefully as he watched Dean's expression, "you were made in my Father's image, and humans are more likely to trust someone who looks familiar." Dean snorted, scowling at him. "Would you be more likely to trust me or some obscure creature without knowing anything about either of us?" He spoke softly, looking away as he finished. 

"Yeah, I guess you got a point."

He gave Dean a pointed look, opening his mouth to speak, but deciding against it at the last moment. Dean leaned against the wall and Castiel shut his mouth, looking anywhere but at Dean. He had that feeling again, like he'd done something wrong, and he hated it. 

"Will you show me the room Sam mentioned?" He didn't look up, but he saw Dean straighten up and followed him back into the hallway. 

From that end, the room was on the right hand side, and Dean pushed the door open easily, holding an arm out as if to display the room to Castiel. He still didn't speak, his mouth pressed into a line. 

"I'm sorry if I said something offensive again," he said at last, hoping it would ease the churning in his stomach. It didn't help. If anything, the look Dean gave him made it worse. 

"You keep talking about us like we're some weird creature that's foreign to you, stop it, okay? We're human, yeah, but it's not as if _we're_ the weird ones here."

The anger Castiel had felt earlier flared up again and he glowered at Dean. His hands clenched into fists at his sides and he had to hold back the desire t punch something.

"You don't have to remind me that I don't belong here, Dean. I know, and I want nothing more than to go _home_ and leave you _human_ s" he put extra emphasis on the word, narrowing his eyes further as he spoke it, "to your own business, but I can't. You asked me a question and I answered it. If you don't want to know, don't ask." He spun around, leaving before Dean had a chance to reply, and stormed from the cabin, seeking out the mossy patch by the tree. 

Castiel dropped to the ground gracelessly, digging out a rock from the mossy ground and throwing it as hard as he could at a distant tree. His breath came heavy and shallow, through gritted teeth and he balled his hands so tightly that his nails dug into the palms of his hand. 

He waited for Dean to chase after him, to shout at him, but there was nothing. All he heard was a faint curse from inside the cabin, but nothing - it seemed- that was aimed directly at him. It didn't matter though, whether or not Dean was as angry as he was, there was no way he was going back inside that cabin. 

-

When Sam returned, Castiel didn't speak to him. He kept his arms crossed over his chest, nails digging into his skin. He didn't think Sam had even seen him until the door slammed shut. 

"Dean, what the hell did you do!?"

"What did _I_ do?"

"Jesus, Dean, he looks like he's going to kill someone."

"You brought him here."

"What happened?" 

Dean shut up after that, and another door slammed within the cabin. Castiel pulled himself up, readjusting his blade in the folds of his robe. The ground was relatively dry and the sky was clear; he would stay dry even if he spent the night outside, but he didn't want to be anywhere near Dean. 

He gathered up a new selection of rocks, tucking them away with his blade and started away in the direction of the river. Suddenly nothing he had said to Sam or Amelia mattered; he didn't care if he had promised to stay. The fear inside him swelled as he realized he was truly alone. At home he had all of his brothers and sisters, but he never doubted his own strength. Here, in this unknown forest he had no powers and no allies. He focused his mind on his surroundings, pushing back the fear as he tried to recall his journey to the cabin, and reverse it. 

A quick glance to the sky told him it was probably just past noon, he had at least a few good hours to find somewhere to rest. The dark didn't bother him, and he could see well enough, but traveling during the day was safer - and resting at night. 

-

It didn't take long before he found the river again, though it was deeper here. He sat along the bank, depositing his collection of rocks in a dip in the ground; his blade stayed firmly in his robes. 

Just being away from the cabin, he felt his anger ebb away. He was free to make his own decisions here. If he wanted, he could set out now to look for his siblings, he didn't have to wait until his wing was healed. It would be difficult, with one wing bound - he had no intention of unwrapping it if that's what it took to fix it - but he was willing to make the sacrifice. He just needed to travel with the sunlight, when it was easiest to see. 

Castiel sighed and lay back, keeping his weight on his right side. When he was rested, he would head out, keeping along the river for guidance. Without any direction, it was the best option he had. 

He watched the treetops sway in the breeze, and his mind drifted, not thinking of anything in particular. He listened to the sounds of the river, the wind through the leaves. It was peaceful, this forest, and if he had come here willingly he might have enjoyed his time here. 

Eventually, he pushed himself up from the ground, resigned to the fact that he was going to have to sleep. It hadn't been a long journey from the cabin, but his body was in no condition to be making any journeys, and ached for rest. 

A few larger trees grew in a group on the opposite side of the river, and he crossed to them. The ground was harder than the moss, but he was more sheltered here, more hidden from any inquisitive passers-by. 

Leaning back against the largest of the trees, he clamped a hand around his blade. Willingly, for the first time, he let his eyelids drop and cleared his mind of everything but the sounds of the river. 

-

Castiel awoke in darkness and panic overtook him before he could move. Gently, he pressed his palms to the ground, feeling around for his blade. As his fingers brushed over it, he exhaled in relief. 

It took a moment to regain control of his breathing, and when he did he pulled himself up, peering around the trunk of the tree. The sky was dark, but brightening quickly, even as he stared up at it. 

He frowned, worried about the length of time he had been unconscious. Even with his body as badly injured as it was, he shouldn't be sleeping through the entire night, and that could hardly be blamed on the fall.

Castiel moved to leave the cover of trees and return to the river, but an unfamiliar growl stopped him. Twice more he heard it before he realized it was coming from him. He knew what it meant, and he pressed on, ignoring it until an uncomfortable sensation accompanied the growl.

It was like a hole in the pit of his stomach, like someone had sucked everything out of him. He had never experienced hunger before, but he knew what it was. He knew countless humans died because of it, and he knew it could only mean one thing.

He firmly avoided that train of thought, turning instead to think about food. At some point - relatively soon if feeling was anything to go by - he would need to eat. There had to be some sort of fruit growing close by, and he would find it. 

-

After pricking his finger on a vine, only to end up with a mouthful of what was possibly the most bitter thing he had ever tasted, he gave up. He stared at the red stain on his finger, squeezing it and staring in horrified fascination as blood trickled down the digit. 

After a moment, he wiped it on his robe, closing his eyes thoughtfully. Once the sun had fully risen, he would try for food again. Until then he would drag up every scrap of knowledge he had about plant life on earth. 

There was very little he could recall, but when it was bright enough, he followed the river along until the underbrush was too thick to pass though. He stopped to inspect it, crouching down.

Clusters of small black berries hung from red stems and he plucked one form the plant, rolling it between his fingers. It was entirely different from the red, bitter berries he had found earlier, but he was still wary, biting it in half before swallowing the entire thing. He pulled a handful from the stem, eating them cautiously as he detoured around the brush and back to the riverbank further ahead. 

It wasn't until he stopped again that Castiel realized something was wrong. He knelt down, cringing at the pain in his stomach. It twisted within him like the feeling of guilt, but worse, like something was sloshing around within him. Heat prickled at the back of his neck and the muscles in his stomach tightened. 

He lurched forward, falling onto his hands and knees and gagging. This was, perhaps, the worst thing he had ever experienced. His entire body shook as he expelled the contents of his stomach. Panting and uncomfortable, he rubbed a hand across his face. 

It was a few moments before he risked moving again. Tears blurred his vision and no amount of swallowing would wash away the burning sensation at the back of his throat. Taking a deep breath, he sat back on his heels, eyes squinting shut to blink away the tears. 

Emotions swirled within his mind; a combination of terror and disgust, anger and sadness. There was no way to deny it anymore, and if he had been honest with himself, he would have admitted it the moment he started feeling guilt. The fingers of his right hand curled around themselves, not strong enough to fully form a fist. 

He was falling, and there was nothing he could do about it. 

Castiel opened his eyes and muttered a silent prayer that no one was around to see him in this state. He was a soldier, and as such should be able to deal with any situation thrown his way. This, however, was one situation he never could have planned for. 

He stumbled twice as he got up, staggering toward the river with determination. The water was cool against his skin, but he leaned over scooping the clear water into his hands. It wasn't perfect, but it helped to relieve the bitterness in his mouth. 

Castiel knew now, at any rate, that he had to press on. He needed to get somewhere safe, somewhere he could rest and collect his thoughts. His mind traveled back to the cabin immediately, where Dean and Sam would be. Sam, at least, would be more than happy to help him - he was sure of that - but he couldn't go back. Finding his siblings and getting them home had to be his first priority. 

He splashed water over his face and sat back up again. Even without knowing the expanse of the forest, he was sure there must be angels nearby. Many had been near him when he fell, and depending on how many had fallen - he was still holding out hope that he wasn't the only one - there were bound to be more of them in the surrounding area. 

Stopping to think, he remembered his own movements when he regained consciousness after the fall. They would be in pain, suffering, and for the first time he let himself think that maybe others hadn't been as lucky as he had. There was every possibility that they would not have survived the fall. 

That was something Castiel didn't want to think about. He steeled himself and rose to his feet, glancing around. 

The decision to keep to the river was less of an active decision, and more of a way to keep himself oriented. And if any of his siblings were around they would likely make for the river as well. The rush of water alongside him was almost calming in it's presence, though not loud enough to block out the thoughts of the two men he had left behind. Castiel chided himself for the thoughts. He owed Sam and Dean nothing.

That wasn't strictly true, and he knew it. Tightening both wings against his back he looked up to the sky, as if asking for direction. He wished, not for the first time, that he wasn't alone; that he had his family beside him, that he wasn't lost in a strange place, and every part of him wanted to curl up and hide.

The further he got from the cabin, the greater his desire to return was. His mind constantly switched back and forth between his family and the need to feel safe.

When he had started to think of the cabin as a safe place, he didn't know, but it didn't even bother him anymore. He had so many other things to think of, he couldn't let his emotions distract him and so he pushed them out of his mind too, for what felt like the thousandth time that day. 

-

It was early evening by the time he stopped, exhausted emotionally and physically. Castiel sat at the side of the river, barely a few inches deep at this point, removing his sandals and dipping his sore feet into the water. 

His stomach was growling at him, but he ignored it. Sleep was coming on fast, more demanding than the desire for food, and after his previous experience, he was more willing to sleep than to try and eat anything again. 

Further up the river he spotted a tree, half fallen against another just barely visible from where he stood. Castiel made his way toward it, glancing at the ground for anything that could be of use in building a shelter. 

It was only a short distance to the tree, and when he pushed on it, testing its balance, he was relieved to find it wedged firmly in place against the still-standing tree. He sighed in relief, following along its length. 

Upon further inspection, he found some of the smaller branches were light and broke off easily enough if he bent them the right way. With as much strength as he could muster, Castiel pulled several branches to the side leaving the greenery in place. Careful not to catch his bandages, he leaned each branch against the far side of the fallen tree, creating a wall of sorts. He repeated the same process on the front, leaving only a small space to walk through. 

When he ducked inside he paused for a moment, impressed that he had managed to construct a shelter. Perhaps he stood a chance on his own after all, and if he could succeed in this small task, he could teach the others once he found them. The thought encouraged him, and as he ducked back out to find some form of bedding, he felt lighter than he had since the fall. 

Large, leafy plants were growing all across the forest floor, and with limited resources, Castiel figured they would make as good a bed as any. The stems were rough, but if snapped off high enough, the fronds were smooth and would fit together well. He collected armfuls, piling them neatly outside until he had as many as he needed. 

As he placed the last armful down, he scrutinized the structure, trying to decide how to go about laying down his bedding. Eventually, he simply started placing it at one end, covering as much of the dirt and moss as he could, adding extra leaves wherever he could spare them. 

When Castiel finished it was pitch black. He curled into the smallest corner of the shelter, keeping his blade within arm's reach as usual. It was soft, not as comfortable as his own bed in the soldier's quarters, but definitely more so than the mossy patch outside the cabin. He breathed much more easily, knowing he was capable of sheltering himself, though the gnawing sensation in his stomach hadn't ceased, and eating was going to be something he had to face eventually. In the morning, he told himself, in the morning he would search out other berries, anything he could find. Even if it made him sick again, he would know what to tell the others not to eat, and that made the thought bearable. 

He snorted an almost-laugh, wondering if this was the feeling parents had about their children; this complete and utter thrill of being able to take care of another. Castiel fell asleep easily with the thought that if - when - he returned home, he would spend more time with the fledglings.


	5. Chapter 5

Castiel awoke to familiar green eyes. Certain that he must be imagining things he blinked, but the eyes remained. He tried to sit up but something stopped him and it only took a moment to realize Dean was crouched over his legs. 

"Move," he said simply, avoiding the stony face that stared him down.

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me why you ran off."

Castiel gritted his teeth, his anger returning rapidly, further irritating him after his peaceful night. "You act like I'm your prisoner, Dean, but I'm not. I'm an angel, I don't belong here. I'm going to find my siblings and we're going to find a way home." He glanced down at Dean's legs, trying to figure the best way to get him off. He changed his tone as he looked back up at Dean. "Your clothing's wet. Why did you come after me?"

"What else was I gonna do? Leave you out here with one good wing and a body that can barely hold you up? I don't think so. And we never treated you like a prisoner."

"Why did you _really_ come after me?"

"Why did you _really_ leave?"

Castiel glared at him, he wasn't about to start playing games now. "Let me up."

Dean didn't move, but he sighed, and ran a hand through his hair, "Sam sent me out to find you..."

He seemed genuine enough, and judging from what he knew of Sam, what he said was quite likely true. Without a decent reason not to respond, he stared directly into Dean's eyes.

"You make me angry," he said simply. "You make me incredibly angry and it scares me. I'm not going back with you."

"Jesus, Cas, I'm not just going to leave you out here."

"What do you call me that?" his eyes narrowed, but the anger in his voice subsided slightly, giving way to genuine curiosity. 

"What, Cas? I dunno, it's a nickname," he shrugged, "look, I'll stop if you don't like it."

"That's not what makes me angry."

"Then what? You're gonna have to tell me cos I can't read your freakin' mind okay?"

Castiel opened his mouth to shout a retort, but his stomach interrupted, growling its dissatisfaction with him. He shut his eyes in irritation and clenched his jaw.

"Dude, you need to eat something."

His eyes flashed open, looking directly at Dean, who seemed slightly taken aback. "I told you, I don't need to eat."

"Your body is telling me otherwise."

"I'm fine."

"You obviously aren't."

"Well, I'm not your problem anymore, so it doesn't matter. Would you mind getting up. I have to fix my roof."

"No, I'm staying here until you say you'll come back - you built this?"

"I didn't knock the tree down, but yes." Castiel couldn't help the small swell of pride, and he turned away from Dean, pulling his knees up in a failed attempt to remove the man from his seat. 

"It's not bad," he grinned, looking up and around. "So, you gonna get up? We gotta get back and find you something to eat."

"I said I'm not going back, Dean I have to find-"

"Your family, I know. I _get_ that. Dude, my family is literally all I've got, I _know_ how it feels. But you're no good to anyone in this condition and there's nothing out here that's safe to eat, unless you want to try hunting and building a fire."

Castiel tilted his head back, avoiding Dean's gaze. He didn't need to be told there was nothing to eat, he had done a perfectly good job of figuring that out on his own. 

"I don't need your help," he muttered to the branches above him.

"Come on, Cas. It's already past noon and it's a good two hour walk back to the cabin from here which I doubt you can make all in one go."

"Dean," he sighed, "I'm not being stubborn or spiteful. I don't _want_ to go back. What I want to do is go and find my brothers and sisters, and get us all home as much in tact as possible."

Dean exhaled in frustration, sitting back. He pushed his hands down his thighs as he stood up, stooping in the low structure as he exited with a snort. 

Castiel watched him go, he knew there was no way the man would give up that easily, but he didn't care enough to worry about it. He drew himself up, relieved to have the use of his legs again, and straightened the fronds that had been scattered. 

-

It must have been an hour before Dean returned, holding what looked like a dead animal in one hand. He peered through the opening at Castiel.

"Come on, I'm gonna teach you how to cook a rabbit."

"What happened to you?" Castiel's eyes roamed over his body, stopping at each scratch, each smear of blood. 

"Nothing," Dean grunted, turning away, "hurry up and get your ass out here."

Castiel ducked out stepping into a beam of sunlight, squinting against it. 

"Why are you doing this?"

"I thought we had this conversation, Cas?" Dean turned back around to where he had started digging out a shallow hole in the dirt, "you wanna find me some sticks and stuff?" he asked with a quick glance over his shoulder.

Castiel sighed, but he didn't have anything better to do for the moment, so he started away. Loose sticks were about the only thing more abundant than moss in the forest floor, and he had little trouble collecting an armful. When he returned to Dean, the man had bordered the pit with rocks. He took the bundle of sticks from Castiel and placed them in the center, breaking some of the larger ones to make them fit.

"What are you doing?"

"What's it look like, Cas? I'm building a fire."

Castiel sat down next to him, watching Dean's hands as they worked, snapping branches, forming them into a cone shape. He pushed the smallest twigs and scraps of dried leaves into the center, pulling something out of his pocket and lighting them on fire. Dean continued placing larger and larger sticks around the outside, pausing to ensure they caught fire. 

When it was crackling away, Dean turned to the rabbit and Cas sneered, turning away. He focused instead on the flames, watching the way the bent and flickered. 

"When are you going to tell me why you keep helping me?"

"We gonna keep having the same conversation over and over again?"

"Until you tell me why, yes. How do I know I can even trust you?"

"I'm doing it for Sam. He believes in you, in God and angels and all that."

"And you don't." It was a statement, and Dean shook his head. 

"I don't really have much of a choice do I? I'm sitting in the middle of nowhere trying to teach an angel to cook over a campfire."

Castiel closed his eyes thoughtfully. "You still don't truly believe."

"Look, Cas, a lot of shit happens down here. I find it hard to believe some God would let that happen."

Castiel sighed, he knew that this was not an uncommon thought among humans. He remained silent for a few moments, taking the time to calm the instinctive anger that swelled inside him. For a moment, he looked at Dean, who had started cutting the meat up into chunks. Dean was verging on blasphemy, and at any other time with any other person Castiel would have reprimanded them, accused them of it, but this was Dean, and somehow he had grown accustomed to his careless words. 

"My father has been... gone for some time, Dean."

"What do you mean, gone?"

"I mean he left. After Lucifer... and Michael- I don't know," he hung his head, balancing his elbows on his knees, "it's like it was all too much for him. He just left."

"That's rough."

"Yes. It has been."

Silence fell between then again and Castiel wondered about Heaven. With God gone, Michael was practically in command, but he was an angel too, and what would happen if he fell? Nothing good, Castiel was sure of that. If there was one thing the angels needed, it was guidance.

Dean broke the silence with a little huff of a laugh, but when Castiel looked to him, Dean was still facing away.

"You know my Mom used to tell me angels were watching over me."

"She wasn't lying. Every human has a guardian angel assigned to them the moment they're born."

"Not me."

"What makes you say that?"

"Cas, I've been through a lot of shit in my life, could've used the help once in a while. No one's watching over me."

"Perhaps your Guardian knew you were capable of making it through on your own."

"Some guardian angel," Dean snorted. He turned the stick in his hand, "this is done now, you should eat."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going for a walk."

-

Castiel ate in silence, trying not to think about the taste in his mouth. He took small bites, careful not to eat more than he had of the berries before he stopped altogether, leaving the rest of the meat on the leaf where Dean has placed it for him. He was wary of eating anything, and by his own reasoning, he had done well considering the wrenching feeling in his gut that accompanied the memory of his last experience with food. 

Castiel had just moved to wrap the remaining food when Dean appeared back in front of him, turning a small black object in his hand. 

"Hey Cas, I gotta get back. I can't get a signal out here to call Sam, so what's it gonna take to get you to come back with me?"

"You know what I want, Dean."

"Yeah, and look I know how important family is, but what do you plan to do? You're still injured, in case you had forgotten. Speaking of, you barely at anything."

"I'm fine, Dean."

The man crouched down in front of him, elbows on his knees and both hands wrapped around the object he was still holding. He looked up, catching Castiel's eyes with his own.

"You want to tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothing." He raised his head, observing the smatter of freckles over Dean's nose. It was the first time he had had a chance to see them up close, and he let his eyes wander, taking in each little mark individually. 

"What are you doing?" Dean squinted at him, raising one eyebrow. 

"Your freckles, they remind me of..." he met Dean's gaze for a moment before shaking his head, "it doesn't matter."

"Your girlfriend?"

"My sister."

Dean smirked, "you know, they say freckles are kisses from angels."

"Angels don't kiss humans, Dean. We protect you."

Dean chuckled and shook his head. Castiel frowned at him as Dean sat down on the ground next to him. 

"I don't understand what's so funny."

"It was a joke, Cas, don't worry about it," he absentmindedly reached in front of them both, picking up a piece of the meat and chewing it thoughtfully. "It's not awful, you should really eat more."

Castiel ignored him.

"What if we try and help you find them?" Dean's voice was careful, almost nervous.

"What do you mean?"

"Sam and I, we have a pretty big network of people. We could ask them to keep an eye out, let us know if they notice anything out of the ordinary; any people with wings y'know? I mean Bobby alone has a whole group of hunters he keeps in contact with. Not to mention my geek brother on the internet..."

"You would do that?"

Dean nodded.

"I can't... I have to think about it."

"Yeah, Cas I know. I'm gonna see if I can get a signal again, I'll leave you to think. You're not gonna run off on me, are you?"

"No."

-

Castiel spent the rest of the daylight in thought on the riverbank. He swirled his feet in the river until the water became too cold and he tucked them back beneath himself. 

He wanted to say yes to Dean. Alone, he had no idea how he would find his siblings, but with Dean and Sam's help... But then again, he had his family's safety to think of first and foremost and he wasn't sure he wanted anyone else to know about the angels. 

He lost focus as Dean coughed behind him, turning to face the man. Dean had been pacing back and forth for nearly an hour, but Castiel had so far been able to ignore him. His patience was wearing thin now, and he was tired from re-thinking the same points over and over again. 

"You're very distracting."

"Sorry, just... It's getting late, Cas. And cold, we should sleep cos there's no way I'm walking back to the cabin until morning, with or without you. You mind sharing your little hut?"

"Not at all. I think I might join you, I don't want to think any more tonight." Castiel rose thankfully, crossing to the shelter as Dean stomped out the last embers of their dying fire. He settled in the far end, facing away from the entrance, so he didn't notice immediately when Dean scrambled in, flopping down at the other end. 

Neither of them spoke and the wind was so soft through the trees that the sound of Dean shuffling around easily lifted Castiel from sleep. It was obvious immediately that he was shivering. 

"If you're cold, you should come farther down this way, the ceiling is lower and my body heat will keep you warm."

"I thought you were asleep."

"I was. Your shivering woke me up."

"Sorry."

"Dean, come to this end," Castiel was tired and in no mood to argue, "please."

After a moment of what Castiel assumed was his consideration, Dean replied. "You don't mind cuddling up to another dude?"

"Your gender is completely irrelevant. We don't view sexual orientation the way you do; contrary to popular human belief, my father loves his children equally. He doesn't view homosexuality as being wrong or improper, why would he create you that way if he did? Homosexual people are no more wrong for their sexual orientation than you are for having green eyes."

"Dude alright, alright," Dean mumbled, shuffling over until he was just over a foot away from where Castiel lay. 

"I'm not going to hurt you. You can come closer," his tone was lower, less patient but he didn't care, he just wanted to sleep and have the entire ordeal over with. 

"You flirting with me, Cas?"

"Go to sleep, Dean."

The man didn't reply, but as Castiel drifted at the edge of sleep, he felt Dean inch closer again and he smirked to himself. 

-

It was too warm when Castiel awoke, though it only took a moment to discover the cause of the heat. He wormed his way out from under Dean's arm, carefully maneuvering around him to exit the shelter without waking him. He crossed immediately to the stream, splashing cool water onto his face before settling back on the bank. Castiel spread his wing, straightening his feathers as he waited for Dean to wake up. 

The sun was just barely shining through the trees, illuminating their small camp and warming his back. It was one of the few things he did like about this sudden inability to block feeling. He leaned back into the warmth as he turned back to his feathers. 

He didn't have to wait long for Dean, as just as he finished looking over his left wing, a loud crash caught his attention. Turning toward the sound, he spotted Dean struggling with one of the larger branches that made up his shelter's wall. Castiel rose to help him, pushing the branch to one side, away from Dean. 

"My back is killing me," the man grumbled, rolling his shoulders, "and I'm starving."

Castiel didn't want to admit it, but he was too, and the meat Dean had found last night hadn't made him sick. In light of that, he was much more inclined to try something new, provided Dean could show him what to eat. 

"Will you show me," he asked, surprised as he spoke his thoughts aloud.

"Show you what?"

"How to get food." 

"You want me to show you how to hunt?"

"Yes."

"Alright, gimme a few minutes Cas, and I'll see what I can do."

-

Hunting was less complicated than Castiel had expected. It was much like battle when he focused, sneaking up on the enemy. Silence was key, Dean repeated, showing him how to step quietly across the forest floor. He left the actually catching and killing part to Dean, hungry and growing more and more impatient. If he had attempted to help, he probably would have slowed them down. 

They had more to eat than the previous night, and after Dean sharpened a pair of sticks and skewered the meat onto them, he handed one to Castiel. The small fire crackled away and Castiel shoved his stick into it, careful not to let it catch on fire. He watched Dean, copying his movements exactly. 

Dean would glance over at him and grin occasionally, and when Castiel asked him how to tell if it was cooked, Dean showed him how to cut it open and check the colour of the meat. He pulled his own blade out, watching the way Dean slid his blade through the small cube and pushed the sides apart. 

They ate in relatively comfortable silence, though Castiel could tell Dean was burning to ask him what he had decided. He decided to make it quick, rather than drag out the waiting. 

"I'll come with you."

Dean nearly choked, "what?" He was on his feet before Castiel barely had a chance to realize what was happening. 

"If you can help me find my family, I will come with you."

"Yeah?"

"Yes," he nodded, turning to Dean.

"Oh thank God," he breathed, tilting his head back, "What made you change your mind?"

"When you were asleep this morning, I was thinking about what you did for me, with my wing."

"That was more Sam, than me, but..."

"I can trust you, or I like to think I can, so I'll come back with you as long as I can continue to try and find them."

It took ten minutes for Castiel to calm Dean down enough to stop him from running off back to the cabin. He had insisted upon finishing his food, despite all of Dean's eye rolls and insistence that they had better food back at the cabin. Afterwards he had insisted on washing his wings again, much to Dean's chagrin. 

When he had announced that he was ready to leave, Dean had jumped up and practically pulled Castiel behind him. 

Despite his demand for haste, Dean kept a slow pace as they walked. Castiel assumed this was for his benefit. Although it had been three full days and he had had much time to rest, his leg was still worse for wear and he walked awkwardly, favoring it. 

Dean glanced back every so often, much like his brother had done when they had first found him, though much more sporadically. Castiel knew he wanted to get home, to get out of the woods, and that was probably what caused his irregularity. 

Their march was slow, though the ground was dry and Castiel was thankful for that. After centuries surrounded by loose sand, mud had not been a pleasant experience, he mentally added it to a growing list of unpleasant experiences on earth before returning his attention to the ground before him. He wished he was able to keep his eyes up, to look around at the trees and remember where he had been - Dean had insisted they leave the river to shorten their journey - for when he came back, but his balance was still off and he hadn't properly adjusted to only having one good wing. 

They stopped for the first time beneath a huge, gnarled tree and as Castiel rested his body, he marveled at each twist and turn of the tree's branches. It was moments like those that reminded him this world was God's work and it was somewhere he would be safe. He thought of moments when he was young and yearned to travel down to Earth with his siblings, his desire to interact with the humans his father had made. Somewhere along the line, his perpetually pushed back bitterness had drowned all of that out, leaving only a resolute determination to be the best soldier he could. 

It wasn't unknown that many of his siblings, had they had human emotion, would have envied the praise he received as a soldier, though as Castiel looked around him for seemingly the first time it was he who was envious. He had put all of himself into his duty, while so many of his brothers and sisters were blessed to visit this world frequently; Gabriel practically came and went as he pleased. 

"What's wrong?" Dean's expression was concerned as he looked down, "you haven't changed your mind, have you?"

"No, I was thinking."

"About your family."

"Yes, but not like that," Castiel snorted a humourless laugh, "I was thinking about when I was young. I used to wish so desperately to see humans for myself," he glanced down, "I was different because I _wanted_." He wasn't sure why he had chosen to share that piece of information, but Dean seemed to pass over it so he pretended it hadn't happened. 

"So what do you think now?"

"You both exceed my expectations and not quite reach them, it's difficult to explain."

"Yeah sure, let's get back and you can try to explain it to Sam." 

Castiel pushed himself up from his seat and Dean waited as he organized himself, readjusting his immobile wing as the other one flared to keep his balance. As they started out again, Castiel made more of an effort to keep up, assuring himself he could rest when they arrived.

They didn't stop again until they reached the upward slope that meant their arrival back at the cabin. Castiel stopped at the bottom and it wasn't until Dean was halfway up the hill that he turned back. 

"Come on, Cas you can't stop now. We're not even two minutes away."

"Dean, I need to tell you something."

Concern instantly marked every line on Dean's face and he shifted, though barely noticeable, as if to defend himself.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Dean."

"Then what is it?" He took a few steps forward, coming back to Castiel. "What's wrong?"

"I'm falling," he said softly, barely noticeable.

"You're falling? What does that even mean?"

"It means," he looked up, trying to wash his expression of emotion as he faced Dean, "my Grace is leaving me, Dean. I'm becoming human."


	6. Chapter 6

Dean didn't look as surprised as Castiel had expected. He looked more confused, almost sympathetic maybe. Annoyed. Whatever it was, it made Castiel want to simultaneously run away and leave him and assure him that everything would be alright.

"So that's why you've been hungry, huh? Why you get so emotional all the time?"

"I don't get emotional," he retorted.

"You told me yourself I make you angry. Anger's a pretty human emotion. That's why it scares you."

"Yes..." he replied slowly

"But what about your wings?"

"What about my wings?"

"Will you lose them too?"

"They're a part of my body, Dean. They're not just going to fall of. It's only my Grace that will be lost."

"Will be, though. You said you're still falling, right?. So, if we get you back home...?"

"It should restore itself, yes."

"Then we'd better get back up there, get our eyes and ears out."

-

The living area was unexpectedly crowded when they returned. Sam was leaning against the kitchen counter, facing into the room and two dark haired women shared the sofa. One, he knew as Amelia, but the other was unfamiliar, although she smiled brightly when he and Dean walked in. The dog - Spike, if he remembered correctly - was lying on the floor at Sam's feet, but bounded over to them the minute they entered. 

Castiel knelt down next to him, folding his good wing back as far out of the way as possible, letting the animal jump onto his lap. Somehow after everything that had happened it he found it easier to interact with the dog than the humans. It didn't speak to him, and he wasn't expected to respond. 

He ran a hand through the dog's hair, curling his fingers around the backs of his ears, unaware that Dean had stepped away from him, crossing to the sofa.

"Jesus, Dean." 

Castiel looked up to see the unfamiliar woman stand up, brushing a hand lightly over Dean's face. She seemed to have attracted the others' attention as well because Amelia and Sam shared her worried expression. 

"What the hell happened to you?" she asked, cupping his chin to turn his head either way.

"Lise, I'm fine. Honestly. What are you doing here?" his smile was evident, even without being able to see his face, his attention completely focused on her. 

"Came to see you. It's been a while."

"I thought you wanted me to make a decision before you saw me again?" he said this much more quietly, as if he didn't want anyone else to hear, and Castiel tried not to. 

"Can we talk?"

"Yeah," he heard Dean breathe, "Can't really go anywhere though, you wanna go for a walk?" 

The woman nodded eagerly and with a quick nod to his brother, Dean and Lisa slipped past Castiel and outside. 

Sam approached once the door had shut, smiling warmly. "So, you decided to come back?"

Castiel looked up from the dog, rising slowly, "Dean said you could help me find them," he glanced nervously at Amelia, hoping she didn't ask any questions. 

She didn't, and Castiel was thankful for that. 

"Yeah, we can. We can talk more about it when Dean gets back."

Castiel nodded. He was still hungry, but the thought of telling Sam and Amelia still made him nervous and he decided not to say anything until Dean was back. 

"You look exhausted, if you want to sleep I can move my stuff out of the room."

He was exhausted and he did want to sleep, but if they were going to start looking for the rest of the angels, he wanted to be awake and that meant following Sam and Dean's sleep patterns. 

"No, I would prefer to stay awake right now," he paused, "Amelia said she wanted to keep checking on my wings. I would rather do that now, instead of later if that's alright."

Amelia turned to him with a smile. Her eyes flicked up momentarily to Sam's and they were bright, shining with what Castiel assumed to be excitement, though he couldn't guess why. 

"Yeah, let me just get my things. I stuck them in Sam's room."

He turned from Amelia to Sam, watching the way the man looked after her. He looked happy, proud, and it caused a dull ache in Castiel's chest that he couldn't explain. The human emotions were difficult enough to deal with on their own, but when they jumped out at him from apparently nowhere, he was especially unimpressed. Lack of control was one thing, but lack of control over his own body was not something he was prepared to deal with. 

Amelia returned with much fewer things than she had had the last time; only what Castiel recognized as the disinfectant, a pair of thin gloves and what looked like a comb but with a long point at one end.

"What is that for?" he asked immediately, staring at it. 

"It's just to separate your feathers more easily, so the gloves don't tug at them, they're a little clingy. I really just need to check to make sure the bone hasn't slipped since the last time. If it has, we'll have to re-set it and re-wrap it. "

"I hope not," Sam offered, "do you need anything?"

"I think I'm okay. You can stick around for moral support thought."

Sam chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. He crossed to sit on the chair, flashing a quick grin at Amelia, and Castiel followed him. Taking a seat on the table as he had before, he rolled his shoulder.

"I can't undo this on my own," he commented, "can you help?"

"I wouldn't expect you to, hold on." 

It took a moment for Amelia to reach up to him, and Castiel nearly jumped when her hands tugged gently at the bandages. She worked quickly, without too much discomfort to his wing, and he felt the bandage fall gently against his feathers, sliding down to the tabletop. 

"Sam, do you want to grab me a clean bandage from my bag?" she didn't sound angry, or even upset, but Castiel felt a pang of guilt that he hadn't been able to keep it clean. He remembered lying in the dirt and inwardly cursed himself for not thinking. 

Sam was up and off the couch in a second, heading away into the hall. Castiel watched after him for a moment, noticing the way he grinned back at Amelia just before he disappeared from view. His attention was drawn back to the woman as she placed her hands on the joint of his wing, pressing in so gently it wouldn't have been noticeable except for the pain. His entire body stiffened and he could feel Amelia wince behind him.

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine," he had found himself saying that far too often recently, and wondered if he would ever feel comfortable enough around these people to tell them the truth. Hopefully, he wouldn't be around long enough to know. 

He flinched as her fingers strayed, smoothing down toward the tip on his wing. When she reached the tip, she returned to the joint, pressing something between the feathers that he couldn't see, but Castiel assumed it to be the comb she had shown him earlier.

Regardless of what it was touching him, it was awkward and caused a vaguely discomforting sensation in his gut. He squirmed as it continued, pulsing through him. He searched his memory for a name to give to this sensation, but it was altogether new. Not gnawing like the ache of hunger, but similar in the need it brought on. 

Checking to ensure Sam was looking away, he glanced down at his lap, eyebrows furrowed as he silently prayer for it to stop. He shifted under Amelia's touch. At each press of the comb he was more eager to get away, but he forced himself to remember that he was doing this so he could find his siblings and he had to sit through it. 

Castiel uncrossed his legs, pushing his feet to the floor, but it only made his situation all the more obvious. He pulled one knee back up, tucking his ankle under the opposite leg and looked up to the ceiling, feeling the heat rise up his neck and into his cheeks. The sensations only got worse, pulling his attention from anything else and then suddenly, Amelia's hands were gone.

"I think that's it," she said cheerfully, "just try not to lie on it too much and it should be fine. It's still gonna be a while though."

Once she had re-bandaged the wing, Castiel thanked her quickly and slipped back outside, ignoring Sam's questioning look. He settled in the mossy patch, pulling his blade from his robe and setting it aside. The spot had become somewhat of a comfort to him - if only because no one else seemed to spend much time outside - and it was much easier to relax once he was curled beneath the tree, firmly pushing all thoughts out of his head. 

He knew, of course, how the humans would deal with the sensations, but he was determined not to give in to the feeling. Tipping his head back against the tree, he brought to mind every story his siblings had told him about humans. They were a good distraction and fond memories.

Castiel hadn't been aware of the day passing until a crashing sound drew his attention back to Earth. He was disappointed to remember where he was, and he sighed heavily. 

It was Dean who broke through the trees, turning to pull Lisa up against him with a smirk. She responded with a giggle and pushed away, shaking her head. 

Castiel turned away, he had hoped to speak with Dean again, but the way he was wrapped around Lisa, it didn't seem likely. He turned around, curling around himself so that his injured wing faced outward. The dull ache had returned in his chest, but unlike the more uncomfortable sensation Amelia had caused, he had named this one, thought he didn't want to admit to it. 

-

The first thing Castiel noticed when he woke up was that it was cold. The second was that there was light shining out of the house, and a figure blocking it from him. He turned blearily around, surprised to come nearly face to face with Dean, who was crouched next to him, peering down at him.

"You're gonna freeze your ass off out here, come inside"

"I prefer it out here," he mumbled, still half awake. Dean rose up, shaking his head, and Castiel rolled back over, not conscious enough to care. He heard footsteps heading away, and let his eyelids fall shut again.

A few moments later, the footsteps returned. 

"Cas, get up."

"What do you want?" he pushed himself into a sitting position, scowling up at Dean. 

"Here," the man held out a large blanket, half dropping it into Castiel's lap, "you really are gonna freeze out here y'know. I slept outside last night, I know how cold it is."

"I'll be fine."

"Yeah, heard that one before, Cas. Stop being so stubborn, you're practically blue."

"Dean-"

"You didn't tell them, did you. Sam and Amelia?"

"No."

"How come?"

"Why are you here, Dean?"

"I couldn't sleep and I saw you out here. I figured you were probably freezing your ass off and I should come drag you inside."

"That isn't necessary," he sighed, avoiding his gaze.

"You okay, Cas?"

"I'm fine."

"Right. I guess I'll see you in the morning then."

"Goodnight, Dean."

"'Night Cas."

He pulled the blanket over himself as the door shut, blocking out the majority of the light. It wasn't until the light was out completely and he was fully alone again that Castiel regretted being so abrupt. Would it really be so terrible to sleep inside the cabin? It would be a lot warmer, and much less... lonely. 

Castiel found himself glancing at the window he knew led to Dean's room before he realized what he was doing, and turned away with a sigh, rolling onto his left side and pulling his good wing over his head, careless of the other for the moment. 

He wished for the company of his siblings, to see their smiles, hear their voices. Rarely in his life had Castiel feared anything, but the prospect of never seeing his family again scared him more than he could explain. He clenched his eyes shut against the thought, pulling the blanket up around his chin. The last thought that passed through his head before he drifted back to sleep was that it smelled like Dean. 

-

He should have been concerned that his first though upon waking was also of Dean, but he wasn't. He should have chastised himself for letting his mind wander, for getting too involved with the brothers, but he didn't. If he was honest, it was a relief not to be burdened with worry and fear the moment his eyes flashed open. 

The morning was damp and cold, even more so than the night. Castiel pulled his arms and legs in closer, tucking the blanket under his knees and feet to block out any wind. He ducked his head under his wing, peeking out at the purple-grey of the sky. Dawn would come soon, and he hoped that meant Dean or Sam would be out shortly. 

He must have drifted off again, because when Castiel opened his eyes next, the sun was rising and the sky was a swirl or pale pink and orange. It was warmer than it had been, but he still instinctively pulled the blanket closer, frowning as dew drops rolled under his feathers. The click of a door caught his attention, followed immediately by excited barking and frantic hushing. Sam was on one end of a taught rope, the dog on the other, pulling Sam toward Castiel. 

Castiel unfolded himself, slipping the blanket over his shoulders as he rose. Spike stopped as Castiel reached him crouching down with a slight wince. The dog sat down, pawing at his knees as Castiel raised his eyes to Sam.

"Good morning, Sam."

"Mornin' Castiel," Sam mumbled through a yawn, "sorry about him."

"It's fine," he said, turning back to the dog, "I have no problem with him. I enjoy his enthusiasm."

Sam let out a sleepy laugh, "you can take him out next time then. You look cold, why don't you head inside, Dean's making coffee and I'll be back in in a minute."

Castiel obliged much more eagerly than he let on, relieved to get out of the cold morning air. Warmth enveloped him almost instantly as he shut the door behind him. He let the blanket drop from his shoulders, catching it in one hand and carrying it into the kitchen.

Dean was leaning over the counter, tilted to one side with his cheek in his hand. He jumped when the timer on the counter went off, and again as he fumbled to turn it off, when he turned and saw Castiel. 

"Jesus, Cas where the hell did you come from?"

"Outside," he said simply, glancing back at the door, "Sam said he'll be in shortly."

"Yeah, yeah," Dean mumbled rubbing a hand over his face, "you sleep okay?"

"Yes," he lied, "why?"

Dean chuckled, pulling a jug of dark liquid across the counter, "it's just- never mind, Cas." He poured some of the liquid in his mug, and Castiel watched him carefully as he set the jug back in the machine and took a sip of the liquid. 

"It's coffee, Cas. You wanna try it?"

Castiel didn't answer, contemplating silently, but Dean pushed his mug toward him, and he picked up the mug cautiously, glancing at Dean as he raised it to his lips. It was hot, enough to burn his tongue and the roof of his mouth, and bitter. He pushed the mug back toward Dean, licking the roof of his mouth experimentally. It was sore, but there was also a strange half-numb sensation, that he liked even less. 

"Sorry," Dean winced, "shoulda warned you, it's hot," he looked up with a confused expression, seemingly noticing the blanket Castiel was still holding for the first time. "You can just stick that on the floor. I'll wash it later."

Castiel did as he said, pushing it just around the corner of the counter. He had a sudden desire to ask where Lisa was but something stopped him. He knew it probably wasn't an acceptable question, but it continued to nag at him, even once he reminded himself that she was probably just sleeping. It was a strange concern, and he pushed it aside. Of all the things happening right now, where one woman had gone was the least of his problems. 

Sam interrupted his thoughts as he came back in, removing the rope and letting the dog run freely. 

The three of them were standing around the counter, still groggy, when Amelia came through the living area, pulling her hair up and tying it back. Dean had just finished pouring Sam a mug of coffee and he held up the jug to Amelia, raising both eyebrows. 

"Yes, please," she smiled, "and then get out of the kitchen. Sam and I are making breakfast."

"Where are we supposed to go?"

Amelia shrugged, still grinning at Dean, "you got that coffee?"

Dean rolled his eyes but grabbed another mug from the cupboard, filling it before sliding it across the counter to her. She gave him a look and he responded with another eye roll and a nod to Sam.

"Come on, Cas, we're being kicked out." He clapped a hand on Castiel's shoulder, and he flinched at the contact. 

It was unexpected but not wholly uncomfortable as Amelia's touch had been. It wasn't like their last contact; Dean's hand was warm against his skin and it pulled his attention completely. He was almost startled when the Dean pulled away, turning to him with an expectant look.

"You're freezing, Cas. Come on, we're getting you into the shower."

"What, why?" he narrowed his eyes, but Dean just chuckled, turning him with both hands and giving him a soft shove into the living area. He tried to turn his head back to look at Dean, but he had to face forward to keep his balance, only just resisting the urge to spread his wings. 

Dean flicked the bathroom light on behind them, and Castiel glanced around, unable to forget the last time he had been there. 

"You remember how it works, right?"

He didn't have a chance to tell Dean he didn't before the man had wandered away. It didn't take long for him to return, and when he did, Dean had an armful of things. He set towels down on the closed toilet seat lid and held out a pair of pants.

"Look, we can't have you running around in this," he picked at the torn fabric of Castiel's robe, "try these on, okay? I don't know what we're gonna do about a shirt with your wings, but we'll worry about that later. Just... get warmed up. Last thing we need is an angel with pneumonia. Here, turn around." He set the jeans on the counter and turned back to Castiel. 

"I'm gonna have to unwrap your wing so the bandage doesn't get wet, just be careful. I don't want Amelia getting upset with me if anything happens to you." Castiel nodded, clenching his teeth against what he knew was coming. 

Dean was careful to peel away the bandages, almost as if he was afraid to touch the feathers, but Castiel was glad for it. He didn't want to repeat the situation from the day before. Only once or twice did his fingers slip, but it was barely a glance and the sensation didn't last. When he was finished Castiel released a deep breath that he didn't realize he had been holding. 

"Thank you, Dean."

"Yeah, no problem." Dean turned away, closing the door behind him, but stopping at the last second. "Just, watch out for the zipper on the jeans. That can get... painful." 

The door clicked shut and Castiel glanced from the discarded pair of jeans and up to the shower. Dean hadn't reminded him how it worked, and since falling his memory was unreliable at best, especially when it came to the new things he learned. 

Leaning back against the counter, he leaned down, unlacing his sandals before working at the thin material around his leg with partially numb fingers. He would never have admitted it to Dean, but the thought of sleeping inside seemed more and more appealing as his fingers continually slipped. After what seemed to take ages, he unworked the knot, winding the bandage around three fingers as he unwound it from his leg. He repeated the process on his arm, discarding the soiled fabric at one end of the counter. 

The wounds were smaller than when he had last looked at them, but his skin was pale and he knew enough about healing to know he probably should have changed the bandages since Dean had put them on. He would definitely re-dress them once he was clean and warm. 

Standing straight again, he stretched his fingers before reaching back to unclasp his hest plate. It was a relief to have it off; Castiel hadn't realized how much it weighed on him until it was sitting still on the counter. He rolled his shoulders, reaching up to unfasten the clasp at the nape of his neck. The fabric of his robe dropped to the floor and he stepped out of it, tuning back to pick it up and fold it neatly, setting it alongside his chest plate. 

He stepped into the glass case of the shower, pulling the door closed behind him, and squinted at the dials, trying to recall the hazy memory of Dean explaining it to him. It hadn't occurred to him at the time to pay much attention to the detailed workings of things, having never needed to use them before. Aside from that, he had also planned to be away from the cabin by now, away from Dean and Sam, but he wished now that he had been more attentive.

Things had definitely not worked out according to plan, he thought bitterly, scowling at the chrome of the handle. He brushed his fingers over it tentatively before turning it sharply to one side. Water sprayed down on him, colder than the morning dew and harsher than rain. Castiel flinched back immediately, pressing his back against equally cold glass.

He held back for a moment, holding his fingertips under the stream until it warmed slightly. When he was satisfied with the temperature he stepped beneath it, sighing with contentment as the droplets rolled down his arms. Closing his eyes, he tipped his head back, letting the water wash over his face, down his neck. 

The heat of the water and steam was soothing, and Castiel had to force his mind to focus. He reached up to the small silver shelf, pulling down a bottle of white gel that Dean had told him was soap. He squeezed a small amount into his palm, pushing it through his hair with his fingers.

-

Dark water swirled around his feet and disappeared down the drain. Running a hand through his hair to ensure it was clean, he twisted the handle back to it's original position, cutting off the flow of water. He stepped out onto the thin mat, curling his toes into the fabric, and reached for one of the towels Dean had laid out for him. 

When he was mostly dry - he had given up any hope of drying his left wing - he eyed the jeans suspiciously, glancing back at his own clothes that now seemed even dirtier in comparison. 

He pulled the material over his legs carefully, remembering Dean's warning, and fumbled with the button for a moment wondering why it was necessary to have when there was already a zipper. As he straightened up, he frowned at his reflection. He looked like himself, but something was off that he couldn't quite place. The jeans didn't help either, sitting low on his hips. They were big, loose but not so much so that they would fall down. With a further frown, he decided it could be worse, though it was an odd feeling not having his chest covered, especially with water still dripping down his wing. 

Resisting the urge to shake his injured wing - and likely be scolded for making it worse - he pushed the bathroom door open. Dean was just pulling the bedroom door shut behind him but he stopped as he saw Castiel. 

"Wow,"

"What?" Castiel narrowed his eyes, self conscious suddenly as Dean studied him. He couldn't read the emotion's on the man's face, but as he looked up Dean was grinning at him.

"You don't clean up too badly. Your wing's a little damp though," he chuckled, "you want me to dry it off for you?"

Castiel could feel heat surge into his face and he hid it from Dean, glancing at the floor in a motion that was not as casual as he had hoped for. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?"

"They're very sensitive."

Dean grimaced, looking around at the folded wing that was now twitching faintly. "Does it really hurt that much?"

"It doesn't hurt," he confessed, "I mean, it does, but that's not what I'm talking about. It's... awkward."

"What do you mean it's awkward? You guys got personal space issues?"

"It's nothing like that," he mumbled, still trying not to look directly at Dean.

"Dude, you look horrified. It can't be that ba-" he clamped his mouth shut and a flush crept into his cheeks to rival Castiel's. 

There was a dead silence for a moment before Dean inhaled deeply and continued, "just think of me as a doctor or something. You guys have doctors right?"

"Yes, Medics have to mend wings fairly often..."

"Then just pretend I'm a medic." Castiel gave him a look that clearly said 'you have to be kidding me', but Dean just shook his head. "Dude, you can't drip all over the place and you can't very well do it yourself. Just let me help you."

"Dean, that's like if I were to dry your genitals for you."

The man practically choked, but his face remained neutral. "Someone would have to, if I couldn't."

Castiel narrowed his eyes further and turned away, pulling his wings in as tightly as he could. His options were awful; he could either let Dean dry off his wing or he could sit in the bathroom until it dried off on it's own. 

"Look I've already got to wrap your arm and leg again, and I can do your wing at the same time. It saves Amelia doing it again."

Dean had a point. Castiel was much more willing to let Dean touch him than he was Amelia, although he didn't want to think too deeply about that. 

"Fine," he muttered, turning back to face Dean, "but be quick."

Dean grinned, "what changed your mind?"

Castiel glowered at him and stalked away to the bathroom. Grabbing the towel again, he turned to return to Dean only to find him standing less than a foot away. Castiel shoved the towel at him without speaking.

"Hold on a sec, Cas, I gotta grab a chair for you to sit on." He disappeared through the door and returned a minute later, setting one of the kitchen chairs in the middle of the room and closing the door behind him. "Sit down, I'm not going to hurt you. I need your back open though, so you'll have to sit backwards."

Castiel grumbled as he straddled the chair, shifting at the unusual restriction of movement. 

"Stop fidgeting, Cas." 

He felt a light pressure before anything else, and braced himself, sitting completely straight, his hands clamped around the back of the chair. It was obvious Dean was being careful, pushing only in the direction his feathers lay naturally, lifting gently to get underneath them. 

Castiel focused his mind, trying, for the first time to think about how hungry he was. It worked at first, but as Dean's fingers grazed along the tip of the arm it sent a jolt through his entire body. He stiffened immediately, gritting his teeth.

"Dean," he warned. 

"Calm down," he smirked

"You sound like you're enjoying this."

"You should be."

Dean draped the towel over Castiel's shoulder, lifting his feathers and sliding his thumb down them. Heat surged through his entire body, and his nails dug into the wood of the chair. Dean's hand slid down the length of his wing and a gasp escaped his lips that had him biting down on his bottom lip. That should not have felt so...good, and yet somehow, it did. 

"What are you doing?"

"Jesus, Cas. Tell me you weren't this touchy with Amelia."

"Amelia wasn't doing _that_."

"Your feathers were all clumped up, I can't imagine that's good for them."

"No," he admitted. 

"Exactly, now sit still."

He tried, but every contact was like electricity sparking through him and the effect Dean was having on him was becoming painfully obvious. He shifted forward, but it only served to make matters worse.

"Dean," Castiel barely recognized his own voice, rough and breathless. He tried to pull away, but only ended up pressing back into the touch. He could hear Dean swallow hard behind him and suddenly his hands were gone. 

"It's mostly dry... just gimme a sec, I'm gonna go check with Amelia about wrapping it. I don't want to fuck it up." He spoke quickly, but even so it was obvious his breathing was uneven and Castiel scowled after him as he left, confusion mixing with the jumble of emotions suddenly flooding his brain. 

Dean returned with the bandage, his face redder now than it had been earlier. "You wanna hold your wing however is comfortable... you know what you're doing more than I do."

"Amelia usually just does it like this," he muttered, "it should be fine."

Castiel focused on Dean's hand's as he continued, trying to remember how Amelia had done it, but if he was honest, he didn't really mind if Dean did it wrong. It might mean someone redoing it later, but everything else aside, he appreciated Dean's offer if it meant not having to actively hide every reaction from Amelia. 

"You okay? You're awfully quiet all of a sudden."

"I'm fine, Dean."

"Fine," he huffed, "right. " In the silence he could practically hear Dean thinking. "So, that's all it takes, huh?"

"Yes, and I can tell you're perfectly calm and collected," Castiel shot back. Pushing back slightly in the chair as he brought his legs together. 

Dean shut up immediately, finishing with his wing as quickly as possible before dabbing more disinfectant on his arm and leg and re-wrapping them as well. 

Amelia came in just as he was finishing with Castiel's leg. Dean was on his knees, one hand wrapped around the back of Castiel's knee, while Castiel held the rough fabric of the jeans out of the way. Amelia paused to raise both eyebrows at them.

"You guys okay?"

"Fine," they responded in unison.

"Right, okay, sorry. Anyway, breakfast is ready if you want it." She turned away without further comment. 

"I'll talk to her if you want, I don't need to be obvious about it, but I can let her know it's uncomfortable for you."

"If you don't mind."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EEK! You guys are so awesome! Thank you for reading, and thank you so much for all your lovely comments and kudos <3
> 
> This chapter took me AGES to write, but I like it now and I hope it turned out okay c:

Castiel waited for a moment, folding forward over the back of the chair. If anything, he was more frustrated now than he had been with Dean's hand on him. He pushed backwards off the chair, nearly knocking it over as he stood, crossing to sit on the floor with his back against the wall. He crossed his legs, ignoring of the way his ankle bones pressed painfully against the hard floor - the pain didn't bother him, and for once he was even grateful for it, if only as a distraction. 

The floor was cold against his feet, and the air around him was cooling quickly, bringing out goose bumps all over his bare chest and arms. The scent of soap was still in the air and it made him long for the warmth of the shower. He had screwed up, badly. He never should have spoken to the humans in the first place, he never should have come back here, and he definitely should never have let Dean touch him. 

Dean had been the one to put him in this position. Dean had brought him back to the cabin, and Dean had touched him. And it was Dean who interrupted him then.

The footsteps were not unexpected, but Castiel had hoped his presence wouldn't be missed. He was, however, mistaken.

"Sam and Amelia want to know why you won't come eat."

"You know why," he replied softly.

"Yeah, well I don't really feel like telling them I practically felt up an angel and gave him a hard on, alright? What do you want me to say?"

He looked up at Dean, feeling almost sympathetic for a moment before shaking his head. "I don't care what you tell them."

Dean shook his head, looking anywhere but at Castiel, "I can tell them the truth if you want, I've got to talk to Amelia anyway."

"No. Don't, please. Tell them I'm tired."

"You've barely been up, Cas."

"Make something up then."

"You telling me to lie? I thought lying was a sin."

Anger bubbled up within him and he clenched his jaw. "Go, Dean."

"You can't stay in here all day, Cas," his voice was softer now, apologetic, "you're gonna have to come out at some point. And you have to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"Cas I know when you ate last, just come on" he crouched down in front of Castiel, "you want me to bring you something to eat?"

He sighed in resignation. Dean was right of course - as infuriating as it was to admit it - he did have to eat at some point. Probably sooner than late. "If you don't mind," he replied, not looking up. 

"Yeah, sure. C'mon, I'll get you set up in the bedroom, you can hide out in there."

"You don't have to do that..."

"I got most of my shit sorted this morning when Lisa left, so it's pretty much ready anyway. You _are_ gonna sleep inside tonight, right?"

"Dean-"

"Please, Cas. You will literally freeze to death out there."

"I don't want to inconvenience you at all," he forced the words out, avoiding actually saying yes if at all possible. 

"You're not." Castiel frowned and Dean grinned, "I promise."

Dean held out a hand to him, but he shook his head, ignoring it. He wanted to have as little contact with anyone as possible, even if it was something so simple as assisting him in getting up. He rose without effort, though still favouring his right leg, and followed Dean to the bedroom on the right hand side. It looked practically unused other than the bag sitting next to the doorway. 

"You aren't going to let me sleep outside are you?"

"No. Now sit down and put something over you before you get cold again."

Castiel did, pulling the blanket from the end of the bed over his shoulders as Dean turned away. It was difficult to get comfortable with it further restricting his wing movement, but he found when he leaned against the pillows it wasn't so bad. He dropped his head back between the joints of his wings, resting it against his pillow and the wall, staring up at the ceiling. 

By the time Dean returned, Castiel didn't want to move. The pillows and blankets framed him perfectly, rising up around him on all sides like a protective shield and he found himself unwilling to even open his eyes when the bedroom door opened. He groaned softly, burying his head deeper into the cushion of the pillow.

"Can I come in?"

"I'm not doing anything, if that's what you mean." The door squeaked and Castiel opened one eye. Dean was still standing in the doorway, back against the door with two plates in his hands. He waited, almost completely still with an expectant look on his face until Castiel pulled himself upright. 

"You can come in."

Dean kicked the door shut, pressing his toe against it until it clicked. He sat down on the corner of the bed, holding one plate out to Castiel, forcing him to let the blanket fall away from his arms. 

He took the plate, setting it on his lap as Dean shuffled backwards until he could fold his knees up underneath him. Castiel eyed the food on his plate, he was starving, but he didn't want to eat anything before he knew what it was. 

"Eggs," Dean said, drawing Castiel's eyes up to him. His mouth was just on the verge of smiling, his eyes trained on Castiel. "You're looking at it like it's the strangest thing you've ever seen."

"Far from it, but I don't know what it is."

"Well those are eggs. Scrambled," Dean pointed to the with his knife, "bacon, sausage, toast, waffles - I didn't know if you'd like syrup or not, so I left them plain for you. If you want to try it, you can."

"I don't know," he said simply, lifting his fork from the edge of the plate and spearing a bit of egg onto it. Castiel bit into it tentatively, keeping his eyes on his food as he ate. He had to force himself to eat slowly, taking small bites and chewing slowly as Dean shook his head at him and quite obviously tried not to laugh. 

When he finished, Dean stacked the plates together and slid up the bed, leaning against the headboard next to Castiel. He narrowed his eyes questioningly at the man.

"What are you doing?"

"Just, sitting. You want me to leave?"

"Not particularly, but why are you so eager to be around me?"

Dean chuckled "you make it sound like I won't leave you alone. I dunno though," he shrugged, "since my Dad died it's just been me and Sam y'know." He glanced over, "Now Sammy's got Amelia and I'm losing Lisa. I just like the company I guess. Nice to have someone to talk to whose not head over heels when you feel like shit every day."

"You're lonely."

Dean huffed, "uh, I- yeah, I guess I am." He dropped his head with a humourless chuckled, biting his lip as he looked back up at Castiel. "Yeah."

"I am too."

"What?"

"My entire life I have been surrounded by my brothers and sisters. I can't remember the last time I was alone for more than a few minutes, and their voices-" he stopped, only just realizing he was staring down at his own knees. He looked back to Dean, "we can... speak to each other, mentally. It's so we can continue to communicate when we travel to Earth. We can turn it off and I spent most of my time at the gate, so I didn't think much of it until it was gone altogether."

"You mean you got all the angels in your head, all the time?"

"Not necessarily, it's similar to regular speaking. If you don't extend your thoughts, they can't hear you just the way you can ignore it."

"So... angel radio huh? And you're out of range?"

"I guess you could say that. " He let out a long sigh, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling. It seemed like ages since he had had voices in his head, the stream of information passing between stations. 

"How are you feeling, anyway?"

Castiel looked up, "awkward, uncomfortable."

"Look, if you want me to leave you alone for a while, that's cool."

The offer was simple enough, but Castiel knew the true meaning behind his words, and he all but rolled his eyes at Dean. "I'm an angel, Dean. I can't..."

"Right, of course not." Dean collected the plates and stood to leave, "if you need anything, you know where I am."

"Thank you, Dean. For the food and for... everything."

"Yeah, no problem Cas."

The click of the door was followed by silence. Castiel could hear the other moving around outside, but their sounds were muffled by the door. 

He slid back down the bed, pulling the blanket out from underneath him and draping it over his shoulders. The room was warm enough, but the blanket was soft and the extra warmth was comforting against his bare chest. Curling his arms around himself, he closed his eyes, listening to the sounds outside the room.

Sam was talking to Dean, maybe questioning him about why Castiel was hiding away in his room, maybe not. It didn't really make much of a difference, because he planned to stay there at least until the throbbing in his groin subsided. Without food or Dean to distract him, the sensation had become the most prominent thing in his mind again. 

Staring up at the ceiling, he wondered what his siblings would think if they could see him now. Castiel, a warrior of God, snuggled up under a blanket, in a human house, no less. They would certainly question him as to why he was there, what had possibly convinced him to sleep in their bed, wear their clothes. He glanced down at his legs, wrinkling his nose slightly at the sight. He had to admit it was strange, and he wasn't sure when he had stopped questioning things like that. 

He unfurled his good wing, spreading it wide to examine it. His feathers were slightly skewed and he made a mental note to mention it to Dean; a small part of him desperately wanting a reason to be annoyed with him. It wasn't the feathers that bothered him so much, as the thought that without his wings, he would look just like them. Castiel snapped his wing back, not wanting to think about it.

Rolling onto his side, he pulled his knees to his stomach, closing his eyes with a soft groan at the drag of the fabric against his skin. The bed was soft, and although he wasn't tired, Castiel felt himself sink further into the mattress, shrugging his shoulders to get comfortable. 

"I'm just gonna check on Cas," was the first thing he heard when he opened his eyes. He didn't know if he had been asleep, or if he had just been so lost in thought that everything else had been tuned out, but Dean's voice brought him back to full consciousness. 

"So you guys are what, friends now?"

Dean laughed, "come on Sam, I'm just making sure everything's alright."

"Dude, it's been what? An hour at the most?"

There was a knock on the door and Dean spoke against it, "Hey Cas, you awake?"

"You can come in, Dean. I'm not asleep."

"Feeling any better?" he asked, sliding through the space and shutting the door behind him.

Castiel looked up at him, raising both eyebrows. The look seemed to reach Dean because he nodded, pulling a knowing grin onto his face.

"Yeah, sorry about that, by the way. I never really apologized. I mean, I'm not having you drip on everything, but I know what it's like… to feel like that, and it sucks. We'll throw you into a cold shower later or something."

Castiel nodded quietly, though he didn't understand how a second shower was going to help if his wing just needed to be dried off again afterwards. He supposed they would figure that out when they came to that point. 

"I just wanted to let you know Sam and I are heading out for a bit. I wanted make sure you're okay on your own for a bit."

He huffed an almost laugh, "I'll be fine for a little while Dean. How long will you be gone?"

"Well Sam's just taking Amelia back to town," he paused, frowning at Castiel, "what's with the face?"

"What?" 

"You're really frowny all of a sudden, what's up?"

"I didn't realize… I was thinking- Sam loves her doesn't he?"

Dean chuckled, "yeah, I think he does. Why, you got a thing for Amelia?"

"No," he shot back, a little too quickly maybe because Dean cocked an eyebrow at him, "I don't," he added more slowly, "where are you and Sam going when he comes back?"

"We're still technically in the middle of a hunt. We got a bit distracted with you, but we gotta get back out there."

Dean plopped down on the end of the bed, and Castiel noticed the way he twisted the ring on his right hand. He had found himself watching Dean far more often than he like, he was starting to pick up on some of the little things he did. It really shouldn't be something he paid so much attention to, the way Dean walked, or smiled, or the specific way he arched his eyebrow when he was frustrated, but it was and he knew he should stop, but something in him simply didn't want to. Castiel would never admit it to anyone but himself - and even then he pretended not to - but he _liked_ watching Dean. He liked his freckles and the sound of his voice, the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed.

He stopped for a moment to glance over at the man, but his expression was blank when he looked back. "Okay, come on what's up? You've gone all scowly again."

"I'd like to come with you."

"On the hunt?"

"Yes. I think I could be of assistance. I can see much further than you, and my hearing is much more acute. I know about Wendigos, Dean, and I can be silent if I wish."

"Alright, Legolas. I'll talk to Sam when he comes back, see what he says."

"Legolas? I don't- I don't understand."

"Never mind." Dean chuckled, "Next time Sam leaves his laptop remind me to show you Lord of the Rings."

-

When Sam returned both Dean and Castiel were waiting in the living area, sitting on the larger couch. Sam stopped, looking questioningly between the pair of them.

"Um, hey...?"

"Hey, we've been waiting for you."

"Yeah, I can see that. I feel like I'm seventeen and just coming home from my first date. What's up?"

"Cas wants to come with us, he thinks he can help."

"Yeah, sure. If you're feeling up to it... is that what you guys were waiting here for?" he squinted at his brother and Dean nodded eagerly. 

"Yeah, he's been hunting with me before. Rabbits, but still." He paused, "Well, everything's mostly packed still right? We should head out before it gets too dark."

"I'm surprised you're so cool with this."

"Why shouldn't I be?"

"You're not exactly the teaming up kinda guy." Dean shrugged, flashing a quick grin at Castiel.

"I don't trust other hunters, I trust Cas. I don't see how that's so difficult to understand."

"You-" 

Castiel just caught the tail end of the incredulous look Sam shot his brother, but it was enough for him to assume Dean didn't easily place trust in others. 

"You do?" he asked cautiously.

"Yeah, Cas why wouldn't I?" 

"Alright, come on," Sam interrupted, "grab your gear Dean, let's get going before this gets any more uncomfortable." 

-

It was good to get out and be able to walk around again, this time without feeling like he had been at the losing end of an argument. He felt useful; hunting was something that didn't require the use of his wings or his powers, and with his already heightened senses he was able to see or hear things before the brothers noticed them. They had barely been out two hours - an obscene amount of which Sam and Dean had spent bent over a leather bound book, deciding which way to go - and though he had only been able to assist a little Castiel was already feeling the weight lifted from his shoulders. 

Sam and Dean were stopped a little ahead of him, once again debating which direction to head.

"We could split up?" Sam suggested, "it's not like it's the first one we've hunted."

"I don't want to risk it, there's no cell reception out here. Hey Cas!"

He glanced up upon hearing his name and crossed the short space between himself and the brothers. 

"What is it?"

"Don't suppose you've noticed anything at all?" 

He shook his head, "nothing yet, no. We should keep going. The forest is denser to the right, I suggest we cross the river and head in that direction." Dean flashed him a wide smile that got a questioning look from Sam, and Castiel looked away. 

He headed toward the river, following it until it was shallow enough to cross. Sam and Dean followed his lead, unquestioning until Castiel stopped suddenly, holding his good wing out to stop them. 

"Quiet," he hissed, "do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Dean asked, brushing past his wing to stand at his side. Castiel turned to look at him and refolded his wing.

"That voice. Is anyone else in these woods?"

"There's a few cabins back past ours, but I don't think any of them are used anymore," Sam explained, "you said you heard a voice." 

"I'm certain of it."

"Was it human?"

"It's hard to tell, Wendigos are very good mimics. We should proceed." 

They didn't have very far to walk before they stopped again, but this time it was Dean who held an arm out, and Castiel walked into it before stopping himself. He looked to Dean to apologize, but the man was squinting at something to their left. Castiel followed his gaze, eyes quickly landing on the dark spot in a cluster of large rocks. 

"Think that's a cave?" Sam asked, raising both eyebrows at Dean. 

"I'd bet on it. C'mon let's go see if our buddy's at home."

Castiel waited at the entrance to the cave, where they had agreed he would be the most useful. Sam and Dean knew what they were doing once they were inside, and if the creature was bringing its victims here, they would be scared and stressed out already. The last thing they needed to see was something else they couldn't explain, and an angel was exactly the kind of thing that couldn't be explained so he agreed to wait outside, acting as a sentry, and if necessary ensuring the creature didn't escape. 

It wasn't long before he caught a strange scent. Eyebrows knitting together, he peered into the mouth of the cave squinting through the darkness. There was nothing visible, but a puff of smoke hit him directly in the face. A rush of panic washed over him and he scolded himself for his lack of control over his emotions, forcing back the unease and returning to his post. 

He turned over the device Dean had given him, recalling the instructions that went along with it, should he need to use it. Smiting the creature would have been so much easier, he thought glumly. 

Dean's voice reached him before anything else; an echo from deep within the cave, and a warning to make himself unseen. Castiel scrambled up the rock face, struggling with one leg still bandaged. He watched the two men he knew emerge from the cave, along with two women and a strange man. Two of them were walking on their own, staggering, but upright. The third, Dean carried in his arms. He flashed a quick smile up at Castiel, but it was strained. 

-

Castiel followed them back to the cabin, trailing at a distance to avoid being seen. He snuck around the side of the cabin while Sam and Dean took the survivors around the back, creeping through the front door before anyone would notice him. 

The door squeaked open slowly, and Dean peered around the side.

"Cas?"

"Hello, Dean."

"Hey, you good?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I thought you were taking the survivors home?"

"Yeah, not so much me. Wanted by anyone and everyone, Sam's taking them down to the police station and they'll get home from there. Thanks for the help by the way, finding the place and all."

"I don't mind. It's nice to be able to do something helpful again, instead of..." Dean cocked his head questioningly and Castiel very nearly smiled, "it doesn't matter. I'm glad I could help."

"Yeah, well. Thanks anyway. So I'm gonna take a leap here and guess you don't have anything to do right now? I was thinking we could put Lord of the Rings on, Sam's basically a walking Wifi hotspot so I should be able to find it online."

"I don't know what that means."

"It means sit down and watch it with me. I mean, if you want to?"

"I would like that."

-

The movie proved to be much longer than Castiel was expecting, and though his chin dipped continually, he couldn't tear his eyes from the screen, small as it was. Gabriel had told him about films before - though he doubted his brother would watch anything like this - but there was so much more than he had anticipated. The scenery was beautiful, and he had to continually have Dean remind him what was happening in the story each time he got distracted by it. 

The screen was just fading to black when Sam walked through the door, looking as tired as Castiel felt. He was barely conscious, leaning against what he assumed was Dean's shoulder, but too tired to worry about it. 

He was barely aware that he was being spoken to until a hand pressed against his back, pushing him forward gently. 

"C'mon Cas, you're exhausted."

-

The second the door clicked shut, Castiel was wide awake again, and he was cold. He sighed, missing Dean's warmth - a thought he didn't let himself dwell on for long - and wrapped the loose blanket around his shoulders. It was warmer than his patch of moss, but there was something constricting about sleeping within the walls of the cabin. 

When the sun began to rise, it became obvious Castiel wasn't going to sleep. Instead he pulled the chair from the corner of the room so it was sitting beneath the windowsill, and pulling the blanket back around himself folded himself into the chair to watch he sunrise.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading! I love you guys <3  
> (sorry for any mistakes, I had to edit this one in kind of a rush)

Castiel woke up cramped and uncomfortable, and if Dean calling him through the door wasn't just his overtired imagination, just after noon. He stood up, flexed one aching wing and groaned loudly enough for Dean to chuckle at him from the hallway. 

"Get up, Cas. Come eat something with us, and then Sam's gonna do his weird internetty thing. He's gonna show us what to do when he's not here so we can check up on it, see if anyone's seen any angels."

Castiel perked up at that, any thought of finding the others was a step in the right direction. Folding his wing against his back again, he draped the blanket around his shoulders and pushed the door open. 

Dean grinned at him, "I made lunch."

Castiel mumbled something inaudible. His head was heavy and felt like it was full of fluff. He flopped down onto the armchair, burying his face in the blanket. 

"Not a morning person huh?" Sam chuckled.

Castiel groaned again and Sam said something that sounded like "I'll put the coffee on", but with his ears covered it was hard to tell. 

-

Once they had eaten, and Castiel had drunk his way through two mugs of overly sweet coffee, Sam gathered them around the laptop. He showed them the different websites he had saved, and how to access the alert system he had set up. 

It was all very complicated, and Castiel didn't think he would understand it even if he knew what it was that Sam was talking about. He nodded politely, whether he could be seen or not, but squinted in confusion at nearly every word coming out of the man's mouth. 

Sam's expression fell as he turned around to face them, "neither of you have a clue what I'm talking about do you?"

Castiel shook his head, glancing over to see Dean wearing a look that matched his own perfectly. Dean chuckled, clapping a hand on Sam's back. 

"If all else fails, we'll call Charlie. Or Ash."

"You don't know what _I'm_ saying, and you think you could understand one of them?" Dean shrugged and Sam shook his head, turning back to the computer screen. 

-

They spent the rest of the day doing very little. Sam would check the laptop every once in a while, despite Dean's insistence that he at least knew what to look for when it was already opened for him. 

Lisa phoned in the late evening, and Dean left to go see her, leaving Castiel alone with Sam. At first, he tried to explain the computer and the websites again, but it wasn't any easier to understand the second time around, and they soon gave that idea up. They talked for a while about whatever one of them could think of to bring up, but eventually the conversation fizzled out and Sam said he was going to bed. 

Castiel decided that was probably best. He pulled the blanket off the chair and returned to his room with a quick goodnight to Sam through the bathroom door. For a moment he considered looking up at the stars through the window, but the memory of the morning changed his mind in a hurry, he would just curl up on the bed and wait until he fell asleep. Without too much trouble, he did. 

At one point during the night he woke up, wide-eyed and panting with faint but ominous images in his mind. It took a long time to calm himself down after that, and even longer to fall back asleep, but eventually he did. When he woke up the following morning, he had no memory of what had taken place except for an uncomfortable nagging sensation that something was wrong. 

-

Castiel had never been so uncomfortable in his life. He had woken up on his back, wings tangled in the blanket, and the rage that seared through him at his inability to free himself was startling. He jolted up, inexplicably even more angry when he discovered he was sitting on the blanket that had him trapped. Rising to his knees, he shook it off, spreading his good wing the second it was loose enough. 

The blanket was quickly discarded into the corner of the room and Castiel breathed shallowly through his nose, trying to quell the boiling anger inside him. It was stupid, he knew it was stupid to get so angry over something so menial, but his wings itched, _ached_ , to be stretched properly. He wanted to feel the wind beneath them, trailing between his feathers as he flew. The image only made him more frustrated and he flopped forward onto the bed, feet pushed up between the pillows. 

This was stupid, all of it, and he hated it. He hated falling, he hated being grounded and he hated having his wing bound. Briefly, he wondered when Amelia would come back. She would have to unwrap his wing to examine it, and maybe it would be healed enough that he could stretch it out, if only for a little while. It was a long shot, and Castiel knew it, but he was starting to feel like he would never fly again and that was something he never wanted to think about.

To take his mind off of things, he decided to ask Sam about Amelia. 

It was nearly an hour before he could work up enough effort to get up and actually go talk to Sam, and he ended up asking for coffee before anything else.

"I can't believe Dean's got you hooked on coffee," he sighed, pouring a second mug full and pushing it toward Castiel. Sam's eyes flicked up to him for a moment, "are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine," he responded shortly, sipping the steaming liquid with the utmost care, "when is Amelia coming back?"

"Huh? I'm not sure, why?"

"I want to stretch my wings."

"Yeah, I guess that gets pretty uncomfortable."

"Imagine your arm being bound to your side," he grumbled

"Yeah, that would really suck. I'm gonna give Amelia a call later on, I'll see if she has any plans to come back up soon, okay?"

"I would appreciate that." He turned away, and paused, "thank you for the coffee."

-

He was lying on the bed, brushing his wing back and forth over the blanket when he heard the bang that, he assumed, announced Dean's arrival. By the sounds of it, he wasn't happy and that was something Castiel could relate to.

His door swung inwards seconds later and he didn't even bother to look up; he knew it was Dean, and he cringed. The last thing he wanted right now was company, and Dean wasn't asking. 

"Cas, let's go for a walk." Yes. He was definitely angry about something. 

"I don't want to," he muffled into his pillow. 

"What, now you don't want to go outside?"

"No, just leave me alone."

"Dude, I don't want to deal with this right now, just get up."

"Dean, no." He was beginning to lose patience. Rising up on one elbow he scowled at Dean. 

"Cas-"

"Leave me alone."

"I'm serious, Cas-"

"So am I," he practically shouted the words, and he knew Sam could hear, but the look of shocked horror on Dean's face made it difficult to care all that much. He had definitely gotten his point across. 

"Look I don't know what the hell happened since I left last night, but you're being a dick, Cas."

"You're not exactly charming yourself. Go away, Dean." Dean held his gaze for a long time before turning with a snort, muttering curses under his breath. He slammed the bedroom door shut and after a moment a second door slammed but it didn't sound like the front door. Truth be told, Castiel didn't really care where Dean had gone, as long as he stayed away.

-

After a long time contemplating human emotion, Castiel had come to two conclusions. One, emotions were awful things that should be abolished, and two he needed to get home before they drove him insane. 

There was a soft knock on the door and a nervous voice whispered "Cas?"

"What do you want Dean?" he sounded exhausted, like all of his energy had been drained though he had done nothing by lie on his bed all day.

"Can I come in?" Dean was asking again, that was a good thing, and he didn't sound angry anymore. That was an even better thing, because Castiel didn't think he could cope which much more anger today.

"Yes," he conceded eventually. The door swung open slowly, and Dean closed it again behind him, barely moving from where he stood. 

"You can sit," Castiel offered. Dean more leaned against the bed than actually sat on it. He kept glancing back at Castiel, but never made eye contact, and when Castiel looked up, Dean would look away again. 

"I'm sorry about earlier," he said after a long silence, "I was a dick. I never should have said any of that. I wasn't thinking, I was upset and I'm sorry."

Castiel considered this for a moment. Dean really hadn't done anything wrong, and he had snapped at him, but he hadn't done anything wrong either and Dean...

"I'm sorry too."

"You feeling any better?"

"Not really."

Dean swallowed hard and looked directly at him, just shy of his face. "I don't supposed you'd be up for a walk?"

"On one condition."

-

Dean was more careful than was probably necessary in removing the bandage from his wing, but after the previous incident, Castiel could hardly blame him. He sat as patiently as he could manage, keeping impossibly still to keep Dean's hands from slipping. 

"Sam said it's like you've got your arm bound to your side. Is it really that bad?"

"Yes. I want to fly, Dean. Imagine what it would be like for you if one of your legs was injured and all you could do was crawl."

"Yeah, that would really suck. That why you were so snappy this morning then?"

Castiel fell silent, running his tongue along the backside of his teeth as he thought. "I fell asleep on my wings last night. When I woke it I was... uncomfortable."

Dean shot him a questioning look. 

"Not like _that_ , Dean."

"Yeah, well, we're gonna try and get you home as soon as we can." There was another silence and Castiel tried not to think to much about _home_.

"So what's your excuse?"

"What?" Dean's hands fell to his sides, letting the bandage slip to the ground. 

"You were grumpy this morning too, if you hadn't noticed."

"Yeah..." Dean replied, pursing his lips and bending down to pick the bandage up. "Yeah, uh, Lisa left me." He chuckled nervously, "your wing should be good. Just be careful with it."

"She left you?" He stretched his wing tentatively, feeling it out before extending it fully. The sharp pain was secondary to the sudden sense of release and he sighed softly, letting his eyelids drop. 

"She broke up with me," he chuckled at the confused expression Castiel shot him, "she ended our relationship."

"I'm sorry. I thought- you were happy the other night."

"That, uh- that was just sex, Cas. We both needed to relieve a little stress." 

Castiel's wings flared out behind him as if of their own volition and Dean froze for a second before jumping forward. The pain was worse than before, and his left wing crumpled back against him. 

"Dude, careful. Don't hurt yourself or we're both in shit."

Castiel snorted, walking ahead of Dean. "What will you do now?" he asked, caring less than he thought he should. 

"I dunno," Dean started carefully, "I don't really do relationships. Sam and I hit a rough patch and that's the only reason I ever really ended up with Lisa. I guess now I'll just go back to the way things were... y'know, hunting with Sam, getting laid every once in a while. It's not so bad." He didn't sound as assured as he tried to look, and Castiel turned away. 

"I wouldn't know..."

"What?" Dean came around to face him again.

"That's not what I meant, I just-"

"Cas are you-?"

"Dean," he closed his eyes and shook his head. 

"Come on Cas, you can't be a virgin. I mean, hell, even _I_ can admit that you're attractive - for an angel, and a guy - and if you ever tell Sam I just said that, I will end you."

"It's not a choice. I've just never had occasion."

"That why you get so twitchy when anyone gets near your wings?" Dean was moving again, and Castiel had to jog to catch up with him. 

"I don't get twitchy."

"You do."

"Shut up, Dean. It doesn't bother me, I'm a soldier, I have more important things to worry about that it shouldn't - it doesn't - make a difference."

"Because you guys don't feel anything right?"

"We feel everything, our grace is just capable of blocking out unwanted feelings and sensations. It's as natural as breathing."

"Why?"

"Do you even need to ask that?" Castiel stopped, eyebrows knitting together as he shook his head, "These emotions are distracting and horrible. Why would anyone choose to feel when they could block it out?"

Dean's voice was unusually soft when he spoke again, "Not all feelings are bad, Cas. And yeah, sometimes things are shitty. Believe me, I know that better than anyone, but haven't you ever been overwhelmed by excitement or joy or... I dunno anything?"

"I haven't experienced anything that wasn't bad since I fell, Dean. It's all pain and frustration and anger."

There was a long silence before Dean said "I'm sorry, Cas."

"We should go back."

"Right. Yeah, let's go."

Dean' silence was deafening, and Castiel's shoulders dropped. He could feel the lines in his forehead as he squinted ahead. He fell behind purposefully, letting both wings trail along the ground behind him as he walked. 

They were nearly back at the hill when Dean stopped and turned around. Castiel had to stop abruptly to stop from walking into him, back straightening as they came face to face. They must have made an odd pair to see; the slumped and sagging hunter and his bolt straight companion, the angel with black wings. Castiel sighed internally, eyes roaming over the top of Dean's head. 

"We've got to get you wrapped up again or we're gonna be in shit when Amelia comes up."

"Right... Dean have I said something wrong again?"

"Nah, Cas, we're cool. I just- turn around."

Castiel turned, folding his left wing tight against his back. He shivered at the first touch, but settled into it soon enough, with a sigh of resignation. It took longer than usual, and Dean's hands fumbled from the height difference. 

"This would be a lot easier if you were sitting down," he mumbled. 

"I can kneel down."

"I've almost got it now. So, I was thinking... if I send Sam out to get the stuff we need, do you want to help me make dinner?"

"I don't know how to cook, Dean."

"Exactly, I'll teach you. Then we can watch The Two Towers while we eat. Unless you want to re-watch the Fellowship first? I'm not sure how much you slept through."

"I remember when they left the Elves in the forest, I don't remember much else after that."

Dean finished with his wing, tugging gently at the fabric to ensure it wouldn't come loose. Their conversation continued as they started away. 

When Dean offered to put it on while Sam was out, Castiel declined, insisting that Dean could explain to it him instead, rather than making him sit through it again when he had watched it in its entirety only two nights previous.

The hunter laughed at that, "that's sweet Cas, it really is, but I've seen the movie a hundred times. It doesn't bother me."

"All the same, I'm sure it would be the same if you just tell me what happened."

"Boromir died."

"I remember that."

"Merry and Pippin got captured, Frodo tried to leave on his own and Sam went with him-"

"'I'm glad you're with me'"

"Are you sure you fell asleep at all?" Dean laughed. 

"Yes," Castiel insisted, ignoring the heat that prickled up the back of his neck. It was bad enough that he head leaned into Dean in his sleep, but if Dean thought he had been awake the entire time, it would raise suspicion that, Castiel suspected, neither of them wanted to deal with. 

When they reached the cabin Sam was just leaving and Dean wasted no time in asking him to pick up a lengthy list of things before he came back. 

It was a _long_ hour before Sam returned and Castiel mentally added waiting to the his list of things he was discovering he didn't like. After pacing back and forth around the living area for nearly twenty minutes, Dean had physically sat him down on the couch while he searched through one of his bags. Castiel was shortly presented with a book. 

"I don't have Lord of the Rings, but this one's by the same guy. It's a prequel, kind of. Read that and for the love of all things holy, quit pacing."

Castiel scowled at his choice of words but ignored him in favour of turning the book over and reading the summary on the back. 

"It's about Bilbo."

"Before he found the ring, yeah."

Castiel turned the book back over, opening to the first page of text, ignoring the notes and maps in the front. _In a hole in the ground there lived a Hobbit._

-

He was still reading when Sam pushed his way through the front door and Dean leapt up to help him carry in the armload of plastic bags. Castiel finished the last few pages of chapter two before offering his assistance, and Sam rolled his eyes with a chuckle.

"You've got him reading The Hobbit? If you aren't careful he's gonna end up just like you and Charlie."

"What's wrong with me and Charlie?" Dean asked defensively, though there was the hint of a smile as he turned to face Castiel. "Don't listen to him Cas, Charlie's awesome. You wanna give me a hand here?"

Sam muttered something defensively, dropping the last of the bags on the counter and making for the couch. 

"So, burgers?" he asked, "you want a hand?"

"Nah, we got this one, I'm gonna teach Cas how to cook." Dean's voice was muffled as he practically stuck his head inside one of the bags, "pie?" he asked, jerking his head up to look at Sam.

"Yeah, well. I forgot last time, so- _you're_ going to teach him to cook. "

"Dude, you're awesome right now, don't make me change my mind" he beamed, then turned to Castiel, "you're gonna love pie."

Sam laughed and Castiel waited patiently as Dean unpacked each bag, setting some things aside and putting others in the cupboard or the fridge beneath the counter. When everything seemed to be put away that he didn't need, Dean started pulling things out of the cupboards; bowls, plates various utensils lined the counters by the time he was done. 

Castiel hadn't realized he had let his focus slip until he heard Dean repeat himself.

"Drink?" he asked, holding out a bottle to him. Castiel accepted it with a nod and a quiet _thank you_. The liquid was colder than expected, and bitter when he tasted it, but not altogether awful. He took another sip and set the bottle down, distracted by the way Dean twirled the knife around before using it to cut into the thin layer of plastic on the package he was opening. 

A snort sounded from the opposite side of the counter and Sam ducked as a bottle cap flew past his head. 

"Show off," he mumbled, faking a cough to cover it up as he glanced up at Dean.

"Shut up, bitch."

"Jerk."

"You gonna sit there and watch us all night?"

"Am I being kicked out?"

Castiel didn't miss the look Dean shot his brother, or the more-than-questioning eyebrow quirk he got in return. 

"Alright, alright," Sam pushed himself off the couch shaking his head and mumbled something that sounded like 'have fun with your boyfriend' as he passed by Dean. Judging by the sheepish look on Sam's face, he realized Castiel had heard, and he likely wasn't supposed to. 

Dean rolled his eyes as his brother walked away, glancing at Castiel as he dumped the contents of the package into a bowl. 

"So, never cooked before huh?"

"I've never had the need to. How can I help?"

Dean grinned at that, grabbing a couple pieces of bread from the partial bag. He tore a piece off and handed it to Castiel, keeping another piece for himself. 

"Roll it between your hands so it crumbles. Keep your hands over the bowl." He demonstrated, keeping an eye on Castiel as he rubbed his hands together, letting crumbs escape into the bowl. 

"I can do that."

"Awesome," Dean grinned again, cracking an egg on the counter and tipping it into the bowl on top of the ground beef and breadcrumbs. He proceeded to add spices into the mixture and Castiel pulled back as Dean washed his hands and pressed his fingers into the mixture. 

Castiel raised one eyebrow, scowling at the squelching sounds Dean's fingers made. He got nothing but a laugh in response as Dean rolled the mixture into a ball. Setting that aside, he rinsed his hands again and pulled out a flat pan. 

He turned the stove on, melting a small lump of butter in the bottom of the pan. Castiel paid close attention, listening to Dean's every word as he explained each step as he went. The burgers would take a few minutes to cook, so the time between was spent slicing onions, cheese and tomato. 

It didn't take more than an hour before everything was finished and Dean had it set up so all the toppings were in separate bowls on the edge of the counter. Sam re-emerged slightly afterward.

"Am I allowed back in here now?"

"Yeah," Dean mumbled around a mouthful of French fries, "y'know you should have called Amelia, seen if she wanted to come up tonight."

"No, she's working in the morning. She wouldn't be able to make it anyway."

Dean lowered his voice and Castiel had to wonder if the men remembered he was even there. 

"When are you gonna tell her, Sammy?"

"Dean-" he shook his head, "you know our life doesn't exactly go well with lasting relationships."

"Yeah, I learned that the hard way."

"Sorry, that's not what I mean."

"Yeah, okay. So, you want cheese?"

When they had finished eating, Sam packed the dishes away and Dean pulled Castiel aside. In the time Castiel had finished one bottle of beer, Dean had drunk through five and was part way through another. He could feel his mind growing fuzzy, and it was obvious Dean was affected as well. 

The man wrapped an arm around both his shoulders, nearly catching his wing in the embrace. 

"You okay, Cas? You've been pretty quiet."

"Yes, Dean, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Been a shit day for you too. I didn't make it better."

"It's not your fault, Dean-"

"I shouldn't have yelled at you..."

"It's not-"

"Don't say it's not my fault, Cas!" Dean inhaled, closing his eyes, "Sorry. Look, Sam and I can deal with this. Just go relax or something."

-

Relaxing proved more difficult than it should have. Castiel lay on his back, shuffling so he wasn't putting pressure on the break in his wing. He crossed his arms over his chest, ignoring the blanket for the moment, and staring blankly at the ceiling. 

He couldn't sleep. The comfortable warmth and fuzziness in his head had faded away and Castiel was forced to face the thoughts he had been avoiding all day. Namely, that he was beginning to get comfortable with Sam and Dean. 

It was completely irrational, he knew that, but he liked Lord of the Rings and hamburgers and having people ask if he was okay. He didn't want to consider the possibility that they _cared_ about him, but his mind wasn't really giving him an option. 

The door flung inwards, and he looked over, eyes following Dean as he stumbled over to the bed, climbing up next to Castiel and burying his face in the pillow next to his. He mumbled something that Castiel couldn't understand and tucked his arms underneath the pillow. 

"Dean?"

He was shushed immediately. Dean turned his head, gazing up at him with glazed eyes. 

"Just... lie back down Cas, 'm not gonna do anything."

Castiel looked at him for a long while, leaning up on one arm. It was pitch black outside by the time Dean's eyelids drooped, and his breathing settled at a relaxed pace. When he was certain Dean was asleep he curled up, wings folded tightly against his back, facing away from the other man.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this one's a little shorter than usual, but I didn't want to stretch it out and make it super awkward, so it's gonna stay that way n_n  
> Hopefully the next one will be longer to make up for it!

He was shivering, but the blanket was nowhere to be seen, and he didn't want to move for fear of waking Dean up. The man hadn't moved since he had fallen unconscious and Castiel had avoided even looking at him. He would have to though, if he wanted to stay warm. 

As slowly and carefully as possible, he lifted himself up, turning onto his left side so he could spread his free wing over himself. His back was left bare, and he was face to face with Dean now, but he was warmer. It wasn't much different but he hoped it would be enough comfort to keep him from waking up every little while. 

Castiel couldn't even keep his eyes shut. He pulled his knees to his chest and tucked his head beneath the edge of his wing. Dean shifted slightly and his head snapped back up, overly sensitive to every motion. 

Dean's nose crinkled in his sleep and Castiel couldn't hold back the little smile that crept onto his face. Dean looked so much more peaceful in his sleep; maybe it was the alcohol, maybe not, but Castiel liked seeing him look so calm. 

-

When he woke up, Castiel was altogether too close to Dean. He scrambled up ungracefully, nearly falling onto the floor in his desperation to get away. His wing slammed hard into the wall and he winced, biting down on his lip to keep from calling out. 

Dean was mumbling, but Castiel managed to leave the room before he woke up. He practically crashed into Sam and his right wing flared out, as he left the room. Sam apologized persistently, insisting he was just on his way out. 

"I'm sorry, I was just-" Castiel's shoulders sagged, "trying to avoid waking Dean."

"I thought he was in the shower, he didn't-"

"He's asleep. He came into the room last night and fell asleep."

"I'm sorry, Cas." Sam brushed a hand through his head, shaking his head, "He can be clingy when he's drunk and I lock my door at night. He probably just didn't want to sleep out there on his own." 

He flinched at the nickname, unsure how he felt about it coming from Sam's mouth. "It's fine."

"Anyway, I'm gonna take off in a minute. I uh, going to visit a friend..."

"Amelia?"

Sam sighed, "Yeah. Is it really that obvious?"

Castiel just smiled, "I'm going to have a shower."

"Yeah okay. I'll see you later Cas."

-

Dean was awake by the time he got out of the bathroom, and although he tried to avoid him, with one dripping wing he couldn't get far, and Dean eventually came in and insisted upon drying his wing.

"You're not going to sit in here until it's dry, don't be stupid."

"I'm not being stupid, Dean."

"Really? You're just gonna sit here all day then instead of letting me dry it off for you?"

"You really shouldn't."

"Yeah, well too bad." 

Neither one of them said anything for a long time, but Castiel finally gave in. It felt like forever before Dean leaned over his shoulder. 

"You doin' okay?"

"No. I'm _not_ doing okay," his voice was broken, completely raw, but he pushed past the awkwardness, "I'm away from my home, my family - I don't even know if they're _alive_ , Dean - my entire body hurts, I'm totally useless, I have all these... _feelings_ eating away at me all the time and I just- I want it to stop. And _this_? This is just wonderful," he added sarcastically.

"Well you know what, Cas, I'm sorry okay? I'm trying to help, but you're not the only one with problems. I just lost the only decent thing in my life. Sam and I? We got shit. I have my car, my weapons, a bag full of clothes and Sam. That's it. With Lisa I- I felt like maybe, just maybe I had the chance to be normal, even for just a little while, but then I went and fucked that all up too."

"Well I'm sorry I can't help, Dean," he emphasized the last word, his teeth practically grating as it left his lips. "But as wonderful as your life sounds, I don't _care_. I got dragged back here, and I would leave again in an instant if my wing wasn't broken."

A heavy silence settled over them, broken only by the rasp of their breath. Castiel gasped, practically shooting out of his seat as Dean's hands returned to their task. 

"I'm sorry," it came out barely a whisper, but he felt Dean nod behind him, "I _do_ care, I like to hear your stories. I didn't mean-"

"Don't, Cas. I'm sorry too. And while we're at it, I'm sorry for last night too."

"Right. Sam said-"

"Sam?"

"I spoke to him this morning. Should I not have said anything?"

"No, it's cool. Uh, you're done so if you wanna go do... whatever."

"I told you, I won't."

"Dude, you can't just keep ignoring it forever." He jerked back at the look Castiel gave him. 

"I'm going to rest."

-

He had managed to fall asleep, he was sure of that because the knock on the door jolted him much more than it should have. He didn't have a chance to get up before Dean was standing in the doorway with a guilty frown on his face.

"Hey, I didn't wake you up did I?" 

Castiel shook his head, but didn't reply. 

"Um," Dean rubbed the back of his neck, "look um, you said you liked stories right?"

"Yes. I was always especially fond of fairy tales, as I believe you call them. Anna used to tell them to me when I was young. I don't think Michael approved, but he never said anything."

"Fairytales, huh? I can do you one better, hang on."

Dean returned a moment later with Sam's laptop under one arm. He sat down on the edge of the bed, forcing Cas to shuffle over and he opened the laptop and played around with it until he apparently got what he was looking for.

-

"Are you guys here?"

"Sam's home," Dean said, turning to Castiel with a grin. He responded with a tilt of his head and a questioning scowl.

"I know. I heard him"

Sam peered around the edge of the door, both eyebrows shooting up when he saw the laptop sitting between them, "Dude, what the hell?"

"What?"

"I've been out all day, checking into sightings, calling every hunter we know and I come back here and you're watching The Little Mermaid?"

"So did you find anything out?"

"No," Sam sighed, "nothing, and most people want to know what you mean by 'anything out of the ordinary'. I don't know what the hell to say to that."

Castiel sighed. He had expected as much. It wasn't likely that other angels would seek out humans if they were around, they would most likely avoid them, as Castiel had intended to do. 

"Anyway, don't worry about it right now. You guys hungry? I picked up Chinese on the way."

"Yeah sure, we've just got fifteen minutes left."

-

Dinner was too quiet. Castiel knew his own silence wasn't helping matters, but after Sam's news he didn't particularly feel like talking at all. It should be a good sign that no one had seen them; it meant they were safe from exposure - at least for the time being - and Castiel didn't need Gabriel and Balthazar's stories to know humans were not always welcoming towards the unknown. Regardless, the lack of information distressed him.

He slouched over the arm of the chair, leaning on one elbow, and when Dean offered him a bottle of beer, he accepted gladly. And if he and Dean continued drinking once Sam had excused himself, he could hardly be blamed for that. 

His mind was getting fuzzy after the second, and by the fifth he was curled up on the couch next to Dean. He felt as though he was weighed down, even moving his arms took a great effort. Dean chuckled as Castiel flapped his wing vaguely, trying to get comfortable.

"You think maybe you should get to sleep, Cas?"

"Don't wanna be alone..."

"Dude, I'm not sleeping with you again."

"No, that's not what I meant. I want my family..."

"I know, I'm sorry," his voice softened, and Castiel turned his head away. 

"I think about them... all the time, their voices... I used to... they used to be in my head and now there's just... it's quiet. How am I supposed to find them? What if they're dead, Dean? What if I can't get home?"

Dean's mouth pulled up in an unhappy half-smile. "We're gonna get you home, Cas."

"You don't know that. I don't want to be stuck here with all these feelings!" he buried his face in the couch cushion, "hunger and pain..."

"It's not all bad, Cas. There are good things too."

Castiel could feel the heat prickle up the back of his neck at the thought, "arousal is... uncomfortable... just another annoyance."

"If you don't do anything about it, yeah, it is. You just need to get laid, Cas." Dean shuffled beside him, and Castiel snorted his annoyance. "Okay, okay I'm sorry. But that's not the only thing, loads of things feel good."

"I don't want to feel anymore..."

"I know," something brushed through his hair, and Castiel was forced to re-think his statement. He hummed at the gentle pressure on his head, closing his eyes and pushing back against it.

-

Sharp bursts of sound snapped him into consciousness. His head jerked up and he nearly cried out from the pain, dropping back to his makeshift bed. 

Sam and Dean were shouting in the kitchen, and it took him a moment to realize he was still in the living area. Pulling his wing up over his head, he groaned, trying to block out the sound of the brothers arguing in the adjoining room.

"He's obviously watched _you_. He's following your example"

"Or maybe he just wants something to distract him from all this shit!"

"You corrupted him. An _angel_ , Dean."

"Oh stop being so melodramatic-"

Castiel clenched his jaw, sitting up with a hand to his forehead, "I can hear you, you know."

Sam looked over awkwardly, muttering apologies and shooting a glaring look at Dean as he left the room. Dean poured a glass of water and crossed over to the couch, setting the glass down in front of Castiel as he sat beside him.

"You okay?"

"Apart from the fact that my head feels like it's going to implode upon itself? Yes, I'm wonderful. I feel worse this morning than I did last night."

"Yeah, you will. Drink the water, it'll help a little, and I'll try and find you some painkillers. I'm gonna assume if you're almost human that they won't hurt you."

Dean returned a few minutes later with two small bluish capsules and a plateful of crackers.

"Here," he held out the plate but Castiel shook his head, taking only the painkillers. 

"I feel sick."

"Yeah, hangovers will do that to you. You sure you're okay?"

Castiel shook his head, trying to sit as sill as possible. His stomach churned and he squeezed his eyes shut. 

"Okay come on, I'm not letting you throw up all over the couch." Dean steered him into the bathroom, pulling the door shut behind him. 

Vomiting was just as bad, if not worse than he had remembered, and the knowing he could have easily prevented it this time just made it worse. 

Castiel's eyes and throat stung, and his forehead froze against the cold porcelain of the bowl. Dean's hand was still pressed between his shoulders when Sam's voice rang through the door, complaining. 

"Can I get in there yet?"

"Use the bush, dude. Cas is sick."

Castiel mumbled an apology, unsure if it was understandable. Dean's hand slid down his back as he made an attempt to sit up, nearly knocking into Dean as he tried not to fall over. His head was spinning again, and he wanted nothing more than to lie down where he was and sleep. He only remained upright because the floor beneath him was uncomfortable enough to sit on, never mind sleep on. 

"You want anything? You never took that Advil I gave you, did you? It'll help your headache, and that might calm your stomach a little. You okay to get up?" 

Castiel shook his head, dropping it back against the side of the toilet with a small whimper. 

"Okay, you stay here, I'll grab you some water and Advil."

-

He woke up back in the bedroom, lying on his side with something pushed up close behind him. Raising his head tentatively, he realized it was cushions from the couch, stacked around his Wing so they weren't in the way. _Dean_ he thought, he was the only one who would bother. The thought brought a smile to his face and he wrinkled his nose as he buried it in the pillow.

The door creaked open and Dean's face appeared around the corner. 

"Cas?"

"Hmm?"

"You awake?"

"I think so." 

Dean chuckled and crossed to the bed, readjusting the cushions slightly before sitting down. "I didn't want you rolling onto your wings, but I didn't want you lying on your stomach either," he explained, "you fell asleep in the thirty seconds it took for me to grab a couple of pills and a glass of water."

Castiel didn't want to ask _how_ he had gotten him into the bedroom. He wanted to know, but he didn't want to have to ask. Instead he turned his head to look up at Dean.

"You've been asleep for ages, Sam's gone out somewhere - dunno where. How's your head?"

"Better than it was."

"And your stomach?"

Castiel wrinkled his nose, "not great."

"Yeah, you're not gonna like this, but you should really eat something. If you don't you're gonna be starving when you wake up, and you should try not to go so long without eating, especially since you've never had to before."

"Why do you care so much?" It was a legitimate question, and he didn't mean it to sound rude, but Dean snorted in response and Castiel wasn't sure if he sounded amused or irritated. 

"I just do, okay?"

Dean left the room and Castiel followed him out, taking a seat at the table while Dean searched through the cupboards and fridge. The sun was shining through the windows and as Castiel crossed his arms and put his head down, he spread his good wing, soaking up the warmth and casting a shadow on the kitchen. He could practically sense Dean rolling his eyes at him, but he didn't care, the sun was warm and it felt nice, unlike the rest of him. 

"Anything in particular you want?" he asked, glancing up over the fridge door. 

"To be unconscious?"

Dean chuckled, closing the fridge door and standing up, "how about eggs and toast? It's pretty bland so it shouldn't upset your stomach any more." Castiel didn't agree or disagree, but Dean set to work regardless, humming along to a tune Castiel didn't recognize. 

It was barely five minutes before Dean sat down, and just over ten before Castiel found himself leaning over the kitchen sink, severely regretting his decision to eat. Dean's hand smoothed up his back again, prompting the now all too familiar sensations in his groin, but he was too disgusted and uncomfortable to care.

"Alright you know what? No more alcohol for you. Like, ever," Dean chuckled. 

"Somehow I don't see that being a problem," he groaned, resting his forehead on the edge of the counter. 

-

The door clicked open and Sam backed into the room, grinning, but his face flushed the second he spotted the two on the couch. Castiel was just barely awake, holding a pillow over his eyes, but the look on Sam's face wasn't missed. Dean and Castiel shared a look and Sam chuckled nervously.

"Wasn't expecting you guys to be up and about. Glad to see you put the cushions back, though. Amelia and I are just gonna-"

"We're gone." Dean smiled genuinely and pulled himself up from the couch, gently shoving at Castiel's shoulder. He got up slowly, tucking the pillow under his arm. Dean waited behind as Castiel made his way back to the bedroom with a quick nod to Amelia as he passed. 

He curled into a tight ball, burying his head again and Dean found him a few minutes later, leaning in the doorway as he spoke

"Amelia says she'll check your wing in the morning. I figured you wouldn't be up to it tonight and I don't really trust my bandaging skills. That okay with you?"

"It has to be. You know I would prefer to have no one touch my wings."

"I know. Can't be helped though until it's healed. You mind if I hang out in here for a bit? Give those two some privacy? I'll just be reading or whatever, so you can sleep."

"I don't mind."

"Cool. There anything you want before you go back to sleep?"

"No," he mumbled, folding his wing over himself and tucking his head beneath it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say about this one, but thank you all for reading!! <3

Dean was moving around in the room when he woke up, mumbling to himself and swearing quietly whenever he made a loud noise. Castiel hummed softly, glad to have the background noise.

"You don't have to try and be quiet, I'm awake, Dean."

"Shit, sorry. I didn't wake you up, did I? I was just checking to see if any of my stuff had gotten shoved under the bed. Gotta do laundry today."

"No, you didn't wake me." He yawned and stretched, pushing the blankets to the end of the bed before making any effort to get out of it. "Do you need any help?"

"If you want. Sam's making breakfast though, so we'll eat first and then I'll try and show you how to use the washing machine again."

Castiel frowned, remembering Dean's amusement when he had failed to understand all the numbers and symbols on the washing machine and dryer. 

"One thing you gotta love about hunters, their hideouts come complete with appliances. They use a generator, but still."

"That seems unnecessary."

Dean chuckled, "sometimes you don't know how long you're gonna be hiding out for. Like now. God knows if it wasn't for you, Sam and I would probably have killed each other by now. Either that or one of us would've gotten too antsy and gone into town, and that never ends well."

"How long have you been here?" Castiel asked.

Dean's eyebrows pinched together as he thought, "well we found you ten days ago so... God, just over two weeks." 

A soft knock on the door turned both their heads and Sam rounded the corner wearing nothing but a pair of shorts. Castiel looked questioningly between him and Dean, but the brothers just laughed. 

"Breakfast is ready when you are."

-

Fifteen minutes and an awkward conversation later Sam, Dean and Castiel all stood in the living room in their boxers. Castiel was still shifting awkwardly, unused to the new clothing, and Dean was leaning against the counter, biting into a pancake with bacon wrapped inside it when Amelia walked into the room. 

"Classy, boys." She crossed to the kitchen, pouring a cup of coffee and leaning against the counter next to Sam. "Laundry day, huh?"

"Dean's turn," Sam confirmed. 

"Speaking of, I should get that started," shoving the rest of his pancake into his mouth, he turned to Castiel, "you coming?"

He nodded, quickly finishing his last few bites and sliding his plate along the countertop before following after Dean.

The buttons and dials made no more sense the second time Dean explained them, and Castiel just sat back and watched as the man sat on the bathroom floor, shoving clothes into the round opening. 

"Y'know if you're gonna be hanging around for a while you should probably pay attention."

"I was," Castiel defended, "I can hardly be blamed if the dials aren't clearly labelled."

"Wow, defensive," Dean chuckled, pushing himself up off the floor and adding more gently, "you just have to remember the symbols and what they mean, come here."

Castiel didn't really care what the symbols meant, and he didn't plan to 'hang around', but he sat quietly and listened to Dean's explanation, watching as he gestured which direction to turn the dials, and where to find the soap. The process seemed simple enough in the way Dean explained it, but he couldn't remember what symbol meant what, no matter how hard he tried. He huffed in frustration and Dean dropped the conversation.

"Maybe we should go see how Amelia's doing? I know you don't want to, but you've got to get your wing wrapped properly, I don't want to have fucked it up. She'll have to look at it at some point."

As it turned out, Amelia was setting up on the coffee table, waiting for Castiel. He glanced nervously at Dean. 

"Are you ready, Castiel?"

No, he was most definitely not ready. The boxers he was wearing were far too thin and any... unfortunate incidents would be impossible to cover up. 

"Can we wait?" he asked

"Yeah, of course," Amelia smiled, though she seemed vaguely concerned. 

-

They waited for the clothes to be washed and Castiel grew increasingly impatient and anxious. Dean sat next to him, nose pressed into his book, but Castiel could tell he wasn't reading; the man's eyes flicked up to him every few seconds. He set his own book down and sighed.

"Dean-"

"I'm just-"

"Dean, you're far too concerned about this, I'm _reading_. I'm fine." He turned back to his book, ignoring the fact that Dean continued to look over at him. 

It took far too long for the laundry to finish, and when it was done, Castiel squirmed into the pair of jeans Dean had given him. They were tighter now than they had been, and getting into them wasn't as difficult as moving around proved to be. Dean laughed lightly at the way he continually bent his knees, and Castiel glared back, though the gesture was little more than an expression. 

-

When they were all seated in the living area, Dean was visibly anxious again, more so even that Castiel was. He sighed and shuffled around awkwardly, but it wasn't until Amelia actually touched him that Dean jerked out of his seat. Castiel looked over at him, and he sat back down again with a huff, but Sam and Amelia looked at him for a long time. 

He tuned out as Amelia replaced her hands, ignoring the near-immediate reaction in his groin. As she unwound the bandage, her hands brushed up against his feathers and he glanced over at Dean, silently pleading for him to make it stop. He didn't - Castiel hadn't expected him to, they both knew this needed to be done - but he smiled sympathetically. 

Castiel sat still, thinking about anything he could that didn't involve human contact. Something brushed against the downy feathers where his wing met his back and he mouth dropped open, releasing a soft, unintentional moan. His eyes flashed open, checking to see if anyone had noticed; Sam was still leaning casually against the counter, but Dean was on his feet and pulling Amelia's hands away in an instant.

"Okay, you're done," he said, a little too roughly.

"Dean- what the hell?" 

Castiel arched forward as her hands pulled away. He couldn't see Amelia, but the look was Sam giving him and Dean was a mixture of confusion and suspicion

"He doesn't like people touching him." There was real anger in Dean's voice, and it probably would have frightened him, if he wasn't the one Dean was defending. 

"It's never been a problem before, has it?" Amelia asked gently, "Castiel?"

"I didn't want to upset you," he sighed, inching forward to relieve the strain on his back. 

"If you tell me what's wrong, I can make it easier for you."

"You can't-"

"Can I talk to you?" Dean interrupted.

"Just a second, Castiel." She stood and followed Dean around the corner. All Castiel heard before he tuned their conversation was "what the _hell_ , Dean?"

He looked down, knowing Sam would look to him for an explanation, and kept his head low until Dean and Amelia returned to the room. Amelia sat down in the chair at the end of the table, looking suitably unimpressed, Dean slid in behind him on the couch. 

"Sam," he said expectantly, as if Sam should know what he was going to say, "you wanna..."

"Are you kicking me out?"

"It'll be easier," he explained, "anyone who's not helping has to get out. That means you, sorry."

Sam left without argument, sighing and lifting his arms in defeat. The sound of the door clicking open was followed by excited barking, Sam's laugh, and another click. Castiel exhaled once the door was shut again.

"Dean," he breathed.

"Amelia's gonna talk me through it." Dean reassured him, as if nothing unusual was happening. "Cas, you okay?" the words were so soft in his ear that he thought he might have imagined them but for the gentle hand smoothing up his back. 

Castiel hung his head, speaking in the same soft tones, "right now, yes."

"Okay, what do I have to do?"

Amelia rolled her eyes at him, "you know this is a terrible idea, right?"

"Look, I _told_ you, _I'm_ doin' it. Tell me what to do."

Dean ran a hand along the arm of his wing, following Amelia's reluctant instruction. His fingers pressed firm but gentle against it, and despite the pain, Castiel felt the now-familiar pulse of arousal reminding him that the worst was yet to come. Letting his eyes fall shut, he dipped his chin to hide his face. 

"I don't want to do this, Dean."

"I'm sorry, Cas, you know we have to," he sighed, continuing much more quietly, "you okay with this?"

"No."

"I mean, having me do it instead of Amelia. I should have asked, I'm sorry."

Castiel considered this for a long time. The sensations were considerably stronger with Dean's hands on him, but he _knew_ and Amelia didn't, nor did he particularly want her to know. 

"Yes," he replied at last, voice breathy and strained, "not being able to do it myself, I would rather it was you."

"Thanks, Cas."

"Why are you thanking me?" he squinted, turning his head to try and look back at Dean. 

"I dunno. It feels okay," he added much more loudly to Amelia, "now what." 

She explained the process of wrapping it with the same frustrated tone she had used before, and Castiel could feel Dean nod along to her instruction. When she had finished speaking, Dean dismissed her with as little grace as he had Sam. That earned them both a strange look, but Castiel let out a deep breath the moment she had gone. 

"Dean how much longer do we have to do this?"

"Probably for a while. We're at least going to have to bandage it up every time you have a shower. I guess it's better than drying them though, huh?"

"Not much."

Dean chuckled humourlessly. Dean finished shortly, running a hand down his spine, and Castiel jerked forward, sure that his gasp was loud enough to be heard down the hall. 

" _Fuck_ , Cas I'm sorry." 

" _Dean_ -"

"I didn't mean- I was just trying to... you were okay yesterday..."

"No one was fondling my wings yesterday," he shot back. His words sounded angry, but inside he was afraid, and fear was not something he was comfortable with. When it was Amelia, it was just awkward, but when it was Dean... 

He looked up at him apologetically. Dean just looked offended, and Castiel sighed, "maybe I should go. I appreciate everything you've done for me, but if I find the others, they can help with my wing. I'm used to it now, it's not a hindrance anymore-"

"No." The sternness in Dean's voice stopped him dead, and he gaped up at the man. 

"Why?" he asked softly, "what good am I to you?"

"I'm sorry," his tone had changed completely, back to the easy way he always spoke, and their eyes met, "I have no say over what you do. If you want to go, that's fine."

Castiel knew he wasn't great at reading people. He had never had a chance to study them up close as his siblings did, but it seemed there was something Dean was hiding from him, and maybe - just maybe - he thought he knew what it was. It took a long time for him to decide to ask, but Dean stayed where he was,   
not breaking eye contact.

"You want me to _stay_." He hated the waver in his voice, hated it and wanted to go back and stop himself from speaking. 

Sam and Amelia came into the room just as Dean opened his mouth to reply. Both men turned away from each other and Sam huffed an awkward laugh.

"We're gonna take the dog out..." 

"Seeya," Amelia waved.

Castiel didn't waste a moment once the door had shut, speaking before Dean had a chance, "we should clean the kitchen. It's the least we can do for kicking them out."

"Speaking of, gimme a sec, I gotta talk to Sam."

When Dean's back disappeared out the door, Castiel sighed and slumped forward. What was he thinking? He needed to distance himself from Dean, not try and get closer to him. 

As he made his way into the kitchen, he focused his mind on anything else. It wasn't difficult with dishes that needed to be washed and put away, especially when he couldn't recall _where_ they went. He got frustrated, and stacked them in a pile on the counter, glowering at them. 

Dean came back at that moment, quirking an eyebrow at him, "what'd the plates do to you, Cas?"

"I don't know where they go," he huffed. He felt incredibly foolish having been caught glaring at inanimate objects, and the heat rising in his cheeks wasn't helping in the least. 

"It's cool," Dean laughed, "I'll deal with them, go sit down."

"Dean," he said suddenly, turning to face him, "what I said earlier... I shouldn't have. I'm sorry."

"No," Dean looked almost as awkward as he felt, looking anywhere but at him, "you were... right." 

Castiel wanted to ask him _why_ , but that was the end of it. Dean finished putting the dishes away and sat on the counter with a beer in his hand. Castiel settled himself on the chair furthest from the kitchen, and neither of them moved until Sam and Amelia returned. 

-

He could feel the tension the moment they walked through the door. The dog bounded over, and Castiel bent to stroke his head, picking up the slobbery ball that he offered, nudging it closer with his nose. He kicked the ball away gently with his toe and rose.

"I'm going outside," he mumbled, without further explanation. A pang of guilt troubled him as the dog looked up after him, but he shut the door to block it out. 

He smiled almost fondly at the mossy patch next to his tree and he sat down against it, looking up at the near-cloudless sky. He sat in comfortable solitude for some time until the door creaked open and Dean shrugged at him as he crossed the yard.

"Sam thinks we should talk," he shoved his hands in his pocket and sighed. 

"I don't want to talk."

"Me neither, funny enough. You wanna come for a walk?"

"Not particularly, no."

"C'mon Cas, it'll get Sam off my back, and it's a nice day. A bit of fresh air is good for you."

Castiel sighed, "fine, but I don't want to talk about it."

They didn't. They walked along the river and didn't talk about much at all until Cas started stretching his wing. It was a simple thing to him, like drumming fingers on a tabletop, but Dean kept looking over at him.

"I'm sorry," he said eventually, "for, y'know, earlier."

"You apologized already, Dean. Anyway, it could be worse... it's not _awful_ , I mean." There really wasn't any way to say it without being blunt about it, and although they both knew _exactly_ what it did to him, saying it out loud was another thing completely. 

Dean looked almost impressed when he looked at him, and Castiel turned away from him. Smug was probably the best word to describe him, "I just mean-"

"It's okay to like it."

Castiel flushed furiously, his entire body tensing, "that's not what I was going to say-"

"You don't have to, Cas, your body does that for you."

He tried to ignore it, all too aware that he was still feeling the effects of the morning. Walking ahead a little, he breathed more deeply, trying to relax again. It worked for all of ten minutes until he felt the first drop hit his nose. Looking up to dark clouds, he closed his eyes and sighed.

"Dean..."

"Yeah, I know," he shrugged out of his jacket, draping it over Castiel's shoulders.

"What are you doing, Dean?"

"Don't want your wings getting wet, right?"

"You're going to freeze."

"Yeah, well, I can be just as stubborn as you can," he smirked. 

"They're still going to get wet."

"At least they'll be dry enough that _I_ won't have to dry them for you when we get back."

Dean tugged the jacket from the front, making sure it didn't slip off. He stepped back as if to admire his work and Cas barely had time to open his mouth before Dean tumbled backward and fell into the river with a loud splash that nearly soaked Castiel as well.

"Clever, Dean." A half-smirk crept onto his face as Dean spluttered to the surface with a murderous look in his eye.

"Shut up," he grumbled, muttering to himself in obvious embarrassment. Castiel held a hand out to him, but he ignored it, trying to climb out on his own and only succeeding in falling right back in. 

"Give me your hand, Dean."

Dean sighed in defeat and held out his hand for Castiel to grab. He pulled him out without any difficulty but his satisfaction faded as they stumbled back along the back. 

Dean was pressed right up against him, their hands still clasped between them. Their eyes locked and Castiel was struck with the sudden inability to think clearly. His cock gave a twitch of interest and he gritted his teeth. He so was so screwed. They stood for far too long before Castiel broke eye contact and pulled away too quickly.

"We should get back before you get any colder and," he glanced up at the sky hopelessly, "wetter."

"Yeah," Dean muttered breathlessly, "right."

-

They were both soaked through by the time they returned to the cabin. Dean threw the door open dramatically and pulled his additional layers off just inside the door. 

Sam rounded the corner and immediately screwed up his face, clearly trying not to laugh. Castiel was sure he and Dean were wearing identical frowns and Dean's only intensified when his brother entered the room.

"Before you start, I swear to God I will kill everything you love if you say _one_ word."

"About what, Dean?" he asked, trying to sound innocent, but obviously holding back maniacal laughter.

"Watch it, Sammy." he grumbled. Castiel stayed quiet, his attention still drawn by the dark t-shirt plastered to Dean's chest. He jumped visibly as Sam said his name, jerking his head to look at him.

"What?"

"Do you need help drying your wings?" 

Dean's head shot up immediately, and Castiel placed a hand on his shoulder. Dean was scowling when he looked over at him, and he forced the calm in his voice, "I'm fine, thank you Sam." He backed out the door, shaking off his one good wing under the sheltered area. 

"I'm gonna go get changed," Dean grumbled, stomping down the hall. 

"I should..." Castiel didn't finish his sentence before stalking off to the bathroom. The bedroom door was open when he walked past and he couldn't stop himself from glancing over, nearly falling into the wall as he looked away immediately. Dean was half dressed, sitting on the edge of the bed with a towel over his head. It probably would have been comical, if he wasn't already turned on beyond belief, but as it was Castiel bolted to the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. 

He tried to think of any way to try and dry his wing on his own, but he couldn't even get his bandage undone on his own. There were towels hanging on the wall and he was halfway through trying to figure out how he could press himself up against them, when Dean knocked on the door. 

"Yeah? he sighed. 

Dean peered around the door, "you need a hand?"

"I think that would be a very bad idea right now."

He exhaled deeply, "it's always a bad idea, Cas. I'll try and make it quick."

"No, Dean. I'll figure it out."

"Cas, sit down."

He did after a long while, staring at dean as he mentally listed all the pros and cons. In the end it took five minutes before they were both back in the living area, gathering up the wet clothes.

"You wanna toss these in the wash?" Dean asked quietly, "I'm freezing, and exhausted."

"You're not gonna eat?" Sam asked, "is the world coming to an end?"

Dean just shrugged.

"How about you, Cas?"

"No," it wasn't a lie, hungry as he was, there was no way he would be able to eat right now. He felt sick with shame even being in the same room as Dean, "I'm just going to go to sleep."

"You sure?"

"Leave him alone, Sammy."

"Jesus, Dean, calm down. I'm, not trying to move in on your territory."

"Shut up, Sam."

Dean and Castiel both fell into awkward silence.

" _Sam_ "

"Yeah, yeah I got it. Going back to my room."

Dean curled up on the couch, pulling a blanket up to his chest. 

"Goodnight, Dean."

"'Night Cas."

Castiel nodded and returned to the bathroom. He stripped off his jeans and threw them and Dean's wet clothes into the washing machine, trying to remember which dials to turn and how much soap to put in with them. When he was satisfied, he wrapped a towel around his waist and returned to the room, quickly drying himself off before climbing into bed.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading! You guys are awesome <3

He barely noticed the door open and shut again until Dean was leaning over the bed. 

"Cas?"

"Yeah?" 

"You up?"

"No, Dean, I'm talking in my sleep." They both laughed softly at that and Dean chewed on his bottom lip anxiously.

"You mind if I sleep in here tonight? The couch is getting uncomfortable and it's freezing. Body heat, right?"

"Right," Castiel mumbled, already drifting back to sleep.

He was woken up again by Dean's hand sliding across his chest. At first, he tried to ignore it - it wasn't the first time Dean had gotten cuddly when he was asleep - but as his hand slipped down, he turned onto his back to look at him. 

Unexpectedly, Dean was wide awake, smiling softly at him. Castiel gasped as his hand brushed over his half-hard cock, sending a jolt up his spine. Dean's fingers worked deftly, bringing him to full hardness with only a few quick pulls. He could barely keep back the low groan that escaped his lips, his hips jerking up into Dean's hand. 

"Dean-"

"Cas..." he breathed back, "I _want_ to do this for you. You can tell me to stop if you want..." His thumb rubbed over the head of Castiel's cock and the sensation was almost overwhelming. 

"Don't stop," Castiel groaned, "don't- don't stop." Dean's grip tightened as he twisted his wrist, sliding from the tip of his cock to the root. Castiel moaned with every touch, careless that Sam and Amelia were asleep just across the hall. He had never felt anything like this in his life and he wanted - needed - _more_. 

Dean seemingly felt the same, leaning down and mumbling "I want to fuck you" into his chest. Castiel could barely think with Dean's still pumping his cock and now flicking his tongue at his nipple, pressing kisses down his chest.

"Yes, fuck _yes_."

Dean groaned as he slid down Castiel's body, dragging his lips against already sensitive skin, "I don't have anything, I don't want to hurt you-"

"I don't care- you won't. _Dean_ , I need you."

"Oh God, want you so bad, Cas." Dean's lips met his, soft and pliant, as he breached the ring of muscle with one finger. "Relax," he mumbled as Cas' breath caught. He worked in and out slowly, adding a second finger when he thought Castiel was ready. 

Dean pressed into him slowly. He stilled once he was fully in, stroking his hands up Castiel's chest. "You still okay?"

"Yes," he whispered, pushing back onto him. Dean started at a slow pace, one hand moving to stroke Castiel's cock again. He whimpered as Dean's thumb pressed over his slit again and suddenly everything went black. 

Castiel's eyes flashed open in the darkness. He was flushed and panting and his heart was racing. A dream. That's all it was; just a dream. It took a few minutes for him to calm down and realize he was painfully hard. Determined to ignore it, he rolled onto his side, ignoring the discomfort in his wing. 

When he woke up again he was lying on his stomach, the first rays of light just shining in through the window. He shifted and gasped at the jolt of pleasure that seared through him. In the back of his mind, a small voice that sounded far too much like Dean told him to give in to the feeling, but he ignored it, trying to force himself back to sleep.

After half an hour it became apparent that he was _not_ going to sleep and despite all efforts to keep the memory at the back of his mind, the thoughts of Dean touching him forced their way forward, bombarding his consciousness, filling up every corner of his mind. Burying his face in the pillow he rolled his hips into the mattress, exhaling shakily with the relief it brought. 

Fists clenched around the pillow, he rocked against the bed, gritting his teeth to suppress the sounds that slipped from his lips. Castiel couldn't even think to be self-conscious; he knew how he must look rutting against the bed desperately, but it felt too good. He _needed_ it. Every thrust was bliss, only adding fire to the heat pooling in his gut and he had to try harder to stifle his groans, biting down hard on the pillow. 

Thoughts of Dean worked their way into his mind, sliding his hands along his back, pressing rough fingers between his feathers. Castiel tucked his chin to his chest, barrelling over the edge as a mental image of Dean's mouth on him caused him to dig his hips into the bed. His entire body tensed as his orgasm ripped through him, spilling his release into the sheets. 

He collapsed against the bed moments later, careless of the mess he was going to have to try and subtly clear up later. For now, he didn't even think he could move. 

A moment later he realized he was wrong when a quick knock on the door was followed by Dean walking through the door with a grin. His expression dropped immediately and Castiel scrambled to pull the abandoned blanket over himself as Dean spun around, cheeks flaring bright red. 

"Shit, I should've- you're naked- you-"

"The clothes you gave me are wet," he offered, trying to keep his voice steady.

"Right." He paused, "are you... good?"

"You can turn around now, Dean." 

He did so slowly.

"There's no reason to be embarrassed, it's not as though I have anything you haven't seen before."

"You have wings," Dean offered lamely. Castiel huffed a laugh, but Dean continued, "why'd you get all panicky then?"

"I didn't," he looked away, carefully glancing up at Dean to see if he was watching him, sure the lie was showing plainly on his face. Lying was not something he was good at. Realization dawned quickly, twisting Dean's features into an almost pained looking expression.

"Shit, I didn't- did I?"

Castiel sighed heavily, closing his eyes, "no, Dean, you didn't... interrupt, if that's what you mean."

"I, uh- I'll grab you pants. Amelia's got breakfast ready if you're hungry..." his words jumbled together at the end and he rubbed at the back of his neck.

"It's fine," he assured him, ignoring what Dean said.

"It's not. Look, I'll grab you some jeans, and I'll help you get this shit washed. 

-

Breakfast was unbelievably awkward, and Sam and Amelia could obviously tell something had happened. Dean barely acknowledged him, and when he did he blushed so hard he had to hide his face. Castiel kept his head down unless spoken to directly. 

He and Dean had gotten everything into the washing machine and he'd changed into the jeans Dean had given him before it had gotten uncomfortable. He was thankful, at least, that he had no reason to talk to Dean, though he didn't see the reason for his reaction. He had been the one to encourage him in the first place. 

Groaning internally, he made up his mind not to think about it anymore. This would give him the perfect excuse to distance himself from Dean, something he should have done from the start. 

As soon as he was finished eating, Dean pushed his chair back, mumbling about having a shower as he tipped his plate into the sink. Castiel followed him with his eyes until he disappeared around the corner. He excused himself shortly, washing his own plate and Dean's - despite Sam's protests - before returning to the bedroom. 

He realized too late that the book he had intended to read was still sitting under the coffee table in the living area and he huffed in frustration, sinking down into the bare mattress. The bed wasn't any less comfortable without sheets, and with the pillows tossed aside, he had room to spread his wing out further. Staring up at the ceiling, he closed his eyes and it was Gabriel's voice that popped into his head at that moment. 

He had just returned back to Heaven for the first time that Castiel could remember and he had bombarded his brother with questions about humans. Gabriel had been more than willing to oblige, glad to have someone who was eager to listen to his stories for once.

" _They're fragile and imperfect and loud and messy and- you would love them, Cassie_." You would love them. He did love them. At least he loved his humans - when had he started to think of them as _his_? He wished that Gabriel was around to talk to. 

On second thought, he knew exactly what Gabriel would say if he could see Dean. _Don't go falling in love with him, Cassie_. They would be the first words out of his mouth, and knowing his brother, they would probably be followed by something along the lines of _you have, haven't you?_ No. Dean was his friend, and when they found out how to get him home, Dean wouldn't matter anymore. Gabriel was wrong. 

Castiel sighed, realizing he was on the verge of an argument with his absent brother. It all boiled down to the Winchesters, he decided; he was getting too close to them. 

-

Around lunch time he ventured out of the room to talk to Sam about the things he had set up on his computer. The younger brother didn't have any new information, but he said Dean was going to call a friend of theirs in the next couple of days if Castiel was alright with it. Charlie, he explained, was even better with computers than he was and she would probably be able to help. She could definitely be trusted, Sam assured him. 

When he tried to return to the room, book in hand, Sam stopped him, insisting that he eat _something_. Castiel shot a quick glance at the couch where Dean was sprawled, headphones firmly in place and book in hand. If he knew Castiel was in the room, he was ignoring him. 

He forced back the unhappy feeling in his stomach, reminding himself again that not talking to Dean wasn't a bad thing. He accepted Sam's offer of food and immediately returned to his room when he was finished eating and tidying up. It wasn't until much later that evening that Castiel saw anyone else again. 

He was re-reading the first couple chapters of The Hobbit, having finished it and run out of comfortable things to think about, when there was a knock at the door. No one spoke for a long time and then Dean's voice drifted through the air.

"Cas?"

"You can come in," he replied, a little more angry than he probably should have been. He hated when Dean tiptoed around him, "I'm _reading_."

The door pushed open and Dean's hopeful smile peered around the corner, fading quickly, "I uh. Your sheets are dry. You want a hand putting them on?"

"I'll be fine," he lied.

Dean met his gaze for a moment before nudging the door shut with his foot and setting the bunched up sheets on the bed. 

"Look I'm sorry about earlier, it's not big deal," even as he said the words a faint pink tinge crept into his cheeks, "I just don't want things to get fucked up because of it. Believe me, Sam's walked in on a _lot_ worse things... C'mon," Castiel watched as he separated the sheets from the blanket cover, spreading one sheet over the bed, "grab that side. The elasticy parts wrap around the corners of the mattress."

"Dean, you really don't have to do this. If you want to go, I can figure it out."

"Look Cas, we've been over this, I _want_ to help, okay? I'm only gonna say this once," he caught Castiel's gaze from across the bed, and didn't look away, "I've been in bad places. I know what I've been through isn't the same as what you're going through right now, but I know what it's like to feel alone. I know what it's like to be terrified that you've lost everything that's important to you. I do, Cas, and I know that when it happened to me," he dropped his head, breaking eye contact and twisting his ring absentmindedly before looking back up to him again, "all I wanted was someone to let me know that I _wasn't_ alone. I just wanted someone _there_ , y'know? Someone to make me toast when I felt like shit or someone to watch Lord of the Rings with me or help me make my stupid bed-" he inhaled deeply and shook his head, "I just don't want you to feel like you've got no one, okay? You've got me."

Castiel didn't know how long he stared before actually replying, or whether he looked as stupid as he felt, mouth hanging open and eyebrows pulled together. There was a small part of him - small, yet bigger than he would like to admit - that wanted to climb across the bed and kiss him until the sadness in his eyes disappeared. Instead he smiled weakly.

"Thank you," he whispered at last.

"Yeah, no problem… You wanna get this bed made? The three of us are going for a walk later - Amelia's idea - if you want to come. Gonna climb up some hill she and Sam found and watch the sunset," he chuckled at that, "it'll be a lot less awkward if you come."

Castiel pulled the corner of the sheet around the mattress, weighing his options before responding. He smoothed his hand down the bed seemingly absentmindedly, "alright." He knew he would regret his decision at some point, but it was difficult to say no to Dean, especially when he looked so hopeful. 

Dean didn't reply, but he smiled down at the bed, stretching the sheet down over the bottom corner of the mattress. Castiel struggled with the blanket cover, trying to work out how to wrap it around the blanket. 

"You need a hand?" 

"Yes." He sighed in defeat as Dean came around his side of the bed. 

"Like this," Dean explained, gently taking the sheet away and demonstrating how to fold the cover around the edge of the blanket, "now hold the corner here- yeah, just hold that." Dean returned to his own side. 

When the bed was made, Castiel climbed up with his book, flipping through the pages until he found his favourite part. Dean was leaning against the end of the bed and Castiel peered over top of his book. 

"I'm gonna grab something to eat before we go out, you want anything?"

"I'll come with you," he said, looking up, "I finished the book earlier anyway." 

-

Sam and Dean unpacked their weapons' bags, replacing the miniature arsenal with blankets and wine. Dean raised an eyebrow at his brother, but the Sam didn't seem to notice. A bottle of whiskey made its way into Dean's bag when he was sure Sam wasn't looking, and he turned to Castiel with a finger pressed to his lips. 

They left once Amelia was ready, being dragged to the front door by the dog. They set off out behind the cabin with Dean bringing up the rear. It was peaceful though a certain awkwardness remained from breakfast, and Castiel felt the need to break the silence.

"Not very many humans know about the supernatural," he said quietly, looking to Dean for encouragement.

"You guys included?" he returned with a grin.

"Yes," Castiel agreed almost bitterly, "I suppose you would include us in the same category."

"Dude, I'm not saying you're bad or anything. C'mon what were you gonna say?"

"How do you know?"

"About all the bump-in-the-night shit?"

"Yes."

"Our Dad taught us," came Sam's voice from up ahead, turning around to face them. He walked backwards as he continued, seemingly trusting Amelia to keep him from bumping into anything. "He uh, he became a hunter when our Mom died. Demon," he added as an explanation. 

Castiel squinted from Sam to Dean, "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"It's cool," Dean assured him softly, "Sammy barely knew her, I was four."

He nodded, "Amelia you know because of Sam, right?"

"Yeah, he uh, broke down my motel room door one night when he lost his keys and his sobriety," she grinned fondly at him shaking her head, "next thing you know I'm at a cabin in the middle of nowhere fixing up an angel wing."

"Things could've been worse," Dean offered, and Sam nodded in agreement.

She laughed, "you're right. You two could have _not_ made up and I could still be sitting around every night listening to you blabber drunkenly about your idiot brother."

"I wasn't _that_ bad," Sam shot back defensively, turning back around.

"You so were."

"Whatever."

"Oh well," she inhaled deeply, shrugging her shoulders, "at least you two are friends again. I'm beginning to like these 'family outings'"

"Strangest family I've ever seen," Dean mumbled.

-

The 'hill' Amelia had talked about was more of a mountain, apparently, and it took them nearly half an hour to get to the top of it. When they stopped at the top, Castiel looked around. There were level with the tops of the trees and the sun was drooping toward them.

"It's beautiful," he sighed, "there's so much I've never seen for myself."

"Well, as long as you're here..." Dean shrugged, "I mean we can't go far, but if you want we can, I dunno... we can go for walks or whatever."

"I'd like that," he nodded enthusiastically, glancing back at the sky. "We should find somewhere to sit." They both looked over at Sam and Amelia who were huddled under a blanket below them, "somewhere out of their way," Castiel added.

"Yeah," Dean smiled, "it's kinda sweet actually. I'm glad he found her." The sadness returned to Dean's eyes and he forced a smile that didn't make it past his mouth. 

"Dean, you won't be alone forever."

"You don't know that," he laid his blanket down, and twisted the lid off the bottle of whiskey, taking a swig. Castiel sat down and looked up at him.

"Dean, sit down. Don't think abut it, come watch the sunset."

Dean chuckled at that, cocking his head as his tongue ran over his teeth, "that sounds like a proposition, Cas."

He raised one eyebrow, staring dean directly in the eye, "just sit down."

"Dude, you have been spending far too much time with me."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"What do you think?" Dean asked, his words cautious.

"No," he replied honestly, "I think you're a good man, Dean." 

"Yeah," Dean half shrugged, opening his mouth awkwardly before shutting it again, "I'm not."

"Dean, I may have lost most of my Grace, but I can tell the difference between good and wicked. You are _good_ Dean. I don't know everything about humans, but I know there aren't all that many that would take in a strange, lost creature."

"That was Sam," he looked up, "and you're not a _creature._ "

"Then why are _you_ sitting here with me right now, if it was all Sam?"

"Because-" Dean just stared at him, features twisted as though he was trying to figure out the right thing to say. His expression softened after a moment, but he didn't look away. Castiel's breath caught in his chest, watching those eyes just staring back at him as if he was the most important thing in the world. 

A crash from behind them was what finally ripped Dean's attention away. They spun around in sync, as something large broke through the barrier of trees. Castiel rose to his feet, tilting his head at the large animal that rose up before him. Dean's protests and warnings were unheeded as Castiel stepped toward it. 

"Cas, seriously, it'll kill you. Where's my bag?"

"Dean, you're a hunter."

"Dude, I hunt _ghosts_ , that's a _bear_."

"She's not going to hurt you," he assured him, holding a hand out to the animal. She pressed her nose into the palm of Castiel's hand and he turned to face Dean with an almost-smirk. 

"Cas, careful."

"She's beautiful. Dean-" he reached a hand out, stroking between the animal's ears and she pressed her head against his hand before ambling away back into the trees.

"What the hell was that?" Dean gaped, eventually finding his voice once Castiel was settled back on the blanket beside him.

"What do you mean, she was a bear. You said so yourself."

"You just _petted_ a bear, Cas," a wide, disbelieving smile spread across his face, "that's just about the most badass thing I've ever seen."

"I told you she wasn't going to hurt you." 

Dean's reply was cut off by Sam calling up to them from below, "guys we should get going. It's getting dark pretty quickly."

"Dude, Cas just _petted_ a bear!"


	12. Chapter 12

The return trip took more than twice as long in the dark. Sam and Dean both had flashlights, but the beams were barely bright enough to guide one person down the side of the mountain and there were four of them and a dog. Spike seemed fearless enough - bounding on ahead of them when Sam dropped the leash in favour of not dropping his flashlight - but the rest of them moved slowly. 

By the time Dean reached the ground - bringing up the rear again - it was pitch black and they had nearly lost use of one of the flashlights. Leading the way, Sam took the brighter of the two, tossing his dimming flashlight back to Dean.

"Right, cos the drunk one's gonna get us home safe," Dean teased

"Not drunk, Dean... We probably shouldn't have stayed out so long, though..."

"No shit, Sherlock. Maybe we should let Cas go first, in case there're any more bears."

"Dean-" he started.

"Dude, it was _awesome_."

"So you've said. About a hundred times," Sam chuckled, he mumbled something additional to Amelia, too quiet even for Castiel to hear from his distance, but Amelia laughed out loud. 

"You didn't _see_ it," Dean mumbled to himself.

The sounds of the forest were much different at night, and Castiel closed his eyes, pausing for a moment to just stop and listen. Next to him, Dean sneezed, breaking the silence and nearly falling over the uneven ground. Castiel's arms were out before he had a chance to comprehend what was happening and Dean dropped heavily against his chest. 

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Dean replied quickly, pulling back, "thanks. Just tripped over a root or something."

"If you two don't catch up we're gonna think you're up to something back there!" Amelia shouted back at them. 

Castiel pushed down the flush of embarrassment as Dean clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Come on."

-

Sam and Amelia stumbled, giggling, into the bedroom as soon as they walked through the door. Castiel and Dean were left with the dog, who was still running between their legs excitedly.

"I thought taking you for a walk was supposed to make you tired, not hyperactive," Dean mumbled, picking up the ball that was being pushed toward him and throwing it down the hall. Spike took off after it and Dean shook his head, "Looks like I've got a roommate for tonight." 

Dean laid a blanket over one of the chairs, motioning for Spike to jump up when he returned with the ball. Castiel pushed back a smile, as Dean sat down on the arm of the chair, running his fingers through the dog's fur. 

There was a loud crash from down the hall and Dean huffed a laugh, "you see why I wanted you to come tonight?"

"Yes, I can see how it might be uncomfortable to spend much time alone with them."

"Yeah, no kidding. You headin' to bed?"

"I am. Goodnight, Dean."

-

Castiel stepped into the living room, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Dean was shuffling around the living room on his hands and knees.

"What are you doing?" Castiel asked blearily.

"Can't find my whiskey," Dean rasped, clearing his throat, "it was in my bag last night."

"You sound awful, Dean."

"I think I've got a cold, probably didn't help getting drenched the other night."

"Lie back down, I'll find it for you."

"Cas-"

"Lie down. If you're sick you shouldn't be getting up for no reason," he stared at Dean, frowning until the man cooperated, climbing back under the blanket on the couch, "you shouldn't be drinking alcohol either, if you're sick." 

"It helps me sleep," Dean mumbled, pulling the blanket up to his chin with a scowl. 

"Dean, you should move into the bedroom."

"You're in there. I don't do cuddling, especially when I'm sick." Castiel was sorely tempted to remind Dean of the times he had woken up with the man's arm around him, but he held back.

"I can sleep out here. We changed the bed yesterday so the sheets are clean."

"Cas I'm used to sleeping in shitty places, sick or not. I'm not going to kick you out of your bed."

"It was your bed first."

"Cas-"

"Dean."

There was nothing else to say without repeating himself, so Castiel just stared straight ahead, narrowing his eyes at Dean, while the hunter looked back with raised eyebrows. This was how Sam found them on his way to make coffee. 

"I see you've escalated to eye sex now, huh?"

Dean snapped his head around, "you had better still be drunk, Sammy 'cause if you're not I swear to God-"

"Oh, shut up, Dean."

"I'm gonna kill him anyway," he mumbled to Castiel.

"Dean-"

"Don't tell me to be nice, I feel like shit and I'm older than him." 

Castiel huffed, "in that case, I'm older than both of you, _and_ I'm an angel. You should listen to me when I tell you to go and lie down in the bedroom."

"Pulling rank, huh? _And_ telling me what to do? Keep talking like that and I might bring you in there with me."

" _Dean_ ," Sam whined from the kitchen, "it's like six in the morning can you at least wait to start flirting until I leave?"

"Your choice to get up this early, Sammy."

"Amelia wanted coffee," he grumbled.

"Speaking of, you finally gonna admit you're together or..."

"Shove it, Dean," he returned, walking back through the room with two mugs of coffee. Castiel ignored them as Sam stopped, and they began bickering again. He found the bottle Dean had been searching for shoved under the edge of the chair and pulled it out, wiping it off with one hand before giving it to Dean. 

"Take this and go lie down."

"You're bossy."

"I'm beginning to think _you're_ drunk too."

"I'm good, other than," Dean gestured at his head, "this."

"Bed," Castiel insisted, "now."

The change in Dean's expression was barely noticeable, and he corrected it nearly instantly, pulling a cocky grin onto his face, "yessir."

He rolled his eyes as Dean gathered up a few things and carried them into the bedroom. Sam gaped at both of them.

"You're gonna have to tell me how you did that," he mumbled.

-

Dean didn't get back out of bed until after noon, but as soon as he realized what Sam and Castiel were doing, he insisted upon helping. 

"You should rest," Amelia told him, casually lounging on one of the chairs with a mug in her hands. "There's only one computer, so you can't do much to help anyway."

"She's right, Dean, you need to rest. Sam and I are perfectly fine on our own."

"Dude I wanna help. That's why you're here right?"

"Cas, it says something here about a spell to shut the gates of Heaven, written on some sort of tablet… You know anything about that?" 

He didn't even look up at Sam before shutting down the theory, "there have been myths and rumours about an Angel Tablet for centuries, but they are just that; myth. The tablets that _do_ exist have nothing to do with closing the gates."

Sam grumbled, clicking away at the computer. 

"There is a spell though," he added after a thought. All eyes were on him suddenly and Dean's eyes were wide.

"Any particular reason you haven't mentioned this before?" he asked.

"There are only three who know the spell, my Father, Michael and the scribe, Metatron. They wouldn't betray our father like that, I know them."

"Well you said God's gone, right? What if someone else found out about it?"

"Wait," Sam interrupted, "God's _gone_?"

"Yes," Castiel explained casually, "he's been gone for a long time. No one would do that, though," he added to Dean. 

Sam continued reading off various things he found online and Castiel continued gently explaining how it was simply a myth or a vast exaggeration. He wondered silently if humans even had enough correct knowledge of Heaven and angels to ever hope to find out what had happened. 

By three o'clock he had sent Dean back to bed and had lost most of the hope he had started with. Sam notice and moved to sit on the chair across from him.

"You want to take a rest?"

"Yes," he replied softly. He wanted anything to distract him from their fruitless search. He had an idea, but he was wary of bringing it up. "Dean seems unhappy," he commented, "I'd... like to help him."

"Yeah, being sick is just about the least fun thing I can think of, he'd probably appreciate it. You have anything in mind?"

"No. Before I could have eased his suffering simply by touching him," he looked down at his hand, curling it into a loose fist before looking back up at Sam, "what do you do for someone who's unwell?"

He chuckled, "well our Mom used to make him chicken noodle soup when we had a cold, and sandwiches. She cut the crusts off."

"I don't know how to..." he frowned, avoiding Sam's gaze. 

"I'll show you. Come on." Amelia bit her lip as she smiled at them, sharing a look with Sam. 

Castiel struggled with the can opener at first, but once Sam showed him how to use it, everything went smoothly. He held the can in one hand, carefully keeping it balanced as he read the instructions on the back. He dumped the can into the pot, turning the dial on the stove the way Sam explained.

He tried to convince himself the unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach was fear that he would wreck something and not this complete terror that Dean would turn him away. Pushing all other thoughts aside, he concentrated on the soup, now burbling away in the pot. Dean had done so much for him, he could do this one little thing when Dean was sick.

A drop of hot liquid landed on his cheek and his hand shot up immediately, rubbing at the sore spot.

"Is it supposed to do that?" he asked, frowning at the bubbling soup.

"You gotta stir it, Cas."

"Oh," he took the spoon Sam held out to him, frowning at the filmy substance at the bottom of the pot. Sam shrugged casually.

"Don't worry about it. Just don't scrape the bottom."

Castiel shifted away, letting the spoon fall against the side of the pot. He wanted to snap the pot into inexistence, but that wasn't an option now, and he, too was stuck in the kitchen with Sam. 

The man glanced up at him, which was difficult seeing he was a good four inches taller than him. 

"Dude, seriously, if I know Dean he's going to be thrilled with anything you make him."

Castiel narrowed his eyes further, sighing, "But it's- I don't understand."

"I don't' really know how to explain that one, Cas, you're just gonna have to trust me. It'll be fine."

"Okay."

"Good, now just take the pot off the heat - stick it on the towel over here - and put the lid on. I'll show you how to make sandwiches."

A variety of things were laid out across the other counter and Sam explained each of them step by step.

"Don't ever put pickles _on_ a sandwich for Dean, you'll never hear the end of it. Apparently they make the bread soggy. Because y'know tomato totally doesn't.." Sam rolled his eyes and Castiel wasn't entirely sure why, but he continued to watch intently. 

"Here," Sam offered, "there's only one pickle left in the jar, might as well eat it."

He took the offered pickle and looked at it, raising his eyes to Sam before biting into it and wrinkling his nose.

"Sorry, they're a bit sour," Sam giggled, "I should have warned you."

"You're awful," Amelia teased from the her seat, "just ignore him Castiel."

"Here," Sam offered, pouring a mug of coffee and sliding it toward him, "I'll let you put milk and sugar in it. 'Melia can you grab a tray? I think there's one behind your chair..."

She handed it up to Castiel and he unfolded the legs, standing it up next to the stovetop. Sam got him a bowl out of the cupboard, and he carefully ladled soup into it, wiping the spillage from the side before setting it on the tray next to the plate of sandwich triangles. He rearranged the entire tray four times before he was satisfied with it, pretending he didn't notice the way Sam and Amelia shared grins as they watched him. 

"Look Cas, you take that to Dean okay? We'll worry about the mess."

"Thank you," he nodded, gingerly picking up the tray as he started toward the bedroom. Castiel carefully rearranged himself so the tray lay along his left arm fingers holding tight to the edge. He knocked quietly on the door, not wanting to wake Dean up if he was sleeping.

"Hmm?" came the groggy reply.

"Dean?"

"Cas, that you?"

"Yes. Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

He opened the door slowly and took the tray in both hands again, pushing the door shut with his wing, earning him an impressed grin from Dean.

"That's awesome."

"Yes, thank you?" he mumbled, setting the tray along the line of Dean's legs and stepping back. "Sam said this might help your cold."

When Dean looked up at him it was with confusion and something close to wonder. "You made all this?"

His wing fluttered slightly behind him and Castiel tipped his chin down, hiding the flush that crept into his cheeks. "Sam helped."

Dean looked equally as bashful, turning the cup of orange juice around on the wooden tray.

"Is something wrong?" the panic that struck him was almost a physical sensation, but Dean was quick to clarify.

"No, it's just... hunting and whatever, we don't really get much time to be sick. You definitely don't get," he gestured between Castiel and the tray of food, "this. Last time someone took care of me when I was sick, I was four years old so I just- y'know what," he grinned, "I'll shut up. Thanks, Cas."

"You're welcome," he waited a moment as Dean took a bite out of one of the sandwiches, "is it okay?"

"It's great, Cas. Sam told you about the pickle thing, huh?"

"Yes."

"You gonna sit?"

Castiel sat down on the edge of the bed. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Dean pulled the tray over his lap and sipped his coffee, wide grin still firmly in place. He looked sincerely pleased, and Castiel didn't miss the way Dean glanced over at him. _Don't go falling in love with him, Cassie_. The words echoed in his head and Castiel cursed his silent brother before realizing Gabriel hadn't _actually_ said it. He would have thought it humorous but for the way Dean was looking at him. 

"What?" he asked, and Dean jumped slightly. 

"Nothing," he shook his head, and returned to his soup with a faint grin. "This is awesome, by the way."

Castiel flushed and turned away with a mumbled 'glad you like it.' "I'm going to have a shower."

"If you want me to do your wings when you're done, just bring a couple extra towels okay?"

"I will, thank you."

-

The shower was less satisfying that it probably should have been. Water ran hot and relaxing down his back and all he could think about was Gabriel's imaginary voice in his head. 

_He's human, Cassie._

_It's not going to end well._

_I just don't want to see you get hurt._

_Do you love him?_

Oh shut up, he thought, rubbing water out of his eyes. What did it matter what Gabriel thought - he wasn't here. Castiel wasn't going to think about him anymore, and he definitely wasn't going to ponder his last imaginary question. 

He managed to keep his resolve for a total of ten minutes until he walked back into the bedroom, arms piled with towels, and found Dean waiting for him, propped up on one elbow with a smile. 

"You ready?" he asked, and it took a few moments before Castiel relaxed enough to slow his breathing back to normal.

"Yes," he replied flatly.

"You know I only do this because it has to be done right? We can't exactly have you soaking everything and your wings aren't exactly small..."

"I know, but you don't exactly make it easy." 

"What?"

"Nothing," he backtracked. What was he doing? That was definitely not supposed to come out that way. Dean was silent, but kept watching him expectantly, as if he was waiting for a better response. Eventually, he seemed to realize he wasn't going to get one.

"Come on, you're dripping all over the floor."

Castiel passed him the towels and Dean laid them out for him to sit on. 

Maybe it was because he was desperately trying to forget the things his imaginary brother had said, or because he felt guilty for even thinking about that when Dean was around, but everything went much more smoothly than usual. His thoughts were enough to distract him from the brush of fingers and fabric along his wings and with his eyes closed he was almost able to imagine he was somewhere else. He sighed as Dean announced his completion and remained still for a moment, not feeling the usual urge to pull away the second the task was finished. 

He gathered up the wet towels and carried them into the bathroom. When he returned for the tray of dishes, Dean was lying on his back again, music playing from the cassette player beside his bed. 

"What is this?" he asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

"Led Zeppelin. It's a mixed tape Sammy made me years ago for my birthday. Shut the door and come listen."

"You should get some rest."

"I will, I promise, just come sit down for five minutes. And do you mind turning the light off, my head is killing me."

Castiel sighed and pushed the door shut quietly, flicking the light switch as he crossed to sit on the edge of the bed. He could feel Dean squirm down the bed to get comfortable.

"You can lie down, Cas. We've slept together before." He chuckled as Castiel physically flinched at the phrasing. 

Castiel shuffled farther onto the bed, careful not to get too close to Dean as he rolled onto his stomach, letting one wing hang over the edge of the bed. Music swelled through the silence, filling up the room as if it had a physical presence and Castiel turned to look at Dean. 

His chest rose and fell slowly as his eyes dropped shut, a small smile pulling at the corner of his lips. Dean was perfect, the most beautiful of all his father's creations and Castiel was the one who got to see him up close. Forget what Gabriel would say, the more Castiel stayed with him, the more he wanted to ease the man's suffering, erase the loneliness that was present whenever he watched his brother with Amelia. He wanted to reach over and pull him in close, to hold him and kiss him until that contented little smile was the only expression he knew. 

Castiel closed his eyes and let the music lull him as he drifted off. He could hear Dean humming in the background and he exhaled deeply, mumbling nothingness in response. 

-

He blinked at the knock on the door. Dean was shuffling around next to him and he grumbled something that sounded like 'come in.'

"Um, am I okay to turn on the light or...?"

"You're good Sam," he chuckled. The light switched on and Castiel groaned, burying his face in the pillow. 

"Sorry, Cas, I thought you were still asleep. What's up Sammy?"

"We're eating early, if you're hungry and then we're gonna take the dog out for a bit."

"Yeah, sure, just gimme a few minutes to wake up and we'll be out."

"How long did I sleep for?" Castiel asked once the door had clicked shut, "I didn't even realize."

"Couple hours I think. You weren't out very long before me, though. I'm gonna have a quick shower before dinner. I feel disgusting."

"Alright," Castiel mumbled, pulling himself up so he was sitting over the edge of the bed. "

-

After dinner, Dean went back to bed and Castiel curled up on the couch. Without anyone else around the room was nearly completely silent. He turned so he was facing the back cushion, pulling the blanket up around his waist, sliding it carefully beneath his wing and closing his eyes. Gabriel popped briefly back into his mind, but he pushed the thoughts aside. Gabriel isn't here, he thought inhaling the strong scent of _Dean_ and tucking his chin against his chest.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amelia was in front of him, fingers pressing into his knees. She was speaking, Sam was too, but he couldn't hear their words. The only sensation he knew was blinding pain and he was barely even aware of their presence save for where Amelia was touching him. He was terrified, and he wanted Dean with him, _needed_ him there. 
> 
> " _Cas- Castiel_?" the voice was dull and dim, as though far away and he winced against it. 
> 
> "Castiel!" this voice was louder, clearer. He tried to open his eyes, but the pain struck again and he doubled over, hands clutching at his head. Someone was trying to get through to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oop, I'm going to attempt chapter summaries for the next little bit and see how it goes

After breakfast the following morning, Castiel crept back onto the couch, burying himself in the warmth of the blankets as Sam and Dean argued back and forth in the kitchen.

"I'm fine."

"You spent all day yesterday in bed."

"And now I feel fine. I have shit I have to pick up."

"Like what? I can get it for you when I take Amelia in."

"I can get my own things," Dean insisted.

"Why are you being so difficult about this?" Sam asked. There was a note of suspicion in his voice that Dean obviously picked up on because his response was sharper than it had been before.

"I'm not. I just- personal shit, Sam."

Castiel had barely known them two weeks, but the particular silence that fell after that was one that he was familiar with. When he glanced up, Sam's raised eyebrow and half-smirk were not unexpected, though the obvious embarrassment on Dean's face was a surprise. 

"Just tell me what you want, I'll pick it up." Sam was being intentionally stubborn now and Dean knew it, shooting his best scowl at his brother. Castiel was so distracted watching them that he nearly jumped when Amelia sat down in the chair next to him.

"I don't suppose you know what this is all about? Dean looks like he's about to catch on fire."

Castiel shook his head at her, "they were talking about it when I woke up. Dean wants to go into town and Sam has been making a list of the reasons he shouldn't."

"Dean's got a lot of heat on him back in civilization, he really shouldn't be going anywhere."

"Dean is incredibly stubborn," he couldn't help the eye roll that accompanied his words, and Amelia laughed. 

"You've noticed, huh?"

"It's hard not to," he huffed, "it doesn't help matters that he won't tell Sam _why_ he wants to go on his own." Amelia nodded and they quieted down again, as Dean started back up.

"Dude, what part of _personal_ , do you not get?"

"You kind of lost the luxury of privacy when a shifter stole your face, Dean."

"I'm going, Sam."

" _Dean_."

" _Sam_ ," he mocked, "seriously, there are things I really have no desire to tell you. This just so happens to be one of those things. I'm not gonna be all day," he added more gently. "But I am gonna go, and I am gonna go alone. And I'll be fine," he rolled his eyes as Sam huffed at him. "You want me to pick anything up for you?"

"No," he huffed again, "I'm going in with Amelia in the morning."

"Alright then, I'll see you guys in a few hours." Dean stood up and was out the door in only a few minutes. Castiel sat quietly, but it wasn't long before the comfortable silence turned awkward. Sam and Amelia shared an awkward look and Castiel sighed. 

He waited anther few minutes before getting up to leave, but a stabbing pain in his head dropped him back into his chair, wide-eyed and gasping. The pain was similar to the headache he had experienced before, but so different at the same time. There was a distinct familiarity that he couldn't quite place; an almost buzzing sensation at the back of his mind. 

Amelia was in front of him, fingers pressing into his knees. She was speaking, Sam was too, but he couldn't hear their words. The only sensation he knew was blinding pain and he was barely even aware of their presence save for where Amelia was touching him. He was terrified, and he wanted Dean with him, _needed_ him there. 

" _Cas- Castiel_?" the voice was dull and dim, as though far away and he winced against it. 

"Castiel!" this voice was louder, clearer. He tried to open his eyes, but the pain struck again and he doubled over, hands clutching at his head. Someone was trying to get through to him. 

It was another fifteen minutes before he was able to sit up straight again, and Amelia was right there when he did. Sam's voiced reached him first.

"Cas, you okay?"

"Fine," he mumbled, "fine... now."

"What the hell was that?"

He glanced up momentarily, "Gabriel, I hope."

Sam readjusted himself, leaning forward with wide eyes, "Gabriel? Like your brother, the Archangel Gabriel?" he asked, "You want to start from the beginning, Cas?" 

-

Sam and Amelia absorbed every word he said, watching him with intrigue as he explained. Castiel was back in the corner of the couch, a glass of water and a couple of pills sitting on the table next to him. His audience were sitting around the table on the floor. 

"It's a method of non-verbal communication, Dean calls it _angel radio_. This is the first time I've been without it for as long as I can remember."

"Dean knows?" Sam piped up.

"Yes," Castiel frowned, "I told him before. Should he not know?"

"No, I'm just surprised... You haven't really told us anything about yourself up until now."

Amelia interrupted with a hand on Sam's. "I don't understand though... if this is something you've always had in your head, why the pain?"

"I think it has to do with my grace," he sighed, and glanced down at the coffee table. Guilt tugged at his heart and it took a moment before he responded, "I'm _falling_ ; losing my grace." He paused again, then slowly tilted his head up to look at Sam, "I don't know if it matters at all, but Dean knows this too."

"You're _what_?"

"Falling. As in -from Grace." He barely held back from rolling his eyes at Sam's blank expression, something he realized he must have picked up from Dean, "I'm human, or near enough."

"And you didn't think to mention this?"

"I never expected to stay, Sam. I'm sorry."

"You told Dean."

"Sam," Amelia's hand reached out to him again, "he's spent a lot more time with Dean, they've had more time to talk." She turned to Castiel, "are you okay telling us what you told Dean?"

He nodded at Amelia while Sam's forehead creased, "I haven't been connected to the others since the fall, I didn't think anyone else would still be able to reach out, but... If there is someone, they must be close by."

"You said Gabriel earlier, why?"

"If anyone is still connected to Heaven strongly enough to reach me when I can't even- they would have to be much stronger than I am. An Archangel, more than likely. I think I heard my name, Gabriel is the only one who would reach out to me specifically."

"Well that's good, right?" Sam perked up again, leaning forward.

"I don't want to give myself false hope. The connection severed rather suddenly."

"How's your head?" Amelia asked

"Better. It's just a constant ache now."

"We'll let you rest," she said, nudging Sam as she stood up. He followed her up and into the kitchen as Castiel readjusted himself further down the couch. He swallowed the pills with a drink of water and closed his eyes.

A soft touch to his forehead pulled his attention and he opened his eyes. Amelia was holding a cloth out to him. 

"This might help your head," she laid it over his forehead, "Sam and I are gonna stay out for a bit, give you some peace and quiet."

"Thank you," he smiled.

"It's no big deal, I'm used to taking care of injured people, these idiots come home bleeding practically every day."

"Still," he sighed, "thank you."

-

The next thing he knew, Dean was sitting on the table next to him, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. 

"How you feelin'? Sam told me what happened." 

"I think I'm fine now. It only happened three times, the first time was the worst." 

Dean practically fell forward, "Three times? Cas, are you sure you're okay? It sounded pretty rough."

"I'm perfectly fine now, Dean."

"Good," Dean sighed. He reached a hand out and pressed it against Castiel's forehead, fingers brushing down his cheek to cup his jaw. Castiel steeled himself, resisting the urge to lean into the touch. "You're getting scruffy," Dean commented, running his fingers along the underside of Castiel's chin. His face broke into a grin, "speaking of which, I got you some things."

"You- what?"

"When I was in town, I picked up a couple things for you. Hold on," he pulled away, curling his fingers in Castiel's short beard, as he did. 

Castiel watched him with interest, his curiosity rose as Dean returned with a pair of plastic bags. He sat down on the table again, pulling various things out of the bags and laying them out of the table. 

"I figured you'd want some clothes of your own, it'll be a whole lot easier than trying to alternate on laundry day," he ginned, "I got you a few pairs of jeans - they're the same size as mine, so they should fit okay - um, boxers, because frankly, I'm not overly fond of sharing them, and pyjama pants." He handed the other bag over and Castiel peered into it, pulling out a book, holding back a grin as he looked over at Dean.

"Lord of the Rings."

"Thought you might like those. You were finished with the Hobbit, and we've been pretty bad at watching the movies, so I thought you might like the books." 

"Thank you." 

Dean just shrugged, but Castiel wrinkled his nose at the warmth that spread through his chest. He asked about the other items, carefully keeping his expression casual as Dean explained the purpose of a wide selection of items. When Dean came to something he called an electric razor, he paused, looking up at Castiel for a moment. 

"I picked this up so you could shave - if you want - but I dunno, on second thought, I kinda like the peach fuzz."

-

Dean sat with him while he read that evening, just leaning against the back of the couch quietly, while Castiel flipped through the pages. Dean glanced over at him once or twice, but for the most part he remained quiet with a soft grin on his face, and when he fell asleep, falling to one side, Castiel shifted to cover him with his wing. 

He continued reading, half-conscious of Dean, but paying little attention unless the man moved in his sleep. He was halfway through the third chapter when Sam emerged from his room. Running a hand through his hair, Sam raised an eyebrow at him - or rather, the pair of them - as he passed. 

Sam searched through the cupboards for a while, before leaning over the counter. 

"You wanna help me make something for dinner? There's not really a lot to eat otherwise."

Castiel looked down at the man sleeping beneath him. He didn't want to wake him up, but he was getting hungry, and always enjoyed helping Sam. Easing himself up, he brushed his primary feathers along Dean's arm. 

They made chicken and potatoes, and Sam insisted on making a salad to go with it. Castiel woke Dean up and they all ate together, sitting around the kitchen table in the fading sunlight. They talked lightly, eating slowly, and when they finished Dean grabbed Sam's laptop and set it up on the coffee table. 

"What are you doing?" Castiel asked, settling back on the couch. 

"We're gonna watch the Two Towers."

They started watching the movie while Sam and Amelia were still busy in the kitchen, and by the time they were halfway through, Castiel could feel his eyelids drooping. He fell asleep that night with his head in Dean's lap and a hand carding through his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh you guys, I'm sorry this chapter's so short .-.  
> The next one is back to normal (maybe a bit longer to make up for it!)
> 
> Also, I got stuck a while back and started writing this from Dean's POV. I don't know if I'm gonna post or not, but if you want it I might, so let me know what you think c:


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Electricity jolted through him, blocking out every other sensation. He couldn't feel anything but where Dean's skin met his. All he could hear was the sound of his own ragged breathing and the soft encouragements from Dean. 
> 
> Whatever had been holding him back before seemed to have gone, and Dean was breathing nearly as heavily as he was, one hand constantly running up and down his chest.
> 
> Castiel's mouth was dry, and he continually flicked his tongue out to wet his lips, biting down on his bottom lip as another wave of pleasure crashed over him. He opened his mouth in a gasp, and lips met his, soft but determined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eugh, this story hates me so much right now, but you guys are so awesome and I love all your comments <3333  
> Also, I was editing this while watching Breaking Bad, so if there's mistakes, I apologize.

It was Thursday, Castiel thought, the first time he started paying attention to the days of the week. He hadn't ever had a need to think about days and weeks before, but they were passing quickly with no sign of any other angels, and he was beginning to think they would never find the others, that maybe there weren't any others to find. Not anymore. There hadn't been any sign of them since the night he thought someone had reached out to him, and as much as he wanted to believe that they were out there, Castiel was beginning to lose hope. Even if he did find them, he had no idea where to even _begin_ thinking about how to get home. 

He hit low points and Dean would sit with him, watching movies, teaching him various things about his world. It helped, but the concern still pressed at the back of his mind, and when he couldn't ignore it, Dean would drag him out and they would walk through the forest, sometimes for hours. Things weren't perfect, but they managed. Castiel had even started think being stuck on Earth - powerless or not - would be okay, so long as he was with Dean. 

The awkward erections hadn't gotten any better, but being dependant on Dean to check and dry his wings, he hadn't expected that to change. His utter refusal to deal with them, however, lead to countless arguments with Dean. On top of everything else he felt, swimming around in his head, he didn't need the added guilt of thinking about Dean that way - and thinking about him was generally a result of 'dealing with it' - Dean deserved better than that. Although he tried desperately to ignore the feelings, they worked their way up to the front of his mind, and he spent a lot of time being grumpy. Some days were worse than others. 

It was one of those days - a particularly bad one - that Sam announced he was driving into town to spend the day with Amelia, leaving Castiel and Dean alone in the cabin. Castiel took the first chance he had to get in the shower, avoiding any possible contact with Dean. 

Castiel stretched his wings carefully, looking around to ensure he didn't knock anything over. It was only the second day he'd had the bandage off, and it was taking some time to get used to paying attention to where his wings went. Sam had scowled at him and Amelia had giggled when he'd sent cushions flying all over the living area. 

There was more space in the bathroom, and many fewer things to be knocked over, and so he stretched them as wide as he could in the small space. Having mobility in both wings was something he never thought he would take for granted, and it was such a relief to have it back. After the freedom, however, the shower was incredibly constricting and he was eager to get out. 

Dean was still insistent on drying his wings, refusing to let Castiel outside to shake them off when he was wet and not wearing a shirt. He pulled on a pair of dark jeans and flopped cross-legged to the floor, calling for Dean. The man pushed the door open a moment later, peering in at him.

"If you're going to do this, why don't you just get it over with."

"Alright, calm down."

"We don't have to do this anymore," Castiel reminded him gruffly.

"It's _October_ , Cas. You're not going out there-"

"Without a jacket, right?" 

"Jesus, who pissed in your cornflakes?"

Castiel grumbled, leaning forward and away from Dean's touch, barely biting back a moan. He jerked away the second Dean finished, snapping his wings against his back and stomping back into the living room. He slumped against the back of the couch, pulling a blanket over his lap as he shifted uncomfortably. 

Reading was difficult enough before Dean joined him, trying to block out of discomfort and need that thrummed through him. Dean just added to his irritation, shaking his leg with his nose pressed into his book. 

" _Dean_ ," he growled.

"What?" Dean shot back defensively, "what is your problem?"

"Can you stop shaking your leg? I can't even focus."

"So sorry, Cas," he huffed sarcastically.

When Dean persisted, Castiel huffed, shaking he blanket off and returning to the bedroom. He slammed the door behind him and crossed to the far corned of the bed, dropping onto it as he glared at the wall. Despite how hard he tried to ignore it, the aching in his groin persisted. He pressed the heel of his hand against the bulge in his jeans. 

It was good, really good, but he was already losing himself, sliding his hand back up and down, already imagining someone else's hands on him and- no. He stopped himself, yanking his hand back suddenly. He wasn't going to let himself think about Dean that way. Dean deserved better than that. With a groan, Castiel squeezed his eyes shut and fell back against the bed.

-

He sat cross-legged on the bed, wings folded tightly against his back in frustration. He heard Dean before he saw him, but he didn't change position, picking the pills on the blanket and flicking them off the edge of the bed; he wasn't in the mood to talk. His teeth ground together and his shoulders tensed. The last thing he wanted was to have another stupid argument with Dean. 

The bed sunk down behind him and the scent of leather and aftershave greeted him. Normally it was comforting, but right now it just spurred on the need in him, and all he wanted was to not be anywhere near Dean. He turned his head, staring blankly out the window.

"You gonna tell me why you're so pissy recently?"

Castiel grunted, he knew exactly what Dean would say, and it wasn't something he wanted to listen to. 

"Hey," a hand was on his shoulder and he spun around, shrugging it off and narrowing his eyes at the hunter. 

"What do you want, Dean?"

"I want to talk about what the hell your problem is lately."

"You _know_ why, Dean. I lost _everything_."

"We're trying to help-"

"You can't."

"Look, I know we haven't gotten far in looking for your family, but-"

"That's not what I'm talking about." Castiel gritted his teeth again, tempted to storm out of the room, but he had nowhere else to go.

"You can tell me what's wrong, y'know," Dean's head was turned away when Castiel looked, but his words were less severe than before. 

Castiel exhaled with a growl, "we've already talked about this, Dean. You said it's something I need to deal with on my own." He could hear Dean's reaction even if he couldn't see it. It sounded like he had tried to swallow and suddenly forgotten how. 

"I thought you... y'know- you did it before."

Heat curled up his neck, "I don't want to talk about it." There was a deafening silence as he tried to push back the memory and thoughts of Dean, deciding at last, to continue.

"It's not... enough," he mumbled eventually. The idea had been in his head for days.He had been turning it over in his head but had never thought of actually _acting_ on it. He fell silent again, playing out the various possible scenarios and how they would play out. It almost wasn't worth it for the reaction he was sure to get, but the throbbing desperation won out against the awkwardness he would have to deal with afterward. 

"Dean-" the sound of his own voice seemed magnified in the heavy silence. 

The man whipped around, glancing suspiciously at Castiel, as if he could tell what was about to be asked of him. 

"You said you wanted to helpme," he hushed, forcing the fear out of his voice, " _Help me_."

"Dude, come on. You know I can't. It's- well it's kind of an intimate thing."

It was better than he had imagined, at least Dean was still in the room.

"I'm not an idiot Dean, I _know_ that," he sighed, "I also know you're the kind of person who doesn't worry about things like that... please," he turned his head, surprised to find conflict in Dean's face, rather than annoyance or flat out anger. 

"Cas, I..."

Castiel fixed him with determined eyes, hoping his desperation didn't show through. 

"Dean, I need this."

Dean shook his head in resignation, "I swear to God, you breathe a _word_ of this to Sam and you're out on your own. This never happened, okay?"

"Dean-"

"Shut up," he rose from the bed, pushing the door silently closed and sliding the lock across. Castiel had barely moved by the time Dean dropped back onto the bed, only having inched slightly further onto the it. 

"You're gonna have to lie down."

Castiel pushed himself further up the bed, leaning against the pillows with his head resting on the wall. His eyes flicked up to Dean's, searching for anger that he never found. His brows furrowed and Dean huffed at him.

"What's wrong now, Cas?"

"Nothing,"

"Then stop looking at me like that and get your jeans off."

Panic raced through him suddenly and his eyes flicked between his hips and Dean. His heart was beating faster than he thought was probably normal, but he managed to move his arms, looking away as he fumbled with the unfamiliar buttons. 

He could feel Dean's eyes on him, and he pushed the rough material down as he finished with the buttons, forcing himself not to press up into each touch. 

"Now just- you gotta... fuck- Cas," Dean huffed, shaking his head, "shove over."

"What?"

"Cas, just, shove over- into the middle of the bed."

Castiel did, watching Dean expectantly as the man nudged his legs apart with his knees. He leaned forward over Castiel's hips, leaning on one arm. Dean barely looked up at him, but the flush in his cheeks was unmistakable. 

"Can I touch you?" he mumbled

Castiel would have sworn his heart stopped, if he wasn't still conscious. Heat rushed through him, filling up every inch of him with nervous anticipation. 

"Yes," he breathed. "Dean, _please_."

A rough hand ran down his side, sending shivers up his spine and drawing desperate whimpers from him as it slowly closed around his swollen cock. His hips bucked up involuntarily and Dean smirked at him, apparently regaining his confidence. 

"Dean," his voice was breathless and shaky in a way he had never heard before and he clamped his mouth shut as he rolled his hips against Dean's hand. His eyelids fluttered shut, and he breathed softly, allowing the feelings to take over. 

Electricity jolted through him, blocking out every other sensation. He couldn't feel anything but where Dean's skin met his. All he could hear was the sound of his own ragged breathing and the soft encouragements from Dean. 

Whatever had been holding him back before seemed to have gone, and Dean was breathing nearly as heavily as he was, one hand constantly running up and down his chest.

Castiel's mouth was dry, and he continually flicked his tongue out to wet his lips, biting down on his bottom lip as another wave of pleasure crashed over him. He opened his mouth in a gasp, and lips met his, soft but determined. 

It took him a moment to realize Dean was kissing him, and he opened to him, lips going soft and pliant as he breathed in the familiar scent. He groaned into Dean's mouth, bringing his hands up to smooth over Dean's back.

They were pressed together in a second without an inch of space between them, and the heat in Castiel's gut was building rapidly, swirling within him. His hips jerked forwards erratically, his entire body was shaking, and Dean pressed his temple against his, nosing the hair above Castiel's ear with warm breath. One of Dean's hands slid up, tangling in his hair.

"I got you," he whispered, "it's okay Cas, I got you."

He didn't want to let go. He wanted to stay here with Dean, but he was losing the little control he still had. His hand slipped to Dean's shoulder, gripping tightly as the pleasure peaked and he thrust up into Dean's hand. He came with a broken cry, fingertips digging into the flesh of Dean's shoulder. 

As he fell back into the pillows, he barely registered the tingle in his fingers, trying to recapture his breath and slow his heartbeat, but Dean jerked back with a curse. 

When he regained some of the strength in his body, Castiel sat himself up against the wall, watching Dean with curious eyes as the hunter inspected his left arm.

"What the _hell_ was that?" he raised the sleeve of his shirt, revealing a raised, red handprint.

"I, I don't know."

"Did- did you just try to _smite_ me?" 

Dean looked from the burn up to Castiel and the disbelief on his face was mixed with what almost looked like disgust. Guilt twisted in Castiel's gut, and he wanted Dean to leave. He wanted to push him away, but instead, Castiel raised a hand, gently brushing fingertips along the raised edges of the handprint.

"I'm sorry, Dean." He recoiled from the mark, curling his fingers in on themselves. His eyebrows pulled up in the centre and he stared at Dean with wide eyes, desperately wishing that Dean would either yell or leave, he couldn't bear the look on his face any longer. "Dean..."

"Sorry, I should let you get... yeah." He rose quickly, seemingly forgetting about his shoulder as he left Castiel alone in the room. 

The sinking feel was immediate when Dean left, and he thought that he might throw up. Without making any effort to clean himself up, pulled the blanket over him, tucking his wings beneath it and ignoring the discomfort it caused. 

Rage boiled within him, battling with the shame and guilt that were already overwhelming. He clenched his jaw and dropped his chin to his chest, thinking of a time when he could so easily sweep emotions away that he took it for granted. 

-

By the time Sam arrived home with Amelia that evening, Castiel had cleaned up himself and the bed, so the knock didn't jolt him as it might have. He set down the book in his hands and crossed the room, pulling the door open to reveal a stony-faced Sam. 

"What's wrong?" he asked immediately.

Sam pulled up and smile and shook his head lightly, producing a plastic bag, "it's nothing, just Dean. But, hey, I got you something today."

Castiel's heart sunk, but he tried to ignore it, "you got me something?"

"Yeah," he held the bag out for Castiel to take, and he did, looking genuinely confused. There was a heavy beige fabric inside and Castiel lifted it out carefully, using both hands to hold it as it slipped from his grasp. He unfolded it, unfolding it until it was recognizable as a trench coat. 

"It's so you don't get caught in the rain again. It might be a little uncomfortable, but it's big enough to fit over your wings - mostly."

"Thank you, Sam."

The man shrugged and smiled, "no big deal." 

The expression on Sam's face faded slightly, and he looked over his shoulder before nudging the door closed. "Look, it's none of my business, I'm not gonna pretend I know what it is, and I'm not gonna ask, but there's something going on that you and Dean really need to talk about and he is _not_ going to be the one to start it."

"I'll keep that in mind."

Sam opened his mouth as if to speak, then shut it again, narrowing his eyes thoughtfully, "you wanna take the dog out with Amelia and I later? We were gonna ask Dean too, but..." he shrugged. "We'll leave him here, give him some time to calm down about whatever."

-

He spent the rest of the night with Sam and Amelia. They made dinner and took the dog out afterward while Dean stayed put with his headphones on and his book open. Castiel still felt incredibly guilty, but he pushed through it, talking eagerly with Sam and Amelia as though nothing had happened. 

When they set out, Amelia wrapped him in a makeshift shirt, similar to the clothing he had worn his whole life. He frowned at it when she finished, but she seemed pleased, shooting a proud smile at Sam as she stood back.

"Your arms might get a little cold, do you want to bring the coat?" 

"I'll be fine. Thank you. I've only just gotten the use of both my wings back, it would be a shame to confine them again."

"Yeah, of course. You ready then?" 

Castiel nodded and they headed out the door, lead by an impatient Spike. Sam was already out the door, laughing as he let himself be pulled along by the dog. Castiel turned back into the room and Dean raised his hand in a subtle wave. He didn't think he would ever get over the way a simple gesture could affect him so intensely, but he had to look away from Dean to keep the flush hidden. He raised one wing in a semi-wave and turned with a woosh before Dean could say anything. 

He enjoyed spending time with Sam and Amelia, although he spent most of their hike looking around at the trees. They stopped at the foot of the mountain they had climbed previously and Sam took the dog off the leash so he could run around freely. He and Amelia started partway up the incline, but Castiel stayed below, constantly tossing a slobbery stick into the trees for Spike. 

The trees were less dense here, and he could watch the dog as far as he ran, ensuring he came back each time. The sounds of his companions trailed down to him and Castiel closed his eyes, leaning back against a tree, with his wings outspread on either side of him. 

It was relaxing, to be out of the cabin and surrounded only by nature, if not a little cold. Castiel didn't mind though, out here he didn't have to think of the problems posed to him; he didn't have to think about the angels, or finding a way home. He didn't have to think about Dean. He did, however, think about Dean - more than anything else.

A small smile spread across his face at the memories he shared with the elder brother. They had frequented this spot when they walked in the evenings, and Castiel was beginning to think of it as a safe place; somewhere peaceful where he could sit and think interrupted. Today however, he barely had time to start a thought before he was being prodded with the end of a wet stick. Spike was determined to get his attention and Castiel couldn't help but give it to him. He smiled as the dog dropped down on his front legs, looking up expectantly. He tossed the stick again and Spike tore up the mossy ground as he turned to chase after it. Castiel was still smiling after him when Sam and Amelia returned. 

"We picked blackberries," she announced, holding out a plastic bag, "have some."

"Thank you," he nodded, taking a few of the berries and looking them over carefully before popping one into his mouth. Spike was nudging at he knee again, but Sam grabbed the stick before he had a chance to. 

The three of them sat together around Castiel's tree, talking quietly and taking turns throwing the now half-chewed stick. It was oddly disconcerting how at ease he felt, even without Dean around; he actively enjoyed Sam and Amelia's company. They headed back as darkness started to creep between the trees, not wanting to get stuck out in the dark again. 

By the time they returned, Dean was unconscious on the couch, and Castiel had nearly forgotten the reason he had wanted to escape in the first place. When he saw Dean, the memories came flooding back, though the emotions were less severe. He crossed to the couch, some instinct telling him to pull Dean's blanket up over him, to keep him warm and comfortable. He tugged the headphones off his head and replaced the book on the coffee table where it was kept, Dean had probably fell asleep while reading and he didn't imagine sleeping with headphones and a book on him would be comfortable. 

-

When Castiel awoke and crept quietly outside the following morning, Dean had barely moved, breathing softly and hugging a pillow to his chest. Castiel smiled softly at him before closing the door. Standing in the small clearing, he stretched his wings fully, flexing before beating them a few times and lifting off the ground. 

It was a few hours before his peace was disturbed. The cabin door opened and shut below him and he turned to watch the space just outside. Dean looked immediately to the mossy patch, the sighed visibly. Castiel shuffled backward, folding his wings so they didn't drag along the roof. 

"Cas, you up there?" Castiel sighed as Dean looked up, walking backwards until they could see each other clearly. "Man, I've been looking for you all morning."

"You haven't been looking very hard. I've been here."

"Sam said he saw you come out here. I wanted to apologize for yesterday."

"You don't need to."

"I'm comin' up, Cas."

He heard more than saw Dean's struggle, crashing and banging as he attempted to climb onto the roof. Castiel was trying to assure him there was nothing to talk about when Dean finally pulled himself up.

"Like hell there's not. What are you doing up here anyway?" He climbed to his feet and crossed to where Castiel was sitting, dropping down in front of him.

"I like it up here. It's quiet, and I can think."

"You want me to go?" he asked. Castiel shook his head and he continued, "I'm sorry about yesterday."

"What for, Dean? You aren't the one who should apologize."

"Yeah, I really should." He sighed, "I shouldn't have kissed you like that. I should have asked, made sure it was okay with you."

"And I shouldn't have… I don't really know what happened…" he mumbled

Castiel fell silent, looking out over the clearing. He didn't realize he was fidgeting until Dean rested a hand on his arm, stilling him. 

"Sorry I brought it up, I just don't want to fuck things up."

"That's not what's wrong, and I told you there's no need to apologize, I would have said yes.." he turned away and added much more quietly, "I liked it." He mentally cursed himself, everything was so much clearer when Dean wasn't around. Nothing came out the way he wanted it to when he was. 

"You did?"

Castiel nodded mutely, re-folding his wings so his primaries were in his lap. 

"What's up, Cas?"

"It's just, like you said yesterday... we haven't been doing much of anything to find the others. I just feel like I should be doing more."

"You think they might have fallen around here somewhere?"

" _I_ did..."

"Okay," Dean nodded, "we'll go out tomorrow and look."

"Okay," he sighed. 

Dean leaned over, hooking a finger under his chin. "We'll find them, okay? And we'll get you home," their foreheads bumped together and Dean smiled softly, "I promise."

Castiel's eyes shut as Dean kissed him, relaxing under the gentle touch. When Dean pulled back, Castiel opened his eyes again, looking down and trying not to smile as Dean caught his gaze again.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Don't fall in love with him_. The part of him that wanted to leave, to go out and search for his siblings, was shrinking every day, and he wondered if maybe he wasn't already falling. He knew he still _had_ to find them, but the nagging urge had diminished and he almost didn't want to find them. No, that was wrong he wanted to find them - he wanted it more than anything - but he also wanted Dean and there wasn't any way he could have both. 
> 
> _Don't fall in love with him._

Without missing a beat Castiel surged forward, sliding his arms around Dean's neck, pressing their lips together much less gracefully than intended. Dean didn't seem to mind, gripping Castiel's hips and drawing him closer as his arms curled around his waist. He mumbled something inaudible and Castiel could feel his mouth turn up in a smile, but neither of them made any move to separate. 

Castiel's lips parted in a soft moan, allowing him to deepen the kiss, and Dean surrendered as Castiel pressed forward, leaning back until he had to withdraw one of his arms to support him. Dean was laughing now, pressing soft, individual kisses to Castiel's lips as he tugged him impatiently into his lap. 

They fell back onto the roof and Castiel's hand shot up to the back of Dean's head as it would have hit the ground. Dean only groaned against him, sliding his hand up Castiel's shoulders and into his hair. He was smiling again, and it only made Castiel want him more. It felt so natural to kiss Dean, and he was so lost in the sensation that he didn't realize the door had opened until Sam called out to his brother.

"Dean, did you find him? Your coffee's getting cold and breakfast is almost ready. 'Melia made French toast." He mumbled something under his breath as he moved further away from the cabin, and Castiel lurched back, barely catching himself as his wings flared wide. 

He could feel the flush creep into his cheeks as he landed clumsily on his behind, but Dean just chuckled at him, crawling over to kiss him quickly before shouting back down to Sam. 

"Did you find Cas?"

"Yeah, he's up here. I'm not just sitting on the roof for fun."

"Okay, well come down and eat." 

Dean pushed himself to his feet as Sam disappeared back inside, and as he turned around, Castiel swept his wing down Dean's back, too far away to brush the debris away with his hand. "You're a mess," he commented. 

"I didn't hear you complaining two minutes ago."

Castiel huffed and promptly dove off the roof, catching the wind beneath his wings and gliding softly to the ground. He glanced back up to the roof where Dean was stood still, gaping at him.

"What?"

"Nothing," Dean shook his head suddenly, crouching back down at the far end of the roof where he had climbed up, "I just kinda forgot that you could _fly_." He climbed into the tree with some difficulty and stumbled as he landed back on the ground. 

"Of course I can fly, what else would I use my wings for?"

"I dunno, shut up." Dean started toward the cabin and Castiel followed, nearly running into him as Dean stopped suddenly just outside the door. "Look, I don't want to be _that guy_ , but you think we can not tell them about," he gestured vaguely between them with one hand.

"If that's what you want."

"Hey, don't sound so miserable, I just- I just wanna wait to tell Sam." 

Castiel tried to steady his features, but he must not have done it well enough because Dean was kissing him again, mumbling assurances and promises that it was just because Dean was difficult. He didn't pull away until they heard the creak of floorboard from just inside the door. "If it was just up to me, I would have done this a long time ago." He pulled the door open before Castiel could respond, bee lining to the kitchen. 

Amelia was sitting at the table, leaning on one arm and looking barely awake until Dean sat down next to he, tilting his whole body until they were nearly touching.

"Morning," he grinned. 

Amelia barely lifted her head, turning to raise an eyebrow at him, "you're awfully cheery this morning. You haven't even had your three cups of coffee yet."

"Apparently, neither have you."

"Spike decided it was playtime at three this morning and I couldn't get him to lie down. Your damn brother slept through the whole thing," she added with a sarcastic grin as Sam joined them. 

"Well, you can let him out so he has more space to run around."

"Yeah," Sam agreed, "let him keep Dean up all night."

Castiel paid little attention to their conversation, more interested in the French toast in front of him. He and Amelia stayed quiet as the brothers continued rambling back and forth. 

When they had all finished eating, Sam let the dog out of the bedroom and Dean spent a good half hour struggling to read while Spike jumped up on him. Castiel managed to sneak onto the other end of the couch while the dog was preoccupied trying to get a bit of leftover toast from Sam. He draped one wing over the arm, letting the other lie along the back of the couch so that it just brushed Dean's head when he leaned back. 

Dean smirked, threading his fingers through the long feathers at the end of Castiel's wing. Sam was watching him but he didn't say anything, only stood with a gentle smile on his face, shaking his head. Castiel hummed under his breath, revelling in the soft sensations that fluttered through his wing. He pulled away as the feeling became too strong and Dean shot him a sheepish look. 

"What do you want to do?" Dean asked after a little while.

"I don't know," Castiel mumbled, tilting his head back against the back of the couch. "I wasn't planning on doing anything today. I was going to sit on the roof and think, but..." his words faded slowly away as he realized Sam hadn't left the room, a faint smirk spreading the pink in Dean's cheeks that Castiel was sure he shared. 

"So you're just gonna sit there all day?"

"Not necessarily. I might read later."

"Oh my God, Cas," Dean groaned, "I'm _bored_."

"What do you want me to do, Dean?"

"Do something with me." He was practically whining now, and Sam had just walked out of the living area, shaking his head dramatically. 

"What did you have in mind?" 

"I dunno... let's take the dog out!"

Castiel's features twisted in confusion, unable to think why Dean would be so eager to take care of the dog suddenly. "You _want_ to take the dog out?"

Dean shrugged, "Yeah, come on."

"Dean, you hate the dog."

"I don't _hate_ him, I just... I'm not a dog person so to speak. Spike's cool, though."

"Why do you want to take him out?" Castiel persisted. Dean rolled his eyes at him, but his eyes softened.

"I thought it would be nice to get out... with you," he rolled his eyes again and Castiel cocked an eyebrow. "without Sam and Amelia," Dean added quietly, keeping an eye on the hallway. 

"Oh."

"So... you wanna come with me?"

"Yeah, I'd like that."

Dean made sandwiches while Sam - rather eagerly - helped Castiel pack toys and food for the dog into one of their bags. He could hear Dean commenting from the kitchen - mostly about Sam - and he faked a cough to cover his laugh as Sam glowered into the other room. There were a surprising amount of things, Castiel thought, that a dog could need for an afternoon, but he helped collect everything Sam listed off. Dog toys were spread all over the living area and the bowls and his leash were shoved under chairs and the couch. 

They started out just before lunch, each carrying a bag while they let the dog ran up ahead. Neither of them bothered to put Spike on a leash - he listened well enough to Dean, and he seemed naturally attracted to Castiel. 

The sun was shining bright through the trees, and it was warm so Dean hadn't tried to force Castiel into some sort of makeshift shirt, although when pressed about it, admitted to packing extra blankets - just in case. The shirt thing had been an issue for a while now, but they had never come up with anything but temporary solutions. Dean had found him a poncho which, although mildly uncomfortable, hadn't been a horrible option until he had regained the use of both wings and couldn't stand to have them restricted any more than keeping them back when inside. The wrap-shirt Amelia had come up with served its purpose well and kept his wings free, but Castiel couldn't get in on and off on his own, and that idea had been scrapped too, leaving him to fall back to not wearing a shirt and dealing with being cold when it actually became a problem.

Dean paid much closer attention to him when they were outside, constantly checking up on him to make sure he was warm enough, or to remind him that it was almost winter, to which Castiel would always reply with an eye roll and _I know, Dean_. If he was honest, Castiel didn't really mind the extra attention; Sam and Amelia never worried over him the way Dean did, but then again, neither of them had _kissed_ him either. 

At the memory, his wings fluttered subconsciously and he snapped them back into place before Dean could shoot him a look. Dean was walking a few paces ahead and he turned his head with a raised eyebrow. 

"Having some control issues back there?"

"I'm fine," Castiel replied - a little too quickly, he knew - relaxing his wings so that the longest primaries swept the mossy ground behind him. He brought anything else into his mind - the sun, the moss, the dog - to stop the memory of the morning pushing its way to the front of his mind. It was hard to concentrate with the image of Dean's lips sliding against his, rough fingers pressing gently into the flesh of his hips. _Stop_ he warned himself, looking up to where Dean was now stopped, looking back at him with something similar to concern in his eyes. 

"I'm fine," he repeated, a little more calmly. 

"You've been stumbling around back there for nearly ten minutes, Cas. What's up?"

"Nothing, I was just thinking. Let's continue." He pressed ahead, but Dean stopped him just as he was about to overtake the man, a soft touch to his shoulder enough to stop him dead. His breath was uneven, and something akin to fear was creeping through his bones as he turned away from Dean.

"Dude, you're freaking out on me here, what's wrong? Last time you locked up on me like this was-" Dean stopped himself, and Castiel was thankful, swallowing hard. 

"How's your shoulder?" he asked, voice barely a whisper. 

"It's fine now, nothing worse than your average burn, but don't change the subject. Is this," he gestured casually at Castiel, "about this morning?"

"No." And it was that same snap response that always gave him away, Dean's eyebrows rising in disbelief. "You kissed me."

"Yeah, and you kissed me too. Pretty damn eagerly, if I remember correctly."

"Why?" he asked, ignoring the addition to Dean's admission. 

That was obviously not the reaction Dean had been expecting with the way his face crinkled with confusion. "Because I wanted to," was the eventual reply, "and you did too."

"Yes," Castiel admitted, and that lifted Dean' scowl, "I'm just-" he glanced up and around, and if physically searching for the words, "I'm... concerned."

"About?"

"How do you... _feel_?"

"How do I- Cas," he smiled, "you're not worried that I'm gonna change my mind about this, are you?"

"What is... _this_ , Dean?"

"I uh… I'm not great at talking about things like this. I like you, Cas, a _lot_. And if the way you reacted to me this morning is anything to do by, you do too." 

Castiel watched the ground, unsure of what else to say or do. Luckily, Dean broke the silence before too long. "C'mon," his fingers brushed against Castiel's palm, intertwining with his own fingers. Castiel was barely conscious of the fact that his hand curled around Dean's until the man smiled at him, and gestured with his head. "We have a mountain to climb."

-

Dean didn't release his hand until they were halfway up the trail and he needed to hold back a branch for Castiel and the dog to pass by. They made the rest of the way up separately, Dean leading the way while Castiel started throwing a stick for Spike. 

They had barely reached the clearing at the top of the trail, when Castiel leapt off the edge. He closed his eyes to the sun on his back, and huffed a laugh when Dean gasped at him. The sun was high in the sky, un-obscured by cloud, and it heated each feather individually as they spread wide. He could feel Dean's eyes follow him and he swooped low over the treetops, only smirking a little at the intentional show. It was like breathing again, feeling the wind rush past him, through his hair and feathers. 

When he came to a rest, he hovered before Dean, knees bent just enough so that he didn't touch the ground. Dean was watching him with an intrigued smile. 

"Hey."

"What?" 

"I dunno. I like watching you fly, you look happy. The sun-" he stopped himself, "come sit."

Castiel touched down and sat cross legged on the rocky ground, pulling a blanket around his shoulders. Spike immediately rushed up to him, dropping a stick in his lap and stepping back excitedly. When Castiel threw the stick for him, Dean crowded in behind him, chuckling.

"He likes you."

"I noticed. What are you doing?" he looked back over his shoulder with a frown.

"Calm down. I'm just looking at your wings, I've never seen them outside in the sun, they go kinda purple and green in the light."

Castiel hummed his amusement, carefully extending his wings as far as they would go. Dean's breath was slow and measured as his fingertips brushing through the secondary feathers. A physical shiver ran down Castiel's spine and Dean jerked back.

"Sorry, I'll be careful."

"It's fine," Castiel hummed, and for once he meant it completely. This was the first time anyone had paid so much attention to his wings, wanted to look at them because they _liked_ them. Before it had always been siblings, running a hand alone the arm and assuring him that no, they weren't like Lucifer's wings at all. They had a different sheen. They were darker. He had never understood how having _darker_ wings than Lucifer could be seen as a good thing, but everyone had always assured him it was. 

"Dude, your wings are awesome."

"You've seen them dozens of times, Dean," he mumbled bashfully, fluttering slightly at the praise. Dean ignored the motion, grazing along the tips of his feathers as far as he could reach. 

"Not in the light," his voice was soft, lilting, "Jesus, Cas, how can you not think they're beautiful?"

Castiel dipped his head, resisting the urge to arch up into Dean's touch, "I've told you, there's a certain stigma attached to dark wings, I can't help it. I've always hated them."

"I love them," Dean's voice was so low that Castiel wasn't entirely sure he was supposed to hear it, and his entire body tensed beneath Deans' hands. He was only brought to his senses by the dog nudging at him and dropping the stick increasingly further up his lap. 

"Yes, okay," he picked the stick up, throwing it back toward the trees. Dean was up now and moving around behind him. 

"You wanna eat?"

They ate quietly, other than the persistent barking when no one was throwing the stick, and Dean was still snacking on a bag of chips when Castiel pulled his book out. He sprawled forward on the blanket Dean had laid out for them, wiggling his way off a rock as he parted the pages where his makeshift bookmark rested. The blanket pulled a little against his stomach as Dean lay down beside him. 

"You want another blanket so you don't get cold?"

Castiel nodded, folding his wings carefully so they crossed just above his ankles. The blanket was heavy over them and Dean laughed as Castiel shuffled around to get comfortable, eventually giving in and asking Dean to arrange it for him. 

Their elbows just barely touched when Dean finally settled next to him, but Castiel exaggerated his movements every time he turned a page so that he leaned into the man next to him. If Dean noticed that it was intentional, he didn't say anything. 

It wasn't long before Dean stopped grumbling about the sun in his eyes and his breathing evened out. His jacket was pulled up over his head, bare arms crossed under his cheek and a small smile on his face. 

The sun was hot on Castiel's arms and he frowned over at Dean, where his skin was exposed. With a quick flick of his left wing, he pushed the blanket up and off of himself, holding his wing up to shade Dean's sleeping form from the sun. Spike trotted over and curled up on Castiel's other side, pulling the blanket further off his back and Castiel smiled to himself as he settled back down between them.

When Dean woke up he rolled into Castiel with a groan, stretching his legs out before pulling them up and bumping his head on the wing hanging over him. He mumbled a sleepy apology as Castiel tucked the appendage against his back and propped himself up on one elbow. 

"How long was I out?" Dean's eyes were still aimed up, looking into empty air where Castiel's wing had been. 

"Not long, an hour maybe."

"And you were holding your wing up that whole time?"

Castiel shifted awkwardly and looked away, "Most of the time. I didn't want you to get burnt."

Dean shuffled closer, pressing a kiss to Castiel's forehead as he lay back down, "thanks, Cas." Dean rolled onto his back, smiling back up at him, "you just been reading this whole time?"

"Yes. I think I like the books better than the movies. There's much more in them."

"Yeah, they can't fit everything in the movies. Glad you like 'em, though. I was doubtful when Charlie introduced me, but now Sam's teasing me almost as much as he does her..."

His words started to fade as Castiel focused more on his face, watching the way his eyes lit up when he talked about Charlie and the things they did. _Don't fall in love with him_. The part of him that wanted to leave, to go out and search for his siblings, was shrinking every day, and he wondered if maybe he wasn't already falling. He knew he still _had_ to find them, but the nagging urge had diminished and he almost didn't want to find them. No, that was wrong he wanted to find them - he wanted it more than anything - but he also wanted Dean and there wasn't any way he could have both. 

_Don't fall in love with him._

Dean was looking up at him again when he focused his mind back on their conversation. He was still smiling, part way through a story about some big party that Charlie had taken him too, when his face fell slightly.

"You okay?"

"I was just thinking, keep talking," he mumbled, curling into the blanket on the ground, "I like your stories."

-

The sun was setting before Dean finished talking, and suggested they head back. Castiel was torn between disappointment and relief because even with his enhanced eyesight, he didn't want to try and stumble back in the dark. He could, however - if given the chance - sit and listen to Dean talk all through the night. 

When they reached the cabin, the dog ran in ahead of them and Dean dropped the bags on the chair. Castiel froze as soon as he stepped into the cabin, but Dean seemed perfectly calm, despite the sounds coming from down the hall. He turned and chuckled at Cas.

"What's up?"

Castiel's eyes widened as he looked back at Dean, "we should... give them some privacy." Another loud groan echoed down the hall and Dean rolled his eyes, laughing.

"And Sam says they're not together."


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Like this," he said, zipping around one side, "it's like a huge pocket. You think they'll fit in there? Or is it going to be uncomfortable?"
> 
> "It'll be fine. Where will you sleep?" 
> 
> "Dude," he laughed, "I think after the other day, we can sleep together. I should warn you though, I don't cuddle." He got up to grab the other bag, but froze as Castiel spoke
> 
> "Actually you do."

"It doesn't bother you at all?" Castiel asked, frowning.

"Dude, Sam and I lived on the road our whole lives, in a car or a motel room. We never really had a lot of privacy. We've seen way more of each other than either of us ever wanted to see, it's not really a big deal anymore. What?"

"I still think we should go, they don't get much time alone. We could-"

"Cas, that's sweet."

He scowled at Dean's tone, "you disagree."

"They've had all afternoon." When Castiel rolled his eyes, Dean added, "I'll tell you what. We can do the next best thing."

Castiel raised his eyebrows questioningly. 

"We'll make dinner for everyone. We can put music on and it'll be like they're not even here. Besides, after _that_ , they're bound to be hungry."

" _Dean_."

"Oh come on," he laughed, "you're telling me if that was us in there you wouldn't be glad to come out to find dinner waiting for you?"

His wings snapped against his back immediately, heat searing up his back. Dean seemed to realize what he said a second too late and flexed his hands nervously. "I didn't mean-" There was a moment of silence, both of them looking in opposite directions, before Castiel spoke again,

"Dean," he soothed, still trying not to appear flustered, "it's fine, it's normal for you to think that way."

"Hey, I'm not trying to- we don't have to- Dude, is this even worth talking about right now?"

It felt as though the breath had been sucked from his lungs and Castiel looked up cautiously, "I don't know... I didn't realize you had thought about it."

"Well, yeah. I mean, look at you," Dean stepped forward, brushing the backs of their fingers together, "how could I not?" 

Castiel looked down at their hands, huffing a soft laugh.

"That- what's wrong?"

"Nothing... I want to kiss you."

Dean leaned back against the counter with a slight jolt, "you can kiss me whenever you want, Cas."

Castiel stepped forward, keeping his eyes on Dean's as he closed the distance between them. His hands found the smooth surface of the counter, stomach pressed flat against Dean's. He reached one hand up, tilting Dean's head to bring their lips together in a slow kiss that quickly grew more heated as Dean pressed into it. 

Castiel's hands slid over Dean's hips, down his thighs to hoist him onto the counter and the hunter's legs wrapped around him, pulling him closer. Dean's tongue pressed between his lips and he leaned into it, moaning softly against Dean's mouth. 

A loud thunk sounded down the hall and they broke apart, breathing heavily. Dean nodded into the kitchen, "we should-"

"Dinner," Castiel agreed. He paused for a minute, watching the way Dean smiled as he two large round packages out of the fridge. "What are those?"

"Pizza crusts, you wanna grab the tomato sauce?"

Castiel found he quite enjoyed cooking with Dean, it was much less stressful than cooking _for_ Dean, and there was the added advantage of having him in close proximity. They made two pizzas; one for Dean and one for Sam - neither Castiel nor Amelia were picky, but Dean refused to eat the peppers and tomatoes that Sam insisted upon. Dean chopped up mushrooms and peppers scooping the toppings into bowls and sliding them over to Castiel. He layered them onto the soft crust, watching Dean carefully and copying his every move. 

"You don't have to be so careful, you know."

"I've never done this before, I want it to turn out well."

"Dude, you can't really screw up pizza," he reached over and pinched some cheese, grinning smugly as he popped it in his mouth. 

"Dean."

"Oh come on," he grinned, holding out a piece of pepper. "Fine, suit yourself. That one done?"

"Yeah. As long as you don't eat any more of it," he teased. 

Dean bumped him with one shoulder, nudging him out of the way as he lifted both pizza crusts, "if I didn't know better I'd say that was almost a smile," he winked. 

"Almost," Castiel repeated.

While the pizzas were in the oven, Castiel put together a salad and filled the small cups Dean had given him with sauces, while Dean set the table. Everything was nearly finished by the time Sam emerged from the bedroom. 

"Hey," Dean smirked

"Hey- what's all this about?"

"Nothing," he shrugged, brushing his fingers against Castiel's behind the counter, "just been a good day, though we'd surprise you."

Sam cocked an eyebrow at him, "alright..."

"You don't have to be so suspicious, Sammy. Sit down, Amelia gonna be up soon?"

"Yeah, uh, she'll be out in a minute."

Amelia was far more excited about dinner and infinitely less suspicious, though she assumed it was Castiel's idea. He held back a smug remark, and Dean frowned at him and Amelia. 

"Come on, you don't think I would do something like this?"

Amelia shrugged and grinned, "shall we eat?"

-

It wasn't until the following morning when Dean dragged him out of bed, that Castiel remembered that Sam didn't know about their plan. When he pointed it out to Dean the only response he got was _shit!_ before the man hurried off to find wake up his brother. It didn't take him long to come back, wearing an oh-shit look. 

"What?"

"Woke him up. He said to leave a note, grumbled at me and rolled over."

"So he'll be alright with us leaving?"

"Nope. He's gonna kill me when we get back, but whatever."

Castiel frowned and looked at the half packed bags on the kitchen counter. He didn't like upsetting Sam - or any of them, really - and he didn't want Dean to have to take the blame for it, which he knew he would. 

"Maybe we should stay," Castiel suggested, fidgeting with the strap on one of the bags, "at least until we can talk to Sam about it."

"Dude, it's your family right? The sooner we get going the better."

"Yes, but Sam is your family, and I just want him to be upset."

Dean smiled at him, "he'll be fine." Castiel scowled, still unsure and Dean, thankfully, relented. "Okay fine, we'll wait till Sammy gets his ass outta bed. We still got a bunch of stuff to pack anyway."

Dean moved on to prepare their food, making sandwiches and packing them into a small cooler while Castiel wrapped his blade in a hand towel, tucking it into one of the duffel bags. It had been a long time since he had had any need for it, and he weighed it in his hand as though feeling it's weight for the first time. It would be useful though, if they came upon anything that Dean couldn't handle on his own - although he was stubborn enough that he would probably try. 

Dean brought him a plate of toast that he ate quietly, licking crumbs off his lips as he checked and re-checked the bags. They had already decided they didn't have time for a proper breakfast, and Castiel liked toast so Dean dubbed it perfect and toasted almost half a loaf of bread. 

Sam was grumpy when he got up, muttering at Dean about waking him up at ungodly hours. This was quickly remedied as Dean, somehow perky and organized, literally shoved a piece of toast in his mouth, sliding a mug of coffee across the counter to him as an afterthought. Sam and Castiel shared an exhausted look as Sam munched wordlessly on his toast. 

"Okay, so what are you two up to?" he asked when finished, glancing between his brother and the bags. 

"We're gonna head out again, see if we can see any signs of angels," at the look Sam gave him, he continued, "it'll be fun. Like camping."

"You _hate_ camping."

"No I don't. Tell him Cas, we camped out that one night."

Castiel simply shook his head, "I'm not getting involved."

-

It took most of the morning to ensure they had everything they needed. They had to re-pack one of the bags when Sam suggested bringing a first aid kit and Dean grumbled all the way through it. Amelia was up by the time they left, standing in the doorway with a mug of coffee. 

They made it half an hour away before the bitter air was too much and he had to stop to unpack the trench coat. Luckily, they had been smart enough to pack it on top of the bag and not buried beneath everything else. He dug it out without any difficultly, but getting into it was another matter. Once he had struggled for nearly ten minutes, Castiel threw the coat to the ground, stalking away and sitting by the river. 

Dean went over, still trying to stifle his laughter, "you need a hand with that?"

"Yes," he frowned, "I can't get it-" he huffed and stood up. 

Dean's hands were cold as his fingers brushed against Castiel's shoulder, and he jerked forward a little. When they had the coat over his shoulders, Dean rearranged it over his wings, lingering a little too long as he smoothed down Castiel's arms. 

"That okay?" he asked. Castiel shrugged his shoulders, feeling the weight of the coat pull down on his wings. 

"It's okay. My feathers don't seem to catch on anything," he affirmed. 

"Alright, we good to go on then?" 

Castiel nodded. Dean tugged at his sleeve and they went back to pick up the other bag before debating which direction to head in. Not along the river, that was obvious. They had already been that way more than once and never had any luck. Unfortunately, the river was the only major landmark, and therefore the only marker they had to keep their bearings. They turned left, breaking off from the river where it began to get rocky. 

It was cold, and the wind wasn't helping. Dean had forced Castiel into his extra pair of boots, but he still shivered against the breeze. Dean did anything he could to keep their minds off the cold, forcing Castiel into conversation and questioning him about the angels, even singing aloud when Castiel asked him, though it took much more encouragement than anything else. 

"Why don't you like singing?" he asked

"I do," he shrugged, "just not when people can hear me."

"You have a beautiful voice, you shouldn't be afraid of people hearing you."

"Jesus, Cas, what the hell am I supposed to say to that?"

"You could sing me something again," he suggested hopefully. Dean sighed, shoving his hands into his coat pockets. 

"Like what?"

"That song we listened to before. When you were sick."

"You wanna hear Zeppelin?" The change in Dean's voice is audible, excitement bubbling through every word, "you liked Zeppelin?"

"I think so, and I'd like to hear you sing it." They both fell silent after that, but after a few minutes Dean began to hum the intro, a faint blush highlighting his freckles. 

" _Measuring a summer's day, I only find it slips away to grey, the hours, they bring me pain…_ " Dean turned to him with a smile as he joined in at the chorus,

" _Tangerine, tangerine, living reflection from a dream; I was her love, she was my queen, and now a thousand years between_." 

They continued along through the trees, Dean singing much more freely now, and Castiel joining in where he knew the words. It seemed to please Dean, and so he did it often, starting songs he knew well just to see the smile spread across Dean's face. 

-

It was dark before they stopped, and Dean fumbled around with the flashlight, trying to find anything to light a fire. Castiel collected twigs and leaves to start it, but the night was damp and very little was dry. 

The fire was burning brightly in less time than expected, Dean sitting smugly back on his heels in front of it. Castiel unpacked the bag with their sleeping supplies, casting a glance to the sky. It didn't look like it was going to rain, there were no clouds at least. He laid the larger of the two tarps out just far enough away from the fire that it wouldn't cause problems, and dragged their blankets out, piling them in the centre while Dean warmed his hands over the fire.

"You gonna come warm up?"

"I don't know how we're going to do this," he frowned, staring at the sleeping bags, "my wings won't fit in that."

"What if we zip them together, like a giant pocket?"

Castiel's frown deepened, "I don't understand."

Dean laughed, pushing himself up and crossing to sit on the tarp next to Castiel. He unzipped both sleeping bags and laid one on top of the other, lining up the zippers. 

"Like this," he said, zipping around one side, "it's like a huge pocket. You think they'll fit in there? Or is it going to be uncomfortable?"

"It'll be fine. Where will you sleep?" 

"Dude," he laughed, "I think after the other day, we can sleep together. I should warn you though, I don't cuddle." He got up to grab the other bag, but froze as Castiel spoke

"Actually you do."

Dean spun on his heel, both eyebrows raised over wide eyes, "what?"

"When I left, and you came after me," he said matter-of-factly.

The colour drained from Dean's face, "that long ago? What the hell happened?"

"You don't need to panic," Castiel rolled his eyes to cover up the fact that he was blushing furiously, "it's not a big deal, you just had your arm around me when I woke up."

"Yeah," Dean returned, "well... you're the one who falls asleep on me all the time."

"I don't fall asleep on you all the time."

Dean cocked an eyebrow, "oh really? I can't even count all the times you've fallen asleep on me."

"Are you going to make something to eat?" Castiel asked, turning away to finish zipping up the sleeping bags.

"Don't change the subject on me, Cas. You're more cuddly than I am."

"Because I leaned on you a few times?" he asked, tugging the zipper where it stuck. 

"You fell asleep in my lap, Dude."

"And I suppose that automatically mean you have to play with my hair?" he shot a sly grin back at Dean's speechlessness. "Are you going to make something to eat now?"

"Yeah," Dean mumbled, rubbing his neck, "you want sandwiches or something hot?"

"Sandwiches, we can eat hot food in the morning."

"Which will be oh so fun without coffee," Dean groaned.

"Sam gave me instant coffee, if we can find water, we can boil it."

"Dear God, I love my brother," Dean grinned, walking back over and plopping down next to Castiel. He handed him a sandwich and they ate quietly, watching the fire flicker in the dark. 

Once they finished eating, Dean shoved their bags to the bottom of the sleeping bag, while Castiel tried to put out the fire. They stayed awake until it burned down and then Castiel shrugged out of the trench coat, tucking it into one side of the sleeping bag. He slid in next to Dean, squirming around as he adjusted his wings. 

Dean shuffled back a little closer mumbling, "not cuddling, just cold." Castiel huffed and pressed forward until they were nearly touching, spreading one wing out over Dean and pressing his forehead against Dean's shoulder, just under the edge of the blanket. 

"Cas?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks," Dean mumbled, leaning back against his chest. 

"Right, you don't cuddle," Castiel murmured against the man's shoulders and closed his eyes. 

-

Dean was up already, holding a pot over a small fire, when Castiel woke up. He grumbled a sleepy good morning and peered into the pot, shoulders sagging as he sat back. 

"Told you you were the cuddly one," Dean smirked at him.

"I was keeping you warm."

"And you? It didn't seem like you were complaining."

"It was mutually beneficial," he retorted.

"Mutually beneficial cuddling huh? Don't tell Sam."

"Dean, how many times do I have to say I won't tell him before you listen. The list of things I'm not supposed to talk about is getting fairly lengthy."

Dean just shrugged, turning his attention back to the pot in his hand.

"What are you doing?" Castiel asked

"I went back to the river, got some water for coffee. It's taking forever to boil, though."

"Do you want me to hold it?"

"Nah, I'm good. If you wanna get breakfast started there's a pan in my bag and bacon in the cooler."

Castiel nodded and pulled the pan out, lining it with pieces of bacon. He put the cooler away again and took a seat across from Dean, taking the chance to stretch his wings and shoulders as he held the pan out over the fire. 

The morning air was cool, warm in comparison to the night, but they still crowded around the small fire. Castiel encircled them with his wings, keeping the heat within their small space. He hated the cold, but he was also dreading putting the coat back on and trapping his wings beneath it, wishing they could stay and sit by the fire instead. In reality, he knew it wasn't an option, there was a point to this trip and he wasn't going to forget it.

They ate their breakfast while they packed up, and set out shortly after, dousing the fire behind them. 

"So what are we looking for?"

"Anything," Castiel said certainly, "anything that looks out of place, that suggests angels - anyone - could have been here."

Castiel's eyes flicked constantly back and forth, up and down. They still sang as they walked, but they were both more focused in the morning haze, concentrating on their surroundings more than anything. The fog lifted before noon, but still there was no sign of anything unusual. 

They stopped for lunch not long after the fog passed, and Dean tried to assure him, but Castiel was beginning to think he had only convinced himself they would be out here. He knew it was unlikely, but the alternative meant leaving the cabin and any way he worked it, he really didn't want to leave Dean. Castiel didn't eat much and the frown that had been plastered on Dean's face for the last hour deepened. 

"We've only been looking a little while, Cas. Don't give up." 

He nodded, but his hopes had already begun to sink and he was finding it increasingly difficult not to be negative. It had been nearly a month since the fall, if they had been here, they were probably gone by now. Dean brushed a soothing hand over his shoulders, offering encouraging words that passed right over Castiel. 

His suspicions were only confirmed when they continued after their short break for lunch. They had only been walking for another half hour when Dean spotted something.

He had crossed over to it before Castiel had noticed, shouting for him to stay back for a minute. Sighing, he did, peering after Dean as he bent to pick something up from the ground. Thoughts burned through his mind, spinning theories that were all equally morbid, and he had to force himself from running to Dean's side. 

"Cas-" Dean rose slowly, turning back toward him, "I'm not sure... it looks like yours."

Castiel narrowed his eyes in concern and he was at Dean's side in an instant. He took what was offered to him, turning the length of metal over in his hands. It was, without a doubt, and angel's blade. He nodded solemnly, closing his eyes as he handed it back to Dean.

"It's one of ours," he confirmed.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They reached the cabin early the next morning, still silent. Sam and Amelia were awake and in the kitchen when Castiel threw the door open. They both glanced at Dean, who gave them an exasperated look and dropped onto the couch.
> 
> "We're not talking about it."

He pushed Dean out of his way as he knelt to inspect the ground. His heart raced as he pressed at the dark moss. Blood. It was definitely blood. 

"It's dry," Dean offered, "means it's been there a while. It's not necessarily angel blood, they could've been attacked and had to defend themselves-"

"If that was the case, they wouldn't have left their blade. Dean, I'm afraid-"

"No, don't think about it Cas."

"Dean! If they're- I have to find them!" His breath was coming hard and fast, "Dean, there's someone else! They're out here, they're hurt, or-"

Fingers pressed around his wrists and his eyes flashed up to Dean, pleading, panicking. 

"Calm down, do you see anything else around here?" Dean asked softly "Anything at all?"

Castiel glanced around shakily, "no. No, not really." Just blood and a discarded blade. 

"Exactly. Don't you think there should be some other sign that they were here? Look around, there's not even a single feather." Dean released his wrists, pressing his palm against Castiel's, "We're not gonna give up, okay? But we're gonna stop for a while, you need to relax."

Castiel grudgingly agreed, and they walked a little further before stopping. They set up their camp in silence, resigned to the fact that they weren't going any farther that day. There was a small pool nearby that Dean used for water, boiling it over the fire so they had something warm to drink. Castiel knelt at the edge, gently wiping the blood off the blade, staying alert to all sights and sounds.

He kept his distance from Dean, knowing time and concern would urge the man to ask questions that he didn't want to answer. Castiel had his suspicions, as to _who_ may have been out wandering, and if he was correct, he didn't even want to think about _why_ they were there. 

With the extra time, Castiel started work on a shelter of sorts. It wouldn't be nearly as good as the last one he had built, but it would mean shelter for the night, and whether the sky was clear or not, he expected it to be a cold night. He rejected Dean's offer of help twice, preferring to work quietly on his own. It allowed him time to think about the blade, about the scene they had left, about what logically could have happened. He almost hoped it was Gabriel's blade. Gabriel was strong, and smart; he understood the earth and humans better than most, he stood a good chance of survival. 

As he dragged the sleeping bags into the shelter, the panic returned. There was nothing that would cause an angel to drop their blade. Nothing good, at any rate. This was his fault, he thought, he could have prevented this if he had made more of an effort, spent less time with Amelia and the Winchesters. He dropped to his knees, fingers clenching tightly around the thick fabric of the sleeping bags, and Dean was at his side in an instant. It was a long time before either of them moved. 

They slept early that night, pressed tightly together in the slim shelter. Castiel buried his nose in Dean's back, his arm and wing draped over the man's side.

"Is this okay?" he mumbled softly, shifting slightly on the uneven ground. 

"Yeah," Dean breathed. He laced his fingers with Castiel's, pulling Castiel's arm closer around him. 

-

Castiel had only slept for what felt like a very few minutes when he awoke, panting and shaking, to the sound of Dean's voice.

"Hey, hey, hey! Cas? Wake up!" 

He blinked once, twice. He was lying flat on his back and the second he moved, his wings screamed with discomfort. Dean leaned over him, bringing a hand around his shoulder to help him into a sitting position.

"Cas, you okay?" there was nothing but concern in Dean's eyes, and Castiel nodded to him, wanting to assure him of the fact.

"I'm fine, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize, you just had a nightmare, it happens. Especially after a day like this." Dean's concern only deepened as Castiel clenched his jaw, "you're used it, aren't you?"

"Yes," he admitted, "I've been having them since someone reached out to me that time, I just-" images of Gabriel in chains flashed through his mind and he squeezed his eyes shut. 

"Hey," Dean whispered, climbing into his lap, "hey, hey, hey, you're alright." He leaned back on Castiel's knees, cupping his jaw. "Just lie down."

Castiel complied, shifting so he was on his side, and Dean lay back next to him. He moved closer, sliding an arm around Castiel's hip.

"I get them too, sometimes. Just try not to think about it too much."

"I know," he paused, lifting his head to look at Dean, "thank you."

"For what?"

"For this, for helping me."

Dean leaned in, kissing him softly as he closed the distance between them, pulling Castiel closer as he moved. Castiel extended his wing, wrapping it around Dean as they pressed together in the dark. He gave in to the feeling, dragging Dean in by the front of his shirt and pressing his tongue between Dean's lips. Dean's hand found the back of his neck, thumb tracing a line down his throat as Castiel arched into him, moaning softly. 

Dean's breath was hot on his face, quickening as he rolled onto his back, pulling Castiel with him. He groaned, content in his mind to continue kissing Dean, but his body apparently disagreed. He pulled back at the first pulse of arousal, glancing down quickly between them. Dean looked up at him.

"You alright?"

"Yes, I- we should get some sleep."

"Yeah, okay."

He recoiled at the confusion in Dean's eyes, and rolled back into place "goodnight, Dean."

-

Castiel didn't sleep. He watched the rise and fall of Dean's chest, ignoring the urge to curl back up against him and press his nose into the crook of his neck. The first light of morning was shining through the makeshift roof and Castiel pushed himself up, folding the blankets over Dean to keep him warm. 

He crawled out of the shelter and set himself to lighting a fire. He was annoyed with himself for giving in, for letting himself be distracted. He swore he wouldn't, and he wasn't going to. With his mind firmly made up, he lit the fire and started cooking breakfast for both of them. He ate his alone, taking the time before Dean woke up to try and find water for coffee - if he was going to stay awake all day, he would need it. 

When he returned, Dean was crouched beside the fire, rubbing a hand over his face. He turned when he heard Castiel, smiling up at him. 

"How'd you sleep?" he asked 

"I didn't," he replied shortly.

"You okay?"

"Im exhausted, and no, I don't want to talk about it." 

Dean rose up, placing a hand on his shoulder, buy Castiel just shrugged it off with a scowl.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

Castiel glowered at him, "generally, you have to _sleep_ to wake up," he shot back. 

"Jesus, calm down, Cas. What the hell?"

Castiel moved instinctively, shoving Dean against a tree, nearly lifting him off his feet as his eyes narrowed further. Both of them were breathing hard, though Cas' eyes were angry. Dean swallowed hard, looking him directly in the eye.

"I've lost my family, my friends. Everything, Dean! and you want me to calm down!" his anger faded, and he could feel the sting of tears behind his eyes. He spun away from Dean, stalking back to sit in the shelter. 

"Hey," Dean said softly, coming up behind him, "what happened last night?"

"I want to go home."

"We're trying, Cas."

"I-" he paused, realizing what he had said, "I mean I want to go back to the cabin."

"Yeah, okay…"

They didn't talk again after that. They packed up their camp, leaving as soon as it was done. Castiel was still exhausted, and now he felt guilty on top of everything else. He knew none of it was Dean's fault, and Dean didn't _need_ to help him, he _chose_ to. There was no call for him getting angry at Dean for something that was his own fault. They walked back in silence, pressing on until Castiel was literally falling asleep. 

He slept with his back to Dean that night, curled around himself as his own angry thoughts bombarded him. Every part of him wanted to flip around and cling to Dean, bury his face in Dean's chest and let the man soothe him, but he didn't deserve it. Not now. He curled tighter around himself pulling his wing over his head as the pressure behind his eyes returned. 

-

They reached the cabin early the next morning, still silent. Sam and Amelia were awake and in the kitchen when Castiel threw the door open. Sam and Amelia both glanced at Dean, who gave them an exasperated look and dropped onto the couch.

"We're not talking about it."

Castiel went straight to the bedroom, bringing the bag with him that contained his own, and now an additional blade. Shutting the door behind him, he shook off the coat and climbed onto the bed. He carefully unzipped the duffel, pulling both blades out and tucking them beneath the spare pillow. 

A knock on the door drew his attention and he groaned.

"Dean, I don't-"

"It's not Dean," came Amelia's voice, soft through the door, "can I come in?"

"Yes."

Amelia closed the door immediately behind her, turning to face Castiel with a soft shrug. "Hey."

"Hello."

"You mind if I sit down?"

"Go ahead."

She sat on the corner of the bed, turning to face him, "this is about your family, right? I know you want to find them more than anything. Look, Castiel, I can tell just by looking at you that you're seconds away from getting up and just... leaving, right? Is that because you want to find your family, or because you want to forget about Dean." Her eyebrows raised at the expression on Castiel's face, and he glanced down at the bed, "yeah, I thought so. Believe me, leaving won't help. I did that before - I ran away - and it didn't solve anything."

"How did you know I was going to leave?" he asked, eyes focused on the blanket beneath them. 

"You have that look, I guess? I know what it's like to want to get away from everything."

Castiel sighed heavily, "I don't want to leave them, but-"

"Cas. If they're like you, _fallen_ , the best chance they're going to have is with Sam and Dean and they _want_ to help you."

"I've wasted too much time, they could be dead, if any of the survived in the first place."

"Just hang on a few more days, okay?"

"Why is this so important to you?" Castiel frowned, looking up at her. 

"It's important to Dean."

He lowered his eyes again, "a few more days." After a moment he looked back up, "please don't tell them I was going to leave."

"I won't."

"I don't want to offend them."

"I'm sure they would understand, but I won't tell them."

Amelia leaned back against the wall, breathing quietly as Castiel stopped to think about it. They sat quietly together, unspeaking. Castiel listened to the sound of the wind outside the window, thinking carefully before he spoke. 

"How did you know you loved Sam?" he asked finally, looking up at Amelia out of the corner of his eye. 

"Hmm?" she loooked over, "I uh... He gave me a choice, sort of. We'd been, not together really, but we were close for about three months when I found out what he did," she smiled, "we sat down and talked about it and I realized that I didn't care what he did. It was him that mattered. Hell, I barely even thought about saying no," she added with a chuckle.

"Really?" he asked, "A whole new lifestyle, everything would change for you."

"Yeah, it took a while to get used to, I had to keep reminding myself I wasn't in a horror movie for the first little while," she paused, "why do you ask?"

"I just like to know more about you all." It was a blatant lie, and judging by the look on Amelia's face, she knew it, though she didn't comment.

"Alright," she grinned. "You know, next time you want to talk, just come and ask, okay?" She pushed herself up off the bed, crossing to the door. "And, Castiel? It's okay to want both." 

He watched Amelia disappear around the door and slumped over, contemplating her last comment. 

After an hour, Castiel felt better, but he remained in his room, still unsure of what he would say to Dean if he left. He went out for meals, but they didn't sit at the table, and no one really spoke while they ate. The air seemed clearer though, and Castiel almost debated staying in the living area when he was finished. 

He left the door open after dinner and when they went to bed both Sam and Amelia said goodnight to him. Castiel went to bed a little while later, shutting the door with a soft click after deciding to leave talking to Dean until the morning. His bed was warm and soft in comparison to the ground hey had spent the last few nights on, and he fell asleep easily.

-

After the scream there was silence, and then voices outside the door - Sam's first, then Dean's. Castiel sat up straight, staring ahead at the dark wall as he tried to remember where he was. His heart raced and his breath was shallow. The knock at the door nearly sent him over the edge of the bed as he scrambled to face it. 

"Cas, I'm comin' in."

Castiel didn't say anything, just stayed sitting on his bed, tensed up until Dean's face peered through the doorway. Dean shut the door behind him and flicked the lamp beside the bed on, sitting down on the edge of the mattress.

"You have another one?" he asked softly, "jesus Cas, are you okay?" he leaned in resting on one elbow and looking up at him. Castiel turned away as Dean's hand smoothed up his back. He felt the man climb further onto the bed, but he didn't face him, concentrating on slowing his breathing back to normal. Dean's arms wound around his stomach, pulling him back to press his nose into Castiel's feathers. 

"I wish I could help," he mumbled, arms wrapped firmly around him. Castiel turned carefully so he was facing Dean, face pressed into his shoulder, wings coming around to envelop him, accepting the comfort that he offered. He let himself sink into Dean, blocking out the dark scenes that still rolled through his mind, replacing them instead with the familiar scent and feel of Dean. 

"It was worse this time," he muttered into the soft fabric of Dean's t-shirt. 

"It's okay, I got you."

He didn't know how long they sat there for, sure he had drifted off at least once, slumped against Dean with one of Dean's hands on his back and the other in his hair. He shifted a little in his hold, leaning back enough to press his forehead to Dean's, eyes still closed.

"Will you sleep in here tonight?" 

"Yeah. Yeah, of course," Dean pulled back, letting both hands fall to Castiel's lower back, "just let me grab my stuff."

He tensed up again as soon as Dean left the room, listening intently to the footsteps heading down the hall. Castiel knew it was ridiculous, to let mental images disturb him so severely even after he had awoken, but he couldn't clear his mind. He curled up in the centre of the bed, watching the door carefully until Dean came back. 

When Dean did come back, he dropped the armful of bedding on the ground, crouching down next to it. Castiel watched as he laid the blankets out, shifting awkwardly above him.

"Dean?"

The response was near immediate, "yeah?"

"Can you come back up here?"

A small smile tugged at Dean's lips and he nodded, "yeah." Grabbing an armful of pillows he climbed up onto the bed next to him. "Come over this way," he gestured with his head, "you're on my side."

Castiel shuffled over without getting up, letting Dean climb over him to the other side of the bed. He pulled the blanket up over his shoulder, watching Dean as the man made himself comfortable, sinking back into the small mountain of pillows. He stretched a hand over, lacing his fingers with Castiel's own as he closed his eyes.

"'Night Cas."

"Goodnight, Dean," he mumbled. He didn't close his eyes, he didn't try to sleep. He lay quietly on his side and focused on the soft lines Dean traced with his thumb, a gentle reminder that he was still there, that Castiel wasn't alone. When Dean's hand stilled, Castiel curled his fingers tighter around Dean's. 

"You still awake?"

"Go to sleep, Dean. I'm fine." 

Dean was already shoving the blanket away and pushing himself up, "roll over," he mumbled, and Castiel raised an eyebrow at him. "On your stomach."

Castiel frowned, but he rolled over nonetheless, folding one arm under his head. He shifted awkwardly with the extra weight as Dean climbed onto him, straddling his hips.

"What are you doing?"

"Just relax, okay?" Dean's hands slid up over Castiel's shoulders and he leaned into the touch. Dean ventured further, smoothing gently over Castiel's limp wings, dragging his fingers between dark feathers and a groan dropped from his lips as pleasure sparked through him. Dean chuckled lightly as Castiel rolled his hips against the mattress. He could feel himself growing hard and he buried his face in the crook of his elbow, stifling a moan. 

"Is that good?"

"Mmhm," Castiel mumbled, and Dean's hands moved down to his lower back, fingers pressing in against his sides. "Dean..."

"Hm?"

"You shouldn't be doing this."

Dean pressed his fingertips pressed up over his ribs, sliding back down to his lower back again, "you're not tryin' very hard to stop me Cas. All you have to do is say."

Castiel arched into the touch, letting Dean's touch spread warmth through his body, "no."

"Close your eyes, Cas. Just relax."

Dean started to hum, and he shifted to brush through Castiel's wings again, reaching out as far as he could. Castiel didn't recognize the song, but he smiled into the pillow, closing his eyes as Dean's voice and hands became the only things he knew.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you want this?"
> 
> "Ungh," he groaned, "so much, Cas."
> 
> Castiel hummed, heart pounding in his chest as he pressed his lips to Dean's skin, slowly trailing up to kiss his neck, suck dark marks into the underside of his jaw. "I want to touch you."
> 
> Dean's breath hitched and he lifted his hips, "yeah Cas, _please_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you all for being super awesome. ilu all <3

Sun shone bright and warm through the window and Castiel squirmed further into the bed, brining his wings up to shade his eyes. Dean was still fast asleep at his side, chest rising and falling slowly in the sun. He didn't know when Dean had fallen asleep, only that it had been after he himself had drifted off to the sound of the man's voice.

Castiel bent his arm, resting his head against his elbow as he watched Dean, only just resisting the urge to run a hand over his bare chest. He looked peaceful this way, eyes shut and mouth slack with relaxation, and Castiel wished he always looked so calm and relaxed. 

"That's creepy, Cas. If you're gonna keep that up I won't sleep with you anymore."

Castiel nearly jumped back at the sound. His heart race as he looked back to Dean's face with a frown, he still looked calm, eyes closed, though his lips were turned up in a smirk. 

"You sleep okay?"

"Yeah... did you?"

"Yeah," his grin widened for a moment before fading altogether as he opened his eyes and rolled onto his side, "can we talk?"

He thought back to what Sam had told him, _there's something going on that you and Dean really need to talk about and he is not going to be the one to start it_. Apparently Sam was wrong. 

"Yes," he agreed cautiously, "of course."

"What happened the other night?"

Castiel closed up immediately, wings snapping against his back instinctively, "nothing..."

"Cas, if we're gonna do this, you need to be honest with me. You gotta let me in, tell me why you keep freaking out on me."

"It's nothing," he persisted, "it doesn't matter, Dean."

"It matters to me. What's up?"

"It's... hard to explain," he sighed, dipping his chin to avoid Dean's gaze, "I enjoy our time together, I like to be with you, but... I'm not- I can't be what you want, I can't give you what you want..."

"And how do you know what I want?" Dean asked, voice soft but restrained.

"You want a family," he said simply, and that seemed to stun Dean into silence, "you told me, maybe not in so many words, but it was implied in the way you spoke about Lisa and Ben."

"Jesus, you remember that?"

"Yes... it's difficult sometimes because I have to find my family, I _want_ to, but I also want you and even if I don't-" he exhaled deeply, "I'm a man, Dean-"

Dean stopped him, propping himself up on one arm, "is that what this is about? You're scared that I don't want you 'cause you're a guy? Cas, if that was a problem for me I sure as hell wouldn't be here right now. Hell," he laughed, "there's a lot of shit I wouldn't have done over the last week."

"Oh… Right."

"And as for your family, we're still looking, right? We're not gonna give up."

"Okay," he paused, exhaled again, flicked his eyes up to meet Dean's. He held his gaze for a long while, before looking away and muttering "I was going to leave last night."

"What?" 

He winced at their barely veiled anger and pain in Dean's voice, "I wasn't going to tell you. I wanted to leave before became to difficult to do so…" he drifted off and they fell into a long silence. 

"Why did you stay?" Dean asked suddenly, much more softly than before.

"Amelia and I talked about it. She said it was important to you that I stay... is it?" Castiel braced himself for any response, picking at the corner of the pillowcase.

"Of course it is, you idiot," Dean was smiling when he looked up at him again, "I thought you would have figured that out by now, Celestial being and all."

"I'm not anymore," he corrected, then more carefully, "Why is it important?"

Dean cheeks darkened and he shook his head, "it's-"

"Hard to explain?" Castiel offered

"Yeah, exactly," Dean laughed. Castiel smiled up at him, closing his eyes with a soft huff of a laugh. "Y'know, I think that's the first time I've seen you smile. You should do it more often." 

Fingertips brushed through his hair. Castiel looked away, but Dean tilted his chin back up, slipping closer as he kissed him. 

"Are we good?" 

"Yes."

"So we're gonna keep looking together, and you're not gonna run out on me?"

"I won't go anywhere if you don't want me to," he breathed, sliding one hand into Dean's hair to draw him closer again. 

"Good."

Dean's breath dusted hot over his lips and Castiel arched softly against him, claiming Dean's mouth with his own. It wasn't like when Dean had kissed him before. It was more intense; slower and somehow more urgent at the same time, kisses growing more heated with each touch of lips. Castiel could already feel the familiar pull of arousal, and when Dean's knee slid between his thighs, he knew he should stop. He should, but he didn't want to - wasn't going to, modesty be damned. 

He rolled onto his back, hooking an arm around Dean's waist to pull the man with him. Their movements stuttered as Castiel shifted, flattening his wings on either side of his back, only encouraging Dean to run his fingers through them. 

He wasn't expecting the electricity that buzzed through him at that. In the past, Dean's touches had been undeniably arousing, but now it seemed every feather had a direct connection to his cock. He barely noticed the little jerk of his hips until the head of his erection came into contact with something solid. He shrunk back instantly, breath catching as he opened his mouth, apology falling flat on his lips. 

"It's okay," Dean breathed, sliding their lips together again, hot and clumsy as he ground his hips down into Castiel's. 

Castiel was only surprised for a moment to find Dean was just as aroused as he was, his concentration torn away as Dean's lips slid over his jaw, pressing form kisses down his neck. He was on fire, sure he was going to combust if Dean didn't stop, but he didn't and the air was thick with Castiel's moans of encouragement. When the hot breath settled over his hips, he could barely stand it, arching into the kiss that was placed just shy of his hip bone. 

Dean turned them back over, falling silent as Castiel spread his wings, flexing out the kinks. 

"Fuck, Cas," he breathed, running his hands up Castiel's back. Dean paused, brushing his fingertips through the downy feathers where Castiel's wings joined his back. The resulting sensation was more than Castiel could have prepared himself for. He cried out, burying his face in Dean's neck as his cock twitched eagerly against Dean's thigh. 

"You okay?" 

"Yes," he groaned, pulling at Dean's bottom lip with his teeth. Heat rushed through his veins, urging him on as he pressed his tongue into Dean's mouth. He ground back down against him, arching into Dean's touch as his hands roamed down Castiel's back, sliding beneath the waistband of his boxers. Dean held him down as they rutted together, kissing feverishly. 

Castiel's boxers were shoved down around his knees and he squirmed out of them, not breaking away from Dean's lips until he ducked down to pull Dean's pyjamas from his hips. He pressed kisses up the inside of Dean's leg, pausing to hover over his hips,

"Do you want this?"

"Ungh," he groaned, "so much, Cas."

Castiel hummed, heart pounding in his chest as he pressed his lips to Dean's skin, slowly trailing up to kiss his neck, suck dark marks into the underside of his jaw. "I want to touch you."

Dean's breath hitched and he lifted his hips, "yeah Cas, _please_."

Castiel smoothed his hand down Dan's chest, tentatively wrapping his fingers around Dean's swollen cock, giving a few experimental strokes that had Dean mumbling incoherently. With one hand, Dean reached across to the nightstand, producing a small bottle a flicking the lid open. Squirting a small amount into his palm, his hand closed around the head of Castiel's cock, sliding down and back up with a quick twist.

"C'mere."

Castiel complied, releasing his hold on Dean and climbing into the man's lap as he sat up. He leaned into a deep kiss, taking Castiel by the wrist and wrapping his hand around both of them. Castiel whined as Dean thrust up against him, eyes squeezing shut and mouth going slack against Dean's. He leaned back on one hand and rocked forward into his fist, huffing heavy breaths as his eyes fluttered shut. Smiling lips pressed against his. 

"You good?"

"Yeah," he huffed, "really... good."

"So fucking gorgeous Cas," Dean groaned, dropping his head back, "fuck." Castiel fisted his hand in the sheet, moaning at each wave of pleasure as Dean snaked his arms around his waist, drawing him into a deep kiss. " _Need you, Babe_." 

He watched Dean grope blindly around on the bed until he found the little blue tube. He waited impatiently, hand sliding lazily up and down their cocks as Dean worked the lube in his hand. It wasn't until Dean reached back behind himself and Castiel's cock twitched impatiently, that he actually stopped him. His hand found Dean's forearm, closing around it firmly.

"Let me," he breathed, his voice far more rough and broken than he was expecting. 

"Cas-?"

"I'm inexperienced, not naïve Dean," his eyes met Dean's and stuck, watching Dean until he relaxed, "lie down." 

Dean showed no hesitation, shimmying down the bed, only breaking eye contact as he pulled his knees up. Castiel hovered over him, grabbing the bottle from the sheets beside Dean and squirting it across his fingertips. 

Dean shifted impatiently beneath him as Castiel nudged his legs further apart, running his thumb between Dean's cheeks. He pressed one slick finger to the puckered entrance, earning him a whine from Dean that only encouraged him. He brushed over his entrance, pushing against it, but not breaching the ring until Dean rolled his hips back against Castiel's hand. 

A loud groan filled the air as he pushed through, and Dean bit down so hard on his bottom lip Castiel thought he might draw blood. He stopped and Dean's head jerked up to look at him. 

"I'm okay, Cas, don't... don't stop."

Castiel pressed in further, as far as he could before sliding back out. Dean groaned, hips jerking up with a violent thrust as Castiel's finger brushed over the sensitive bundle of nerves. He pressed against it again and Dean fisted his hands in the sheets, clenching and unclenching almost in time with Castiel's ministrations. 

When he added a second finger, Dean pushed back onto him immediately, his fingers pulled slowly at his cock. Castiel was suddenly acutely aware of his own neglected erection hanging heavy between his legs. He worked faster, sliding and flexing his fingers with less difficulty, impatience eating away at his resolve. Watching Dean was nearly enough to break his forced calm, and he clawed at the sheets. 

"Cas, _please_."

He didn't need any further encouragement, pulling his hand away and crawling further up the bed. He aligned himself with Dean and pushed in slowly. 

Dean gasped as Castiel's cock breached him, wrapping his arms around Castiel's chest to drag them back together again. Castiel's bottom lip was between Dean's teeth, the only thing stopping him from biting down on it himself as he eased in. Neither of them could seem to figure out how to breathe properly, gasping as Castiel fully seated himself. 

He groaned as Dean brought their lips together again, none too gently. He pulled back a little and rocked gently back into Dean, forehead still firmly planted against Dean's. 

"Is this... okay?"

" _Yeah, 's good, Cas. Really good_." He pushed back onto Castiel, increasing their speed and Castiel squeezed his eyes shut, trying to focus on each jolt of pleasure individually. It was all so overwhelming, and he needed more. He could feel Dean's fingers curl into his hair, and he leaned hungrily into his kiss, pressing his entire body down. 

"Cas, Baby, open your eyes. Look at me," Dean grunted, his own eyes fluttering shut temporarily as he ground down onto Castiel. When his eyes flashed open again, they were dark with arousal, and Castiel groaned loudly at the sight, knowing that _he_ was the cause of it.

" _Dean_ ," he mumbled, and it was a command. He slowly shifted backwards, holding Dean against him as he sat up. Dean cried out with the first upward thrust, clenching his fingers into Castiel's hair. Castiel realigned his hips, thrusting up into the same spot again and again.

Dean was limp in his arms, rolling his hips and moaning quietly as Castiel's wings curled around his back, one hand circling Dean's leaking cock, the other rising to his shoulder. Gentle fingertips brushed over the raised skin, before fitting his hand perfectly over the dark scar. Dean shivered visibly under his touch, grabbing his chin with one hand and kissing him roughly, thrusting hard into Castiel's hand to match their quickening pace. 

Castiel's grip on Dean's hip tightened, his hand moving faster over Dean's cock. He leaned back and Dean jerked forward, wrapping his legs around Castiel's waist. The air was thick with desperate moans and soft grunts. Castiel knew it wouldn't last long, feeling the curl of heat in his gut. He snaked an arm around Dean's waist, tugging him into a kiss that was less kissing and more breathing into each other.

" _Fuck, Cas. Fuck, fuck, fuck-_ " 

Castiel tipped his head against Dean's chest, mumblign incoherently as his hips jerked sharply. Dean's grip on him tightened, legs pulling tightly against his back as Dean's entire body tensed. Castiel was vaguely aware of Dean chanting his name as he spilled over Castiel's hand, clenching around his cock. 

Castiel thrust up a few more times, crying out as his own orgasm crashed over him, forehead still pressed hard against Dean's chest. His hips jerked forward, riding out the wave of pleasure, slowly stilling as a heaviness settled over his whole body. 

They didn't move for a long time, wrapped in each other's arms, Castiel's wings still holding Dean against him. The rough pants faded to quick breaths, and it was Dean who moved first, unseating himself and pulling Cas down on top of him. 

"Hey," he smiled, running a hand through his hair and kissing him gently again.

"Hello," Castiel muttered softly.

"We gonna wake up like this every morning?"

"Was it good?" he asked, still trying to catch his breath.

Dean smiled, arching up to kiss his forehead, his nose, his lips. "It was awesome, Cas." He stopped talking, seemingly distracted by Castiel's lips. 

"There's only one thing," he said, eyes still closed, nose brushing against Castiel's cheek, "what was that language? Definitely wasn't English."

"Enochian... I didn't realize-"

"You speak Enochian?"

"Yes Dean," he sighed, though a smile tugged at his lips.

"Hmm, I kinda like it."

Castiel crinkled his nose, rolling away from Dean. His cheeks burned dully, flushing slightly darker than they already were. Dean's arm slung over his waist, pulling him close to press kisses down his spine. 

"We should get in the shower before Sam gets home," he mumbled. Castiel squirmed in his hold,

"I don't know if that's a good idea, Dean."

Dean chuckled, "I think it's a great idea."

"Hm," Castiel huffed, rolling back toward Dean, "not yet."

-

It was noon before they rolled out of bed. Dean tugged him into the shower, backing into the corner so Castiel's wings didn't get caught in the door. His hands slipped over Castiel's ass, pressing his fingers into the soft flesh. Squeezing firmly, he slid one hand up to Castiel's hip, all the way up to his head, reaching with the other to grab a bottle from the shelf. 

He squeezed shampoo onto Castiel's head, smirking as Castiel ducked and flicked his eyes up, watching Dean's hands are they worked through his hair. 

"What are you doing?"

"Washing your hair," he replied simply, as if it didn't come completely out of nowhere.

"Why-" he blinked as foam dropped onto his cheek, but Dean wiped it away with a chuckle. "Dean-" he pulled back, tilting his head to look at the man, "why are you being so..."

"So what?" Dean frowned

"Affectionate."

Dean actually laughed, drawing his hands up to cup Castiel's face, "do you know what it's been like no being able to touch you?" It was probably a rhetorical question, but Castiel nodded anyway. "I can now," he hummed, leaning in to nip at Castiel's earlobe, "I'm just making up for lost time."

Castiel accepted this with a sheepish grin, knowing all too well what Dean was talking about. His arms wrapped around Dean's waist in apology, "okay."

"Turn around."

Castiel pulled his wings in tight, turning in a tight circle to face the glass. Dean ran soapy fingers up his back, fanning out as he spread Castiel's wings as far as they would go in the small space. His primaries brushed against the tiles and glass, and though it was vaguely uncomfortable to be so confined, but Castiel leaned back into the touch. 

He hummed appreciatively, dropping his head back against Dean's shoulder. His skin prickled as water rolled down his back, leaving his chest bare against the cool air and he shuddered slightly, leaning back into Dean and the spray of water. Dean's glancing touches did nothing to prevent the shivers running down his spine and he let out a low moan. 

Dean perked up, flattening his hand against Castiel's stomach, "you like that?" he hummed, nuzzling against his cheek. 

"Mmm," Castiel replied. He was already half-hard again, cock curving up toward his stomach, though he kept his hands pressed up to the glass. Dean's fingers brushed the base of his cock, slowly winding around as he dragged his hand up his shaft. 

Castiel tilted his head, leaning into a deep, lingering kiss while Dean stroked him, bringing him to full hardness with a few leisurely pulls. Dean kissed him slowly, driving him insane as he refused to speed up, each touch entirely deliberate. 

He was moaning against Dean's mouth in less time than he would have expected, falling forward on crossed arms while Dean's hand moved over him. He came with a muffled gasp against his arm, his orgasm washing over him less intense, perhaps, than the previous, but no less exhilarating. 

Dean ran a hand over his stomach, pulling Castiel back under the spray. They finished cleaning up quickly, before the water got any colder. Dean held towels out for him to prevent a minor flood when Castiel shook his wings to dry them. 

Castiel returned to the room, pulling out the top pair of jeans in the dresser, while Dean got dressed in the living area. When Castiel looked up, he was back standing in the doorway with a grin on his face. 

"You want to help me get all this in the wash?"

Castiel nodded and they stripped the bed quickly, bundling it up so Dean could carry it into the bathroom. Castiel shoved in what he could fit while Dean dug out a spare set of sheets. He tried to remember how much soap Dean had said to put in, consulting the pink box with a frown. The scoop that was supposed to be in the box wasn't, so he glanced between the machine and the box for a few seconds, eventually deciding just to dump some of it in. As long as it wasn't too much, he should be fine. Dean appeared back in the doorway a few minutes later with an armful of bedding.

Making his bed was one of the strangest thing Castiel had come to like - according to Dean anyway. He liked how it made the room look so much tidier, and Dean had joked about keeping him around as a maid. Castiel would just frown at him and continue with his task. Today Dean just quietly helped him and then made his way into the kitchen.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "These ones are vegetarian, for Sam cos he's boring," he grinned, pointing out the two slices pushed away from the others, "these are Hawaiian - ham and pineapple - pepperoni, and meat lovers. I think that one's pretty much self-explanatory. Help yourself, I'm not gonna eat all of this on my own."
> 
> Castiel took a tentative bite of one of them, cringing immediately and thrusting the remainder of the slice at Dean. Dean just chuckled at him, taking the slice from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are all amazing! Thank you for reading and commenting and everything!

They were in the middle of making lunch when Sam got back. Dean jumped at the sound of the door and slid his hand down from Castiel's shoulders, settling out of sight on his lower back. 

"Hey," he greeted, briefly looking up from the frying pan in front of him. Castiel smiled softy and resumed slicing the cheese Dean had pushed in his direction. Sam flopped down on the chair in front of them, leaning up.

"What're you making?"

"Grilled cheese," Dean grinned, sounding incredibly impressed with himself, "Cas has never had it, which is a crime. You want some?"

"Nah, I'm good, had lunch with Amelia on her break."

"Ah, well. Your loss."

Sam shook his head as he pushed himself up, crossing over to the desk near the door. Castiel watched him for a moment, eager to hear if he had found any new information, but Dean caught his attention as he pulled his hand away. 

"Relax," he hushed, "just be patient. Sam'll tell us if he finds anything."

"I know," Castiel sighed.

He sat across from Dean when they ate, keeping an eye on Sam. Dean was probably watching them both, making sure they didn't get too excited if Sam found anything. He practically jumped when his phone went off, and when Castiel spun to face him it was obvious he had been staring. 

He cocked an eyebrow at Dean as the man hopped up, pulling the phone up to his ear with a grin, "Hey, Charlie."

Castiel tilted his head against the back of the chair, sure he wasn't supposed to be listening to the conversation, but he couldn't help but overhear the woman's reply.

" _Hey yourself, how's your angel_?" 

Dean flushed and crossed to the door, tugging his jacket on quickly before going outside where no one could hear him. Sam sent a suspicious glance, cocking one eyebrow before turning to Castiel as if asking him for answers.

Castiel watched the door for a moment before shrugging at Sam and turning back to his food. He picked up the pickle from his own plate and moved it to Dean's with a wrinkle of his nose. 

-

It wasn't more than ten minutes before Dean returned, hanging up his coat and flopping down on the arm of Castiel's chair.

"So, looks like you get to meet Charlie tomorrow. She's gonna come up and look into that surveillance stuff we talked about," he added to Sam.

Sam seemed pleased with the news, but Castiel frowned. "Who is Charlie?" he asked. 

"Charlie's cool," Dean assured him, "we can trust her, I promise." He leaned in closer, tilting against the back of the chair, "you know I wouldn't tell anyone I didn't trust completely, right?" Dean's fingers brushed over his shoulder comfortingly. 

"I know, but how can she help?" While Sam squinted at his computer screen, Dean attempted to explain what Charlie did, and how she could help them. Castiel knew they had 'hacked' into surveillance cameras before, but apparently Charlie was on a whole other level than Sam and Dean, and the way Dean spoke about her raised his hopes a little higher. 

He hadn't expected any other good news that day - nothing ever seemed to come of Sam's searches - so it caught them both off guard when the younger Winchester called them over to the computer. 

"What you got?" Dean asked.

"Not sure," Sam squinted at the screen, "looks like some sort of urban legend type thing... kinda like Bigfoot."

Castiel leaned over Sam's shoulder, straining to see the screen. The photos were dark and grainy, but the subject of them definitely appeared to be human-shaped, apart from the giant wings spread out of either side of its body. Castiel tried not to react, reigning in the excitement that bubbled up. Dean pressed a hand to his shoulder, but when Castiel looked over, he was still looking straight ahead. 

"What does it say?" he asked timidly.

"Um, not a whole lot, but all the eyewitnesses are from the last couple weeks so..." As he clicked through the links, Sam muttered at the pair of them for hovering, but never did anything to make them move. The further they got into the witness testimonies became more and more varied, and Dean's hand seemed to grow heavier on his shoulder as Castiel's hopes faded. He was only vaguely disappointed by the time Sam opened the newest article that declared the sightings a hoax. 

"Fuck," Dean muttered. 

Sam turned to face Castiel, apology etched into his features. Castiel pulled up a half smile, assuring him that it was fine, they would keep looking. He thought back to the blade, tucked away in his room, and cringed. Dean was shifting awkwardly behind him, and Castiel looked up to him with a sigh as he returned to his seat. He could feel the tension radiating off Dean and offered a hopeful smile. 

"Cas, I'm sorry."

Castiel shook his head, but accepted the soft words Dean mumbled as he sat down next to him again. They were all quiet as Sam finished checking through his alerts, until the dog came in carrying his ball and whining when Dean ignored him.

"Not now," he grunted, pressing further into the back of the couch. Castiel bent over, holding his hand out and Spike dropped the ball into it, wagging his tail excitedly. Dean muttered something again, but Castiel reached out to pet the dog's head.

"He just wants to play." 

"Yeah, I gotta take him out, he hasn't been out since I left this morning. You guys wanna come?"

Castiel agreed eagerly, earning him a questioning look from Dean. He just shrugged, going with Sam was better than being trapped in the cabin that suddenly felt way too small. Sam was practically out the door before they stood up, but Castiel followed him quickly, watching the dog tear out the door, Sam jogging after him with a laugh. Dean pulled him back before he could get out the door, turning Castiel to face him.

"Hey, you okay?"

"I'm fine, Dean."

"You don't have to fake it for me, Cas."

He sighed, letting his shoulders drop, "I'm okay. I try not to get my hopes up too much anymore."

Dean's face fell, but he nodded, "yeah, I get that. C'mon, Sam's gonna wonder if we fall too far behind." 

-

They only returned because Dean's stomach started growling and Sam got tired of him complaining about it. The pair of them were still arguing about pizza when they reached the cabin, and Dean was slowly wearing his brother down. 

"Dude, I don't want to _make_ anything, I just wanna eat it. We'll order it, you can pick it up," he beamed up at Sam as he flopped into the chair, "what d'you think, Cas?"

"We made pizza before and it didn't take that long."

"Yeah, but this is _real_ pizza Cas, with extra cheese and-"

"Extra grease?" Sam put in.

"Don't listen to him, he doesn't know what he's talking about. What do you want Cas?"

"I don't know..."

"You liked the veggies last time, didn't you?"

He shrugged, "yes..."

Dean just chuckled to himself and pulled out his phone. He dialled the number and quickly ordered four pizzas before Sam could grab the phone out of his hand. 

"It'll be about half an hour, you gonna go pick 'em up?" Dean grinned, shoving his phone back into his pocket. 

"Four?" 

"Cas doesn't know what he likes, may as well give him some variety. You better get going though, it takes while to get there." 

Sam huffed, but took the keys Dean held out to him and grumbled out the door. The dog looked up as the door banged shut, but curled back up beneath Dean's chair after a few minutes. Castiel leaned on one arm of the couch, stretching out to watch him. Dean joined him shortly, pushing his legs out and squishing in behind him. 

"You sure you're okay?" he asked, brushing a hand down his arm. 

"Yeah," he sighed. 

"I know when you're lying to me, Cas," Dean's arms fitted around his waist, tugging him back and holding Castiel snugly against his chest, "tell me."

"I- I miss them. I try not to think about it, but the voice in my head, and the blade... but..." he squeezed his eyes shut and pressed back into Dean.

"Hey, I've told you. We will find them, Cas," he tugged at Castiel's hip and Castiel turned onto his back, looking up into Dean's determined face. "You gotta trust me about Charlie. She's awesome, she's helped us out a few times before okay?"

"Okay," he agreed, tilting his head into Dean's chest. He knew how false it sounded, and he knew Dean wouldn't accept it, but he was silent and Castiel could handle silence. 

"You wanna watch Lord of the Rings?" he asked after a while, "maybe we can watch a whole movie this time. It'll take your mind off things till Sam gets back with food."

Castiel nodded, and Dean leaned over him, just barely brushing his lips against Castiel's. Castiel laced his fingers through Dean's hair, pulling him down to deepen the kiss. Dean happily obliged, and they didn't get up for ten more minutes. 

-

Castiel leaned into him, one wing spread around Dean's shoulders as the man swore at the laptop in front of them. It took a while to get the video player to work, and Dean ended up restarting the computer angrily before they got it to work. Castiel turned his head, pressing a soft kiss to Dean's bare arm as he curled in closer. 

When Sam got back, Castiel snapped his wing back and straightened up a little, while Dean shuffled to one side, flashing him a quick grin. Dean jumped up to help Sam with the boxes, opening them all along the counter. He returned with a large plate that was piled with pizza slices.

"These ones are vegetarian, for Sam cos he's boring," he grinned, pointing out the two slices pushed away from the others, "these are Hawaiian - ham and pineapple - pepperoni, and meat lovers. I think that one's pretty much self-explanatory. Help yourself, I'm not gonna eat all of this on my own."

Castiel took a tentative bite of one of them, cringing immediately and thrusting the remainder of the slice at Dean. Dean just chuckled at him, taking the slice from him.

"You don't like pineapple, huh?"

"Is that what that was?"

"Probably, it's okay, Sam hates them too. Used to pretend he was allergic just so he didn't have to eat them."

"Pineapple is fucking disgusting," Sam called from the kitchen. He came and sat down beside Castiel, nudging him toward Dean with his hip. "What are we watching?"

"Return of the King, we gotta finish it before Charlie gets up here cos she'll probably hijack Cas for the whole day and talk to him about Lord of the Rings."

"I always wanted three of you in one place," Sam mumbled sarcastically, grinning as he pressed the play button with his free hand. Castiel subtly pressed back into Dean's side, letting the tip of his wing curl around him as the movie started again. 

-

As the credits rolled, Castiel frowned, looking over to Dean. 

"They're never going to see each other again, are they?"

"No," Dean sighed, "but they're happy, Cas. Sam's got his family, Frodo's back with his uncle and all Merry and Pippin really need is each other."

He thought what it would be like, to leave those closest to him; to pick one person to stay with and leave the rest behind. Realizing Dean was still looking at him, he turned his head away. Sam rose up beside him with a yawn.

"I'm going to bed. If you two are staying up, for the love of God, be quiet. I'm exhausted." He left his plate in the kitchen and disappeared down the hall with a muttered goodnight.

"Arwen stayed," Castiel said when he heard the door close. Dean obviously hadn't been expecting it, because he turned with a jolt. 

"What?"

"With Aragorn. She chose to live as a mortal so she could be with him."

"Yeah, she did," he huffed a small laugh, "what's with all the sentimentality tonight?"

"I'm just glad," he mumbled, readjusting his wing behind Dean's back.

"Yeah, okay. You wanna see if we can find anything else while Sam's asleep?" 

Castiel nodded, but he could already feel himself drifting off as Dean typed. He woke up some time later and Dean was watching him again.

"I thought that was creepy," he mumbled, stifling a yawn with Dean's shoulder.

"You should go to bed."

"Come with me." 

Dean chuckled and wormed out from underneath him, nudging his knees apart as he shuffled forward and leaned over.

"You're gonna have to help me here."

"Hmm?"

"Up," Dean smiled softly, slipping his hands under Castiel's thighs and jerking him up off the couch. Castiel mumbled something in protest, but wrapped his legs around Dean's waist. 

"What are you doing?"

"When we were kids, Sam used to fall asleep in the back seat and I used to carry him into the motel. You're exhausted and you need to sleep, I'm taking you to bed."

Castiel didn't argue, burying his face in Dean's neck as Dean turned back toward the hall.

"Wings, Cas," he whispered as they reached the door and Castiel pulled his wings in, tucking them up against his back. Dean climbed onto the bed with him, laying him down and kissing him quickly. "I'll be back in a minute, okay?" He tossed a pair of pyjama pants onto the bed and Castiel squirmed out and his jeans and into the much more comfortable pants before Dean got back. 

He felt Dean before he actually saw him, dipping the mattress down next to him, "I never slept alone at home," he mumbled, "I shared a bunk with Balthazar and we never really slept, just rested. It's a strange feeling, sleeping alone," he hummed, rolling onto his side. 

"I guess I'm the same, kind of. Haven't had my own space since I was a kid, after Mom died..." he shrugged and Castiel didn't ask. Dean shifted closer, pressing one knee between Castiel's and dropping his arms over his hip. "Night Cas."

"Goodnight, Dean."

-

Dean was gone when he woke up, and Castiel frowned at the empty space until he heard voices coming from the other room. 

"Calm down, he'll be up soon, he's just not a morning person."

"Neither are you, and you're all up and about already."

"I've also had an entire pot of coffee and got woken up by someone banging on the door, and Sam shouting for me to get it."

Castiel stopped listening, rolling onto his stomach and shutting his eyes again. The second voice was unfamiliar - Charlie, he assumed, but she could wait. He had just snuggled back into his pillow, pulling Dean's in against his side, when the door swung in and the light flicked on. He heard Dean's laugh as he groaned ad buried his face further into the pillow. 

"C'mon Cas, you gotta get up. I brought you coffee. Besides, Charlie's here and I promised her an angel."

Castiel groaned again and pulled his wings up to cover his head. Dean laughed again and he heard the door click shut before Dean's weight pressed down on him, "up," he insisted.

"I can't get up," Castiel groaned, "you're sitting on me."

"You were hardly making an effort before."

Castiel rocked sideways and Dean relented, rolling onto the bed beside him, "you said you brought me coffee."

"I did," Dean chuckled, handing the mug over and brushing a hand through Castiel's hair. "You're cute when you're sleepy."

Castiel only glared at him, propping himself up on his elbows to drink. 

When Dean finally dragged him into the living area, he dropped down onto the couch, dredging up a smile for Charlie as Dean took his mug to refill it. Charlie looked over to Dean, eyebrows raised as a wide grin spread across her face. 

"So this is Castiel, huh?"

"And you're Charlie?" he asked, still a little groggy, "you can call me Cas. Dean does."

"Nice to meet you Cas," she beamed.

"Okay, okay," Dean sat down on the arm of Castiel's chair, handing him a fresh mug of coffee, "get it over with."

"What?" Charlie asked innocently.

"You know what, Cas?" Dean looked down at the same time Castiel looked up, "show her your wings."

Castiel obliged, shifting to spread his wings and not knock Dean off the chair, sipping his coffee casually as Charlie gasped at him.

"Holy shit," she muttered, looking between Dean and Castiel with a look of blatant disbelief. She shook her head suddenly, looking back at Castiel, "that's badass."

Dean grinned smugly and ran a hand up Castiel's back. Castiel nudged him gently with one wing as he folded them back into place, fitting himself back into the corner of the chair. His eyes still stung with sleep and he dropped his head back against Dean's arm.

"You look exhausted, Dean didn't keep you up all night, did he?"

"Charlie!" Dean shot back.

Castiel flushed and turned to look at Dean who was wearing a similar shade of red, "Dean," he soothed, "I find I'm not overly fond of mornings," he sighed, glancing back at Charlie, "we were watching Return of the King."

"Lord of the Rings?" she beamed, "you're watching Lord of the Rings?"

"I like the books better," he nodded.

"Me too, but the movies are awesome!" 

There was a dull thud and Sam appeared in the, "oh God," he mumbled, "there all here now." A fond smiled spread across his face and Charlie jumped up to hug him. "How's it going?"

"Good! I mean, I'm still breathing, right?" Sam chuckled and let her go.

"So you've met Cas I assume?"

Charlie turned around to glance at him and Castiel caught the grin on her face. "So," she said, turning back into the room, "Dean says you're eager to get to work Cas, you want to get started now or do we get to eat first?" she grinned hopefully at Dean, and with an eye roll, he slid off the chair and strolled into the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so I have a bias against pineapple. I may or may not have actually pretended to be allergic to it...


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She showed him how to start up all the programs so Castiel could check them without having Sam or Dean help him, then proceeded to explain her way through them. _Don't click this, just don't. This one here brings multiple cams up at once so you can view them at the same time. Click here to zoom in so you're only looking at one. You can find the info for each cam here, so if you see anything in it, check this, it'll tell you where it's located and the boys can drive out and check it out_. She had a notepad next to her where she scribbled everything down, with a header at the top that read: FOR DEAN.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, you guys are awesome, thanks for sticking around <3

Castiel drank his way through two more mugs of coffee while Charlie helped Dean with breakfast. He watched the over the counter, quirking an eyebrow at the looks she kept sending Dean, her nose crinkled up with a smile. Sam was still busy on the computer, setting things up for he and Charlie to get to work, and apparently oblivious to the pair in the kitchen. 

Dean slid a plate across the counter to him and Castiel pulled up a sleepy smile, accepting the eggs and toast gratefully. Charlie took Sam's plate to him and sat down in the empty chair next to him. Dean pulled up a pair of chairs behind them and he and Castiel peered over their shoulders, watching the cameras that had already been set up as they ate. Sam and Charlie set to work as soon as they had finished, and Castiel watched through squinted eyes, completely baffled as to what it was they were actually doing. Neither tried to explain as they had the first time, but he remembered Sam saying understanding Charlie would be more difficult than understand him, so Castiel didn't really mind. He was content to watch and know that finally, they were making some sort of progress. 

It didn't last long before Sam got sick of Dean's constant reminders and suggestions and sent the both of them away. Dean continued to complain, offering 'assistance' from his seat on the couch, despite the warning looks Charlie and Sam kept sending him, and soon enough, Castiel found himself sitting outside with a blanket over his shoulders and Dean and Spike trotting over to sit next to him. Dean dropped beside him on the little moss patch, shooing the dog away as he dropped a stick in front of him. Castiel nudged him with one arm, picking up the stick and throwing it across the yard. Dean startled him as he spoke.

"Hey, uh, while we've got a few minutes alone, there's something you should know."

"What, Dean?" he asked, eyes narrowing with concern.

"It's nothing bad, just... Charlie knows, about... us. Or rather, she knows how _I_ feel. I figured you should know, though, in case she says something to you."

"Charlie knows, but not Sam?"

Dean frowned, "look, it's a little hard to explain. Charlie's a lesbian, she uh, she's probably the only person I know who's been through, _this_. It's a whole lot easier talking to someone who understands, Cas. Charlie would," he shook his head lightly, staring at the ground, "she'd never judge me, y'know? She's totally cool about it."

"I understand that, but you don't think Sam would accept it? He's your brother, Dean."

"Yeah, I know." Dean's fingers twitched against the ground and Castiel pressed his own against them

"What is it?" he asked, knowing there was more that Dean wasn't saying. 

"It's just," he curled his fingers around Castiel's, "the way we were raised, Sammy and I- our Dad, he was... not the most accepting, I guess you could say."

"You're afraid Sam won't accept you because your father-" he stopped himself short of saying it, but Dean filled in the blanks.

"He'd be pissed, yeah. I know Sam's not like that, but sometimes he's so much like Dad, I just-" Dean turned to look at him, eyebrows pulled in over sad eyes, "I want to tell him, I just don't know how."

"Are you concerned because I'm not human?"

"Dude, no. This is _not_ about you, okay? This is about me being too damn stupid to talk to my own brother. He'd be cool with it, he would... but I know what he's going to say and I don't want to hear it."

"What will he say, Dean?"

"Y'know, how you're going home and all that." Castiel shifted to his knees, leaning over Dean's lap to kiss him. Dean's lips pressed softly against his, welcoming the affection. Castiel nudged him back until his back was flat against the trunk of the tree and he was pulled into Dean's lap. He smiled against Dean's mouth, sliding his arms around his neck and giving an indignant huff when Dean pulled back. His frown quickly faded as he noticed Dean's grin.

"What's up with you?" he asked. 

"We're going to be busy," he mumbled, pressing quick kisses against Dean's lips, "we should take advantage of the time we have."

"Hmm, busy with what?"

"Charlie's things," he replied matter-of-factly, "I'm going to find them, Dean."

The smile spread a little further across Dean's face, "I know you are Babe- what?" Dean looked at him oddly as he frowned. 

"That's not my name."

"I know, Cas. It's like a nickname."

"You've called me that before," he cocked an eyebrow.

Dean chuckled slightly, sliding his hands over Castiel's hips, "shut up and c'mere." Dean's mouth was soft and warm against his and Castiel could feel his eyelashes flutter against his cheek as Dean tilted his head. 

"Sam is right," he mumbled softly, "when we find them-"

Dean wrapped his arms a little tighter around Castiel's back, "I don't wanna think about it right now, I liked your other plan," he pressed his nose into Castiel's neck, "take advantage of the time we have." Their lips met again, a little harder than before as Castiel arched into it, bringing his wings up over their heads. Dean smirked and slid his hands over Castiel's ass, holding him flush against his chest, nibbling at his lower lip. 

"Dean," he mumbled. Castiel loved the way the man could make him feel like there was no one else in the world, and in the little cocoon of his wings, it almost seemed like there wasn't. They started slow, each content to enjoy the feeling of each other's lips, but there was something about Dean that broke his resolve. Their kisses grew heated quickly, neither willing to break away until it because absolutely necessary to breathe. When Dean slid down, Castiel moved with him despite the warning signals his body was sending. He decided quickly that it didn't matter if Dean saw him aroused, it wouldn't be the first time anyway. 

He rolled his hips slowly as Dean kissed the underside of his chin, mumbling his approval. It was hot under the arc of his wings, and it only added to the desire already burning under his skin. He rocked gently into Dean's lap, unable to resist the sparking sensations once they had started. 

"Mm, Cas," Dean hushed, finding Castiel's mouth again with his own. His hands dropped to Castiel's waist, popping the button open just as the door creaked from across the yard. Dean continued, tugging at zipper, but Castiel stopped him, covering his hands with his own. He still had _some_ modesty. Dean frowned at him, but Castiel rose up to kiss him chastely, wings folding back as soon as Dean had re-buttoned his jeans. 

"Well this is, I would say unexpected, but really," Charlie shook her head, shrugging against the tree she was leaning on, "no."

"Fuck," Dean sighed, slumping back a little further in relief, "I thought you might be Sam."

"How are the computer things going?" Castiel asked eagerly, shifting awkwardly in Dean's lap. 

"Well, we've gotten into most of the cams, the major ones anyway. We've got a few more things to do and then it's mostly just monitoring. Boring, really, but kinda necessary."

"Where've you set 'em up?" Dean asked

"Police station, shopping malls, any big places really. Depending on what we find, I might go deeper into government records and shit," she scowled a little at Dean, but grinned eventually. "You wanna come in and take a look, Cas? If you don't mind, there's a few questions I'd like to ask you too." Castiel agreed tentatively and they made their way back inside after a bit of awkward shuffling. 

Castiel settled in the chair and Dean rested on the arm, leaning back with one arm stretched out along the cushion. 

"So, um, what's heaven like?" Charlie asked

"I don't-" Castiel frowned, "your heaven would be different than any other," he explained. When Charlie just stared at him, he continued, "each human has their own personal heaven - soul mates are different, but that's not important right now. It's like eternally re-living your best memories. Kind of."

"You said soul mates are different? Are soul mates even a real thing? I thought that was just some bullshit they made up to get people into dating sites and stuff."

"No, it's very much a real concept thought soul mates are not always romantic partners, as I'm told they're usually portrayed."

"So like, your best friend could be your soul mate?"

"Yes, or a brother or sister. Anyone, really."

"Huh. Do angels have soul mates?"

Castiel paused before answering, glancing at the floor and then back at Charlie, "no. I don't think so."

"Well that sucks."

"I guess... I've never given it much thought..." he hadn't thought about it before at all, but now that Charlie brought it up, it almost felt like he was missing something, a part of himself that he had never had to begin with. 

"Okay, enough with the questions." Dean jerked up unexpectedly, slipping a hand under Castiel's arm, "come help me with lunch."

"What's with the frowny face?" he asked quietly as he pulled Castiel behind the counter. 

"Nothing, just- it's nothing. What do you want for lunch?"

Dean continued to pester him for the rest of the afternoon about what was wrong, but he didn't want to tell him. If Sam and Charlie noticed something was wrong, they didn't mention it. 

When Sam finished with the computer, Charlie shoved him out of the way, patting the seat next to her for Castiel to sit down. She showed him how to start up all the programs so Castiel could check them without having Sam or Dean help him, then proceeded to explain her way through them. _Don't click this, just don't. This one here brings multiple cams up at once so you can view them at the same time. Click here to zoom in so you're only looking at one. You can find the info for each cam here, so if you see anything in it, check this, it'll tell you where it's located and the boys can drive out and check it out_. She had a notepad next to her where she scribbled everything down, with a header at the top that read: FOR DEAN. 

Castiel sat and watched the videos, jumping every time someone walked across the screen. He kept multiple videos up at once, not wanting to miss anything, even when Dean assured him he would have more luck spotting something if he kept just a few open at once. Castiel ignored him, focusing hard on the screen in front of him. 

His head was aching and the soup Dean had brought him was sitting cold at his side when Dean came up behind him, sliding cool hands over his shoulders. 

"You might wanna take a break, Cas. You're gonna wear yourself out."

"I'll be okay, Dean," he assured him, but he could hear the weight in his own voice, and he knew Dean could too. "I'm okay."

"Off," Dean instructed, "we'll check again later. Don't make me carry you again," he added with a hidden grin as Castiel glowered up at him. 

"Fine," he challenged, wiggling a little further into the chair cushion. 

"You're gonna be the death of me, Cas. C'mon, you're taking a break. Charlie brought beer and Game of Thrones."

"Dean I can't-"

"Look, Cas, I know you're determined, but it's more than that, isn't it? Tell me," he whispered.

"It's nothing, Dean," he returned in the same soft tone, "I just- I need to do _more_."

"You feel guilty?" When he avoided Dean's gaze, the man sighed, running a hand over Castiel's leg beneath the desk, "who said it was your job to find them, hm?"

"Dean-"

"I know, but sitting here for hours on end is only gonna stress you out."

Castiel reluctantly agree and half an hour later they were all squished onto the couch with the laptop set up in front of them, season one of Game of Thrones playing loudly. Dean and Charlie were drinking, but Castiel declined, not eager to repeat the only hangover he had ever experienced. He curled up against Dean's side, trying to focus on the show, but all he could think of was the camera footage that no one was watching. 

"I'm gonna go to bed," he mumbled softly.

"Yeah? Okay, I'll come grab the extra blankets for Charlie. I think she's gonna stay so we can check up on all the stuff tomorrow, make sure we haven't lost any cams or anything."

Castiel was sitting on the bed in his boxers, toes just buried beneath the edge of the blanket when the door clicked shut and Dean crawled over him.

"What are you doing?" he frowned.

"You," Dean bumped their foreheads together, "are going to cheer up. And tomorrow I will literally sit and watch the damn cameras with you all day if you want, okay? But please, _try_ and be hopeful. I'm gonna go watch the next episode and help Charlie set her bed up, you sure you don't wanna stay?"

"I'm just going to read I think."

"Suit yourself, I'll be in in a bit."

Castiel rearranged himself as Dean left, tugging the blankets up over his lower back so he could lie on his stomach and read.

-

He woke up to Dean sliding his book out from under his cheek. He grumbled and squeezed his eyes tighter.

"Sorry," Dean whispered, pressing a soft kiss between his shoulder bladed as he climbed over him, "I wasn't gonna let you sleep on that brick of a book." He pulled Castiel back so he was on his side and wrapped himself around Castiel, throwing one leg over his hip.

"Dean," he complained, "I'm tired. And I think you're drunk."

"Babe shh," he whined, "c'mere."

Castiel sighed and manoeuvred onto his other side, letting Dean tangle their legs together as he tucked his head against the man's chest. "Better?" he asked.

"Mmhm. And if you wake up early we can shower together mmkay?"

"Okay, Dean," he mumbled, already drifting back to sleep.

"'Night Babe."

"Goodnight, Dean."

-

Castiel didn't actually remember waking up, or getting out of bed, or going into the bathroom, but somehow he had managed it and too-hot water was spraying sharply on his back. Dean was... somewhere. He wasn't entire sure where he had disappeared to, but he knew Dean had been around recently. He grunted as the shower door pulled open, forehead still flat against the glass. 

Something wet and cold pressed against his back and he squirmed away from it. Dean just chuckled behind him, rubbing whatever it was in small circles over his shoulders. Slippery hands smoothed down his back and up his sides, covering his back with what he now assumed was soap as Dean pressed up against him.

"Turn around," he hummed, nipping at his earlobe. Castiel complied, with some assistance from Dean, and dropped his head back against the wall. He opened one eye long enough to see Dean squirt more of the shower gel - he could confirm now that's what it was - onto his chest, before shutting it again and shifting against the glass. 

"'m tired, Dean."

"I know," he breathed, "let me wake you up." Dean pressed flush against him and he could feel the hard length of Dean's cock digging into his hip. Dean angled himself slightly, sliding one hand down Castiel's chest to curl around his soft cock. Dean only had to give a few quick strokes before Castiel could feel himself growing hard in Dean's hand. 

He pushed his hips out with a moan, shoulders still braced against the glass as he let the sensations wash over him with the steady stream of water. Dean stroked him slowly, letting Castiel feel every inch of it as his hand slid easily over his length. 

He jumped a little as Castiel caught his mouth with his own, running his tongue along Dean's lips as he pushed the man back against the tiled wall. The space was small and they were soon pressed tightly against the wall and Dean's hands gripped tightly around Castiel's hips as Castiel rocked against him. Dean smiled against him, mumbling something approvingly. 

The water splashing down on them grew cold as heavy breaths turned to desperate moans and groans. Castiel's hand joined Dean's, pressing his fingers tighter around them as his hips bucked up into them. It was so close, seconds from burning through him, but it wasn't until Dean's hips stuttered, spilling liquid heat over their entangled fingers, that he let go. 

They slid to the floor, still catching their breath as Castiel pressed their mouths together again. They didn't separate as they cleaned up, still slumped on the floor. Once he was thoroughly rinsed off, Castiel climbed into Dean's lap, running his fingers through damp hair. His lips formed around the curve of Dean's ear just as there was a bang on the door.

"Dean I swear to God, get _out_."

"She has got to stop doing that," Dean grumbled, sliding out from under Castiel's legs. He pressed a quick kiss to the top of his head and helped him out. "C'mon, I'll make coffee and we can check the cams." 

They managed to get into the bedroom without Charlie spotting either of them, and Dean pulled the sheet off the bed to wrap around Castiel in a vain attempt to keep the floor dry. Castiel struggled to dry his wings on his own, but Dean was only out of the room for a few minutes before he returned with two mugs of coffee and some proper towels.

He sat cross-legged on the floor as Dean swiped the towel down his back, biting down on his bottom lip as he tried to forcibly push the sensations away. It didn't really bother him, not anymore, but it was still awkward and uncomfortable to be hard when he was trying to go about his everyday activities. Dean seemed more intent on pulling the lustful sounds from his throat, than on actually drying him off and Castiel nudged him not so gently with his free wing.

"Focus," he chided, "I want to check the cameras."

"Fine then, bossy," Dean mumbled, but he could hear the smile in his voice as he leaned forward to kiss his hair. 

Dried off and mostly clothed - he refused to wear socks, despite Dean's insistence - Castiel made his way into the living room. Charlie was packing her few things back into her bag, but she stopped to say good morning and then proceeded to walk Castiel through the camera programs again. 

When Castiel assured her that he would remember what he had to do, she pushed her chair back, reminding him of the note she had left for Dean - just in case. She promised to keep an eye on things back in civilization and call if she saw or heard anything that might be angel related. In return, she demanded to know everything they found out and Castiel agreed with a smile. 

Dean stumbled out of the bedroom, pulling a flannel over his shoulders just as Sam shouted at him from the bathroom, complaining about the lack of hot water. Dean outright cackled and shot Castiel a wink as he slipped out the door with Charlie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a pain in the ass. The shower scene almost never happened cos I couldn't make it work for like, four days. I hope it turned out okay n_n


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Good, 'cause I just- Dude, angel or not, if you hurt him, I _will_ hunt you down, and believe me when I say I know what I'm doing when it comes to hunting."
> 
> "I never doubted your abilities, Sam."
> 
> "Look, I'm just saying, Dean cares a lot more than he lets on. About everything. He shoves it all down because he expects to get hurt, and this way when he does, it'll hurt less. Or at least that's his reasoning. This thing with you... it's totally new for him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels like AGES since I've updated this o_o I know it's only been a week but holy.  
> Love you guys, you're awesome c:

Castiel spend the rest of the day sitting at the computer. Sam joined him for a little while to check the online newspapers for anything unusual, but he spent most of the time staring at multiple camera streams. Dean sat with him most of the day, reading or with his headphones turned down low enough that he could still hear to reply to Castiel if he asked anything. 

Sam and Dean were both in bed already, and likely asleep, by the time Castiel debating sleeping himself. He was yawning and he could barely keep his eyes open, but he didn't want to move, just in case. It was another hour before Dean came out and dragged him to bed, half lying on him to keep him there. 

The next two days passed similarly, though Dean was more irritable. Sam had convinced Castiel to join him in the mornings when he went for a run. Considering Castiel was already awake and caffeinated at seven most mornings, he agreed, mostly to appease Dean, who constantly reminded him to get up and stretch or eat or drink. Castiel simply rolled his eyes, assuring Dean that he hadn't forgotten, and he would do whatever it was later. 

It wasn't until Sam went into town to pick up Amelia that he discovered why Dean had been in such a foul mood. They were sitting side by side on the couch, shoulders pressed together as Castiel stared at the screen in front of them. He moved to wrap his wing around Dean's shoulders, but the man pulled away, leaning against the arm of the couch and pressing his face further into his book. 

"You're grumpy," Castiel commented.

"'m fine, Cas," he grunted. Castiel huffed, pulling Dean's book away and sliding it across the table out of reach.

"I thought we were supposed to say when something is bothering us?"

"Don't be a smartass." He folded his arms across his chest with a sigh and looked away. 

"Dean," he said, pulling the man's arm away and pushing himself underneath it, "tell me." He nuzzled against Dean's neck, pressing fleeting kisses to his collarbone and up over his shoulders. "What's wrong?" 

His hand was just sliding up beneath the hem of Dean's shirt, when Dean rolled onto his back and caught Castiel's wrists, bringing them up above his head. Castiel settled comfortably into the new position, barely brushing his lips against Dean's as he waited for a response. 

"This is harder than I thought," Dean mumbled.

"What is?"

"Not telling Sam. Sneaking around like this, and now with the cameras and shit... we never get any time alone."

Castiel felt a little pang of guilt at that. That was his fault, they had always had nights to themselves until Charlie had set up the cameras for them to watch, now he was up and watching them until Dean literally dragged him to bed. 

"We're alone now," he purred, pressing his nose into Dean's neck as he kissed under his chin. 

"Sam won't be home for a while yet..." Dean mumbled, as if trying desperately not to agree with Castiel. He pushed himself into a sitting position and Castiel shoved his flannel back over his shoulders, tugging up on his t-shirt before Dean could properly register what was happening. 

"You wear too many clothes," he frowned.

"Says the guy who walks around half-naked."

"I don't hear you complaining." His hands smoothed down Dean's chest to the waistband of his jeans, popping the button with ease. 

"Jesus, Cas, eager much?"

Castiel wiped the smug grin off his face, kissing him hard as one hand slipped into Dean's boxers, cupping his soft cock. Dean slipped back down further, wiggling his hips as he got comfortable. He hummed encouragingly, lifting his hips so it was easier for Castiel to pull his jeans off, boxers going with them so he was lying naked on the couch. 

"We gonna do this here?" 

Castiel debated for a moment before shuffling down the couch without a word. He bent over Dean's legs, licking a stripe up his inner thigh. He trailed each flick of his tongue with warm wet kisses and Dean squirmed under him, groaning as Castiel intentionally avoided his growing erection. 

He only smirked as Dean whined and jerked his hips up, continuing up his thigh to suck a line of little red marks along the jut of his hip.

"Cas c'mon, please." Castiel ran one hand up his chest, and Dean arched into the touch, following the brush of fingers with his entire body. Castiel dropped to his elbows so his chest was pressed to the top of Dean's thighs. He flicked his eyes up to Dean, smiling at him for a moment before he looked back down, kissing both sides of his hips before licking experimentally up his swollen cock. 

Dean jerked into a semi-sitting position, "shit, Cas," he panted. Castiel kept his eyes down, pressing wet kisses up his shaft and over the head. Dean fell back against the couch, hips rolling up to meet Castiel's mouth again and again. 

He practically whimpered as Castiel's lips slid over the head of his cock, jerking up a little too quickly. Castiel slid down further, using Dean's reactions as an indication as to how he should continue. He flicked his tongue at the head, tasting the salty bead of pre come. Dean's breath stuttered and his hips jumped. 

Castiel flicked his tongue again, earning him an equally satisfying reaction. He moaned around Dean's cock, rolling his hips against the couch. 

"Suck," Dean groaned. Castiel glanced up at him, taking in the long line of his neck, head thrown back, the quick rise and fall of his chest. He shifted a little awkwardly, hollowing his cheeks around Dean's length and sucking hard as he bobbed his head in time with Dean's shallow thrusts. He let Dean guide him, trying to ignore the tightness of his jeans around his own aching erection. 

" _Christ, Cas_ ," Dean's fingers wove into his hair, tugging a little with each slide of Castiel's tongue. " _C'mere_." He tugged a little harder and Castiel pulled off his cock with a wet pop, crawling up over Dean's chest. 

Hands grabbed at the back of his head, pulling him down to crush their lips together. He moaned into the kiss, grinding his hips down as Dean's hands slipped down his sides desperately fumbling with the button on Castiel's jeans. Castiel sat back, undoing them and shoving them down past his hips. 

Dean was quick to get them off, tossing them to one side as he pulled Castiel back against him. They moved together, breathing each other's breath, rutting shamelessly against each other. 

"In my bag," Dean grunted, eyelids dropping as he pressed his hips up, "in the bedroom-"

"Okay," Castiel breathed, climbing off of him quickly. He hurried to the bedroom, locating Dean's bag easily, but struggling to find the little black bottle. Grunting in frustration, he dragged the bag out to Dean, thrusting it onto his chest. "I can't-"

Dean dipped his hand into the end pocket, tossing the bottle to Castiel and shoving the bag back off of it. Castiel popped the lid, squirting some into his palm and working it between his fingers. 

He worked Dean open impatiently, one hand constantly rubbing at his thigh, thumb tracing circles on freckled skin. Dean groaned and mumbled, gripping Castiel's shoulders tightly. 

"Dean-?"

"Yeah, Cas."

Castiel squirted more lube into his hand, coating his cock with a few languid strokes. He aligned himself pressing his hands up Dean's chest and sliding down low to kiss him as he pushed in slowly. Dean gasped and he halted immediately.

"S'okay Cas, I'm good," he pressed back onto him as if to demonstrate. Castiel rocked forward again, sinking into tight heat. He paused for a second to adjust before sliding back and thrusting forward roughly. 

They found a rhythm quickly and Castiel was gone, jerking his hips in long, slow thrusts that had Dean clawing up his back, heels digging into his ass. There was nothing but heat prickling up his back and waves of pleasure that halted his breath. 

He was so focused on Dean, on the way the moved together, fit together so perfectly, that he didn't notice the door open until Sam's voice broke through the haze in his mind.

"Dude, what-"

He looked over immediately to find Sam flanked by Amelia and Charlie, and all of them were wearing various expressions of surprise, Charlie was gaping. Sam pulled a hand over her eyes and she struggled to get it off as Amelia crinkled her nose in a cute face. 

As if suddenly remembering he was completely naked in font of everyone, Castiel dropped one wing, blocking him and Dean from view. Dean shot a quick grin up at him, whispering his thanks before he leaned up a little, turning to face the rest of them. 

"Hey, Charlie," he greeted almost lazily. She waved a quick little wave in response, grinning excitedly.

"What the hell, Dean!?" Castiel flinched back a little, avoiding the trio as Sam found his voice again.

"You were out!" Dean called back defensively. 

"Dude we sit on that couch."

An awkward silence followed and Castiel shifted awkwardly, struggling to hold back a moan as Dean tightened around him. 

"So, uh," Dean shrugged, breaking the silence at last, "I'm with Cas."

"Really Dean?" Sam retorted, "hadn't noticed." Castiel was sure that was the look Dean referred to as Sam's 'bitchface', and somehow it made the situation entirely amusing. 

"Also kinda busy."

Sam held his hands up, shaking his head as he turned away. He and Amelia headed back through the door, tugging Charlie behind them. She flashed Dean a final grin before disappearing out the door. 

Dean looked back up at him, flopping back against the couch as a smirk played on his lips, eyebrows raised, "well I guess Sam knows..."

"You're okay with that?"

"We'll see how it goes after he wants to talk, right now," he arched up, dragging Castiel's lip down between his teeth, "we were in the middle of something." Castiel groaned, snapping his hips a little too roughly. 

He came just moments after Dean, mouth dry as he dropped down to his elbows, kissing Dean softly as the man's arms wound around his waist. 

"I gotta go talk to Sam."

"I know."

Dean kissed him quickly before pushing him up, "you can have a shower if you want to hide out from them."

"I think I will, I'm not certain I'm ready to face Charlie alone," he smiled, dipping his chin. Dean swooped in to kiss him again as he wormed out from under Castiel's legs, picking his clothes up from the floor. Castiel watched him as he dressed quickly.

"Okay, I won't be long. I hope."

Castiel smoothed a hand up under Dean's shirt. He kissed his back before leaning to pick up his own clothes, shoving them and the now sticky lube bottle into Dean's bag. He dropped it in the bedroom as he continued down to the bathroom. 

Keeping his wings out of the spray was difficult, be he was still mostly dry feather-wise when he wrapped a towel around his waist and retreated to the bedroom. The others were already inside and he shut the door quietly, flopping down on the bed. 

It was maybe half an hour before Dean returned, flopping on his back next to Castiel, "you're still not dressed?"

"No," he replied simply, "what did Sam say?"

"Pretty much what I thought he would. Bunch of shit about how it's a bad idea 'cause you're leaving blah blah blah. Oh, and he called me Ianto Jones."

"Who?"

"Remind me to introduce you to Torchwood next time we need something to watch. He said he knew, by the way."

"Brothers can be like that," he smiled softly. 

A knock on the door interrupted Dean's reply, "are you two dressed yet?"

"One of us is," Dean mumbled, "you can come in, Char."

"So... quick question, what exactly did you two talk about?" she asked.

"Sam basically gave me a lecture about Cas going home and whatnot. Why?"

"Because he's back in there grinning like a kid on Christmas. Dude, he's happy for you. Me too, for the record. So... you wanna tell me about it?"

Castiel's eyes narrowed and Dean looked between him and Charlie as though he was on the verge of laughter, but not really sure. "You're... kidding, right?"

"Not _that_ ," she smacked him playfully, "how did this-" she gestured between them vaguely, "happen."

Castiel flushed bright red and clenched his jaw, remaining turned away from her. 

"Yeah, we're not going there either."

Charlie's excitement was practically tangible and she shifted further onto the bed, "so what, it all started with sex?"

"Oh my God, Charlie, get out."

"What?"

"Out. Have you guys eaten?"

"No, not yet. Sam was gonna throw something together when we got back but..."

"Good, I'm starving."

"Probably, after that," she giggled.

"Out!" 

Charlie continued to giggle as Dean shut the door behind her and dropped back down next to Castiel, "sorry," he mumbled, "you wanna get dressed so we can go eat something?"

"Will you let me check the cameras?" he asked hopefully, rolling onto his side.

"Yeah, we can check the cameras. Charlie'll probably want to look at them anyway."

Castiel hummed in agreement, "you have good friends, Dean?"

"Hmm?"

"They're all concerned for your well-being, they care about you."

"Shut up," he mumbled, and Castiel smiled, shifting onto his knees to wrap his arms around Dean's waist, head tilted on his shoulder.

"Why can you not admit that people love you?"

"C'mon, Cas. Food."

"No. Not till you admit that they care about you," he tightened his grip, burying his nose in the crook of Dean's neck. 

"Fine," Dean grumbled, twisting in his arms, "Sam cares, and Charlie. Maybe even Amelia cares about me, okay?"

"And me."

Dean's expression softened, and he pushed Castiel onto his back in the messy blankets, "and you," he repeated, placing soft kisses up his chest. He let himself drift away, Dean's touch the only thing that mattered. He didn't know how long it was before Dean drew away, tossing Castiel's clothes at him.

"C'mon, food. Also Sam's gonna get impatient and drag us out soon for being antisocial or something," he grinned. 

It was surprisingly not uncomfortable when they returned to the living area. Amelia shot him a shy smile and Charlie giggled at half of the things Dean said, but once Sam had lunch ready, everyone settled back into the usual routine. 

Charlie checked the computer again with them after that, and Castiel willingly answered the remainder of her questions, only avoiding a select few. There was nothing new, but Castiel hadn't really expected there to be. Charlie assured them that everything was still up and running properly and drifted away to sit with Sam and Amelia. 

When they sat down to watch something later that evening, Dean insisted on Torchwood, nudging Castiel with his shoulder. He smiled, but he was sleepy, and more interested in curling up with Dean that what they actually intended to watch. 

Charlie separated him and Dean from Sam and Amelia, and after making a sarcastic comment about being the odd one out, Dean wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into him. Castiel grinned over at the pair of them and spread one wing along the back of the couch to wrap around Charlie's shoulders. 

"Thanks, Cas," she beamed. 

He wasn't sure if she actually heard his reply or not as he buried his face in Dean's shoulder, but she smiled as she curled in closer. 

"Two weeks ago you were the odd one out," Sam joked, "now you're just laying claim on everyone."

"I'll have Amelia next," Dean winked.

"Don't count on it," she replied with a grin, "shut up and watch your show." 

Dean huffed a little laugh and leaned his head against Castiel's. It was hard to pay attention to the show when Dean was so warm against him and he didn't have to be subtle about leaning into him. He took advantage of the situation, as much as he could with such limited space. 

He didn't remember falling asleep but when he opened his eyes next, he was lying in bed in his boxers. Stretching, he rolled over to realize Dean wasn't there, but the lamp was on so he probably would be soon. 

Dean came in a few minutes later, already in his pyjamas and drying his hair with a towel, "go back to sleep, Cas."

"What time is it?"

"Almost two, I was talking to Sam."

"What did he say?"

Dean smiled softly, "He's cool with it. Amelia too. He just doesn't want to see it end badly for either of us and he thinks that's the only way it can happen."

"We both know what's coming," Castiel sighed, as if trying to reassure himself.

"I know, but until then-"

"Don't talk about it," he finished with a soft grin, "I agree. We have other things to worry about. Come lie down."

Dean tossed the towel onto the floor and knelt on the bed, climbing over Castiel to flop down on the bed. Castiel rolled onto his other side, letting one hand graze down Dean's chest. 

"Will you check the cameras with me in the morning?"

Dean grinned, pressing a kiss to his forehead before rolling over to turn off the light, "yeah Cas, I'll check the cameras with you."

-

Dean was still asleep when Castiel woke up only half on the bed. He readjusted himself and slid out from underneath the blankets with a grunt. It was early, earlier than he had thought he realized, glancing over at Dean's alarm clock - just after six. Dean was sprawled over onto Castiel's side of the bed and he didn't want to disturb him, so he made his way into the living room with the intention of making coffee and probably falling asleep on the chair. 

Sam was up and about in the kitchen, and he smiled by way of greeting, pressing a finger to his lips and gesturing to where Charlie was still asleep on the couch. Castiel crossed into the kitchen, accepting the glass of water that Sam offered him.

"Morning Cas."

"Good morning."

"What's up? You're usually barely conscious this early."

"Dean was asleep, I didn't want to wake him. Are you running this morning?"

"I was planning on it, you wanna come?"

"If it's alright."

"Yeah, of course."

-

The morning was cold and it took a long time for Castiel to warm up enough that he was comfortable, he made a mental note to ask Dean if they could figure something out for him to use as a shirt. He realized suddenly that he could no longer see Sam and he swooped down low, finding the path again without too much difficulty. 

"Hey," Sam greeted, "thought I'd lost you there for a minute."

"I'm sorry, I got distracted."

Sam stopped suddenly, dropping his head for a moment and then looking up again, "look, Cas, can we talk?"

Castiel frowned, but dropped to the ground in front of Sam, "what's wrong?"

"Let's walk."

"Is something wrong, Sam?"

"No, Cas, I just- Dean's had some pretty shitty relationships in the past, y'know. I don't know if you know about Cassie, and Lisa-"

"I know about Lisa."

"Good, 'cause I just- Dude, angel or not, if you hurt him, I _will_ hunt you down, and believe me when I say I know what I'm doing when it comes to hunting."

"I never doubted your abilities, Sam."

"Look, I'm just saying, Dean cares a lot more than he lets on. About everything. He shoves it all down because he expects to get hurt, and this way when he does, it'll hurt less. Or at least that's his reasoning. This thing with you... it's totally new for him."

"I understand your concern, Sam, but if you're worried about the validity of our... relationship," the word dropped off his tongue awkwardly, and he regretted it immediately. Sam glanced at him and he realized how long he had been silent, "I'm not the one you have to worry about."

"Glad to hear it, but I need you to know that if you hurt him-"

"I won't Sam, I can assure you of that. Dean is... much more important to me than I ever expected him to be."

"Yeah, no kidding. I think the same thing goes for Dean."


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He hurried forward, despite a cry from Dean, as he and Charlie started after. The voice was faint, so much so that he was sure he had imagined it, until something moved in the corner of his eye. 
> 
> He found her alone, poised to strike behind a tree. The young woman's arms fell to her sides immediately, face contorting into something like shock mixed with relief.
> 
> "Castiel?"
> 
> "Hael."

Sam and Castiel didn't stay out much longer. After the conversation turned awkward, they turned around and headed back to a cabin full of people. Everyone was awake and buzzing around the kitchen. Castiel automatically headed to the computer, not wanting to try and shove his way into the kitchen to see Dean. 

The man crossed over to him a few minutes later, kissing the top of his head softly as he shoved a mug of coffee toward him.

"Good morning to you too," he smirked. 

"I didn't want to try and get through the crowd."

Dean pulled up a chair next to him, leaning over the desk, "anything yet?"

"No."

"Ah, well, keep watching."

He did keep watching.

It was noon before Dean's patience really started to wear thin, and Castiel shut the laptop down and joined him where he was slouched on the chair. He kept one eye on the computer as if something would pop up out of it.

"Dude relax, please. You're making me anxious just watching you."

"I'm sorry, I just-" Castiel sighed, "I'll try and stop."

"Why don't we get out of the house for a bit?" Charlie suggested, "you guys can show me around."

"Yes," Dean agreed enthusiastically, "come on, let's go up he hill, get some fresh air."

"It's cold outside, Dean."

"You can wear the coat, right?" 

Castiel frowned at him, "I would prefer not to."

"Okay, well hold on then. I had an idea the other day, but I'm not sure how well it'll work." 

Castiel shared a confused look with Charlie as Dean left the room, returning shortly with the first aid kit and a grey t-shirt. 

"What's with the first aid kit?" Charlie questioned.

"Safety pins," Dean said matter-of-factly, "I ripped my shirt on a branch a while ago, and I had a thought." He pulled a pair of scissors from the small white box and extended the slit in the back of the shirt, carefully cutting another parallel to it. "C'mere, Cas" he mumbled, through the safety pins he held between his lips. Castiel looked at him questioningly but crossed over and sat down in front of Dean's chair as he instructed.

Dean wasted no time in tugging the shirt over his head. Castiel looked over his shoulder, trying to see what Dean was doing. He asked him as much.

"If you get a shirt and cut slits in the back it'll go right over your wings. The safety pins are to keep it together at the bottom. How's it feel?"

"A little odd," Castiel admitted, "but warmer. I thought you liked this shirt, you used to wear it all the time."

"Yeah, well. It got ripped, gave me an idea. It's yours now if it feels okay."

"It does. Thank you," he turned and crossed his arms over Dean's knees, stretching up to kiss him. 

"Next time one of us is in town we'll get you some with long sleeves, for now I've got a spare flannel you can wear over it- don't argue," he added as Castiel frowned. "I have a ton, and Sam has even more. I can bear to lose one. Besides, we don't want you freezing to death."

Castiel agreed, and before long Dean had him bundled up in a hat and scarf to match the new shirts. Charlie was similarly dressed when they headed out. Sam and Amelia, who had taken the dog out a little while earlier, found them halfway up the mountain and were more than happy to join them. 

-

Castiel sat in a dip in the rock, flexing his wings with the unfamiliar fabric around them. It wasn't uncomfortable, but he didn't think he'd be able to fly as easily with the shirts on. 

"Can you help me get these off?" he asked, fumbling with one of the safety pins.

"How come?" Dean asked, crossing to sit behind him. 

"I want to fly." 

Charlie perked up at that immediately, and Dean chuckled, "yeah okay, gimme a sec." 

He was getting used to being the centre of attention, but it was uncommon that _everyone_ sat and watched him while he flew. It was a little uncomfortable and he had to actively focus his attention elsewhere to stop thinking about it. He watched the ground beneath him, and made a game into flying low above the treetops and swooping up above the taller peaks. It was when he was falling back level when he spotted the dark shapes on the forest floor.

Slowing down a little, he dropped beneath the canopy, he inspected what appeared to be a small cluster of cabins. Two or three looked like they were still standing. 

Hearing Dean call his name drew his attention away and he rose up above the trees again, returning to the ledge where everyone was looking oddly after him.

"What was that?" Dean asked, tugging him close as if he might fly off again.

"There are some other cabins down there, did you know that?"

"Where?" Sam asked.

"In the opposite direction as the river," he turned to Dean, "can we go look at them?"

"It's a little late now, but yeah, we can go check 'em out in the morning."

"For now, we should probably head home," Amelia suggested, stretching out before pushing off Sam to stand up, "the sun's gonna set soon and we don't want a repeat of last time."

They got back just before the sun set, and by that time Castiel has a mental map of the cabins in his head. He didn't stop thinking about them until after dinner when Dean all but climbed into his lap, asking why he was being so quiet. When he explained, Dean gave him an odd look.

"Why are you so interested in those cabins?" he frowned

"I don't know. They just seem interesting."

"Well, why don't we see if Sam can print us off map, we can figure out a route and head out first thing in the morning. You remember where they were?"

"Exactly, yes."

Dean leaned back, calling to Sam in the dining area, "hey Sammy, you wanna print me off a map of the area? Cas and I are gonna go look at his cabins in the morning."

They spent the next half hour hunched over the map. Castiel pointed out where the cabins were, and any landmarks he could remember, and Dean drew little boxes or clumps of trees to help navigate. Castiel went on to explain how far away the cabins were, and they plotted out the quickest route there. 

Afterwards, Castiel kept looking at it, unable to stop thinking about the cabins, until Dean once again dragged him to bed. He lay awake for a long time, staring into the darkness and shuffling around thinking about the little structures in the woods, wondering why he was so drawn to them. He reminded himself that he only had to wait until morning, and Dean would go with him. 

He turned onto his side and Dean groaned next to him.

"Babe, _please_ , can you just lie still?"

"I can't sleep."

"Just close your eyes, shut off your mind."

Castiel groaned, rolling away from Dean as he retraced the route to the cabins in his mind for the tenth time.

-

He woke up early and, though it was unintentional, climbed out of bed. Dean grumbled something at him, reaching out as Castiel tried to climb out of bed. Castiel assured him everything was okay, and left the bedroom in favour of coffee. When he returned, Dean was lying flat on his stomach, one arm still stretched out across the bed. Castiel set his coffee down and crawled over the bed, pressing kisses into the flesh of Dean's exposed back. 

-

Charlie banged on the door two hours later and Castiel shifted with a grunt. He pressed his face into what he shortly realized wasn't his pillow. It moved beneath him, and he vaguely remembered resting his head on Dean's back before he had fallen asleep again. 

Moving slowly, Dean turned onto his back without dislodging Cas' head. "Think if we ignore her, she'll stop?" he mumbled, looking up at Castiel through one squinted eye.

"Not likely," he kissed Dean's chest and rolled back onto his own side of the bed. "We have to go look at the cabins today, remember?"

Charlie proceeded knocking on the door, mumbling that she could hear them and they had to get up. I was Castiel who eventually got up and led her into the kitchen to get more coffee. Dean was up shortly after and the pair of them sat together on the couch, propped up against each other while Charlie clicked away cheerfully on the computer.

"There hasn't been anything yet this morning, but I'm sure Sam and Amelia won't mind keeping an eye on it. So! Cabins?"

"Charlie, give us five minutes to wake up. Why are you so excited anyway?"

"You would be too if it didn't take three pots of coffee to wake you up in the morning. It's a beautiful day, and Cas wants to go look at some old cabins in the woods. Sounds pretty awesome to me."

-

They were an fifteen minutes along their plotted path when Castiel tore his hand out of Dean's, holding his arms out at his sides to stop him and Charlie.

"What is it?" Dean asked

"Did you hear that?" he asked frantically, "I had a feeling-"

"I didn't hear anything, Cas, what-"

"I'm sure I heard it..." his heart raced and his eyes darted back and forth over the scene in front of him.

"Hey, calm down. What did you hear?"

"Hael," he breathed, eyes flicking up to Dean's briefly before flashing forward again. He hurried forward, despite a cry from Dean, as he and Charlie started after. The voice was faint, so much so that he was sure he had imagined it, until something moved in the corner of his eye. 

He found her alone, poised to strike behind a tree. The young woman's arms fell to her sides immediately, face contorting into something like shock mixed with relief.

"Castiel?"

"Hael." His heart pounded painfully against his chest and tears prickled at the back of his eyes. _Hael_. He wasn't alone. 

She approached slowly and stopped as Dean and Charlie came up behind him. "Who are they?" 

"They're my friends," Castiel assured her, "they won't hurt you."

"I thought- I thought we were the only ones..."

"We?" Dean asked, taking a place next to Castiel. Hael looked to Castiel, waiting for his nod before replying.

"Samandriel and I."

"Where is he?" Castiel demanded

"Back at the cabin. We found a small group of them that were dry, and warm enough for us to take shelter in."

"Can we come with you?" Castiel asked. She nodded and turned away. Dean brushed a hand against his and Castiel looked up at him.

"Who is she?"

"Her name is Hael," he replied, still softly, "she is my sister."

"And the other one?" Charlie asked

"Samandriel? My brother. They're angels," he smiled at Dean. "They're angels." He squeezed Dean's hand and tugged him along in Hael's wake. 

The cabin she led them to had obviously been out of use for many years, the windows were all smashed and the floorboards were rotten at best. They stepped carefully inside and Castiel dropped to his knees in front of the blond man who cowered back at the crowd.

"Castiel?" he asked, smiling between him and Hael, "how did you-"

"We came across each other in the woods," Hael said simply, then gesturing to Charlie and Dean, "these are Castiel's friends."

"Hello."

"What's wrong with your leg?" Castiel asked, pressing a hand gingerly against the younger man's shin.

"I don't know, I can't stand on it. It's been like this for days."

"Days?" Charlie asked, "how are you getting food, water?"

"I gather food and bring it back to him," Hael explained, "it's been difficult, but we didn't know what else to do."

"We should get him back to Amelia, she might be able to help."

"Who is Amelia?" Samandriel asked, eyes narrowing with concern.

"Another friend," Castiel assured him, flaring his wings as wide as he could, "my wing was broke in the fall, she healed it for me. She may be able to help you too, if you'll come with us."

"I will," he said tentatively, "as long as Hael comes too. I won't be separated from her again, not since Rebecca-"

"Rebecca?" Castiel interrupted, hope surging again.

"She was with us. She didn't make it."

"What happened?" he asked softly. Dean squeezed his hand,

"Cas, we can swap war stories on the way back, we've got to get him to Amelia as soon as possible."

"Okay," Castiel agreed, nodding at Dean, "can you carry him on your back?"

"Yeah, I carried Sam around till he was thirteen, and sometimes when he's drunk, I think I can manage it."

Hael and Castiel helped their brother up, helping Dean to lift him off the ground. Dean was silent as they made their way back, and Charlie talked quietly with Samandriel about things Castiel couldn't focus well enough to listen to. He fell behind with Hael, listening to her story.

"We were lucky enough not to be injured severely, but Rebecca- her wings were both badly damaged. It made it difficult for her to even walk, we were attacked a little while back, I don't know how long, by something - I don't really know what. Rebecca didn't survive, she couldn't get away... Samandriel and I moved after that, and found these cabins. His leg, I think maybe he broke it when we were hunting. We're _hungry_ , Castiel."

"I know. Dean will give you food and shelter."

"He will? Not all the food I found was good to eat, and it's not always easy to find food that is."

"I know," Castiel smiled softly, "I discovered the same thing, that's when I discovered-"

"That you were falling?"

"Yes."

"What happened, Castiel?"

"I don't know, I wasn't even sure that there were others until I heard you."

"I'm glad you did."

"So am I."

-

Amelia was sitting in the living room when they returned. She jumped up as soon as Dean pushed the door open.

"Dude, we got company. Clear off the table, I'm gonna need your help."

"Jesus, Dean, what the-" she stopped as he ducked through the doorway, knees bent harshly to avoid hitting Samandriel's wings against the door frame. "Shit, Sam!" she called, not looking away, "how many, Dean?"

"Two," Castiel smiled at her, coming up behind Dean with Hael. "Samandriel and Hael." 

Charlie quickly explained things to Amelia and Sam and then she and the younger Winchester took to the kitchen to make food while Dean helped Amelia to examine Samandriel's leg.

"I'm a vet, you know that right? Not a doctor."

"Ame, you're the best we've got, please." 

"I'll do what I can."

Castiel took Hael into the kitchen, sitting her at the table to look over her wounds. There were many, but most of them were just small scratched and bruises that didn't need tending. For the others he recalled the way Dean had wrapped his arm and leg, spreading the disinfectant over them before bandaging them up.

"Dean taught me this," he explained, "when I first fell my arm and leg were injured and he tended them for me."

"Who is he, Castiel?" 

"Dean and his brother found me. They helped me, and without them I would certainly be dead right now. You and Samandriel did well to keep yourselves alive."

"I mean what is he to you? He watches after you wherever you go."

"He-" Castiel cut himself off as Dean appeared around the corner, leaning against the wall, 

"'Melia says he probably sprained his ankle, that's why it's so swollen. As long as he stays off it and takes care of it properly, it's no big deal."

"Good," he and Hael both relaxed visibly and Dean smirked at him.

"You guys talkin' about me? I heard my name?" 

Castiel huffed and turned back to Hael, "do you remember Gadreel and Abner?" 

A shadow passed over her face and she nodded slowly, "of course I do, but I don't- oh." A soft smile replaced the darkness in her face and she glanced up to Dean. "But he's human, Castiel."

"So am I, right now, and I would be dead without Dean."

-

"So," Dean dropped down on the couch beside Castiel as Amelia was ensuring Hael and Samandriel were well fed, "who are Gadreel and Abner?"

Castiel flashed him a soft grin and looked at his knees, "they were rather infamous, both for being prisoners and for being lovers."

Dean leaned in, pressing a kiss to his temple, "you're such a dork."

Castiel curled into his side, "can they stay here tonight?" he asked, "I don't want to have to keep going back and forth while Samandriel's injured."

"Of course they can. We can set up beds in the living room for now, and we'll figure out something more convenient when he's better."

"Thank you," Castiel sighed.

-

It was a long day. Castiel and Dean showed Hael around the cabin as Dean had done with Castiel when he'd first agreed to stay, and then they proceeded to explain the same things over again to Samandriel. Neither of the younger angels liked to be separated for long, still seeming wary around the Winchesters and Charlie and Amelia. Castiel sat with them for most of the evening, telling them about his time with the humans and how they had helped him.

It seemed to ease some of their concern, but they still preferred not to be away from him for long. Castiel told them about the computer and the cameras, about the voice he had heard, about anything he could think of to keep them talking. Dean joined them for a little while after Hael had explained his and Castiel's relationship to Samandriel, and asked them if they remembered anything about falling, if they had come across any other angels. 

When it got late, Castiel helped Samandriel onto the couch while Sam and Dean gathered up any extra bedding they could find for beds. 

"Looks like you're with us tonight," Dean grinned at Charlie.

"As long as we don't have a repeat of the other day, I think I can deal."

"Well you're gonna have to," Dean winked, "repeat or not."

"You don't have anything to worry about, Charlie," Castiel smiled, raising his eyebrows at Dean. He pulled cushions from the chair and carried them into the bedroom for Charlie, setting them with the rest of her blankets at the end of the bed. "Are you sure you won't be cold on the floor?"

"I'll be fine, thanks Cas. Besides, your bro is the important one right now."

Castiel smiled at her and returned to the living room. With Sam and Amelia gone to bed, it was just the three of them for the first time and Castiel sat cross-legged at the end of Hael's bed. 

"Thank you, Castiel."

"You would do the same," he smiled. 

"Of course," Hael agreed, "but what are we going to do?"

"I don't know. We'll find the others, anyone else we can find, and then I suppose we'll figure it out from there."

"Do you think there are others?"

"I do now," Castiel nodded, "I'm sure of it."


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I just want to know what's bothering you. You were fine this morning." Castiel was caught off guard by the suddenness of his reply.
> 
> "Are you gonna leave?"
> 
> "What?"
> 
> "Now that you have these two - their injuries will heal quickly and then you'll go, right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been really bad at replying to comments this week, and I'm sorry! I appreciate them so much and you guys are super awesome for sticking around <33

The next day was no less busy.

Everyone was up before seven in the morning and Castiel had to force himself to be awake without coffee. Charlie and Dean were in the kitchen making breakfast, Dean giving instructions to Sam and Amelia about what to pick up when they went into town. 

"It's gonna cost a fortune, Dean."

"Come on," he shrugged, "what good are credit card scams if you only use them to sleep in shitty motels?"

Castiel glanced up at the pair by the door, watching as Sam shook his head and Amelia grinned at him. He turned back to Hael and Samandriel, sitting before him on the floor and checked their injuries carefully, checking with Dean if he found anything unexpected. 

"While you're at it-" Dean hurried to the front door, leaning through to shout after Sam, "see if Bobby's got one of those portable shed things or whatever."

Castiel looked up at him as he passed back into the kitchen, "what do we need a shed for?"

"We don't have enough space in here for everyone, if Bobby's got a big enough shed we can set it up for extra bed space. Besides, four people in here is crowded, but _six_?" Castiel frowned and Dean knelt down next to him, pressing a kiss into his hair, "you can stay with them as often as you want, and it's not like we're kicking them out, they'll just have somewhere separate to sleep at night."

"Is that alright?" Castiel asked, looking back to his siblings. They looked a little unsure as they glanced at Dean, but they nodded to Castiel and he smiled. "I can stay with you, if you want."

"Might not even be for a couple days, gotta find out about the shed first," Dean pointed out. 

He returned to Charlie and breakfast, and Castiel helped the younger angels tidy the makeshift beds before their food was ready. 

They ate together in the kitchen and Castiel was relieved when Hael started up a conversation with Dean on her own. His soft smile earned him a wink from the man and he ruffled his feathers, trying to ignore him. No one else spoke, but Castiel assumed that was because Charlie and Samandriel were as tired as he was. There was coffee on the table now, but his head was pounding already, and no amount of coffee was fixing that. 

After breakfast he gave the angels the same tour Dean had given him, explaining everything as well as he could. In the bathroom he paused, frowning between them and the shower.

"What's wrong, Castiel?" Samandriel asked.

"The shower is... awkward," he sighed, "our wings, they're... sensitive. It's best not to get them wet if you can avoid it." He was met with two blank stares, and he sighed again, not wanting to have to tell them just _how_ sensitive their wings would be now that they had fallen. 

"I don't understand," Hael shook her head lightly.

"Could you shake your wings dry, if they get wet?" They both nodded and Castiel let out a relieved breath, "then you should be fine."

"Thank God we don't have another one like you," Dean put in from the doorway. Castiel rolled his eyes and mumbled under his breath. "What? You were a pain before."

"I never noticed you complaining," he commented, raising an eyebrow at Dean as he led the others back into the living area. 

-

Castiel was sitting on the floor in living area, talking softly to Samandriel when Dean found him. He flopped down in one of the chairs and proceeded to pick at the piping until Castiel looked up and asked him what he wanted. 

"Nothing," he shrugged, but it was obvious something wasn't right. Excusing himself from the conversation with Samandriel, he rose and took Dean's hand, leading him outside. 

"Coat, Cas-"

"We're only going to be a couple of minutes, I just want to know what's bothering you. You were fine this morning." Castiel was caught off guard by the suddenness of his reply.

"Are you gonna leave?"

"What?"

"Now that you have these two - their injuries will heal quickly and then you'll go, right?"

"No, Dean," he huffed a quiet laugh, "I'm not going anywhere. Samandriel and Hael, they need guidance and I'm not the one to give it to them. As long as we're welcome here, I'll stay."

"I've got Charlie sleeping in our _bedroom_ so they can stay, I'm not gonna be the one kicking them out any time soon."

"Good," Castiel smiled. 

"So…" he started, obviously looking to change the subject, "you were asking them about the fall, right? Did either of them know anything helpful."

"No," Castiel shook his head, "they were the same as I was - nothing unusual and then everything was spinning and I was just... falling." He blinked, realizing he was staring down at the ground and looked back up to Dean, "Hael said she remembered hearing Gabriel shouting something, but she didn't know what he was saying." A small smile crept onto his face, "and Gabriel yelling is nothing unusual."

-

Sam and Amelia returned a few hours later with two unfamiliar men, a disgruntled sounding man with a beard and a dark-skinned man with a moustache. Castiel eyed them both a little suspiciously, watching as Dean entered the room with a resounding "Bobby!"

"So these are your angels huh?" the first man said. Dean nodded at him with a grin and wasted no time in introducing Castiel and his siblings to the two men. Bobby, he explained, was like a second father to him and Sam and Rufus was Bobby's best friend. Both of them seemed pleasant enough, despite their gruff exterior. 

Bobby, as it turns out, had also had the shed Dean asked about and there would be more than enough space for Hael and Samandriel, so long as they could get it up the path and assembled. 

It took all six of them to bring the pieces up to the cabin, while the three angels searched for somewhere to set it up once they got it there. 

Following Dean's specific measurements, the only place large and flat enough was a fifteen minute walk along the river. It was a fair distance from the cabin, but the river led almost directly back if they needed to find it again. The four of them - Dean joined them when they returned to the cabin - carried the sections of the shed down to the river and then went back to the cabin to wait for the others. 

Everyone was eager to help. Even Samandriel and Hael, who still shied away from the humans, asked Castiel more than once if there was anything they could do to help. It took a long time to set up, and by the time they had the main frame up, Amelia had pushed Sam and Dean aside and she finished setting it up with Bobby and Rufus. 

It was big once it was finally set up, bigger than the room he shared with Dean, Castiel discovered upon entering. It wasn't very warm, but as Dean assured him, they could travel between here and the cabin easily and without getting lost. He poked around a little longer, but there was only so much to see in an empty, square room. Samandriel and Hael peered in from the door, but when Castiel left, they were quick to follow him. 

Bobby and Rufus stayed to help pack the rest of the supplies down to the shed, while Castiel and his siblings stayed put, using a lantern from Sam to light the shed while they set everything up. The small beds they had - cots, Dean called them - were difficult, but Castiel stuck with trying to set them up for nearly an hour before giving up and asking Amelia to help. 

Darkness had fallen by the time they finished setting up, and they traipsed back to the cabin with only one lantern to light their way. 

"Someone's gonna fall in the river if we're not careful," Dean mumbled. 

Castiel grinned over at him, "as far as I know, the only person who has fallen in a river is you."

Sam snorted from somewhere behind them, "dude, is _that_ what happened? I knew you looked a little too wet to have just gotten caught in the rain."

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Dean grumbled, "at least I don't get drunk and strip in public."

"Oh really?" Amelia piped up behind him.

"I'm gonna kill you," Sam mumbled. Dean just winked at him.

"I feel like this is a story we need to hear," Charlie chuckled. Amelia agreed, and it was mere seconds before Dean was shoving the lantern into Castiel's hands and taking off into the dark as Sam ran after him. Bobby mumbled something that sounded endearing and insulting at the same time.

"Can you believe those two hunt monsters?" Rufus huffed.

"Hardly. Can't say I remember the last time they looked to happy though." Bobby added. 

"You said they're hunters?" Hael asked

"Yes. That's how they found me," Castiel put in, "they were hunting a Wendigo."

"And they just took you home?" she asked, unconvinced.

"No," Castiel laughed, "it was much more complicated than that. Dean didn't want me to go, Sam wanted to help. My wing was broken, it's only because of Amelia that I can use it now," he shot her a quiet smile and turned back to the path. 

They reached the hill shortly, and Sam and Dean were in the kitchen when they all got inside, making dinner, judging by the smell in the cabin. 

"Pasta," Dean grinned, "figure we could do with something to eat before you guys get going."

-

Before Bobby left, he pulled Sam and Dean aside. No one seemed to pay them any attention, but Castiel couldn't' help but overhear their hushed conversation. 

"I know you're supposed to be in hiding or what not, but I need you two on this case. I sent a couple guys out there three days ago and zilch. Haven't been able to reach 'em since the day they left. You two are the only guys I got in the area."

"We'll think about it, Bobby," Sam offered.

"Think fast, I got five missing and three dead already." 

Charlie left with them when they went. The brothers said a final goodbye at the door, thanking everyone again for the help, and Bobby and Rufus promised to keep an eye out for anything at all unusual. Dean dragged all of Charlie's bedding out into the living room, adding it to the beds for Hael and Samandriel as Castiel perched on the now cushionless chair.

Sam and Amelia checked in with them briefly, ensuring Hael and Samandriel didn't need anything else before they went to bed. Dean followed shortly after, kissing Castiel softly on the head and mumbling ' _don't stay up too late_ ' into his hair. 

"I'm not a child," Castiel reminded him, but when he tilted to face Dean, his expression was soft. "Goodnight, Dean.."

"'Night Babe."

Castiel watched after him until the door clicked shut. When he turned back, Hael and Samandriel were both fixing him with concerned looks.

"What?"

"You're very attached to him," Hael commented, "what happens when we find a way home, Castiel?"

"I go home," he said, simple and blunt, "the same as you."

"Tell me about him," she smiled, burrowing into the blankets. 

He frowned, "what do you want to know?"

"When did you first know you were in love with him?"

Castiel startled, his response caught in his throat, "I? Hael, I-"

Her voice was soft when she responded, looking up at him with big, dark eyes, "Castiel, don't tell me you don't love him. You watch after him when he leaves, not just now but always. He does the same."

"I don't love him." His chest constricted a little, but he pushed away the discomfort.

"But-"

"Hael," he warned gently, "no."

"Then tell me more about _him_."

-

Gentle hands rocked him back and forth and Castiel shrugged his shoulders, grunting at the disruption. He raised his head from its place next to Hael's on her pillow, frowning at the shape looming over him.

"C'mon Cas, s'like three or some shit. Come to bed."

He continued to grumble, but let Dean tug him to his feet, both still half-asleep as they made their way into the bedroom. Dean fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, but Castiel was awake now and, irritatingly, not tired. For an indeterminate amount of time, he cocked his head and stared at Dean, contemplating what Hael had said, not for the first time. 

-

Castiel woke to the hiss of Dean's voice, irritated and trying to keep quiet, " _we're_ not in the area, Bobby. You saw what we have to deal with up here. We can't just leave them." Pause. "No, I know we can't just ignore it, but c'mon, you've gotta have someone else." He exhaled deeply, "yeah, okay. Yes. It'll take us a bit to get ready, I gotta go get Sam up. Yeah, bye."

"You have to leave?" Castiel asked, running a soothing hand up Dean's back as he startled at the noise.

"Just for a few days. Bobby needs us to check out a case and he doesn't have anyone else to put on it. You know I wouldn't go if I had a choice."

"I know."

"I gotta go get Sam up," he grumbled, pushing off the bed and exiting the room without waiting for a reply. 

Castiel didn't bother getting out of bed until Sam and Dean were supposed to be walking out the door. He knew Gabriel, were he there, would accuse him of pouting and drag him out of bed, but he wasn't and no one else seemed to notice he had been missing until he appeared. 

Sam was in the kitchen, presumably packing food for the road, when Dean came up to him, "you guys gonna be okay on your own?"

"We have Amelia. We'll be fine." Dean frowned a little and Castiel cocked his head to one side, "what?"

"We were just starting to... y'know, and now you have this whole new responsibility and I'm leaving..."

"For a few days, remember?" he snuck a quick look at Sam in the kitchen, and subtly walked Dean back toward the bedroom, easily pushing him against the wall and shutting the door. "I'll still have time for you."

"Hmm?" Dean drew him into a slow kiss, letting his hands slide down his back languidly. As Dean's tongue pushed between his lips, Castiel's fingers slipped under Dean's shirt, tracing soft lines up his stomach. 

Dean hummed, pressing into the touch, "how long d'you think we've got?"

"Not long enough," Castiel sighed, but he was being walked backwards, pushed back onto the bed and Dean smirked at him as he climbed up after him, leaning down to kiss him again, pressing him hard into the mattress with his body. 

"Dean," he chuckled, squirming away from him. 

Dean planted his hands on either side of Castiel's head, "tell me you want to go and I'll let you go."

Castiel pulled him back down, silencing him with a kiss. Dean smirked against his lips, grinding his hips down none too gently. He rocked forward, encouraged as Castiel's hips jerked up to meet his with equal intent.

Castiel stopped himself mid-moan, clamping a hand over Dean's mouth. He gained a questioning look from Dean, and had to push him off of him.

"Sam's calling you."

Dean groaned loudly, rolling onto his back, "two seconds, Sammy!" He rolled back onto his side, eyeing Castiel a little glumly, "I gotta go."

"I know," he sighed.

"Just a couple of days," he promised, "we'll call Amelia and check in when we can."

-

The rest of the afternoon, Castiel spent checking the cameras. Samandriel and Hael never asked what he was doing, and he never offered any information. He wanted to give them a little more time to adjust before he tried to explain technology - as well as he could - to them. There was nothing, as usual, but after unexpectedly finding two angels, his hopes were raised back up. 

He helped Amelia with meals, and she sat with him on the computer as they clicked through Sam's marked web pages and checked the news for anything unusual. They didn't find anything, but Castiel kept checking back, and Amelia was patient, which he was thankful for. 

In the evening, they made dinner together, and Castiel got the younger angels to open up to Amelia. They proved to be much friendlier and sociable when their audience was narrowed down. Castiel counted this as a good thing, and when he got ready for bed, he made a note to tell Dean and try and convince him to spend more time with them. 

He climbed into bed and switched off the light, but it was a long time before he fell asleep. It was odd, Castiel thought, not having Dean in bed with him. They had only shared a room for a short time, but he was beginning to think of Dean as a comfort. They didn't always touch, and sometimes Castiel had to sleep on top of the blankets to keep cool enough, but Dean was always there if he needed him, which seemed to be fairly often recently. His last thought were to wonder how he would spend the sleepless nights in Heaven without Dean, before he fell into an uneasy sleep.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean paused, nosing in Castiel's hair, "you have a rough week?"
> 
> Castiel sat up, looking down at him with a small frown, "I was worried about you."
> 
> Dean pushed himself up, crawling over to him. Dean's lips pressed warm against his neck, hands pressing in on his hips, "I'm home now," he hummed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm moving back to Canada in a month and I have like nothing done XD I can't guarantee this will be updated on time for the next little while, and I apologize if chapters are late, but they will be up eventually!! 
> 
> Thanks for sticking around <33

Castiel woke up drenched in sweat and tangled in the sheets, vivid scenes of his anguished brother still flashing in the back of his mind. Soft whimpers fell on his ears and he realized with a jolt that they were coming from him. He was alone. 

A soft knock on the door drew his attention and he mumbled a hushed 'come in'. 

Amelia didn't stay long, just enough to ease the panic and get him a glass of water. He thanked her more than once, accepting the water, but insisting she go back to sleep, that he would be fine. 

After she left, it took a long time for him to relax. He pushed the damp sheets off the bed and tugged the blanket up over himself, rolling onto Dean's side of the bed. He cocooned himself in the blanket, despite the uncomfortable tightness around his wings, and buried his face is Dean's pillow. If he closed his eyes tightly and thought hard enough, he could imagine Dean's arms around him, his voice calm and soothing in Castiel's ears. If it was this hard being away from Dean now, how was he going to feel when he actually had to leave?

Firmly pushing that thought out of his mind, Castiel tugged Dean's pillow into his cocoon curling himself around it. He fell asleep this way, breathing in Dean's scent as his eyes slowly drifted shut. 

-

When he awoke in the morning, Castiel felt simultaneously better and worse. The light streaming through the window helped to clear his mind of the nightmares, but Dean was still gone, and leaving him eventually was still something very real that he was going to have to face. 

Dean's pillow had escaped him during the night, and he dragged it back against his chest. Waking up alone was worse than falling asleep alone, he decided. Dean wasn't always with him when he was home, but he was so loud that Castiel could almost always tell where he was the moment he woke up. He didn't like this feeling of not knowing. 

He didn't get up for a while, arching his back into the warmth of the sun shining in on him. His wings ached from their confinement, but the heat helped a little, and he wasn't ready to get out of bed just yet. 

When he did get up, the first thing Castiel did was have a shower, letting the too-hot water ease the remaining tension in his wings and shoulders. He hummed to himself, some song he remembered Dean playing for him before. Everyone was still asleep, so he kept his voice low, forehead pressed against the tiles as his wings flexed behind him, guiding the warm stream of water down his spine. 

He turned the water off before it got cold, shaking his wings awkwardly in the small space and flicking water from his feathers. Managing to dry them well enough without help, he dressed and headed into the kitchen for breakfast. No one was awake yet, and all he knew how to make on his own was eggs and toast. It wasn't a very exciting breakfast, but he couldn't help the grin that crossed his face when it all turned out well.

As soon as he was done eating and washing up after himself, he set himself in front of the computer. Even with a mug of coffee next to him, it was hard to stay alert. Amelia woke him up again when she got up, gently encouraging him to sleep, though Castiel refused. Dean would call him stubborn, but he wanted to keep watching, however exhausted he was. 

He only managed to spend another hour on the computer before he curled up in a chair to listen to Hael and Samandriel's conversation. He drifted in and out as they spoke about Heaven, and what it would be like to return. Castiel only sighed and rested his head on the arm of the chair, not entirely sure he wanted to return to heaven. 

After a short time, he did fall asleep, but he was awoken with a jolt at Hael's touch. 

She told him in brief that Amelia was leaving, letting the woman explain herself when she emerged from the bedroom.

"I just got called into work, there's some sort of emergency," she said, pulling her jacket on and trying to step into her shoes at the same time, "are you okay to take Spike out?"

Castiel nodded. Since Hael and Samandriel's arrival, they had been trying to keep the dog in Sam and Amelia's room, which hardly seemed fair, and he was more than willing to take him out, and let him out into the living area while they were gone.

"Of course," he nodded, "when does he eat?" 

Amelia explained it to him quickly, letting him know where Spike's food was kept and left with a quick promise to return the following afternoon. 

Castiel made more coffee to keep himself awake, offering to make something for Hael and Samandriel, but the latter assured them they had already eaten. He spoke to them often, but their conversations were brief generally ending when Heaven or the other angels were brought up. At that point, Castiel would return to the computer to double- and triple-check the cameras. 

When he went to bed that night, he ensured that they were well-fed and relaxed. Samandriel had taken a liking to Spike, and the dog was curled up at the end of his bed, twitching a little in his sleep and the younger angel watched him with a soft smile. 

Castiel knelt down between them, looking between each of them and the dog. "Is everything alright here?" he asked softly, "with Dean and the others? I want to make sure you're comfortable."

"We are," Hael assured him, "though we've been thinking about moving out to the shed. It's very crowded here."

"I know," Castiel agreed, "and human buildings are not meant for wings." The younger two both smiled at that, agreeing with quiet nods. "When Dean returns, I'll speak to him about it. For now I'm going to sleep," he paused awkwardly, "if you hear me in the night, don't be concerned. I'm fine." His siblings looked a little concerned, but they agreed nonetheless. 

Castiel didn't sleep easily that night, but it was better than the night before.

-

The brothers called on the third day since they had left. Amelia spent a long time talking to Sam while Castiel waited impatiently, tapping his fingers on arm of the chair and trying not to listen in on Amelia's conversation. When she brought the phone over to him, Castiel forced himself to sit still, taking the phone from her and retreating to the bedroom.

"Dean?" he asked, dropping onto the bed and tucking his legs up underneath him.

"Hey, Cas." He could hear the smile in Dean's voice. "How're things goin' up there?"

"Fine," he replied, eager to fins out when they were coming home.

"Just fine?"

"It's quiet without you. Hael and Samandriel want to go out to the shed when you come home, they say it's too crowded."

"Yeah, we can do that. How uh, how've you been at night?"

"I don't like sleeping alone," he said quietly, carefully sidestepping the question. 

"Cas," Dean started softly.

"I miss your company," he admitted with a sigh, "all they talk about is Heaven. I don't even know how we're going to get back."

"I've told you before, we'll find a way, don't worry about it."

"I'm going to miss you."

"Yeah," Dean agreed, "it's gonna suck." They both fell silent for a few minutes, until Dean broke it with a short sigh, "I should get going, Sam's gonna be pissed if I don't at least _try_ and sleep before we're up and at it again. You should sleep too, Cas. Especially if you haven't been sleeping well." 

"I'll let you sleep then," Castiel said softly, "goodnight, Dean."

"You too Cas. I'll see you in a few days."

The line went silent and Castiel hung the phone up. He returned it to Amelia after turning it over in his hands a few times, wishing he didn't feel so conflicted. 

"How is he?"

"Okay, I think."

"They'll be okay, Cas. They always are, and Dean has a reason to come home now."

-

Despite the empty space next to him in the bed, Castiel fell asleep with a smile on his face, one wing wrapped around Dean's pillow.

He didn't sleep soundly for long. As usual, he was tormented by visions of his brother being tortured, only this time Gabriel was joined by Dean, and somewhere in his mind, Castiel knew he could only save one of them. 

He didn't remember any of it when he woke up.

-

Castiel spent the next two days trying to explain the computer systems to Hael and Samandriel. It proved to be a fruitless task, and he returned to talking, asking them about anything they might remember, but their answers didn't vary in the slightest. 

The more he spoke to them, the more he began to realize he felt a stronger kinship to the Winchesters and their friends than he did to his own family. He knew it should be the other way around, and the guilt kept him secluded in his room for most of the day.

-

On the sixth day since they left, Cas started to worry. He didn't know much about Sam and Dean and their hunting abilities, he didn't know what they were hunting, but they had been gone a long time. The worst part was how little he thought about Sam, he didn't worry about him the way he did about Dean. Imagined conversations pushed back to the front of his brain and he sighed, realizing it was probably too late to take Gabriel's imaginary advice. 

He skipped lunch, finding Dean's music and headphones and made his way up to the roof. It wasn't particularly cold, but he got Amelia to help pin his shirts in place at any rate. He found a spare sheet and took it up to sit on.

The music was relaxing, not in itself maybe, but because it was familiar, because it reminded him of Dean. And there it was again, the thought of Dean that made him feel better. He was falling again, and he hadn't even realized it. 

He lay down on his side and turned the music up louder, looking down over the hill. It wasn't very long before a hand rested on his shoulder and a warm body slid up against his own, pulling the headphones from his ears. 

"You scared me," Dean huffed, wrapping an arm around Castiel's chest, "what the hell are you doin' up here? I thought you'd left..." Castiel's face broke into a smile and he pressed himself back against Dean. 

"I was just thinking. You know I wouldn't leave without telling you," he slid hid fingers between Dean's. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Babe."

Castiel squeezed his hand, "do you think there are more of them?"

"I dunno, but if there are, we'll find them, remember? We found Hael and Samandriel," he paused, nosing in Castiel's hair, "you have a rough week?"

Castiel sat up, looking down at him with a small frown, "I was worried about you."

Dean pushed himself up, crawling over to him. Dean's lips pressed warm against his neck, hands pressing in on his hips, "I'm home now," he hummed.

Castiel grinned, pushing both hands up Dean's chest, and just staring at him.

"What?" Dean asked, leaning back on his hands. Castiel crawled into his lap, kissing him briefly. Dean cocked an eyebrow at him, and when their lips met again there was much more emotion behind it. 

"I'm glad you're home," he breathed. Castiel ignored the doubt in his mind for a moment, letting himself be drawn in by Dean's touch, the warm hand that smoothed down his side and around his back, tugging him closer. He arched into Dean, nipping gently at his lower lip as Dean's fingers pressed into his skin. 

"God, I missed you," Dean chuckled, smiling against his mouth. He let himself fall back against the roof, curling his other arm around Castiel's waist. 

Their light kisses grew in intensity, trailing down necks and pushing clothing aside to press into collar bones and shoulders. Dean arched up against him and Castiel pressed down back down, curling his fingers in Dean's hair as Dean's hands gripped his ass, dragging their hips together. Soft moans and laughing gasps were interrupted by the door creaking open below them. Dean tilted his head back, inadvertently pressing his hips up and drawing a low groan from Castiel.

"Dean? You around here?"

Sam's voice echoed up to them, and Dean shot Castiel an apologetic grin as he wormed out from underneath him and rolled over to the edge of the roof, looking down.

"Yeah, I found him. We're up here." 

"Good, well come down. Dinner's almost ready."

At first, Castiel was annoyed that their private reunion had to be cut short, but he was hungry, having not eaten since breakfast, and when Dean promised to make it up to him later, he warmed to the idea. 

Over dinner they discussed the idea of the shed. Castiel leaned against the kitchen counter, talking to Sam about it, while Dean leaned over the counter, absentmindedly brushing a hand along the tips of Castiel's feathers. 

It was too late, they decided, to try and sort everything out that night. Sam had a portable heater they'd borrowed from Bobby - "what the hell would we do without him?" Dean had joked - and he promised he could have it figured out and ready for the angels to use by the following night. Other than that, they could get anything they needed up at the cabin, although Dean pointed out to his brother that they needed to go grocery shopping. 

They didn't talk about where Sam and Dean had been, other than Dean mentioning there had been multiple haunting, and it was simple to deal with once they figured out what was going on. Castiel wasn't really sure he wanted to know more than that, he didn't ask. 

-

After dinner Sam offered to show Hael and Samandriel cameras, explaining what Castiel had been unable to. They seemed comfortable enough with Sam, and while Dean and Amelia cleaned up the kitchen, Castiel snuck away to the bedroom to read. 

He was lying face down on the bed, arms folded under him and wings relaxed on either side of him, when Dean found him. Castiel didn't look up when the door opened and closed again, lock sliding into place. He didn't so much as skip a sentence until Dean settled himself on his thighs, lowering himself to lie between Castiel's wings.

He traced small shapes on Castiel's shoulder with his finger, humming along as if he really didn't mind Castiel's lack of focus. When warm lips pressed against his neck, Castiel shivered, ruffling his wings around Dean. 

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Nothin'," Dean replied, pressing a kiss behind his ear, "you keep reading."

He tried. He ended up reading the same line six times while Dean mouthed at his neck and breathed in his ear, but he tried. His patience finally wore through when Dean sat back up and started running his fingers through his feathers. His breath caught as Dean's lips pressed into the downy fluff at the base of his wings, hot breath ruffling them softly. 

Castiel whined, arching his back into the touch and pushing his book under the pillow. He rolled his shoulders, meeting Dean's hands as they pressed up his back. Heat prickled up his neck and he rolled his hips into the mattress with a soft groan.

"Babe," he mumbled, grazing Castiel's ear as he spoke, "I want you." 

Castiel groaned again as Dean rolled his hips, pressing the length of his erection against Castiel's ass. Dean leaned down again, nipping at the back of Castiel's neck as he continued moving against him. 

" _Dean_ ," he groaned, dislodging the man and rolling onto his back. He was met with a smirk and he pulled Dean down on him, kissing him deeply and lifting off the bed with each roll of Dean's hips. They found a rhythm quickly, grinding against each other as if they couldn't bear to be parted. 

"You done with your book now, Cas?"

He chuckled, craning his neck up to kiss him briefly, "you're impossible."

"I know," Dean winked, pressing back into another kiss.

Dean jerked up suddenly, yanking his shirt off and flinging it away before plastering himself against Castiel again. Castiel slid a hand between them, fumbling with the button on Dean's jeans while his free hand pressed beneath the swell of his ass, encouraging the gentle rock of Dean's hips. 

Deans pants were shoved away as soon as they were undone, and Dean shuffled backward, placing rushed kisses down Castiel's chest as he tugged his jeans off, shoving them away with his own. Castiel moaned, jerking his hips up as Dean moved further down, licking a stripe up his cock. 

Castiel's fingers wove into the man's hair, flexing erratically as Dean took his entire length in one swift motion. He whined, pulling his knees up around Dean's head, one hand still fisted in his hair. Pleasure raced through him, dulling everything outside himself and Dean. Dean moaned around him and Castiel was suddenly acutely aware that one of Dean's arms was reached behind him, pressing into himself. 

" _Ngh, Dean_ -" he pushed Dean up, whimpering a little as the cold air hit him. 

"What's wrong?" Dean breathed.

"I want you," Castiel huffed, rising to his knees and tugging Dean against him and kissing him roughly, " _now_."

"Fuck yeah, Baby," he leaned down, but Castiel held him up.

"Don't stop, I-" he glanced down, barely flicking his eyes up to Dean again as he finished with "I want to watch you."

"You wanna- yeah, okay." Dean leaned back on his heels, his shocked expression clouded by lust. 

"Is that okay?"

"Yeah, it's okay Cas, just-" he let out a shuddering breath as Castiel brushed his wingtips up Dean's spine. Dean grinned at him as Castiel sat back, unable to tear his eyes away as the man pushed one finger inside himself. 

Dean's eyes fell shut, brows pulling together as he pushed his hips down a little lower. He looked perfect like this, Castiel thought, flushed and desperate, the freckles standing out darkly on his nose. 

"Come here," he rested one hand on Dean's hip, drawing him in and letting the other slide slowly over his cock as Dean climbed over him, straddling his hips. Castiel reached back to the nightstand, retrieving the bottle of lube and squirting some onto his fingers before dropping it into the sheets. He traced a slick line back to the tight ring of muscle, sliding a finger in alongside Dean's, and drawing an urgent gasp from him.

" _Fuck, Cas_ ," he lifted his hips, dropping back down on their fingers with a harsh breath. He added a third finger, pushing one hand roughly up Castiel's chest. "You're fuckin' amazing, Babe, _fuck_." He grunted, pulling up and off. "Fuck me," he breathed, "need you-"

" _Yes_ ," Castiel breathed, jerking up a little more harshly into his hand. Dean squirted more lube into his palm, slicking up Castiel's cock. Castiel thrust up into Dean's hand, soft moans turning to rough gasps as Dean released him, positioning himself over his length.

Dean sunk down slowly, but all at once, holding Castiel's gaze as he bottomed out. Castiel dropped his head back, arching up as Dean began to move. His hands found Dean's sides, following the rocking motion of his hips. He didn't think he would ever get sick of this, the sparks of pleasure shooting through him and Dean right there with him, totally lost to the world. 

Dean's pants became more ragged and he dropped back between Castiel's bent knees, leaning on his hands. He pushed down hard, jerking up again sharply as Castiel wrapped a hand around him, and it was all Castiel could do not to thrust up with all his strength and just take what he needed. Dean seemed to be in the same place, slamming down hard and mumbling things that were barely audible over the slap of skin and the grunts falling from Castiel's lips. Dean let out a cut off cry, leaning up and digging the blunt nails of one hand into Castiel's thigh.

" _Fuck! Right-ngh- right there Babe_ -" he whimpered as Castiel jerked up, meeting each of Dean's thrusts with a loud grunt. " _So close, Babe, so close- fuckfuckfuck_ -" 

Dean came with a silent scream, thrusting repeatedly into Castiel's hand as he spilled his release between them. His breaths slowed after a minute, legs still shaking as his knees hit the mattress.

Castiel held him up, chasing his own orgasm with hard thrusts. He slid his hands from Dean's hips, pulling him down onto him as his own orgasm hit. His hips stuttered and he cried out, fingers pressing into Dean's sides. He was silenced with a press of Dean's lips, drawing him into a breathless kiss as Dean rocked him through the rush. 

He pulled off carefully, but Castiel still winced with the loss, letting his legs relax against the bed, boneless and immensely satisfied. 

Dean rolled onto Castiel's side of the bed, inching back over to him and turning his head with a smirk, "you're _loud_ ," he chuckled, turning Castiel's head toward him for a kiss.

"Sorry," Castiel breathed, not convinced that he actually was sorry as a wide smile spread over Dean's face.

"Do _not_ apologize for that. You're awesome, y'know that?"

"Shut up," Castiel breathed, a little huff of a laugh escaping as he turned to Dean. "You're awesome too." Dean rolled his eyes, but Castiel tugged him back on top of him, curling his wings around Dean's back. "Say it."

"Cas-"

" _Dean_."

"C'mon Cas-"

"Please."

Dean rolled his eyes, conceding with a soft smile and a quick kiss, "okay," he huffed, "I'm awesome too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A million thank-yous to FlailingZombie for the roof scene, I know I changed it a lot, but still <3


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look, Cas, we haven't really talked about it, but what are you gonna do if it's not Gabriel? I know you said he's the only one who'd contact you, but _this_ ," he gestured vaguely with one hand, "this might not be anything, Cas. What then?"
> 
> "Then we go back to what we've been doing. We check the cameras, and read the news. We look for anything that might be an angel."
> 
> Dean smiled softly at him, sliding a hand under his chin to turn his head, "you're taking this really well."
> 
> "I told you before, I can't let myself hope.

They didn't get out of bed until nearly noon the next day. Dean tried, but Castiel was stubborn and curled a wing around Dean's arms every time, dragging him back down to the bed. 

"Jesus, those things are strong," Dean grumbled, settling grudgingly back into the blankets.

"They have to support my whole body, I'm not sure why this still surprises you."

Dean chuckled, rolling his eyes, "are we gonna get up at all today?"

"No," Castiel hummed into his chest.

"As much fun as that sounds, Cas, we've got a couple of angels to move today."

"That won't take long," Castiel mumbled, already drifting back off after Dean's most recent escape attempt.

"Ah ah, I don't think so," Dean rolled onto his back and away, "we still have to get up and eat, and get cleaned up," he frowned down the bed, "and wash these sheets again."

"Dean, I haven't seen you for nearly a week."

"Don't pull that," Dean shook his head with a grin, "we're not having this argument every day, Cas. C'mon, get up."

"Five more minutes."

"Get up, and get in the shower."

Castiel looked up hopefully, "come with me then."

Dean pushed up off the bed, tugging his boxers on as he raised an eyebrow at Castiel, "sorry, I'm getting up to make your lazy as lunch, what do you want?" He zipped up his jeans, just fastening the button as Castiel leaned over.

"You may want to re-think that idea," he smirked, "unless you intend to go out there like this." He passed a hand over Dean's stomach, brushing away the evidence of the night before. He quirked an eyebrow up at Dean, feeling more than a little smug, and Dean frowned down at himself.

"Fine. You get me for five, that's it."

Castiel considered it a victory and crawled out of bed, stepping into his boxers and tugging Dean out of the room with him. 

He was in the shower before Dean even got undressed, evening out the water temperature before he pulled Dean in after him. He kissed him, soft and gentle, content to keep it slow, but Dean pulled back. 

"Are you gonna be like this every time I leave?"

"Are you going to leave again?"

"If I have to."

"Then yes."

Dean shook his head lightly and leaned in to kiss him. It was more than five minutes before he got out of the shower.

\---

When he did get out, he dried off quickly, wrapping a towel around his waist, "what do you want to eat?"

Castiel poked his head of the shower, "I don't know. Not bread."

"Okay," Dean laughed, "I'll make you something with without bread."

Castiel watched him leave and finished washing up quickly. He got out and dressed, pulling the grey t-shirt over his head and folding his wings awkwardly to get it to sit right between them. Dean pulled up a mock pout when Castiel came out wearing it, but he helped him fasten the pins at the back.

They ate hovering over Amelia's shoulder at the computer, Castiel with a salad and Dean with a sandwich that both Castiel and Amelia stared at questioningly. Dean shrugged, muttered a muffled 'shut up' and proceeded to eat the massive thing like it was no big deal. Sam came in from outside not much later.

"About time you two got up. I've got the heater charging up, so it won't be long before we can get the rest of the stuff in there. I've got clothes too," he added to the pair of angels who had started listening. "Pants and whatnot, and 'Melia and I fixed up a few shirts earlier too. Lace up, so you can wear them to bed without jabbing yourself. I can't imagine you guys have been very warm lately." 

"Not before we came here."

Sam and Hael fell into an easy conversation and Castiel returned to watching the cameras. He wasn't sure if it was because of the conversation or because it was legitimately cold, but a shiver ran through him and he shifted closer to Dean with a frown.

It wasn't more than an hour before they traipsed back down to the shed. Sam set up the heater between the two beds while Castiel tried to make the beds, constantly bumping into Sam and apologizing. Sam just chuckled and continued adjusting it, making sure the heater was far enough away from anything that it wouldn't be a fire hazard. Castiel was proud of his work, cocking a head at the beds and smiling to himself. 

Sam and Dean didn't stay for long, just long enough for them to get the last few things set up before they left with the promise of bringing dinner down later. Castiel stayed. He settled on the pile of spare blankets Dean had shoved in the corner, listening to the younger angels speak and putting in every once in a while. 

He grew tired of their conversation after a short time, guilt and irritation plaguing him as they insisted that they would find their way home, glancing over at him often. Yes, he admitted to himself, he was more than determined to get them all back home, but the utter faith they put in him was overwhelming. 

Castiel buried his nose in his book to avoid the rest of their conversation.

\---

Dusk was just falling when Dean showed up. He pushed the door open without any warning and glanced between each of the angels before his gaze settled on Castiel.

"Can we talk for a minute?"

Dean's expression was serious, and he kept turning his phone over in his hands. Castiel's initial thought was that they were leaving again.

"Of course," he said quietly. Dean arched both eyebrows and gestured toward the door with his head. "Right," Castiel mumbled. He pushed himself up and followed Dean out the door without glancing back. 

"Bobby thinks he found something." The words were out of his mouth the instant the door shut behind them and Castiel squinted at him questioningly. "Something angel-y," Dean clarified. "Some hunter about a day's drive out of town, it uh- he's claiming to have caught an angel - _claiming_ , mind you - but yeah, if Bobby thinks it's worth checking out, it probably is." 

Castiel paused a moment to take in what Dean was saying. Everything he knew told him it was illogical for an angel to be _caught_ , but he wasn't willing to risk anything. 

He looked up hopefully, "and you're going to?"

"Yeah," Dean nodded, "but we're not leaving till morning."

"I want to come with you."

"Cas-"

" _Please_."

"It's not safe, Cas. Some douchebag is collecting angels? I'm not brining one to him."

"Dean-"

"No, Cas. Sam and I can handle this," he raised an eyebrow at Castiel's frown, clasping both his hands and pulling him forward, "you know, we can."

"I know," Castiel muttered grudgingly.

"You gonna come back up with me, or are you stayin' down here tonight?"

"I'll come with you. Just give me a second." He walked back into the shed, shutting the door as he crossed to sit on the end of Samandriel's bed.

"I'm going back to the cabin with Dean," he said, then lowered his voice as he continued, "I'm leaving in the morning for a little while, I don't know how long I'll be, but I _will_ be back."

"Where are you going?" Samandriel asked.

"Into town, with Sam and Dean. Amelia will be here if you need her."

\---

Sam and Dean packed when they got back. The three of them talked a little, though blatantly avoiding the situation at hand, as if packing guns and knives for a possible angel rescue mission was totally normal.

Castiel kept his opinions on the excursion to himself. He was going with them, and nothing would stop him, but he knew Dean - and probably Sam, too - would try to. Instead, he asked Dean what they planned to do and how they would go about getting to, and into the place where the supposed angel was being held and Dean was willing to answer anything he asked. Castiel assumed this willingness was only because he was forcing Castiel to stay at the cabin, and it made him feel guilty for lying to Dean about his intentions to go with them. 

"So," Dean turned to him, "I'm gonna call Charlie. 'Melia's got work tomorrow, so I'm gonna get Charlie to come up in case you need anything. That okay?"

Castiel frowned, and looked away not wanting to lie to Dean further. "It's fine," he mumbled, "I'm hungry."

Dean frowned at his obvious subject change, but didn't argue. 

"Alright, you want to help me get dinner started?"

\---

Dean called Charlie after dinner. Castiel had just come back from taking food down to Samandriel and Hael and Amelia and the brothers were lounging in the living area.

"Thought you'd probably want to be here when I called her," Dean explained, holding up the phone. Castiel nodded and dropped onto the arm of Dean's chair silently. 

The phone barely rang twice before Charlie picked up, cheerfully.

"Hey, Charlie, I'm puttin' you on speaker okay?" Dean pressed a button on the phone and set it down on the table in front of him. "Can you hear me?"

"Loud and clear. What's up?"

"Bobby called about a possible angel sighting, Hunstville. It's about a day out from here and Sammy and I are heading out in the morning, but the angels are staying. You think you can stay up here for a couple days with Cas and company, just until-"

"Woah, dude, seriously? You got an angel sighting and you're not taking Cas with you? I mean I know the wings-" Dean cut her off, snatching the phone off the table and turning speakerphone off. He shoved himself up off the chair and stalked off toward the bedroom, grumbling at Charlie.

Sam and Castiel sat in awkward silence. Amelia looked as though she wanted to say something, but thought better of it, eventually she got up and left the room.

Dean came back a moment later, shoving his phone back into his pocket, "she'll be up in the morning. I'm gonna head to bed, up early and all that." He shot a glance over at Castiel, silently asking if he was coming, but he turned to leave before Castiel could reply. 

He sighed as Dean walked out of the room. Things had been tense between them since Dean had told him he couldn't go with them, and Castiel wasn't about to leave things like that. He turned to Sam and forced a smile. 

"I'm going to-"

"I'll see you in the morning, Cas."

Castiel followed after the elder Winchester, shutting the door quietly behind him. The light was already off and he frowned to himself, pulling his jeans off and climbing onto the bed. 

"Dean?"

"Cas, don't."

"I'm coming with you."

"Like hell you are," Dean rolled over to face him, "Cas, I told you-"

"What if it's Gabriel?" Castiel clenched his jaw, scowling.

"Then we'll bring him home."

"Dean," he hissed, "he's my _brother_. Whoever is there- What if our positions were reversed? What if it was Sam? Wouldn't you insist on being there? You can't deny me that."

Dean shoved the blankets down, sitting up and crossing his legs. They faced each other, both glaring, jaws tense. 

"Fuck that, Cas. I've been hunting since I was a kid, okay? I can deal with one guy, but if this dick wants angels, he's gonna want _you_ , and no way in hell am I letting him take you. You aren't going anywhere near him."

"I have been a soldier since before Dean Winchester was even the most vague beginning of an idea-" he inhaled sharply, "I'm going with you, if I have to follow you."

"Yeah, how?"

"I have wings for a reason, Dean."

"So what, you're just gonna _fly_ , where everyone and _anyone_ can see you? Awesome plan, Cas, that's not gonna draw attention at all."

"Then I'll sit in the car with you."

"Oh no you won't."

"How exactly are you going to stop me? You told me when I decided to stay that I was free to go at any time."

"You're gonna leave?" Dean's voice dropped and they sat silent for a long time, staring at each other. 

"No," Castiel replied eventually, "but I am going to come with you."

"Cas..."

Castiel leaned forward, speaking much more softly, "I'm not staying here if there's any chance that it's Gabriel."

"Who says it is, Cas?"

"He's the only one who would contact me. Dean if it really is an angel, it's him." The silence fell heavier this time, and lasted longer. Castiel sat back again, shutting his eyes with a sigh. 

"I tell you to go, you go. I tell you to sit still, you _do not move_ , understand? You do what I say and not anything different."

"I understand."

Dean unfolded his legs and flopped back onto his side, facing away from Castiel, "get some sleep, Cas."

\---

Dean lifted the coat, resting it on Castiel's shoulders as he readjusting his wings, straightening his feathers before dropping the coat back down over them. They hadn't spoken since waking up, but Dean also hadn't tried to dissuade him again, so he was wary of breaking the silence.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, flexing his fingers awkwardly. 

"'S okay, Cas. I get it. I uh, I'm sorry too. You were right, if it was Sam I would do the exact same thing, I wouldn' t let anything stop me from getting to him."

"I know."

"So," Dean leaned over his shoulder, turning his head to face Castiel, "are we okay?"

"Yes, Dean."

Dean pressed a kiss to his chin, "good. Then we should get going. Sam's got the car packed already and Charlie'll be up in an hour or so. You wanna talk to Samandriel and Hael before we go?"

"No, I- I told them I was leaving yesterday."

"You're a sneaky son of a bitch, you know that Cas?" Dean shook his head, turning Castiel around to straighten the front of his coat. "C'mon."

Castiel followed him out of the room, pausing only as Dean stopped to shoulder his bag before they locked the cabin and started down the narrow trail. Sam was waiting for them at the car, leaning on the roof. He turned around with a surprised expression.

"Hey, Cas..."

"He refused to stay," Dean explained simply, "Cas you're in the back." Dean opened the door behind Sam's and Castiel climbed in awkwardly. It took a while to find a comfortable position with the coat pinning his wings back, but when he leaned forward he could fold his arms over the front seat between Sam and Dean. It wasn't perfect, but his wings were less constricted, and he could watch the road in front of them. 

The first part of their journey was a dusty road through the forest; just more of the same. Trees and rocks passed by them, but Castiel paid more attention to the two men in the front seat and the music playing from what Dean explained was the car stereo. He fell asleep once or twice, only to be awoken a few minutes later by a bump in the road, or Sam and Dean arguing about the volume of the music. 

They didn't stop driving for a few hours, and Castiel found it easier to lie down in the backseat. The momentum was unusual and uncomfortable and lying down eased the sensation, and encouraged his body to sleep. When they finally stopped, Dean took them through the drive-through of some fast food place and took a detour up some back road so they could eat in peace and Castiel could get out and stretch his wings. 

There was an old picnic site not too far up, but out of sight of the main road and Dean pulled in next to the old picnic table. It was rotting away in some places, and the paint was peeling badly, but it was still strong enough to sit at and Castiel took up one bench to himself, wings draped over the slats on either side of him. 

They ate quickly and Sam wandered off somewhere, leaving them alone. Dean got up and moved around to Castiel's side of the table, lifting his wing and sliding along the bench underneath it. 

"How you doing?"

"I'm fine," Castiel replied, a little confused by the sudden concern.

"Good. Look, Cas, we haven't really talked about it, but what are you gonna do if it's not Gabriel? I know you said he's the only one who'd contact you, but _this_ ," he gestured vaguely with one hand, "this might not be anything, Cas. What then?"

"Then we go back to what we've been doing. We check the cameras, and read the news. We look for anything that might be an angel."

Dean smiled softly at him, sliding a hand under his chin to turn his head, "you're taking this really well."

"I told you before, I can't let myself hope." Dean pushed himself along the bench, closing the space between them and leaning in to kiss him.

\---

They left almost as soon as Sam returned, re-packing the few things they had used and blaring the music as Dean turned back onto the main road. They drove almost straight through after that, stopping only when absolutely necessary or when one of them threatened death if they didn't get to stretch out.

It took nearly seventeen hours in total to get to Huntsville, and everything was dark when they arrived, which was unsurprising as it was almost eleven at night. They pulled into the first motel with a vacancy sign, a decent looking place with rust-coloured shutters called the Shelby. Castiel waited in the car while Sam and Dean checked in, keeping low down to the seat in case anyone should walk by.

Their room was on the ground floor, so it was easy enough to get in without being seen and Castiel shrugged out of the coat as soon as he was inside. Dean caught it before it hit the ground and hung it up before following Castiel to the bed and collapsing onto it. 

"Let's not do that again for a while, yeah?" he mumbled, rolling onto his stomach.

"We still have to get back up to the cabin when we're done here," Sam pointed out, already locking the door and pulling the curtains shut. 

"More stops," Dean hummed into his pillow. One arm came up around Castiel's waist, tugging him down to the bed and he let Dean pull him down. 

None of them bothered getting changed, and Castiel barely managed to get himself and Dean under the covers before they fell asleep.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "That's gonna be it," Dean muttered, cocking his gun and lowering it to his side. "Truck's out front, he's gotta be inside so-"
> 
> "I'll take the guy," Sam nodded, "you and Cas check out the area."
> 
> Castiel watched after him as he left, shoulders tense as he held back from following the younger Winchester. He wanted to get inside, and he knew the brothers were intentionally keeping him _outside_ , but if Gabriel was in there - and Castiel was almost positive that there was an angel here now - he would be in the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are probably gonna be a LOT of typos in this chapter because I am exhausted and editing is not happening right now, so I'm sorry and I'll try and remember to come back and fix it later.
> 
>  
> 
> EDIT: Oops, I did an awesome job of screwing this up XD Thank you to jena13 for pointing it out to me! Um, I think it's all good now so, yeah, sorry about the massive gap there.

The next morning was difficult. Castiel woke up stiff and sore, wincing as he rolled out from underneath Dean's arm, crossing the dark room to get a drink of water. As much as he wanted to get out of his jeans and curl back into bed, the frantic urge to find Gabriel overtook just about everything else and instead of curling up next to him, he sat down next to Dean, shaking his shoulder to wake him up. 

Dean grumbled about it a lot, but he rolled out of bed, making directly for the coffeemaker. He leaned against the counter while he waited for it, blinking slowly and Castiel watched him impatiently. He wanted to have left by now, but Dean looked like he was in no hurry, and Sam wasn't even awake yet, so he flopped down on the bed, frowning until Dean brought him a mug of coffee. 

"Be patient, we'll be out of here soon enough, I'm gonna have a quick shower and then I'll wake Sam up."

\---

Sam got up on his own before Dean was out of the shower. They left shortly after, picking up breakfast on the way but Castiel was too anxious to eat, as much as Dean pestered him about it.

It was a half hour drive up to the coordinates Bobby had given them, and for the most part they all kept quiet. When they arrived, Dean pulled the car up behind a patch of small trees, and they climbed out together. There wasn't much on the land, but an abundance of trees and brush with a cabin-like home nestled in the center.

"That's gonna be it," Dean muttered, cocking his gun and lowering it to his side. "Truck's out front, he's gotta be inside so-"

"I'll take the guy," Sam nodded, "you and Cas check out the area."

Castiel watched after him as he left, shoulders tense as he held back from following the younger Winchester. He wanted to get inside, and he knew the brothers were intentionally keeping him _outside_ , but if Gabriel was in there - and Castiel was almost positive that there was an angel here now - he would be in the house. 

Dean clapped a hand on his shoulder, letting it drag down his arm as he started away to the back of the house. Castiel rolled his eyes in frustration, but followed him nonetheless. They kept close to the side of the house, peering in windows and stopping to listen. He knew he promised to listen to Dean, but Castiel was itching to get away, to move faster. He needed to get inside. 

If he craned his neck to see around Dean, he could just make out the shape of something around the corner of the house. He tried to press forward, but Dean held him back with a stern look and they stayed locked in a stare-down for a good few minutes before Dean conceded and let him lead. 

A shot rang out from inside the house and Dean immediately jerked up as the sound of shattering glass filled the air. Castiel barely had time to get between the window and Dean before glass hit his wings and a sharp burning pain hitting right near his back. He grunted in pain and dropped to his hands and knees over Dean, letting his wing fall limply against the ground. There was a series of loud thuds and Sam leaned out the shattered window.

"You okay out here?"

"I dunno," Dean pulled Castiel's chin up roughly, "you okay?"

"Fine," he lied. "I'm fine."

"Cas, you're bleeding-"

"Sam," Castiel sighed, shutting his eyes to avoid the inevitable glare from Dean. He pushed himself up and shook out his good wing, folding the other as gingerly as he could to keep from wincing. "There's something around the corner, I want to go check it out." Brushing himself off, he held out a hand to pull Dean to his feet, still carefully avoiding eye contact. He turned to leave, but Dean caught him by the shoulder, spinning him back around.

"You got _shot_ , dude!"

"I'll be okay, Dean, I have to get into that house."

"You have to do nothing Cas! Jesus!" He shrugged out of his jacket and flannel, wrapping the latter around the base of Castiel's wing and tying it tightly. "Be careful," he added much more quietly. He nodded and pulled away, turning the corner to inspect the large doors. 

He tugged them open, listening to Sam and Dean argue back behind him, and climbed into the dark room. It was difficult with an injured wing, but he managed to reach the cold, concrete floor without any further damage. The only sound was a soft scuffling noise from the far right corner, and he made toward it as quiet as possible. 

"Hello?" he whispered.

"Hello?" came a frantic voice, "Cas? Cassie!?"

"Gabriel!" Castiel pressed himself up against the door, peering through the small window in the otherwise solid steel door. "Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm good, managed to heal myself when I came to. I take it you heard me before, but Cassie how the hell-"

"I had help," he breathed, frantically searching the door for some kind of lever or handle. "How do I get you out?"

"I don't think you do. That guy had some sort of thing, I couldn't see it, that he used to open the door."

Castiel fumbled around for a little longer, ignoring Gabriel's protests before calling for Dean. The man hurried in, looking Castiel over quickly.

"What, what's wrong?"

"It's Gabriel," he smiled, "but I can't get the door open." It was Dean's turn to smile, and Castiel frowned at him, "what?"

"Dude, this is easy. Bobby's got a room like this in his basement and Sam used to lock me in all the time as a kid. Hey Gabe, you hear me?"

There was a heavy pause before Gabriel replied, "yeah, I hear you."

"Okay, put your hand on the door, slide it up the far side, right by the hinges. Bolts, right? Press on the bolts, there should be a couple that push in, push 'em all at once and the door should unlock."

Castiel jumped at the click and the sudden groan of metal, slipping in front of Dean to peer through the door as it opened. Gabriel strode out smoothly, as though he had been in control of the entire situation. He flung his arms around Castiel's neck, pulling him tightly and wrapping familiar golden wings around his entire body. 

"Gabriel," Castiel whispered, wincing at the constriction. 

"Hiya Cassie." Castiel shifted against him and Gabriel loosened his hold with a frown, "you're hurt."

"I'm fine."

Gabriel raised an eyebrow in disbelief, but didn't press further, "so what's your buddy doing here?"

Castiel pulled away, standing next to Dean, "his name is Dean, he and his brother Sam-"

"I know _who_ he is Cas, why's he with you?" 

Castiel shared a confused glance with Dean, looking back at Gabriel's expectant expression. The archangel shrugged at their confusion.

"So...?"

"He saved me," Castiel said simply, "he and Sam saved me when I fell."

"Speaking of, what do you know about the fall?"

"Nothing, other than there are more than just us. Gabriel, do you know something?" Castiel's eyes widened as he leaned toward his brother.

"Not much, it's pretty hard to focus when you're falling at a ten thousand miles an hour. I do, however, remember Mike fighting with someone right before. I don't know who it was, the other guy was pretty quiet but Mike, not so much. Surprised you didn't hear him, Cassie. Anyway, this guy, whoever is probably the reason we're all down here now. And that brings me nicely to my next point, I wasn't alone, when I fell, don't suppose you've seen Balthy around here anywhere?"

"No, we haven't, but Michael and..."

"I know, Cas. But there's not much we can do about it right now. Balthazar, however-"

"Guys, we gotta get out of here," Dean interrupted, "Sam's watching our buddy upstairs, but as soon as he's up, he's gonna be pissed. We can discuss all this when we get back to the motel."

"I'm not leaving without Balthazar," Gabriel insisted.

"Dude, we-"

"Dean," Castiel shook his head, "we have to look. Please."

Dean sighed and nodded, "yeah, yeah okay, but we gotta be quick." He called for Sam, and they split up, Sam and Gabriel searching the basement, and Dean and Castiel upstairs. 

They looked through every room, but there was no sign of anyone else, much less an angel. Castiel did find feathers though, shining golden feathers scattered around on various surfaces, and it made him furious. 

He was fuming by the time he made it back to Dean, "he's not here."

"So we can go?"

"Yes," he turned at a creaking sound behind them.

"Cas, watch out!" 

The owner of the house stood behind him, a gun held up, aimed at Dean's head, "oh I don't think so, one angel, that's an attraction, but _two_?" he chuckled, " _Damn_."

"Go," Castiel insisted. Dean shot him a look that plainly said he was not going anywhere, and Castiel raised his wings, gritting his teeth against the pain. " _Go_." 

With a quick flick of one wing, he knocked the gun away from the man and swiftly pressed him up against the wall. "Dean, _go_. Get them out and I'll follow after you." Dean stared at him, wide-eyed and face full of concern. " _Go. Now_ ," Castiel demanded. He narrowed his eyes as Dean remained still, raising his eyebrows expectantly. 

The owner shifted against the wall and Castiel had to silence him with a hand over his mouth, pressing down hard with a sneer on his face. Apparently that was the last straw for Dean, and he made for the basement door, disappearing down the stairs. The man under his wing kicked out and Castiel readjusted himself to press the man's entire body against the wall.

" _Don't move_ ," he growled, "you deserve worse for what you did to him." The man continued to struggle against him and Castiel slammed him back, "I said don't move."

He listened for the clamouring from below, Dean's shouts to the others and the scuffling as they hurried up the stairs. Castiel turned slightly watching as Dean ushered Sam and Gabriel out through the front hall, keeping his main attention focused on the stranger. Dean called back to him,

"Cas c'mon!" 

He waited until he was sure Sam and Gabriel would be far enough away and fell back, swinging his good wing as hard as he could to knock the man to the ground, then hurried after Dean. Shots were fired behind them, and Castiel immediately flared his wings keeping Dean directly in front of him.

"The hell are you doing?" Dean demanded

"Not letting him shoot you," he shot back. Another shot fired, hitting the tip of Castiel's left wing and he groaned, stumbling as his wing spazmed in pain. They were near the car, and Dean turned, throwing one arm around Castiel's back. Sam climbed into the front seat, urging Gabriel in next to him as Dean and Castiel crammed themselves into the back seat.

The air in the car was heavy, it felt as though everyone was collectively holding their breath until they made it back onto the main road. Dean dug the sheet they had brought out of his bag, draping it carefully over Gabriel's wings and shoulders.

"Try not to move around too much, last thing we need is getting caught with two angels in the car. It's not a long drive, but uh, yeah, gotta get you two back without being seen."

Castiel shifted under the awkward weight of the trench coat and leaned down to rest his head on Dean's knee. Gabriel turned in his seat, looking back over the pair of them.

"You're an idiot," he muttered, and Castiel huffed a soft laugh. "Thanks, Cassie."

They barely spoke on the way back to the hotel. Dean's hand smoothed over his back, carefully avoiding getting too close to his right wing where the shirt was still wrapped tightly. 

"That was pretty stupid, Cas."

"He was shooting at you," he mumbled, "I wasn't going to let you get shot."

"How do you think _I_ feel?" Dean whispered, "how're you feeling?"

"Sore," he admitted. 

They pulled into the motel parking lot not long after, and Dean waited in the car while Sam jumped out and made for the office, fingers laced in Castiel's hair, curved against his skull. Sam returned a minute later, tossing a key back to Dean.

It was difficult and painful to get the coat back over Castiel's wings, but they did eventually and they got into their new room. He dropped onto the closest bed, mumbling about Gabriel, but Dean assured him Sam would check him over and make sure he was okay. 

"Sam's gonna call Bobby, get Gabriel to give him a description of the other one-"

"Balthazar," Castiel put in.

"Yeah, give him a description of Balthazar, see what they can find." He paused, "you were right, Cas. We got Gabe."

"We did," he hummed. Dean untied the shirt around his wing, pulling it away gently. 

"This is gonna hurt, Cas. I think the bullet's still in there and I don't have anything to numb your wing."

"Just get it over with."

Dean ran out to the car to grab the supplies he needed, and returned in seconds. He poured whiskey from his flask into a glass and held it out to Castiel.

"It'll help a little with the pain, not much mind you, but it's the best I got."

Castiel frowned at the sharp scent of the alcohol but drank it anyway, twisting his face in disgust. It was awful, but the pain was worse, and he had learned to trust Dean, so he put the glass aside and settled into the bed.

\---

The pain was the worst, and Castiel kept his teeth clamped around the pillow in front of him, groaning and digging his fingers into the mattress, but Dean's soft touches to counteract the pain made the situation difficult in an entirely different way.

It took a long time. Dean tried to explain what he was going to do as he went, but it was obvious he was anxious about it, and Castiel's feathers seemed to get in the way. By the time Dean was finished, Castiel was exhausted and in more pain than before. All he wanted was to see Gabriel, and then go to sleep. 

He must have drifted off because he was jolted by the door clicking shut and Gabriel running a hand down his arm.

"Hey, bro." 

Castiel rolled onto his side and smiled up at his brother, "hello Gabriel."

"So, Deano fix you up alright?"

"Yeah."

Gabriel nodded, but insisted on checking him over himself, scowling every time Castiel winced. 

"Dean already double checked my wings, I'm okay Gabriel."

"You really trust the guy, huh?" Gabriel smirked, sitting down on the other bed.

"He saved my life."

"And he listened immediately when you said we weren't leaving without Balthazar. Why d'you think he would do that, Cas?"

"Dean's my friend," he sighed, realizing this conversation was headed exactly where he had expected it to. 

"That all he is Cassie?"

"Gabriel-"

"Cas," he said softly, "I know you, and this guy," he gestured vaguely back toward the other room, "you're conflicted when it comes to him. You don't want to leave, do you?"

"I'll do what I have to when it comes to that. I still don't have any idea how we're going to get home," he frowned, then looked up at Gabriel, "you said you knew who Dean was, how?"

"I think we'd better leave that one till Dean's here too. You said there were more angels besides us, though, you wanna expand on that?"

"We found Hael and Samandriel, two younger angels, not far from where I fell."

"I know of them," Gabriel nodded, "any word on any others?"

"No. Dean and Sam have people looking though, and we have a setup where we're staying. I can get Sam to explain it better, but we're still looking."

"Look at my little Cassie organizing a search party."

"There isn't a much else I can do."

"Yeah, well you got me now."

They continued talking for a long time, it was after dark before Sam and Dean came into the room. Dean dropped onto the bed next to Cas, pressing his hands to his thighs.

"So," he started, "you know who I am."

"Is that a problem?"

"If you weren't Cas' brother, I'd probably have you locked up too, to be honest."

"Well that's just rude."

"Tell me," Dean demanded.

"It's a long story."

Dean sighed, "make it short."

"Dean-"

"It's okay Cas," Gabriel rolled his eyes dramatically, "short version: Cassie's your guardian angel." Silence followed and he turned to face Dean, "I don't suppose he's told you about the rankings of angels."

"Yeah," Dean nodded slowly, "actually he did."

Gabriel's face adopted the same look of shock that Dean was wearing as he turned to face Castiel, "what does he know?"

"Everything," Castiel muttered numbly, "Gabriel how-"

"When you were relocated, so to speak, something got screwed up. Deano here was left alone, so I took it upon myself to watch out for him."

"Doin' a pretty shitty job," Dean muttered.

"I have other responsibilities, Dean, I have my own charge and other business that you really don't need to know about. I kept you safe enough that you didn't screw anything up badly enough that it couldn't be fixed."

"So," Dean grinned sarcastically, "who's the lucky guy?"

"My charge? Little Samwise over there, and let me tell you, he's the _only_ reason I had anything to do with you."

"So," Sam screwed his face up in confusion, "you're saying you're my guardian angel, but you watch out for Dean too because Cas - who is supposed to be his angel - got reassigned up in Heaven?"

"Pretty much."

The awkward silence that followed was only broken by a soft, "I'm sorry," from Castiel. He turned away from Dean, worrying the inside of his lip. 

"Dude," Dean hushed, running a hand over his shoulder, "you didn't know."

"Cas was probably drawn to you when he fell, you can't really overwrite our instincts, that's probably why he fell where he did."

"Okay," Dean stood up, clapping his hands together, "we've gotta get to bed."

There was a lot of arguing of who would sleep where - mostly from Castiel and Gabriel - but in the end Dean refused to leave Cas, and Gabriel returned to the other room with Sam. The one thing they did agree on was not leaving the angels on their own. 

When everyone had gone, Dean stripped out of his clothes and climbed into bed next to Castiel, squishing up under his better wing. 

"I'm sorry," Castiel murmured, sliding closer and slipping his arm around Dean's waist, "if I had known, I would have..."

"Hey, it's cool, Gabe's been lookin' out for me, right? And uh," he grinned, wiggling his eyebrows, "you did a damn good job of protecting us earlier. What was with that anyway?"

"I told you before Dean, I'm a warrior. It's what I'm trained for."

"Hmm, you're kinda hot when you're bossy, you know that?"

" _Dean_."

He pressed forward, kissing Castiel's forehead, "really though, you think you were drawn to me or whatever, when you fell?"

"It makes sense," he sighed. Dean hummed and closed his eyes with a soft grin. 

"Good."


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What's on your arm?" the heavy tone of Gabriel's voice was worrying, and Castiel strained to see what he meant. As Dean lifted the sleeve of his shirt again, Castiel's stomach seemed to drop and his cheeks burned furiously.
> 
> "It's uh- s'nothing," Dean muttered, tugging the fabric back over the dark, raised skin.
> 
> "Who put it there?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow okay, so lots of things. First off, next week's chapter is almost guaranteed to be late. My flight home is on the Friday and I'm going to be at a con all weekend, and in three cities in one week. I might post it on Wednesday, and if not I'll post 28 and 29 on the following Sunday.  
> Secondly, I have officially decided to split the story into a 2 or 3 part series (depending on how long they end up being).  
> Lastly, this chapter was a bitch to write. I don't know why, but I have trouble with chapters with 7 in them... anyway, I hope it turned out okay - it's a _lot_ better than I remember it XD  
>  I love you all and thank you times a million for sticking around and reading <33

Sam and Gabriel were back before ten the following morning. Castiel stayed face down on the bed, stretching his wings out on either side of him now that Dean was up and moving around. The pain hadn't gotten any better overnight, only changed from the sharp stabbing sensation to a dull ache instead. It hurt to fold his right wing, and it hurt even more to stretch it out, so he was moving it almost constantly which really didn't help with at all. 

Gabriel chided him for it immediately when he arrived, going as far to sit next to him and physically hold his wing still. 

"Do you remember when you were young and Anna used to have to sit and tidy your feathers?"

"Don't," Castiel breathed, a note of panic bleeding through his voice.

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm just- my wings, _our_ wings, are much more... sensitive without our grace."

"Oh?" Gabriel arched an eyebrow, "and how exactly did you discover this?"

"Awkwardly," Castiel mumbled, shifting slightly onto his side. 

"Oh?" Castiel didn't miss the way his brother glanced suspiciously over at Dean, frowning at Gabriel when he turned back to him. "Well," Gabriel continued, "you're gonna have to do _something_ about them, Cas, you're a mess and that can't be comfortable."

"Why don't you and Sam go start packing up," Dean started softly, "I'll sort out Cas' wings, it's no big deal."

"I'd prefer to wait until we get back," Castiel mumbled, shooting a pointed look at Dean. The man quickly ushered Sam and Gabriel out of the room and sat down next to Castiel on the bed.

"You know Gabe's right, right? We've got to get you straightened up before we leave or it's gonna be a really uncomfortable drive home."

"If you do, it's going to be even more uncomfortable."

"You were okay last night, just don't think about it." Dean threaded one hand into Castiel's wings, carefully straightening his feathers. He paused and Castiel glanced up over his shoulder, "you want to move this into the bathroom? It's gonna be a lot easier to clean the blood out in the shower."

"I suppose…"

"Could solve the uh, other problem too," Dean smirked. 

Castiel huffed and rolled his eyes, but when Dean got up off the bed and crossed to the small bathroom, he followed after him.

\---

The drive back home took almost twice as long as it did there. They stopped as often as possible, and whenever they could find a secluded area to pull off into. Gabriel fluttered around happily, eager to spread his wings after prolonged confinement, but Castiel generally sat on the trunk of the car with Dean.

Sam and Dean traded off driving and sitting in the back with Castiel, though both of them seemed more inclined to have Sam behind the wheel. Even when Dean was sitting in the back, he didn't sleep, and after four cups of coffee, he started to get anxious which kept Castiel awake as well. 

They dropped Sam off at Bobby's early the following morning, and Dean drove the last hour back up to the cabin. Charlie greeted them excitedly when they arrived, pulling Dean into a tight hug.

"Where's Sam?" she asked, pulling back from Dean, "and who's this?" She looked Gabriel up and down once, pulling back a little as he turned his head in her direction.

"We dropped Sam at Bobby's. They're driving back out to Huntsville because this guy, Gabriel, by the way, was with his brother when they fell. And we are exhausted." Castiel and Gabriel nodded their agreement.

Amelia appeared out of the bedroom only a moment later, the dog at her side and a baf slung over her shoulder that she set down on the couch, sitting next to them.

"Sam called ahead," she explained, to the multiple confused expressions, "he's not gonna be home for tonight at least, and I've got work so I cleared the bedroom out for Gabriel, clean sheets and everything." She smiled over at the archangel, "Charlie's gonna give me a ride back into town later and you're gonna be back up, right?" she asked. Charlie gave a quick nod before turning back to the computer screen.

"You guys are awesome," Dean grinned, yawning, "anyway, I guess I'll see you later 'Melia, cos I don't know about these two, but I'm going to bed."

\---

They slept all through the night and when Castiel finally woke up, still feeling foggy and sore, Dean insisted on checking his wings immediately. Castiel grouched and scrambled to get away, but Dean caught him, climbing up over his legs to hold him in place.

"I know it hurts, that's _why_ I'm doing it. I have to make sure it doesn't get worse." His fingers pressed into Castiel's feathers, gently pushing them aside to see the wound. Castiel tried to ignore him, mentally planning out what he was going to do as soon as Dean let him go, starting with showing Gabriel the cameras. 

Luckily, it didn't take long before Dean was happy that Castiel's wing wasn't infected, and he ambled off to the bathroom, leaving Castiel to go find his brother. Gabriel was sitting on the couch with a mug of coffee when Castiel found him. He frowned.

"Where did you get that?"

"Unlike you, little bro, I've been down here a _lot_ , I know my way around a coffee machine," he added with a grin, "it's still hot." Castiel crossed into the kitchen, fixing himself a cup of coffee and leaning over the counter at Gabriel.

"So, you and Deano share a room, huh?"

"There isn't a lot of space in here for four of us," he muttered vaguely, taking a sip of coffee.

"The couch isn't too bad, and what about the kids? You said Hael and Samandriel were with you."

"They have their own space."

"So why don't you?"

"Gabriel-"

"Do you love him, Cas?" he asked unexpectedly.

Castiel sighed, leaning further over the counter, "why does everyone ask me that?"

"Because you share a room, and he listens to you without question, and you let him touch your wings, you _stare_ at each other Cas, and oh yeah, you're totally obvious."

Castiel huffed and dropped his head onto his forearms, mumbling grouchily. It wasn't as though he didn't expect it - especially from Gabriel - but it was still a little irritating that he seemed to think it was so obvious. "I'm not," he argued.

"Cassie," Gabriel continued gently, "think about it, hm? think about _Dean_. If you can honestly tell me you don't feel any differently about him than you do about Sam, or any of the others, I will believe you, but _think about it_."

"I don't have to," Castiel slumped back down again. He felt deflated, as if Gabriel had just discovered everything he had ever tried to keep secret. Gabriel came around to stand beside him, pressing a hand to Castiel's shoulder and leaning down next to him.

"I'm not here to pass judgement, bro. I just don't want you to get hurt. Does he know?" Castiel groaned again, burying his face in the crook of his elbow. "I'm gonna take that as a no..."

"No," Cas muttered, muffled by his arm, "he doesn't know."

"Are you gonna tell him?"

Castiel lifted his head, glancing up at his brother, "why would I do that?"

"Because he obviously-" Gabriel's voice rose and then stopped suddenly. Castiel cocked a questioning eyebrow at him, then followed Gabriel's gaze to find Dean walking into the living area, rubbing his hair with a towel, seemingly - thankfully - oblivious.

"You two making breakfast?" he asked, grinning.

"If you want eggs," Castiel mumbled, burying his face again as his cheeks started to burn.

"You still annoyed at me?" Dean asked, dropping to his knees in the chair and leaning over to face Castiel.

"No, I'm okay," he mumbled half-heartedly.

"Should _I_ be making breakfast?" Dean asked, turning to Gabriel with a questioning look.

"I think so," Gabriel nodded, and tugged on Castiel shoulder, "come on, let's go sit down and get out of Dean's way. You gonna show me those cameras and things Sam talked about?"

"Okay."

"Don't sound so excited, bro." Gabriel flopped into one on of the chairs, adjusting his wings so they didn't press against the back of the chair, and Castiel sat next to him. 

Castiel opened the main programs, ignoring the online check for the moment. Sam had passed on the coordinates Bobby had given them, and Castiel was eager to narrow their search to the surrounding area. If Balthazar had fallen with Gabriel, he would be somewhere nearby. He tried four different methods, failing each time, before he gave in and asked Dean how to get it where he wanted.

"I'm not sure. It's on the note Charlie wrote for me though."

Castiel looked up to where the note was stuck onto the desk with a piece of tape. It wasn't there. He frowned and turned back to Dean.

"Did you move it?"

"No," Dean shook his head, apparently not bothered by the accusation, "go check in the bedroom."

He sighed and pushed out from the desk, standing up to cross the room. He had barely made it through the bedroom door before Dean was behind him, closing the door and pushing Castiel up against it so he couldn't get it open. 

"Dean what are you doing?" he squirmed. Dean was careful, not holding him tightly, but Castiel still couldn't get away from him.

"Don't be mad at me," he said softly, and when Castiel looked up, his eyes were pleading, "I know it's annoying and you don't want to do it, but I don't want it to get worse."

Castiel frowned, suddenly realizing what Dean was talking about, "a bullet wound isn't going to get infected, Dean."

"I had to dig it out with a knife, Cas."

"It doesn't matter, I told you I'm fine with you checking it, even if it is annoying."

"Then what's wrong?" Dean asked, pressing his forehead into Castiel's hair.

"Nothing, it's just something Gabriel said."

"What did he say?"

"It's not something I want to talk about right now."

"Later, then?"

"Maybe, right now I have to find Charlie's note. The sooner we find Balthazar, the better."

"It's in the drawer on my side," Dean grinned sheepishly.

"You don't have to trick me to talk to me," Castiel rolled his eyes, forcing back a smile as he retrieved the note from the bedside table.

"Maybe I wanted to get you alone for a few minutes," Dean smirked. Castiel pressed a quick kiss to his lips, pushing past him to the door.

"You don't have to trick me for that, either."

\---

Samandriel and Hael came up to the cabin for lunch, both stopping when they saw Gabriel. Two pairs of eyes looked up between Castiel and Gabriel, narrowing in confusion.

"Are you Gabriel?" Hael asked. 

The archangel smirked, turning in his seat, "damn right."

"When did he-" Samandriel cut himself off, looking to Castiel for an explanation.

"He came back with us this morning. We're still looking for Balthazar," he nodded, "right now, actually."

"Balthazar?" Hael asked distastefully, "he's coming here?"

"What's wrong with Balth-" Gabriel argued.

"Balthazar has a certain reputation," Castiel sighed. Gabriel opened his mouth to argue, but Castiel cut him off again, "so do you." Gabriel put on a mock offended expression, but when Castiel raised an eyebrow at him, he shrugged. 

He turned back to the younger angels with a soft expression, "Balthazar is trustworthy, despite his personality. You would never mistrust Gabriel."

"He's an archangel," Hael scowled, shooting the mentioned angel a look.

"I am," Gabriel piped up, "and as such you should listen to me - and Cassie - when we tell you we're bringing Balthazar back, and you _will_ accept that decision whether you want to or not."

Castiel rolled his eyes at the dramatics, "we need to work together. _All of us_." He said, looking between his siblings. It was the last that was said on the matter. 

After a few hours the tension faded, most likely due to the fact that Dean kept everyone quiet with lunch and drinks until tempers had settled down. The room had been silent except the clicking and tapping of keys, and even Dean was sitting quietly and reading until they saw it.

It was barely a flash of movement, but Gabriel and Castiel both raised their heads suddenly, straightening and leaning forward over the computer.

"Did you see that?"

"No," Gabriel shot back sarcastically, "I thought it'd be fun to pretend." 

Dean was behind them in a second, one hand pressed to Castiel's shoulder as he peered between them. Castiel quickly enlarged the video, while the quality of the picture diminished, it was still easier to see zoomed in. They opened all other streams from the area, eyes scanning every inch of the screen lest they miss something. 

"There!" Dean shouted, stabbing a finger at one of the inner videos, "those were wings." He shared a look with Castiel, nodding once before he dug his phone out of his pocket.

"Sam? I think we got him. Some lumberyard on the outskirts of town, up North. Um-" he squinted at the screen between his angelic companions, "I think it's called Pete's Lumber? The name is mostly covered, it's hard to tell."

"Yeah. We will."

"Awesome, call me when you get there." He hung up and shoved the phone back in his pocket, carefully avoiding bumping the younger angels who had crowded behind him. "Sam and Bobby are heading up. We gotta keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn't get too far and tell them if he does."

"He's made himself a splint," Gabriel commented, "I think anyway, he's got something big and bulky on his arm."

"You got a better picture of him?" Dean asked. Castiel nodded and Gabriel continued.

"He's probably been there for a while, and he's hurt," his eyes turned up to Dean, "he might not want to go with Sam and Bobby."

"Look, I don't think any of us want to make that trip again, but I told Sam to call, if Balthazar won't go with him you or Cas can talk to him. He'll listen to you guys, right? He trusts you?"

"Yes," Castiel and Gabriel answered together. 

They took turns watching the cameras, even Hael and Samandriel joining them to make sure they always knew where Balthazar - Gabriel confirmed it was him a little after the first sighting - didn't get out of camera view. Castiel was watching with Dean when the man's phone went off just as Sam and Bobby walked into frame in the lower right corner of the screen. 

"They're there," Castiel said, and in a flutter of wings, three heads pressed around his and Dean's. Dean gave Sam directions over the phone, leading him in Balthazar's direction as well as he could. It was odd, listening to the conversation and watching Sam on the screen at the same time, phone held up to his ear as he pointed to guide Bobby around the piles of lumber. 

Castiel watched closely, not wanting to lose sight of anyone. The meeting was sudden and unexpected as Balthazar ducked down one way and suddenly came face to face with Sam and Bobby. He could hear Sam hurrying to explain through Dean's phone, and Dean was telling him to mention Gabriel. 

The second the name was out of his mouth, Balthazar's wing's relaxed, though Castiel was sure by his stance that he was glaring at the two men. 

"I'm putting him on the phone," Dean said, and they saw Sam nod on the screen. He handed the phone back to Gabriel, who took it eagerly, pressing it against the side of his face.

"Sam? Put me on speaker." They watched Sam put the phone down and hold it out, "Balthy? They're okay, I swear, they got me out. And Cassie."

Even with Gabriel and Castiel on the phone, it took much longer to convince Balthazar to get into Bobby's rusty old truck than they had expected. Everyone was anxious once the three figures disappeared into the vehicle and disappeared off the screen. There was a general buzz of excitement in the air, and even Samandriel had warmed to the idea of Balthazar joining them once Gabriel had spoken to him. Only Hael seemed unsure about his impending arrival.

Castiel sat to one side with her, regaling her with stories of his early days, when angels were still wary of him because of the colour of his wings. He spoke of Balthazar's encouragement, and he frown lessened, but she still turned her nose at his 'lifestyle' of free will frivolity. 

She and Samandriel returned to the shed after they had eaten, with a quick goodnight. Castiel promised to bring them up when Balthazar arrived if they hadn't returned already and he sunk back into a chair, folding his wings over the sides and smiling up and Gabriel and Dean.

"He'll be here tomorrow," he grinned. Dean returned the gesture, scratching absently at his arm. The room suddenly fell silent, and when Castiel looked up again, Dean was looking uncertainly at Gabriel.

"What'd I do?" he asked anxiously, letting his arms drop to his sides. His gaze flicked to Castiel questioningly and then back to Gabriel.

"What's on your arm?" the heavy tone of Gabriel's voice was worrying, and Castiel strained to see what he meant. As Dean lifted the sleeve of his shirt again, Castiel's stomach seemed to drop and his cheeks burned furiously.

"It's uh- s'nothing," Dean muttered, tugging the fabric back over the dark, raised skin.

"Who put it there?"

"No one."

"Which one of them?" Gabriel demanded, flaring his wings as his voice rose.

"Gabriel, stop," Castiel sighed, "it was me. I don't know how-"

"You expelled your Grace, Cas. What the hell happened?"

"I- nothing." That was not a story he ever intended to share, least of all with his overly protective big brother.

"Cas, did he hurt you?"

"No," he replied sternly, "Dean has never hurt me."

"Then what happened, Cas? Shit like this only happens if you're in great pain or-"

"I wasn't in _pain_ ," he dipped his chin, glowering up at his brother. Gabriel's face contorted in confusion, and Dean crossed the room, sitting defensively next to Castiel.

"Try the opposite," he mumbled. 

The sudden smirk that spread across Gabriel's face was too knowing, and Castiel looked away, chewing on his lip anxiously.

"I knew there was more than you two were saying." 

Castiel frowned at him, "yes," he confirmed with a sigh, "but right now I'm going to sleep."

\---

Dean followed him into the bedroom, sitting on the bed next to him, "you're just going to avoid the conversation? With Gabriel? I thought you were closer with him than anyone?"

"I am, but the subject of our," he hesitated on the word 'relationship', looking away from Dean, "it's complicated and everyone likes to give their opinion. I don't want to know his for exactly the reasons you just said."

"You're afraid he'll be upset? He didn't seem upset."

"He just thinks he's clever because he _knows_ why you have that mark on your shoulder."

"Yeah," Dean chuckled, "probably a good thing that was a one-time thing, huh?" he smirked and Castiel rolled his eyes, turning away. Dean tackled him to the bed, grinning down at him, "come on, it was funny!"


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We're leaving, Cas."
> 
> "Oh."
> 
> "That's all you gotta say?"
> 
> "I guess I expected it, I knew it was coming. Obviously I can't stay here forever, Sam and Dean aren't even staying here forever," he stumbled a little and paused to inhale deeply, "when?"
> 
> "Couple of days," Balthzar said softly. Castiel just nodded.
> 
> "We're telling you because-"
> 
> "You want to know if I'm coming," Castiel interrupted, "I am."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there lovelies, I decided to post this early instead of late because I have no idea when I'll have the time to get it out. Chapter 29 will probably be late too, but if it's by more than a week, you have my permission to send me angry messages until I post it <3
> 
> Thank you for reading (and being patient). You're all awesome <3

_Everyone_ was at the cabin when Balthazar arrived. Castiel and Gabriel had taken up sitting right at the door first thing in the morning. They ate breakfast there, and even went as far as pulling blankets out of the bedroom to sit more comfortably. Amelia had nearly tripped over a dozing Castiel when she arrived home, accompanied by Charlie who absolutely refused to stay away when something so exciting was happening. Hael and Samandriel had joined them after breakfast, and Dean had made breakfast three separate times by the time the door swung open and Sam walked in. 

Bobby had chosen to stay behind, and Dean spoke softly to Sam, but the angels - Hael included - gathered around Balthazar. Gabriel inspected his arm though Sam and Bobby had replaced the makeshift splint with a proper cast. Balthazar made his way through each of them, pulling Castiel into a tight and slightly uncomfortable hug. 

"Cassie! I was worried you know, you've never been to Earth before, have you?" 

"No, not-"

"He's English?" Dean exclaimed, peering around Sam to look at the newest arrival. 

"Dean, you don't think we _all_ sound like you, do you?" Balthazar shot him a questioning smirk and then laughed, turning back to the other angels. "Sam tells me you did this Cas, gathered us all up like this."

"I didn't know what else to do. I just wanted to go home."

" _Wanted_ ," Gabriel pointed out with a not-so-subtle cough and a very pointed glance over Balthazar's shoulder. That seemed to peak Balthazar's interest and he turned, cocking an eyebrow at Dean, and then in turn at Castiel.

"Well, Cassie, it seems we have many things to discuss."

"Perhaps later," Castiel said offhandedly, eager to get out of the crowded room. Five pairs of wings was definitely too many. Hael and Samandriel had already broken off from their little group, and Castiel ushered his older brothers away toward the bedroom. 

It was much quieter and there was a decent amount of space for all of them to stretch their wings a little without knocking anything over. Mostly, Castiel was glad to get the pair of them into a different room than Dean. 

"I still want to go home," was the first thing out of his mouth when he shut the door, and he could hear the uncertainty in his own voice.

"You don't seem to eager to leave Loverboy out there," Gabriel pointed out. Castiel ignored him, sitting on the edge of the bed and picking at the edge of the tangled blankets. 

"I would prefer not to, no," he admitted with a heavy sigh, "but I don't have much choice in the matter, and Heaven is my _home_ , Gabriel."

"So you're still trying to go home?" Balthazar asked. Castiel nodded. "Then we're with you. Right, Gabriel?"

"Not till your arm's healed," Gabriel frowned, and suddenly he seemed much more like a parent than he ever had before. Castiel smiled as Balthazar made some sarcastic remark in return, but his mind was wandering back into the kitchen to Sam and Dean. Balthazar seemed more than eager to get home as soon as possible, and Castiel was the opposite, putting it off for as long as he could. 

He excused himself and left the bedroom in favour of finding a drink and clearing his head for a few minutes. His head, however, was anything but clear with the noise in the living area. There had never been so many people crammed into the small space, and each voice seemed to be multiplied. 

Castiel squeezed past Charlie into the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water from the tap. A weight settled on his shoulder and he turned, expecting to see Dean, but found Sam instead.

"You okay?" he asked, "you look a little flustered."

Castiel sighed and took a sip of his water, "I'm fine, I just-" he shook his head.

"Older brothers?" Sam asked with a knowing grin.

"Yes," Castiel grinned softly, "I had almost forgotten how _interested_ they are."

"Tell me about it," Sam rolled his eyes, gesturing back to Dean with his head. "If you ever need a break, let me know and we'll go out for a run or something."

"Thank you," Castiel replied. Sam smiled at him as he made his way back through the people and paused at the bedroom door before pushing it open. Balthazar and Gabriel looked up at him with twin smiles, making Castiel a little nervous as he sat back down between them. 

"Gabriel was telling me about Dean," Balthazar smirked, raising both eyebrows at his brother.

"Ah," was the best response Castiel could come up with, "I suppose he's told you everything then."

"Not everything," Gabriel corrected, "you still haven’t properly explained what's going on with him."

"And I don't intend to," Castiel grinned back smugly. Gabriel all but whined and Castiel grinned back at him, proud of his stubbornness, especially when he could tell how eagerly Gabriel wanted to know.

"Is he the only one you're screwing?" Balthazar smirked, and even Gabriel's jaw dropped.

"I swear to Dad, Balth, not _everyone_ comes to Earth and sleeps with anything that moves."

"You're _not_ funny, Gabriel," he muttered as the archangel cackled to himself, "but I suppose that's a yes, then?"

"It's a yes," Castiel replied.

"So what have you been doing then, all this time? Other than Dean, obviously." Castiel flushed and looked away with a scowl, and Gabriel - to his credit - tried his hardest not to laugh.

"I read," Castiel muttered, "Sam and I go running some mornings. He runs, I fly," he clarified, "Charlie brings DVDs up for us to watch sometimes. 

"That sounds perfectly… human, Cassie," Balthazar said with a softness Castiel wasn't used to from him, "You fit in here perfectly."

Castiel smiled. He liked the idea that he _fit_ with the Winchesters and their little makeshift family. "I wish I could have found them under different circumstances," he sighed, "that I could have been Dean's guardian and watched over them this whole time."

"You told him?" Balthazar turned to Gabriel, eyes a little wider than usual.

"I thought he should know."

"I'm glad I do," Castiel nodded, feeling like he should defend Gabriel, "though I would have liked to know earlier, when it may have made a difference."

"It wouldn't have, Cas, you know what Raphael is like. He's the one who reassigned you."

"It could be worse," Balthazar offered with a grin, "you made your way to him eventually."

"For how long, though?" Castiel mumbled.

\---

He got his answer a week later.

Seven days was all it took for Balthazar's arm to finish healing. Castiel suspected it still wasn't fully healed, but Balthazar insisted, and he didn't want to argue. Despite the crowdedness, both Gabriel and Balthazar had insisted upon staying up at the cabin, and Castiel couldn't deny that he enjoyed having them back again. He had settled back into routine again, checking the cameras in the morning and before bed, and generally spending his days with Gabriel and Balthazar. Dean never left his side though, sitting beside him and usually poking fun at Gabriel, who gave as good as he got. Castiel couldn't have been more pleased, until his brothers brought his fantasy crashing to the ground. Sam and Amelia had gone into town and Cas was curled in one of the chairs reading, when Gabriel cleared his throat, drawing Castiel's attention.

"Can we talk, Cassie?"

Castiel glanced around pointedly at the empty room, "I don't see what's stopping you," he grinned.

"Cas," Balthazar started softly, and Castiel's expression fell. That was not an encouraging tone. "Gabriel and I-" he pulled his eyebrows in sympathetically and sighed.

"We're leaving, Cas."

"Oh."

"That's all you gotta say?"

"I guess I expected it, I knew it was coming. Obviously I can't stay here forever, Sam and Dean aren't even staying here forever," he stumbled a little and paused to inhale deeply, "when?"

"Couple of days," Balthzar said softly. Castiel just nodded.

"We're telling you because-"

"You want to know if I'm coming," Castiel interrupted, "I am."

"Cas-"

"I promised Samandriel and Hael I would help them get home. I can't let my own selfishness get in the way of that."

"We can take them home, Cas, we're going in the same direction," Gabriel smiled at him, but there was pain behind it and Castiel turned his head, focusing intently on a mark on the rug.

"Think about it," Balthazar prompted, "we're not leaving tonight." 

"There isn't much to think about."

"Cas, there's _everything_ to think about," Gabriel gestured toward the bedroom door where Dean had retreated just after dinner. 

"Okay," Castiel said suddenly, "I'll think." Gabriel smiled encouragingly, but Castiel looked away, "but right now I'm going to sleep." It was the only thing he could think of, the only place Gabriel and Balthazar wouldn't try to follow him. He made sure they didn't need anything else before he went to bed, and left the alone in the living area. 

He had already made up his mind and it wouldn't change; he wanted to stay, but he wasn't going to.

\---

He was disappointed to find Dean asleep when he crept into the bedroom, the man's body moving only slightly in the dark with each intake of breath. Castiel rid himself of his clothes and folded his still-sore wings neatly against his back before sliding into bed next to Dean, wondering what little time they had left together. He couldn't even look at him, calm and intensely beautiful in his sleep. Even more so than usual, Castiel thought, as if even unconsciously, Dean was trying to keep him there, stop him from leaving. Castiel wanted desperately to give in to the silent _stay with me_ , but he couldn't abandon his siblings now, not after they had found each other again.

He turned cautiously under the blanket, rolling to face away from Dean. They never slept like this, between Castiel's fear that he would accidentally push Dean out of bed with his wings and Dean's desire to look at him, they almost always slept face-to-face, or with Dean on his back. Sometimes Dean turned away, Castiel rarely did. 

"Babe?" 

The mattress dipped down behind him as Dean rolled over, one gentle hand brushing a faint line down his side and over his hip. Castiel stayed quiet, not sure of how to react. Dean just pressed in closer, nuzzling against his neck.

"What's up? Did Gabriel say something to upset you again?"

"No," he mumbled into his pillow, then again more clearly, "no. It's- it's nothing, Dean." He could wait to tell him.

"Cas,"

"Later," he hushed. 

"Okay," Dean agreed softly, one hand coming up to thread through Castiel's hair, "later." He could hear the unease in Dean's voice, and was all the more thankful that the man chose not to press despite the guilt starting to nag at him. Whatever it was that Dean thought he didn't want to talk about, it could hardly compare with what he would eventually _have_ to tell him.

The press of damp lips behind his ear was enough to distract him from it, and Castiel pushed back against Dean's mouth, welcoming the distraction. 

"How are your wings?" Dean hummed, sliding down his neck.

"Sore," Castiel managed, too comfortable to want to speak. 

"Why don't you roll over, I don't want to make it worse." Castiel groaned, but Dean just chuckled lightly, nudging Castiel gently with his knee. "I want you to look at me, babe."

Castiel shoved the blankets down to free his wings, hitching them back up a little when Dean's amused smirk reminded him that he was naked. He flipped over a little awkwardly, trying not to give Dean a face full of feathers. When he settled back into the bed, Dean's hands were on him immediately, stroking down his jaw, brushing hair back off his face. He was concerned, Castiel knew, because they weren't talking about it, but Castiel wasn't ready to talk about it yet, right now he didn't want to think about it at all. 

"Hey." Castiel lifted his eyes at Dean's soft voice, looking up into his face. "You still with me?" Dean asked. 

"I am," Castiel mumbled, "I want..."

"What do you want, Cas?"

"I don't want to think," he admitted, looking away before Dean caught his chin, pressing their lips together softly as he shimmied forward.

"Then don't," he whispered, "just focus on me." His breath dusted over Castiel's neck tipping his chin back as his lips slid down the sensitive skin of Castiel's throat. "Can you sit back?"

Castiel nodded and pulled away, shuffling into a seated position that didn't put pressure on his wing. He leaned back against the wall, readjusting himself as Dean pushed pillows in behind him. He ended up in a half-sit, half-slouch but his wings didn't hurt and Dean moved the lamps so that he could spread them out further. It wasn't uncomfortable, and when Dean climbed into his lap, tugging his t-shirt over his head, Castiel could almost put all thought of leaving out of his mind. 

Dean kissed him slow and deliberate, leaning forward on his hands. His tongue slid over Castiel's bottom lip, and he opened silently, returning the kiss with equal softness.

"I've missed you," Dean mumbled, pulling away, his lips brushing softly over Castiel's cheek, down to his neck. 

"I've been here."

"You've been with your brothers," Dean hummed.

Castiel dipped his head slightly, "I don't want to talk about them." 

Dean pulled back and Castiel could see he was trying to hold back. He pressed his hands up and over Castiel's shoulders, "I'm sorry." Dean returned to his ministrations, running his tongue over Castiel's collarbone. Castiel let out a soft sigh and he could feel Dean's lips turn up against his skin. 

Dean took the soft sound as encouragement, shuffling back to slide further down his chest. His fingers traced warm lines down Castiel's side and he arched forward a little, trying not to seem to eager as little jolts of electricity zipped through him. He let his eyes fall shut, head rolling back against his shoulders. The blankets were pushed down just below Castiel's hips, bunching around his hardening cock. Dean hummed against his skin, paying close attention to the dip of his hip, licking and sucking at the slope of his hip bone. Castiel pressed up into every touch, biting back a moan as Dean's tongue traced the line of his pelvis, nipping gently at his side. 

Dean moved back up, slower almost painfully slowly, flicking his tongue at one nipple, then over to the other as Castiel finally gave in, a soft moan escaping his lips. He slumped a little, giving himself over to Dean's touches. Spreading his legs further, he bent his knees, forcing Dean closer into his lap. He kissed him again, smoothing his hands over Dean's back and down to cup his ass. 

Dean went easily, pressing himself flush against Castiel's chest and nuzzling into the crook of his neck. Castiel lifted his hips and groaned when Dean rolled back against him. Dean smirked, leaning in to trace the shell of Castiel's ear, pressing his hips forward again. 

"What do you want?" he hummed.

Castiel closed his eyes, focusing hard on Dean's breath against his neck, "I just want to not think," he mumbled, chin tipped down. 

"Hey," Dean breathed, pressing a kiss behind his ear "Cas, Baby open your eyes, tell me what you want."

Castiel opened his eyes sheepishly, looking away from Dean as the man leaned back to look at him, "kiss me."

"I already am," Dean smiled, leaning in and pressing a kiss to the corner of Castiel's lips, as if to prove his point. 

"Touch me," Castiel breathed. Dean hooked a finger under his chin, pressing their foreheads together.

"Where?" the words dusted lightly over Castiel's lips, catching him off guard. 

"I- my wings," he decided, wincing slightly as he folded the appendages around Dean's back. 

"We're gonna have to move," Dean said, almost regretfully, but Castiel shook his head.

"Just turn around." Dean twisted in his lap, shifting to turn around and sit between his legs. Castiel brushed his wingtips down Dean's arms, encouraging the man to lean back against him. Rough fingers slid between his feathers sending little sparks through his body and Castiel moaned softly, arching against Dean's back.

"I want to touch you," he hushed, pushing his forehead against Dean's shoulders. 

"Yeah," Dean nodded, curling one hand a little tighter as Castiel slipped his hands down Dean's chest. His fingers dipped beneath Dean's waistband, curling tentatively around the base of Dean's erection. Dean's breath hitched with the first upward stroke and his fingers twitched, still buried in Castiel's wings.

" _Cas_ "

He tried to keep rhythm with Dean, but all he could focus on was the current running through his wings, made all the more overwhelming when Dean shifted backwards, rolling his hips back against Castiel's cock. He dropped his head to Dean's shoulder, pressing his lips against his neck, up behind his ear.

"I want you," he mumbled, the words turning into a groan as Dean pressed back against him. Dean turned back to face him with a soft hum, tugging his boxers off and rearranging them both so he was straddling Castiel's hips again. He closed the rest of the distance between them, sliding up as their lips met to rock against Castiel's hips. 

He could feel Dean struggle to keep the steady rhythm as Castiel pressed one hand down his back to slide between his cheeks. They both groaned at the first press of Castiel's fingers and Dean's hips jerked forward and back in anticipation. Dean mumbled into his shoulder, but Castiel worked through his impatience, insisting he wait.

Castiel pulled his fingers out when he was sure Dean was ready, reaching blindly for the bottle of lube. His hand closed around it and he made quick work of slicking his cock up and running slippery fingers over Dean's entrance before pushing slowly into the tight heat.

Dean dropped his head against Castiel's, his mouth falling slack as he seated himself in Castiel's lap. He rocked forward once, brushing his nose against Castiel's cheek, letting out shallow puffs of breath as he moved again.

They kept an even pace, Castiel pressing up with long, slow strokes and Dean rocking back to meet him each time. Their heads stayed pressed together, despite the near-uncomfortable angle Castiel was sitting at. He moaned as Dean pushed back hard, sliding his hands down over the man's hips, holding him down as he thrust up into him. 

Castiel focused on each point of contact, relishing the gentle burn of Dean's skin against his own, the rush of electricity that passed between them. He wanted to stay this way forever, joined with this man where no one else could intervene. His thoughts crept dangerously toward everything he was trying to push aside, and he thrust up a little harder, squeezing his eyes shut. An unsteady palm brushed against his cheek.

"Hey," Dean whispered, "don't hide, Cas. I'm here." He caught Castiel's mouth in a kiss that seemed all too tender for their increasing speed. The emotion Castiel had been fighting welled up in his chest, and it was hard to keep his eyes on Dean, but he did. He focused his attention solely on Dean, watching the way each jolt of pleasure showed on his face, the way his eyes fell almost shut and then snapped back open again to meet Castiel's. He offered up a tentative smile and Castiel was struck by how beautiful Dean was, how gentle he was despite the gruff exterior, and just how much he was well and truly in love with the man. 

A loud groan from Dean and a rough jerk forward dragged him back to the physical world. He barely had time to recognize the words he was saying before he was coming, head thrown back against the wall and back arched up against Dean's hands. He lost himself in the soft words of praise falling from Dean's lips, rolling his hips in short jerky motions as Dean spilled his release over his own hand and Castiel's stomach. 

As his breathing settled, Castiel's own words returned to him and he barely waited for Dean to disentangle himself before he turned away from the man, burying his face in the pillow. It wasn't fair of him to say something like that, not now, he should be able to keep his mouth shut. He jumped as Dean's hand smoothed down his arm.

"Cas?" he whispered, and the pain and worry in his voice was startling, "Babe, what's wrong? You're- you're kind of scaring me tonight."

"I-" Castiel started, the words catching in his throat, "I said- I shouldn't- I'm sorry."

"What did you say?" Dean asked softly, one hand still brushing over his arm soothingly. 

"I- what?"

"Hey, I know a little Enochian, don't get me wrong, but the stuff I know for spells and whatnot is a whole lot different than what you start mumbling during sex."

"Oh."

"You can tell me, you know that right?"

Castiel swallowed hard, forcing back the prickling sensation behind his eyes. Now was _not_ the time to be saying such things, and he wasn't about to tell Dean that loved him right before he told him he was leaving. It was more than unfair. Apparently he had been silent for longer than he realized because Dean's arm was around him now, fingers brushing over his cheek and freezing suddenly.

"Cas?" he asked, voice thick with concern. The hand was gone and suddenly the bed sprung back up behind him and Dean was kneeling on the floor in front of him. "Jesus, Cas," he pressed the pad of his thumb to Castiel's cheek, brushing away tears he didn't realize had fallen. 

How was he ever supposed to tell Dean he was leaving?

A hand was back on his shoulder, pushing him gently backwards. He moved with the motion, making enough room for Dean to slide under the blankets next to him. Dean tucked Castiel's head under his chin, pressing one hand into his hair and bringing the other around his waist to tug him closer. 

"I wish you would tell me what's wrong, Cas." He could hear the unhidden concern in Dean's voice, and more than anything he wanted to tell him, he just didn't know _how_. He curled his hand up and around Dean's shoulder, keeping him close as he drifted into an uneasy sleep to the sound of Dean humming softly to him.

He thought he recognized the song, but he barely had time to think about it before he was submerged into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got sad. It wasn't supposed to get sad so soon, I'm sorry.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I uh," he looked down at his hands, "I told him- I told him how I felt."
> 
> "You told him you loved him?" Gabriel asked, forehead creasing in concern, "and he-?"
> 
> "He didn't _understand_."
> 
> "What?" 
> 
> Castiel sighed, "I didn't mean for it to come out, it just... did. I um-" Gabriel eyed him questioningly, "It was... in Enochian." Castiel exhaled deeply and glanced up at his brother pathetically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I don't even know anymore.

When Castiel woke up, Dean was still lying next to him, breathing soft and steady. They had become untangled during the night, and it was easy for Castiel to slip out of bed without waking Dean. He pulled on a pair of boxers and the shirt Dean had tossed to the floor the night previous before and sighed. He snuck into the living room to find Gabriel and Balthazar both still asleep and he was hit by the overwhelming urge to go and curl up under his brother's wing as he had done a hundred times when he was young. He wanted Gabriel to tell him everything would be okay. He wanted to believe it. 

Instead he sat in the corner between the couch and the chair, dropping his head to his knees and wrapping his wings around himself. It was barely five minutes before a hand clamped down on his wing, shaking him gently.

"Get up here, you idiot," Gabriel mumbled. Castiel glanced up at him, and climbed onto the couch, burrowing into the corner. Something brushed over his shoulder and he looked up again to find Gabriel spreading one wing around him with a sad smile on his face. 

"Haven't had to wrap you up like this since before you could fly," he sighed, "I take it you're still planning on coming with us?"

"I am," Castiel mumbled, "I don't know how to tell him."

"Then what's up?"

"I uh," he looked down at his hands, "I told him- I told him how I felt."

"You told him you loved him?" Gabriel asked, forehead creasing in concern, "and he-?"

"He didn't _understand_."

"What?" 

Castiel sighed, "I didn't mean for it to come out, it just... did. I um-" Gabriel eyed him questioningly, "It was... in Enochian." Castiel exhaled deeply and glanced up at his brother pathetically. 

"Oh, Cassie," Gabriel curled his wing tighter around him, "come here." 

Castiel shuffled forward and rested his head in Gabriel's lap, letting his brother wrap him in his wings and he fell asleep again under the cover of familiar golden feathers.

\---

Gabriel shook him awake a little while later and Castiel nearly rolled off the couch before his brother caught him. He felt heavy, as though the information he was keeping from Dean - however briefly he was intending to keep it - was an actual weight on his body. He dragged himself into the kitchen despite Gabriel's protests, filling the coffeemaker and turning it on as he crouched down to look through the fridge. He wasn't actually hungry, felt a little sick in fact, but he knew both Dean and Gabriel would insist he ate anyway. Castiel was willing to take their advice, but with very little that looked appetizing and he shut the fridge without actually eating anything.

He poured himself a mug of coffee and crossed to the computer, dropping heavily into the chair. He was just clicking open the news site Sam had written down when Dean stumbled into the room. He shot Castiel a concerned glance, but getting nothing more than a forced smile in return, he crossed into the kitchen to pour his own coffee. 

Castiel glanced over to his brother, knowing Gabriel would be carefully watching the pair or them. He was, an eyebrow quirked in Castiel's direction, but Castiel shook of his apparent concern, returning to the screen in front of him. Dean brushed a hand at the back of his neck and Castiel looked back guiltily, leaning back a little into the touch. 

"Hey," Dean hushed, leaning forward over him, "feeling any better?"

"Will you sit with me?" he asked. Dean apparently chose to ignore his blatant change of subject and took the seat next to him, turning to face the computer. 

They sat together for a few hours sharing few words, and neither of them brought up the previous night. Castiel stayed until he couldn't concentrate any longer. He retreated to the bedroom, just noticing Sam taking his place next to Dean as he excused himself.

\---

It was almost forty-eight hours later when Dean cornered him in the bedroom. Castiel was sitting on Dean's side of the bed, nose pressed into a book that he couldn't focus on. He felt beyond guilty for not being able to tell Dean he was leaving, but Gabriel and Balthazar still hadn't decided when they were leaving and he figured that gave him a few more days before telling Dean became a pressing issue. Unfortunately Dean found him first.

He walked into the room with a grin, turning to lock the door behind himself. It was the first time Dean had smiled in two days and Castiel looked up at him in confusion. Dean, however, seemed incredibly pleased with himself as he crawled onto the bed. 

"Did you mean it?" he asked, grin spreading wider over his face. 

"Did I- what are you- oh." Castiel froze as the realization settled over him, "Dean, how did you-"

"I remembered enough of what you said- Sam and I- he knows more than I do," he shook his head, still grinning, "Cas, did you mean it?"

"Yes," he admitted. Dean walked toward him on his knees, tugging Castiel up next to him, cupping his face in his hands. Their lips pressed together briefly, then again and again. Dean beamed at him between quick presses of lips, and Castiel ached even more to see the joy in his eyes. 

"Cas, I-"

"Don't," he mumbled, pressing a hand to Dean's chest, "Dean, don't."

"What?" he asked, pulling back and looking at Castiel with confusion. 

"I'm leaving," he replied simply. Dean dropped back to the mattress across from him. His face fell and Castiel didn't know if he could bear to look at him any longer. He dropped his head, staring down at the bed beneath them, "I'm sorry," he whispered. 

"I know. I uh- I gotta-"

"Okay." Castiel didn't wait until Dean had left to curl up under the blankets. He buried his face in Dean's pillow and squeezed his eyes shut. He knew - _they_ knew - it was going to come to this. They had spoken about it more than once and he hadn't expected Dean to react so badly. It wasn't as though he _wanted_ to leave.

\---

He slept in the living area that night, curled up on the floor next to Balthazar. He hadn't spoken to Dean since he'd told him he was leaving, and the man seemed to want to keep his distance. Castiel wasn't about to be in his way if Dean wanted space, so he slept on the floor with his brother.

First thing the next morning, Castiel woke up sore and freezing cold, feeling even more miserable than he had the day before. He immediately headed to the bathroom, looking forward to a shower to ease both the cold and the ache in his limbs. The bathroom door was shut, but the bedroom door was open, and when he peered inside, Dean was out of bed. 

Taking a deep breath, Castiel knocked softly on the bathroom door, not wanting to disturb the other residents of the cabin. 

"Dean, are you in there?" There was no reply, so he pushed the door open gently, shutting it behind him as he glanced over at the occupied shower cautiously. Without waiting for any reaction, he crossed to the shower and pulled the door open. 

"Are you cornering me now?" Dean laughed humourlessly.

"You've been avoiding me, I wanted to talk."

Dean ran a hand through his hair, "Cas, I can't." He sighed and Castiel noticed for the first time that his eyes were ringed red. 

"Dean, I know you're upset, but it isn't good for me either and it just makes it worse when-" he inhaled sharply, "you won't even look at me, Dean."

Dean's eyes dropped shut and his fingers slid into Castiel's belt loops, tugging him gracelessly into the shower after him. His arms slipped around Castiel's waist pulling him under the spray as he shut the glass door behind them. 

"Fuck," he muttered, "fuck, Cas I'm sorry," he pressed his nose against Castiel's shoulder, and Castiel squeezed his eyes shut, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck, not caring that he was still in his jeans. 

He didn't know how long they stood there for, but the water was cold and they were both covered in goose bumps by the time they dragged themselves out. Sam was banging on the door, so Castiel stripped out of his soaked clothes and Dean threw them in the washing machine before wrapping them both in towels. Castiel followed him into the hall, mumbling a soft apology as he closed the bedroom door behind him. 

Dean sat on the edge of the bed and Castiel crawled up next to him. "Talk to me, Dean."

"I don't want you to go," he breathed.

"I know," Castiel slid up behind him, wrapping his arms around Dean's shoulders and pressing his nose into his hair.

\---

They told Sam and Amelia at lunch time. Amelia looked back and forth between the pair of them and the other two angels, Sam kept his eyes on Dean. Castiel found he couldn't look any of them in the eye.

It wasn't as though he was abandoning them, but that's what it felt like. He had been welcomed into this strange little family with barely a second thought, and now he was leaving them behind. 

"When?" Sam asked after a long time.

"Two days," Gabriel replied, and Castiel's heart dropped. Gabriel had told him this week, he hadn't realized it would be so soon.

"Oh," was the only thing anyone could think of to say, and Castiel reached for Dean's hand, infinitely grateful when the man squeezed back. He glanced up, trying to relay that he didn't realize they would be leaving so soon. Dean nodded silently. 

"Dean and I will go into town tomorrow, pick up anything you guys might need."

"Thank you," Gabriel smiled, though the gesture didn't quite meet his eyes, "we appreciate that, and everything you've done for Cassie. I'm going to talk to the others, let them know what our plans are." Gabriel stood and left the cabin quickly, leaving Balthazar to explain their plans for setting out.

Castiel didn't care, he didn't want to hear what their plans were. He trusted Gabriel's leadership, but for now he wanted to forget the whole thing was happening. Leaving Sam and Amelia to talk to his brother, he crossed to the door, pulling his flannel shirt from the rack and hanging it loosely over his back, struggling to get the one piece between his wings. A soft laugh made him jump in his rush to get away, but careful hands smoothed over his lower bag, pulling the flaps of the shirt into place and pinning them together. 

"You mind if I join you?" Dean asked, turning him around to straighten the front of the shirt. 

"I hoped you might."

Dean called a goodbye back to Sam and Castiel followed him out the door, twining their fingers together as soon as the door fell shut behind them. They walked in the same direction as they would to go up the mountain, but Dean steered them along a different path.

"So, uh. Sam and I are going into town tomorrow, I was thinking we could fix up some jackets like your shirt."

"Oh?"

"They'd keep you guys warm, 'cause I'm assuming you're not gonna have somewhere to stay so... We'd use ties, instead of pins. They'll be a little more awkward to get done up, but they'll keep you warmer."

"You don't have to, Dean."

"Cas, I don't want you to freeze out there, y'know."

They were both quiet for a while, awkward suddenly in the face of _feelings_. It was Castiel who broke the silence in the end.

"I don't want to leave," he confessed, flexing his free hand awkwardly. 

"What?" Dean stopped, turning to stare at him.

"I'd rather stay with you. If you'd have me, I mean," he corrected quickly.

"Then why don't you?" 

"They're my family, I promised them-"

"And what am I, Cas?"

"Dean-"

"No, Cas. Do I not count for anything? What has all this been? You're just gonna up and leave now? Just- for fuck's sake."

"We've talked about this, Dean," he tried to keep his voice calm, tried not to let any of the emotion flooding his brain leak into his words, lest he make it worse. "We always knew it was coming to this."

"Yeah? Well plans _change_ , Cas. Sammy and I? We were supposed to hide out here for a few weeks then move on. We risked our asses staying in the same place so we could look after you!"

"You didn't have to," Castiel mumbled, just loud enough to be heard.

"No, we didn't, but we did. We stayed and we _continued_ to stay because of you! Because I didn't want to leave you out here all alone!"

"That's shit and you know it," Castiel hissed, " _you_ never wanted me here. _Sam_ said he could help, you wanted to leave me." Dean opened his mouth to retort, but Castiel cut him off, "don't deny it, Dean. I wouldn't even still be here if it wasn't for Sam."

"Oh, well go then. Just- _fuck_. Just go, okay?" 

The words went straight through him, and Castiel clenched his jaw, turning back toward the cabin without another word.

\---

Castiel let the door slam shut behind him, going directly to the bedroom and slamming that door as well. He knelt on the bed, struggling to undo the safety pins from his shirt without hurting his wing or hitting himself with it. Tears burned at the back of his eyes, but he forced them back, barely managing to get one pin undone before stabbing himself with it.

A wave of hopelessness washed over him and he dropped to the mattress, pressing his face into the pillow as tears flowed free. He hated himself for it, for not being stronger for Hael and Samandriel and whatever other angels were out there who needed his help. Hated himself for not _wanting_ to help them, for wanting to stay and keep this small bit of happiness with the Winchesters. 

A quiet click and whispered _Cas?_ dragged him out of his thoughts and he turned to see Balthazar standing in the doorway. He had forgotten to lock the door. Before he had a chance to reprimand himself for it, Balthazar had shut and locked the door, crossing to sit next to him on the bed. 

"What's wrong, Cassie."

"I can't get the shirt off," he choked. 

"Oh, Cas." Balthazar ran a hand up his back, moving the other to start undoing the pins. Castiel shoved his face further into the pillow, wishing he would wake up and find himself back at home, only he didn't really wish that at all. He wanted all of this to be over, and he wanted to be with _Dean_. Dean, who was mad at him, he remembered. 

That brought on another wave of tears and his shoulders shook as Balthazar peeled the shirt off of him, dropping it carelessly off the end of the bed. He crawled up next to Castiel, laying a hand on his shoulder. 

"Are you okay?"

Castiel just snorted in response, tugging his wings in protectively. He knew Balthazar was trying to help, but he really didn't care.

"Do you want to talk about it?" The words sounded unusual from Balthazar. He was generally the 'fun brother'. It was usually Anna or Gabriel who offered him comfort. He let his mind wander for a moment, wondering where Anna was, and hoping that his leaving would, at the very least lead him to her. He mumbled a _no_ and tipped onto his side. He dragged Dean's pillow down to where he was curled, dragging it underneath his wing and pressing his face into it. 

"Can you stay?" he asked weakly, lifting his wing just enough to peer out at his brother. Balthazar nodded, and Castiel tucked himself back into his wing.

\---

He was awoken by a soft knock some time later. When he stretched out he was sore, and discovered Balthazar had left him alone. He glanced over at the door before choosing to ignore it. The door creaked open and when Castiel looked up again, Dean was sitting across the bed from him and the door was shut.

"Babe?" he whispered, "I'm sorry." He reached a cautious hand out to brush down Castiel's arm. "I don't want to fight, okay? Not now - _God_ , not now - not about something like this." 

"I'm sorry too," Castiel mumbled, seeking out Dean's hand with his own. His fingers were cold, and Castiel realized he must have just gotten back. He tugged on Dean's hand and the man kicked off his boots, shifting the blankets to lie next to Castiel. Dean slipped his free hand under Castiel's wing lifting it gently to see his face. 

"Hey," he smiled.

"Hello."

Dean inhaled deeply before running soft fingers along Castiel's jaw, "I love you," he breathed, "you should know that, even if you are going away."

Castiel shut his eyes and spread his wing to cover Dean as well, curling the tip around his back to pull him closer. Dean got the hint, pressing close until their noses bumped together.

"I love you, Dean." He pressed his lips against Dean's, trying to keep himself steady. Dean pressed back eagerly, pulling Castiel up onto his stomach.

"I uh, I talked to Sam about the jackets," he mumbled, pulling away briefly, "we can do that tomorrow if you want?"

Castiel nodded, "I'd like that." He dredged up a small smile before leaning back down to kiss Dean, running his fingers through his hair. 

"Are we okay?" Dean asked quietly, searching Castiel's eyes with his own, "I know I fucked up - I do that a lot - but we don't have... we don't have a lot of time left and-"

"And we should make the most of it?" Castiel finished, smiling at the grin that spread over Dean's lips. 

"Exactly," he leaned up, pressing a quick kiss to Castiel's cheek.

"We're okay, Dean."


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel didn't sleep that night. He lay awake as he had many other nights, watching Dean sleep and soothing away the threat of nightmares with soft brushes of his fingertips. He hoped there would be someone there to care for him when Castiel was gone, someone to soothe the pain that Dean very rarely let show. He remembered what Dean had said about being lonely with Sam and Amelia, and he tried to imagine him with someone like Lisa, but the thoughts were painful and he put them out of his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ACK. How did this even happen!? When I first started this, I never thought it would get this long. I actually accomplished something, it's a miracle. You guys are super awesome and amazing and wonderful! Thank you for sticking with it and I promise I won't make you wait too long for part 2 <3
> 
> Also, I'm sorry in advance.

Sam and Dean didn't return until after noon the following day, and Castiel was immediately at Dean's side. No one questioned it, and no one asked about the day before, much to his relief. Hael and Samandriel joined them for lunch, and they seemed perkier than they had the entire time they had been there. They were excited to leave, Castiel knew, though he didn't share their enthusiasm. 

He was, however, enthusiastic about making coats. He frowned as Dean handed his own jacket over to Castiel, along with a pair of scissors. 

"I got a new one," he shrugged, "I want you to have it."

"Dean," he sighed, "you love this jacket, it's the one you always wear."

"Yeah, well, I love you too," he mumbled, "and it's cold out there in the winter. I know this'll keep you warm, okay?"

"Okay," Castiel agreed, for lack of anything more intelligent to say. Dean was working on another coat and Castiel followed his instructions exactly, drawing lines for where to cut for the wings, and cutting a little wider at the top so it wasn't uncomfortable. 

They spent hours working on them, and once they had finished, Castiel had pricked himself with the needle more times than he could count. Dean dragged him into the bedroom not long after, insisting on checking his hands but _no one_ , Castiel least of all, believed him.

"I have something for you," he mumbled, hauling his bag up onto the bed. "Um, it was kind of Sam's idea. Most of it..." Castiel looked up at him expectantly, raising an eyebrow when Dean handed him a phone.

"I uh, I put all of our numbers in there for you. I don't know how long it'll stay charged, but it's got a charge cord with it and-" Dean paused to take a breath, "so you can get hold of us if you need to. For emergencies." 

Castiel tried to thank him, but Dean was already leaning back over his bag, he pulled out what looked like a book but had many fewer pages and thick covers. 

"It's um, a photo album," Dean explained, handing it over, "Sammy took pictures of everyone and he thought- we thought you might like to have pictures, y'know so you can- so you don't forget about us," he added much more quietly.

"I couldn't forget you," Castiel replied honestly, flicking through the pages, "not if I tried for the rest of my life."

Dean swallowed hard, turning his eyes to the ceiling, "come here, you idiot."

Castiel crawled over to him, climbing into his lap and wrapping his arms around Dean's shoulders, "thank you," he whispered. They sat in the middle of the bed, unwilling to let each other go, for a long time. Castiel eventually pulled back without letting his arms fall from Dean's neck. 

"Do you-" he started, "I'd like-"

Dean flashed him a grin, "grab my wallet from the bag." Castiel frowned at him, but did as Dean asked. "Open it." 

There wasn't much in the wallet, some loose change, a few bills, credit cards in various names that Castiel cocked an eyebrow at and Dean waved off, but what caught his attention was a bright bit of paper folded in the back. He pulled it out, unfolding it and-

"Oh."

"Sam took it, sneaky bastard that he is." Castiel looked down at his own face, pressed in close to Dean's over the laptop. Both of them were smiling. "You have the same one," Dean reached for the small photo album, flicking it open to the last page where the same photograph was tucked into one of the pockets. 

"This one is my favourite," Castiel grinned. Dean swiped a thumb under Castiel's eye, brushing away a stray tear. 

"Mine too." He tugged Castiel in close again, squeezing him more tightly than before, and Castiel wrapped them both in his wings, ignoring the twinge of pain as he moved them. 

Sam interrupted the stillness with a knock on the door. 

"What's up?" Dean asked, his voice coming out rough and uneven.

"Nobody wants to cook so we're ordering pizza. Any requests?"

"Not pineapple."

"Okay," Sam agreed, "not pineapple. Anything else."

"I don't think so."

Castiel pressed his nose into Dean's neck, mumbling a muffled thank you as Sam's footsteps grew fainter. 

\---

They all gathered in the living area when the pizza arrived, and Castiel settled into the couch, practically on top of Dean. It was difficult to eat pizza one handed, but Dean didn't seem eager to let go, and Castiel wasn't about to make him. Through dinner, they talked casually, though the air was tense with everyone blatantly avoiding the topic of the angels leaving. 

Sam and Amelia went to bed early that night. The angels were leaving early in the morning, and they wanted to be up early to see them off. Gabriel and Balthazar excused themselves shortly after to discuss their plans with Samandriel and Hael, make sure everything was ready for the morning, leaving Dean and Castiel alone in the living area. 

"Have you got everything together?" Dean asked, shifting on the couch to face Castiel. 

"Yes."

"Do you want to...?" Dean's words seemed to get lost somewhere along the way and Castiel glanced up at him knowingly. "You should probably get some sleep. From the sounds of it, tomorrow's gonna be a long day for you."

"I don't want to sleep." 

Dean raised an eyebrow at him, "c'mon, you know you have to, I'll be right there with you."

"I would rather be conscious while you're with me."

Dean leaned into him, chuckling into his neck, "okay, well come on, we don't have to sleep right away."

"Dean, I- I can't tonight."

Dean's lips pressed lightly to his own, his hands sliding down Castiel's side to tug his forward off the couch, "we don't have to do anything you don't want to, but you do need to relax and bed is the best place for that." Castiel relented, letting Dean's arms slip around his waist. "Are you gonna help me here?"

Castiel looked up through his lashes, barely concealing a grin, and Dean sighed as he slipped his hands under Castiel's thighs. He lifted him up in one almost-smooth motion and Castiel grinned as he tucked his head under Dean's chin, folding his wings back to keep them out of the way. 

"You like this, hm?"

Castiel hummed against his chest, holding tight around Dean's neck as they crossed the living room and ducked into the bedroom. Dean let him down gently on the bed, pulling off Castiel's jeans and rolling him onto his stomach to undo the pins in his shirt. Dean stripped out of his own clothes and pressed a few fleeting kisses to Castiel's shoulders before rolling onto his side next to him. Castiel turned over to face him, running his fingers along Dean's jaw and forcing himself not to think about the morning. Dean kissed him tenderly, covering his face and neck. 

They didn't talk, they didn't need to. Everything he needed to hear from Dean was in his eyes, in the soft press of lips against his skin. Castiel fitted himself against Dean's front, tangling their arms and legs together as he leaned into his kiss, deepening it as Dean drooped back a little. His grip lessened and Castiel could tell he was tired. He let Dean down against the mattress, pressing kisses into his hair as he snuggled down next to him. 

"Love you," he mumbled, turning his head toward Castiel, eyes still shut loosely.

\---

Castiel didn't sleep that night. He lay awake as he had many other nights, watching Dean sleep and soothing away the threat of nightmares with soft brushes of his fingertips. He hoped there would be someone there to care for him when Castiel was gone, someone to soothe the pain that Dean very rarely let show. He remembered what Dean had said about being lonely with Sam and Amelia, and he tried to imagine him with someone like Lisa, but the thoughts were painful and he put them out of his mind.

Castiel shut his eyes. He just hoped whatever the outcome, that Dean would be happy. He didn't want anyone to come out of this hurt, and if there had been a choice where he had both his family _and_ Dean, he would have given anything for it, but things didn't work like that; humans and angels didn't get to fall in love and live happily ever after. 

The thought that he had _chosen_ this, made him feel sick, and he rolled away from Dean, unable to look at him any longer. The desire to turn back and wrap himself around Dean was almost overwhelming and he shoved his hands under his pillow to stop himself touching him. 

Dean stirred next to him sometime later, draping a sleepy arm over Castiel's waist. He dragged him close and kissed his cheek, his forehead, his nose. When their lips finally met, he could feel that Dean was shaking, or maybe that was him. Their limbs tangled tightly together and they didn't move for an indefinite amount of time. 

The knock on the door came too soon, and yet they seemed to have been lying there for an eternity.

They all gathered in the living room, sombre and almost totally silent. Sam and Amelia helped the other angels into their jackets while Dean fumbled with the ties on Castiel's. The air was thick with things unsaid and it was all Castiel could do not to break down and scream to the heavens. 

Instead, he turned to face Dean, smiling sadly before wrapping his arms around the man's neck, hoping he could convey with his eyes what his mouth seemed incapable of saying. _I love you, I will always love you, I don't want to go, please forgive me_. He buried his face in Dean's shoulder and found himself led back into the bedroom and seated on the bed next to his quickly-packed bag. 

"You got everything ready?" Dean asked. His voice was rough and strained, forced, and Castiel couldn't ignore the way it seemed to go straight through his heart. 

"I think so," he mumbled. 

"You got your clothes?"

"All of them."

"Okay," Dean pulled up an obviously false smile and dropped down next to him on the bed. "Guess we're all ready then."

It was a bit of a blur, moving from the bedroom to the yard in front of the cabin, but suddenly Castiel was standing with Gabriel on one side and Dean on the other, looking between the moss patch and the trail down to where Dean's car was parked. Gabriel stepped forward, drawing his attention and Castiel watched him cross to Sam, shooting a quick glance in Dean's direction before turning back to the younger Winchester and mumbling something to him. Sam smiled sadly and clapped Gabriel on the shoulder. 

"Cassie," Gabriel turned back to him, then more quietly, "time to go baby bro." Castiel found Dean's hand and squeezed tightly.

"Gabriel, I-"

"I know, Cas," he smiled softly then turned to the other angels. Castiel shifted a little and Dean released his hand.

"One sec," he smiled up at him and followed after Gabriel, stopping him before he reached his siblings. Castiel vaguely heard him say something that sounded like _take care of him_ , and Castiel winced. When he looked up, Sam was in front of him, setting a hand on his shoulder.

"Seeya, Cas."

"Goodbye, Sam. Thank you for everything." It was all he could manage, but Sam was suddenly pulling him into a tight hug, squeezing him before walking back to the cabin. Amelia followed him with a similar goodbye, and Gabriel gave looked over when they were both gone, ushering the other angels away to leave him alone with Dean. Dean took his hands and looked down at him.

"I," Castiel steadied his breath, "I suppose this is the part where I travel to the Grey Havens with my people?" he smiled sadly and Dean actually laughed.

"Yeah, I guess it is."

Castiel sighed and dropped his chin, looking up at Dean through his lashes, "I love you."

"Love you too, Babe." There was silence for a long time and then Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel, squeezing him tightly and kissing his neck. "You should go, Gabe's waiting."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I love you." 

Dean kissed him again, holding his face a little too tightly before pulling away. Castiel couldn't bear to look at him again before he trailed after his brother. Gabriel welcomed him with an arm around his shoulders, guiding him to where Balthazar was ensuring the younger two were prepared. 

"Ready to go?" Gabriel asked. Castiel nodded numbly, leaning a little into his brother's touch. "You could stay with him, Cassie, be happy."

"I promised Hael and Samandriel I would get them home, and I will." Gabriel just shook his head sadly, letting his hand drag away from Castiel's shoulder. 

As they started away down the hill, Castiel went over all of their plans in his head. Leave the cabin, find the angels, figure out how to get home. Once they do get home, as a soldier there will be no need for Castiel to return to Earth. Once he returns to Heaven, he will be there forever with only his memories to remind him of Dean, but there is nothing forcing him to return. He may have decided to leave with Gabriel and Balthazar to find the others, but when they do find them, and find a way home, he still had a choice to make. He can still choose not to go.


End file.
